My single mama friend called me last night.
“Hey lady, I really need your advice on something,” she sounded fearful and scared. I thought the worst. Maybe she and her new man were breaking up.
“Charles and I are definitely going to get engaged,” they just know – as Seth and I did- that they are meant to be. And it’s lovely.
“That’s so exciting! I’m so happy for you. So, what’s the problem?”
“He will be moving in with us in December. So, it’s a long ways away, but I’m scared about how to tell Sarah. It’s always just been the two of us. What will it be like? Will she be upset? How did you tell Benjamin?”
She sounded so worried and concerned. Just this fact alone, told me her heart and head were in the right place. If a mother cares that much about her child’s transition into a new relationship, all will definitely be fine. I have met too many mothers over the years who put their relationships over their children. Welcoming, with open arms, ex-boyfriends who abused them or men who cheated on them back into their lives and their child’s lives. It’s upsetting, to say the least.
My friend’s daughter, Sarah, is in Kindergarten. A sweet, quiet, little girl who has never seen her mother with any boyfriend, not even her father. Here was my advice to her:
Read the rest here, on Beauty and the Biker.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, I guess..don’t tell them very soon. Just do it slowly. You need to find right timing of doing so. Because, if you tell them so soon, they might get mad on you. Let your new partner have friends or know more your kids. So that, by the time they get closer, you can then tell it to them.
First time for me to visit your blog, like it a lot! And totally agree with Jessie. Don´t do it too quickly, let her adapt for a while.
Well, all you need MSSINGLEMAMA is the right timing before telling your kids about your new relationship. So that they won’t misunderstood the situation and little by little each day, they can accept the fact that you also need someone’s accompaniment. Right? So, good luck!
Find a right timing to tell your kids about your new relationship. Maybe, not now, but time will come that they will understand it then. Of course, you have to do it but just on right time. As for now, let your new boyfriend, get to know with your kids.
I agree with the above, and do it slowly, and you have to be in the middle and not one sided. You can’t put your new boyfriend above your kids, especially if he is not much fun with them, and you can’t let your kids rule your life. You have to be diplomatic with lots of tact, lots of straight talk and if there’s a problem it can always be sorted out. Paul Clinton Seduction Advice
I dated my boyfriend for over two months before he met my kids. And then, I just did it slowly… he went with us to the park one time… the zoo for the day… just little things. Til slowly but surely they got used to him being around. He is absolutely wonderful with them and they love him to pieces.
great article my website as well.
Transition is hard for children. They don’t have the intellectual skill to be able to understand and they mostly go on their feelings. It creates mixed feelings in children and this is where they get all confused. These are good points you raise in this post. Over time, they will start to accept, but like you mentioned, easy does it.
I think at times we all struggle with change but everyone reacts differently and children sometimes surprise us at how well they can adapt to change, sometimes far easier than adults, all the best to you.
It is my first time on your blog and i liked it a lot. You are discussing very important topics like this one. I think telling your kids about something they may not accept should be done gradually so that they are not shocked.
This can’t be easy for any kid. But it’s good in this case that there are a few months for the little girl to gradually get used to the idea.