by mssinglemama on November 18, 2011

There was before and now there is after.
Just thought you would all like to see this mysterious guy who has me completely smitten.

And he definitely knows how to make me laugh…

We are completely aware of how obnoxious we are to the outside world, but we can’t help this. It is what it is.

Some things the picture won’t show you: the sound of his laugh, which comes so easily and reminds me exactly of my father’s, the way he walks with a confidence that comes from surviving the shit storm life has thrown at him, the way he looks at his children and holds them in his arms like feathers, the way he has done everything in his power to keep them happy, healthy and thriving and my heart bursting with happiness because we have finally found each other.


We were on the CTA in Chicago, heading to Lincoln Park to hear the Barr Brothers. We had a time and the show was spectacular. Listen.


I am sorry if I have lost some of you as readers due to taking my break. While it was the right thing to do for us, it was not necessarily the right reaction. For that, I am truly sorry.

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Sili November 18, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Look how happy you are. It makes me smile. Peace and blessings to you!


Abbie November 18, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Yes! I LOVE this!!!


Hazel November 18, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Shine on !!


jen November 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I like the way he’s looking at you.


Kelley November 18, 2011 at 1:37 pm

You look awesome and I am so happy for you. You have not lost me at all. I understand the break you needed because I had to take a break from writing for a while myself.

Enjoy life, enjoy love… Live, laugh & LOVE lots.


ReRee November 18, 2011 at 1:37 pm

YEAH!!! I’ve been following for just a few months, shortly before you took a break & was so disappointed during the absence but understood. Thank you for sharing and being so open. My son is only 20mos and will be awhile before I’m back out on the dating front, but it gives me such warm fuzzies to see that look on your faces =)


mamada November 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

No apologies necessary. This is your blog, and we’re all here or not here by choice. Be free to share your love and your happiness, but think of you and your family first.


Marcia November 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Never lost me and I am deliriously happy for you and your wonderful man! Just love the happiness on your faces.


Stac November 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm

That smile on your face should convince any doubters. That is real, that is magical. So happy for you 🙂


Christina November 18, 2011 at 3:14 pm

What amazing pictures, good for you both! Blessings!


Andrea November 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Glad to see you are doing well! After seeing that you met on okcupid, I decided to try it out. Happy to report I am 5 weeks into something that for the first time post-divorce (2.5 years ago) makes me happy. What we have definitely has great potential, it’s only been growing since the first date in wonderful ways! Butterflies, laughter, great conversations are all there (a first since my marriage). Thanks for being open about who you met and how…because without that initial post…I may have missed out on something great myself. 🙂


Julie November 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Love is divine, isn’t it- congrats and blessings


Jennifer November 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Seriously….I have yet to see a pic of you looking so happy-and I’ve been following you since the beginning. Best of luck and Happy Holidays 🙂 oh & He’s hot!!go ahead with your bad self!


mssinglemama November 19, 2011 at 9:07 am

Thank you, this made me laugh! Thank you!!!


Jenny November 18, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I have to admit.. he is a cutie… Glad to see you happy and see it working out. I’ll be back.


mssinglemama November 19, 2011 at 9:00 am

Thank you!!!


ashlea November 18, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Cute! Where can I find one of those??? Let me just say i was going to wait to date until after next semester (because I wasn’t too hopeful about meeting someone online and that is all I have time for while still finishing my masters at warp speed). BUT now I have decided to take the plunge….online….as soon as this crazy semester ends. you inspire me with your ability to let go and trust feelings after all you have been through. This is a struggle for me. I have become the iron woman because that is what I had to do to survive, but now I know I need to shed some armor if I want to THRIVE. Hard to switch modes….Also, you allude to him having been through hell and being a great single dad. even though we don’t know what you mean by this it was important for me to hear because I have a SEVERE prejudice AGAINST single dads because of my ex-husband. When single dads hit on me I assume they are like me Ex….which frankly, is like 95% of the single dad population. I really need to remember there is the other 5%. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


