Here’s an interesting question from a Facebook fan. This question, by the way, could have come from me a few years ago, or from many single mom friends I know who are struggling with dating right now.
The question is from Sarah, a dating single mom…
Alright, I’m about to give up! I’ve done the online dating thing. I meet GREAT guys, but none that I click with. They have everything I’m looking for, but there is zero passion and zero chemistry… And it seems like I’m the only one who notices it. The one person I clicked with is separated (which I kinda have a rule about not dating people who are not completely “un-married,” which I broke) and he was really scarred from his marriage.
I ended it because I knew it was doomed – he needed time to heal. I raise my daughter solo (bio dad decided to bail totally 2.5 years ago) and I’m a teacher, so I have no time to go out and hope that Mr. Right will stumble into my life. I feel like I’m a catch (I mean this in the most humble way possible), but I can’t seem to find my soulmate! What gives? Please offer me some advice before I join a convent!
My advice to her…
1. Keep going if you can.
Dating is tedious and painful and downright annoying sometimes, especially when you are waiting and hanging on for that big spark (rightfully so). But, it can be fun. Hear me out on this one. If dating is not fun for you–change your mindset. It is a chance for you to go out with your friends and meet new people (I recommend group dates on those precious Saturday nights when the sitter’s watch is ticking). It is also a chance for you to get yourself back out there.
2. Date for fun, not to find a husband. Re-align what you expect out of dating.
If your goal in dating is to find “The One” and meet your husband, you may be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Also, you could be coming off as too desperate to the men you do see. When I posted my OkCupid ad–the one Seth found–it said, in no uncertain terms, that I was not looking for a serious relationship. I wanted a person I could trust and have fun with, that could possibly lead to other things. My frame of mind was relaxed and I understood that, for me, dating was fun! And then, BAM, I met him and of course, knew right away he was the end of the line for this mama.
When you do re-align your mindset and define your dating goal in more realistic terms you can’t lose because you end up having more fun. And that’s really what it’s all about. Fun.
3. Remember to date yourself first.
Dont’ ever forget my old advice to date yourself first. Treat yourself as you would want him to treat you. Read up on an old post I wrote on this subject– would you date yourself?
Other oldie but goodie posts on dating as a single mom. I know these will help:
- What about that first date? Tips on first dates as a single mom.
- I want to date but I can’t: a video response from me to you on this topic.
- And this is my collection of single mom dating advice posts and videos. It’s all here on one nice page.