Common Questions

by mssinglemama on July 6, 2012

As a blended family and a newly-married blended family at that, we get lots of questions from friends and near strangers. In no ranking order of popularity they are:

1. How did you meet?

OkCupid.com. I feel like I should send them a check for a million dollars. The $5.99 I spent clearly does not constitute a fair trade.

2. Do the kids get along?

For the most part. They definitely have their moments, but overall they’re already acting like typical siblings. We have seen a shift from blissful interactions (at first) to heavy fighting (right after the wedding ) and now – a nice balance equal in positive play and then the occasional and expected tiff. The dynamics are always shifting between the kids, but as long as us adults stay on the same page, everything is just as it should be. Seth and I are from large families, so we’re built for the chaos that seems to constantly surround us.

3. What do the exes think?

Mine is completely uninvolved and sees Benjamin for a few hours once a month. Seth’s is more involved as she recently moved back to Ohio. Ex-relations are never “easy” but I think all of the adults are doing their best to adapt to the new relationship. At our house, we have an open dialogue with the children about their emotions and make sure they don’t feel like dropping statements such as, “I love Daddy more than you” will hurt our feelings or make us upset. Benjamin said that today actually. I asked him because he asked me who I loved more, him or Seth. I said I didn’t want to answer a question like that and then I asked him, “It’s like me asking you who you love more – me or your real Daddy.” And then he paused for a moment and said, “Daddy.” Another pause. “But only because I don’t see him very much.”

4. Are you going to have more?

More children. The inevitable question from well meaning interested or merely curious parties. The answer? Not so easy. Seth definitely wants more. But I’m on the fence. You have to remember, when I had Benjamin,I was alone and it was hard. So hard in fact that I cried into my pillow on just about every evening and cursed the Universe and all mothers before me for not telling me how hard it would be. “Why didn’t anyone warn me?” I thought.

I have heard other mothers have differing experiences.

But regardless of being single or not, depressed or happy, breast feeding or bottle feeding, newborn babies dominate your world for months in and out of the womb. What would it be like, though, if I had help? Especially in the way of Seth who is God’s gift to mothers. I mean, the man is a child rearing phenom. Would I be able to enjoy the little guy or girl? I did enjoy Benjamin, but I had zero time to myself for years and years and yes, I’m probably still traumatized.

So, yeah. Me. Fence. Seth. Rearing to go.

Either way, we want to wait. So, I have time to continue pondering the idea of another little Gremlin to add to our collection. In the meantime, I leave you with a picture of Seth holding my adorable baby niece at my cousin’s wedding in North Carolina.

Um yeah, can you hear my ovaries from there? They’re screaming. But my brain is overriding them … for now.

After these pictures were taken, I kidnapped Daphne for most of the reception.

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Common Questions | Women | Kenya
July 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

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