mssinglemama November 19, 2011 at 9:05 am

Apparently you can find them on OKCupid!!! My single mom friends and I are the same way, we have had such awful, awful experiences with our ex husbands that the single dad thing is typically a surface level red flag. Like, “why is he a single dad?” But, there are definitely, definitely exceptions. And even before meeting Mr. Cutie Pie up there, I had met others who I would put in the exceptional category. And yes, can’t detail his experiences…
and SO happy you are going to try to date. It’s not easy, clearly, as evidenced by this blog, but you learn and pick back up and keep going. It’s WORTH it.


someone November 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

Why is he a single dad? The same reason you’re a single mom, of course.

Don’t you think it’s hypocritical to not date other parents if you’re a parent yourself? What, you can’t put up with his kids but you want someone to put up with yours?


abimom November 29, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Yeah, that’s really not it. It’s more like, um, is he a single dad for the same reason the father of my child is a single dad? Because then I want nothing to do with him.


Tim November 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm

You are still a total loser with a bastard son and no husband.


Jenny November 22, 2011 at 8:22 am

Well Tim, what does that make you???

I’m all for constructive criticism, but that was neither constructive or criticism… That was downright mean and nasty. Uncalled for. Leave the little out of it. He doesn’t deserve your nastiness.


someone November 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

don’t feed the troll


Jenny November 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I know.. but man, does that piss me off for anyone to talk that way about the littles…


KissmyA$$Tim November 22, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Is better to be a bastard than a Son of a bitch.. just saying


abimom November 29, 2011 at 11:53 pm

If you feel that way why in the world are you compelled to be here? And frankly “bastard” is no longer a legally recognized term. Children are just children, just people. And their parents’ decisions and mistakes no longer have any legal bearing in what kind of people they are or in their ability to inherit. So her four year old son isn’t a bastard in any way. You on the other hand, in the non-legal sense of the term have clearly marked yourself out to be one.


Lara November 19, 2011 at 1:16 pm

It really can happen, can’t it? So happy for you. Really, really happy. I just started dating someone – instantly knew he could be “it” – and as we negotiate the beginning of a relationship that seems anything but casual, I’ve often thought of your posts and how they helped me recognize the important qualities immediately: accepting and understanding the complexities of being a single mom and embracing honest communication. That he makes me laugh and is gorgeous seems like icing.

Glad you are back. Glad you are happy. Cheers to love!


Leanna November 19, 2011 at 2:36 pm

It’s all in the smiles, isn’t it? Your obvious bliss {long sought and much deserved} definitely lends hope to the rest of us…


Karen November 19, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Hmm.. I was sent here from some MRA/Traditionalist/WhateverTheF-ist site with the assurance you were The Devil. So, let me say you have a damned cute smile for someone who’s gonna be directly responsible for the collapse of civilization itself. Mr. Scruffy’s pretty cute too. Peace to the two of you u & ya’lls kids.


Jess November 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

You look very happy, and you are both obviously smitten! I hate that the comments about your revealing him were so upsetting to you…please know that most of us who did comment with words of caution only did so because we consider you a dear friend and don’t want to see you or Benjamin be hurt any more than you’ve already been.
That said, I hope that this man is your prince, as you truly deserve true love!


Erin Marie November 19, 2011 at 10:59 pm

The glow of love looks gorgeous on you! I love that despite everything that you went through, you remained a HOPEFUL romantic!! Thank you for being a source of inspiration for this solo mom!!


Sharon McMillan November 20, 2011 at 10:12 am

Hooray!! That’s how I was with my guy-who-became-my-husband-and-father-to-our-munchkins… and it’s awesome and absolutely we should all strive for this, and don’t stop trying because it’s too wonderful to miss.

