A New Relationship: How to Tell the Kids

by mssinglemama on January 13, 2013

Dating a single mom is not like dating a single and childless woman. There are a few differences
My single mama friend called me last night.

“Hey lady, I really need your advice on something,” she sounded fearful and scared. I thought the worst. Maybe she and her new man were breaking up.

“Charles and I are definitely going to get engaged,” they just know – as Seth and I did- that they are meant to be. And it’s lovely.

“That’s so exciting! I’m so happy for you. So, what’s the problem?”

“He will be moving in with us in December. So, it’s a long ways away, but I’m scared about how to tell Sarah. It’s always just been the two of us. What will it be like? Will she be upset? How did you tell Benjamin?”

She sounded so worried and concerned. Just this fact alone, told me her heart and head were in the right place. If a mother cares that much about her child’s transition into a new relationship, all will definitely be fine. I have met too many mothers over the years who put their relationships over their children. Welcoming, with open arms, ex-boyfriends who abused them or men who cheated on them back into their lives and their child’s lives. It’s upsetting, to say the least.

My friend’s daughter, Sarah, is in Kindergarten. A sweet, quiet, little girl who has never seen her mother with any boyfriend, not even her father. Here was my advice to her:

Read the rest here, on Beauty and the Biker.

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessie Italroz January 14, 2013 at 4:37 am

Well, I guess..don’t tell them very soon. Just do it slowly. You need to find right timing of doing so. Because, if you tell them so soon, they might get mad on you. Let your new partner have friends or know more your kids. So that, by the time they get closer, you can then tell it to them.


markdice January 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm

First time for me to visit your blog, like it a lot! And totally agree with Jessie. Don´t do it too quickly, let her adapt for a while.


Lisa Mmatch January 31, 2013 at 12:17 am

Well, all you need MSSINGLEMAMA is the right timing before telling your kids about your new relationship. So that they won’t misunderstood the situation and little by little each day, they can accept the fact that you also need someone’s accompaniment. Right? So, good luck!


Patricia February 5, 2013 at 11:57 pm

Find a right timing to tell your kids about your new relationship. Maybe, not now, but time will come that they will understand it then. Of course, you have to do it but just on right time. As for now, let your new boyfriend, get to know with your kids.


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Paul Clinton February 13, 2013 at 9:02 am

I agree with the above, and do it slowly, and you have to be in the middle and not one sided. You can’t put your new boyfriend above your kids, especially if he is not much fun with them, and you can’t let your kids rule your life. You have to be diplomatic with lots of tact, lots of straight talk and if there’s a problem it can always be sorted out. Paul Clinton Seduction Advice


TarynB February 22, 2013 at 10:03 am

I dated my boyfriend for over two months before he met my kids. And then, I just did it slowly… he went with us to the park one time… the zoo for the day… just little things. Til slowly but surely they got used to him being around. He is absolutely wonderful with them and they love him to pieces.


Anthony March 31, 2013 at 11:25 pm
Sam April 2, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Transition is hard for children. They don’t have the intellectual skill to be able to understand and they mostly go on their feelings. It creates mixed feelings in children and this is where they get all confused. These are good points you raise in this post. Over time, they will start to accept, but like you mentioned, easy does it.


Paddy April 13, 2013 at 1:51 am

I think at times we all struggle with change but everyone reacts differently and children sometimes surprise us at how well they can adapt to change, sometimes far easier than adults, all the best to you.


Ali May 2, 2013 at 2:07 pm

It is my first time on your blog and i liked it a lot. You are discussing very important topics like this one. I think telling your kids about something they may not accept should be done gradually so that they are not shocked.


Val May 14, 2013 at 6:29 am

This can’t be easy for any kid. But it’s good in this case that there are a few months for the little girl to gradually get used to the idea.


Jonathan (OnlineDatingUniversity.org) July 17, 2013 at 2:17 am

I’m not sure there is a right time – surely you just know right? I’m glad they have found each other thou.


Karl July 31, 2013 at 4:05 pm

Glad you wrote this. When I met my wife she had a 5 year old daughter at the time. We made sure she was always comfortable and she come first no matter what during the process of getting used to me. To be honest its daunting feeling, because you know if she doesn’t like you, there is a chance it wont work. Fortunately it worked well for me. Anyone else experience this daunting feeling?


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Jessica October 23, 2013 at 7:36 am

I suggest not to tell them about your relationships so early. You can reveal it when you think they are in good mood and ready to accept you words.


Alexis Taylor October 25, 2013 at 11:50 pm

I think it’s important to give kids a long time to adjust to news like that, so they can ask questions and feel more comfortable. It could also help them trust you through changes in the future. Most of the time, hiding or stalling the truth from kids is not the answer.


Angelica Gmaz October 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Yes, I totally agree, let them adapt little by little and never hide the truth form kids. It is really important for the kids to feel safe and comfortable in every phase of this process so that they can accept the new boyfriend/girlfriend naturally and with confidence. Great blog, great questions!


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Michael November 16, 2013 at 1:29 pm

The story is deceptively framed.

This is yet another despicable self centered, self rationalizing post with equally self centered, self rationalizing female commentary. It’s all about what YOU want isn’t it ladies? It’s NEVER about the child. “Cheating” and “Abuse” by men constitute the MINORITY of reasons for female initiated separation.

Not a single female on this thread truly sees and feels what the child wants. It’s all about what YOU want. Let me ask you something? How many of you remember what it was like to be children? These self rationalizing threads are sickening.

Mommy frivorces or separates from Daddy. The child sees a complete stranger come into her house. The child KNOWS the stranger is daddy’s replacement. A finality. In many cases the child is forced to listen to noises while mommy is lifting her legs in the next room for her “new” Daddy replacement candidate.

In most cases several months or years later, the new Daddy is gone. Just like the real Daddy was. And in many if not most cases the cycle repeats itself.

Congratulations ladies. What man would not to commit to a single mother?


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go slow, and find the best time to tell her, when she’s happy.


Jose - meet people online January 3, 2014 at 9:08 am

For children it is better to say things slowly step by step, they are still young to sudden changes, then there is a second stage where it helps much interaction with the new couple.

a salute


Rhuz February 18, 2014 at 3:16 am

I agree since it’s not really easy especially for kids so needs to take it little by little. For sure there will be a lot of questions on their mind but soon they will learn and adapt from it so everything’s gonna be fine.


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Michael March 19, 2014 at 5:50 pm

I agree that it’s a good thing that she is concerned about telling her daughter. The important thing is that she shows empathy concerning how her daughter feels and takes things at her aughters pace.


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MIA November 25, 2014 at 1:37 am

My sister had to face the same trouble. She was completely confused. She couldn’t put up the guts to tell her kid Jessica. Finally she got a counselling from an executive matchmaker with her kid . He was able to convince the Jessie and now everything is really finally. They’ve become a complete happy family now.


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