Continued blessings to you both. And I have to add he’s a cutey 🙂


mssinglemama November 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Thank you, Sharon! And yes, everyone should strive to find their happiness in a relationship. But happiness has to come for yourself first… then you can love another. I bet you did the same before you found your man!


Sharri November 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

You two look really happy and that’s what counts in this crazy life! You didn’t lose me as a reader because you wanted to take care of your life yourself without some people’s judging eyes. Preserve yourself and your family. Don’t worry about us! Keep bringing on the hope that some of us will meet someone, too!


Sarah November 20, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Ohhh yeah, the lost readers from your devastating three week break. Do you ever spend any time with your kid?


Gwen November 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

It’s strange that the comments here are either overwhelming positive or (like Tim and Sara’s) just downright tacky and rude. It’s almost as though people are reading your blog so that they can add some vitriol.


mssinglemama November 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I know… but I’m fine. Took that break because I needed to and yes, now you can see why. I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t.


abimom November 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

No, it was obvious from everything that you needed that break. Thought it was one of the best decisions you’ve made that you’ve posted on here. We’re on our worst critics and bloggers like you put yourself up on the chopping block with every article to let everyone else be their worst critic too. That break was probably long over due.


mike November 20, 2011 at 9:47 pm

You went from saying that you were going to be private about your relationship…then days later plaster the guy’s picture up here? I don’t know if you realize how often you contradict yourself. It’s really sad that single mothers look to you as some sort of beacon of hope…I sure know I wouldn’t date anyone as “loose” with herself as you are…swinging from relationship to relationship with surprising ease. Hope you use protection.


Michelle November 22, 2011 at 9:55 am

Mike, you are always PERFECT aren’t you?!


Chris November 20, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Very nice post! Just remember if your happy and your child is doing well then don’t let the outside world tell you how to live. Very happy for you!


MOM GONE MAD November 21, 2011 at 12:06 am

Wow…. now I get exactly why you took a break. Sad that people feel the need to be so negative. Congratulations on your newest chapter. And, welcome back!


Stacey G. November 21, 2011 at 1:55 am

I’m so happy for you- the proof is in the pudding! I am a little jealous, though, because unfortunately my situation does not allow for dating at all! I have my hopes, though, that I will find the man of my dreams one day soon.


Karissa p November 21, 2011 at 11:24 pm

🙂 does this happen to be the guy you met on new years? Haven’t been on here in awhile. Best of luck 🙂


Yvonne November 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

Oh, good lord people. If you don’t like her…don’t visit her site. Simple as that. Life is tough as it is. If you’re unhappy with yours (life)…don’t visit the site to read about hers. Period.


honeybeemama November 22, 2011 at 3:39 pm

welp, sounds like it just might be for real! i know after i’d gotten excited about a few great guys while single mom dating and constantly kissing and telling, i finally found him. i finally found the man i’d written and dreamed about in journals since the age of 12, and i didn’t say much to anyone, and still don’t. i don’t need to. i don’t need that validation. he’s mine and he always has been, and i don’t think i really revealed much about him on my blog until i shared about how he asked me to marry him and how i said yes! we love learning with you and walking with you, and evolving with you as you learn from life and figure out how to do it. and we are more than thrilled to let you take a break from US and just enjoy! although…i secretly do hope you’ll tell us more and let us share this fantastic love story with you! xo


honeybeemama November 22, 2011 at 3:42 pm

ps – y’all are just cute!


SSS November 22, 2011 at 7:37 pm

There is no room for negativity here . . . only blessings and love.
Thank you for sharing your bliss!

p.s. I will never understand why people read a blog or take the time to comment if they hate the content or writer so much . . . . do something positive and constructive with your time haters


Jerline November 22, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Seeing you happy like this gives me hope that one day I will find a similar or greater happiness. I am glad you’re back, I have been waiting anxiously for the new updates with Mr. Mysterious. I am recently divorced and although with two small kids love is not in the picture (and it won’t be for a while). I am glad to see someone else swimming in the wonderous sea of love.


Amy November 22, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Wishing you the best through all of your growing pains!! How brave and wonderful to share so openly. Just know that for each rude comment, you are silently receiving super love and support from past single mommas like me! Keep blogging, you make my soul happy.


Erica November 23, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Heyyyy sister – great pics!!!! I was a doubter, but we all make mistakes. We adore you and I am so happy to have you posting again. The pics are great. I am constantly amazed at how the best couples always resemble one another. You two have a resemblance!

I just LOVE the post you shared about LOVE vs. ROMANCE…I had figured out true love a few years ago – but then find myself getting wooed by guys who don’t know what true love is all about..and that ends in heartbreak…disillusionment for them and pain for me because when I love I want my partner to be happy.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and best wishes to you and your loved ones. Enjoy every minute – we only live once (some people disagree) but for now, just cherish all the special moments and memories you get to create. Living fully and pursuing your heart’s deepest desires are what makes life worth living. 😉


Glenda November 24, 2011 at 3:49 am

Wow!!! Live laugh and love!!! Let the haters comment roll off your shoulders!!!

So happy for you!! Life is short. You deserve to be happy and be loved!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!


Tania November 24, 2011 at 9:19 pm

So happy for you! (and ignore the haters they just have issues)


momcat November 25, 2011 at 9:09 pm

you two are just buzzing with energy and joy–wow! you go, grrl!!!


Lesli November 26, 2011 at 2:14 am

I’ve been following your blog for several years now and we’ve corresponded a few times via email–and I am a fan. As a fellow writer, I’m sure you already know that once it’s “out there”, then it’s “out there”–and it’s hard for some to kinda follow along with the story you’re creating. Honestly, I’ve taken a break from my own blogging not because of negative comments or anything, but sometimes, as therapeutic as writing can be, you need a break from the need to write. So that said, I had followed along, on and off, of you & JB. And then the recent meeting and needing a break. I read a lot of the comments. Definitely, even ones in this post and the past few, there are some haters. I think what some of the comments are aiming for however, are constructive criticism–not meant to hurt you but just to point out what *they* see–as an outsider.

I am good friends with a single dad that lives down the street. There’s no attraction–we’re strictly just friends, despite all of my family wanting there to be more. Our kids–all boys–are good friends and often play together. What I have observed in the year + that we’ve become good friends, is that he’s a “serial monogamous dater”–in other words…he dates a girl for many months, it gets serious, they are serious, spending tons of time together, kids get introduced to her kids, etc.–and then it fails for whatever reason. I have seen this at least 3 times in the past year with him. Not sure if it’s him or her or what–but what I’m getting at is that I think some of your readers have seen a pattern with your relationships–because you write about them–thus they feel like they know what’s going to happen or they’ve heard all this before–much like I feel about my neighbor. My concern is always for his son….that he so readily introduces his kid to the girlfriend and her kids –and inevitably, they don’t work out. My feeling, as a single parent, is that there should be several months of dating before kids are introduced–but that’s me.

So anyway, I’m happy for you—and despite what may appear as negativity or criticisms from some may actually be those that truly wish you to find happiness–sometimes that’s hard for people to express. Take care.


Liz November 28, 2011 at 12:37 pm

SOO happy for you! You guys make a great-looking couple!


abimom November 29, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Now that I’m done adding my free cents (where it was clearly needed! :p) I have to say: I found you when I was a new single mom and while I wasn’t able to comment on the blog that drove you away I would’ve been one of the ones to drive you out of concern. I say now that I’m glad you’re happy and glad you’re back. I kept periodically checking to see if you were. Be careful, be happy, and happy holidays!


Honoree Corder December 4, 2011 at 10:44 am



Cubicle Rebel December 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Heh, heh, heh. I know the feeling, girl.


anton August 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I really love this one..Looking for partners? Why don’t you try this site? http://1mate.org/


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