Another perspective

by mssinglemama on November 10, 2011

She is only a fresh seven years old. I cross my legs and sit down by her cousin’s Barbie house. There’s a party going on for her one year old cousin and even though I want to be meeting his family, I would rather – in this moment – be here with her.

There are three Barbies. The first is decked out in glittery jewelry and extremely put together, the second looks like she just stumbled out of bed after an extremely rough night and the third is just right, simple and cute.

I have my own feelings about Barbies. They are gross exaggerations of the female form, something no little girl should ever feel she should live up to or look like. Why are their breasts so large in proportion to their waists? Couldn’t Mattel make them just a hair more realistic? And then there are all of the good times I myself had with Barbie as a little girl. I loved them.

She starts by lining all three Barbies upstairs against a wall.

“What are they waiting for?” I ask.

“The Prince,” she says.

Then the Prince marches in and measures up the girls.

“He’s going to pick one,” she says.

After he’s made his choice and marched off with the Just Right Barbie, I am left holding the two single Barbies.

“We have to find them Princes,” she adds nonchalantly, as if it is part of the plan all along.

“Or not. Maybe they are just happy to be single! See?” I start dancing them around and making them chatter about how awesome it is to be single. ‘We don’t really need Princes, do we? Let’s go have fun!’

“Yeah, but they probably want one,” her voice is completely monotone and matter of fact. She added the “probably” only to be polite. They’re happy, certainly, but they still want a prince. Deep down inside, every girl does.


Her father is a prince.

A modern prince, surely. There is nothing fantastical or magical about this label I give him, no impossible standards are being held over his head. He is who he is and he happens to be my real life version of a man I would, in the past, have only dreamed of finding. In fact, I had lowered my expectations to the point where I believed no one like him existed or that if he did, he was surely taken.

So, do we all really want princes? Deep down inside? And by prince, again, I mean, someone just perfectly perfect for you. Someone who makes your heart skip a million beats, someone who brings you flowers for no reason at all, someone who treats you like a queen, someone who is responsible, caring and kind. Someone your inner 7 year old would have wanted to find?

I think, if even the most emboldened love skeptic could feel what I’m feeling right now, they would want it also.

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

butterfly2010 November 10, 2011 at 8:48 am

I know I still have the dream of finding a “prince”. I’m not dis-illusioned thinking everything will be a fairy tale. Life is hard and has challenges… but a prince will want to weather it all out with me. I have moments where I think “I can do this, I can be single, and it will be okay.” But that longing for an adult partner, companion and lover is always just there, right under the surface.

This post makes me happy. You are such an inspiration, and on the dark days, your column keeps the fire of hope going… Thank you so much for sharing your life with all of us.


Robyn November 10, 2011 at 9:16 am

Glad to hear from you… and definitely enjoyed the post.


Erin Marie November 10, 2011 at 9:29 am

Although I do think that it is an important quality to teach a girl that women can be secure and content on their own, there is no denying that as human beings we crave companionship!! Its an innate need within us from the day we were born. Our ability to wait and actively seek that one that makes our heart skip a beat doesn’t make us weak, but it is what makes us strong! I am so excited to read a new post from you! Congratulations on finding that one that makes your knees weak and excitement pour out your smile. Your “I’m-so-in-love-glow” shines through your blog post!! It gives me hope to bask in it! And I cant wait to read more!


Happymama November 10, 2011 at 9:42 am

I’m so happy for you! And glad you are back. You deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way!! Yay!


Courtney November 10, 2011 at 9:44 am

Thank you for continuing your writing. This really made me happy and I am so happy for you.


kris November 10, 2011 at 10:10 am

So glad you’re back. I think I just found my prince too which is something I was sure wasn’t going to happen. Be happy. Oh and keep writing πŸ™‚


Julie November 10, 2011 at 10:43 am

I think every girl is a princess and deserves her rightly prince. Trouble is most don’t hold out for that or ignore red flags that come up in courtship because it’s nice to have someone.. We all grew up hearing fairytales and one should never give up hope. Nobody said it was perfect but, perfect for you..just might be:)


mssinglemama November 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

REALLY important point by Julie everyone. DO NOT ignore red flags, don’t compromise. And always remember you don’t “need” him, but wanting him is okay.


Anna November 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I agree. SO important. I think we grow up wanting the prince and the WEDDING, and will sometimes ignore the red flags about the prince because there will still be a WEDDING.


Tania November 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Perfectly said Julie


Alanna November 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

YAY! Glad you are back. So happy for you. Thanks for the awesome perspective and the hope!


AIDENSMUMMA November 10, 2011 at 11:41 am

I just recently discovered your blog after becoming a single mother myself and searching the web for inspiration and education from other women who have been in similar places. I was so sad to see you were taking a break but caught myself up on all your past posts. So good to see youre back and have found what you deserve!! xo’s lots of love & happiness.


Mai November 10, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It’s a little bit nostalgic to hear this, since I had my son and things went sour between his dad and I, I told myself I would only fall in love with my prince. Then I met someone who I can only describe as my “John Bear” – I wanted so bad for things to work out for all 3 of us – but again, things are going sour and I feel all sorts of regrets and mistakes towards letting him meet my son; it’s upsetting enough that he’s walking out of my life – but it’s more upsetting that he promised to be around and now he’s walking out of my son’s life. I hope I’m not so jaded towards love still when or if my prince charming ever comes around.

Thanks for the post. πŸ™‚ I’ve been following your blog for 3 years, and I’m so happy you’ve found your prince.


Autumn November 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I missed you!! Welcome back <3

I have similar conflicting feelings about barbies too (true, they are so ultra-perfect and impossibly proportioned) but I loved playing with them for hours a day as a young girl : – ) And while we don't all find or choose a real "Ken" I suppose no one can honestly say they didn't want a prince at some time…?


Lauren November 10, 2011 at 4:56 pm

thanks for returning!


Leelee November 10, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I just found your blog the other day and your last post was; I am leaving for awhile. Glad awhile has past. “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time” I love that quote. Courtesy of;Maya Angelou. Oprah quoted her on her new amazing show; Life Lessons. Yes, True Love is out there you just have to believe it. Close your eyes, click your red slippers together, say to yourself; I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I deserve to be loved unconditionally. And see what gifts you can manifest. A lovely saying my bestfriend reminds me to say when I want something to manifest in my life. And I love it!


Erika November 10, 2011 at 5:50 pm

So glad to see you back and writing! I loved this post. I met my prince 13 months ago, after two years of being a single parent (after being left by my then-husband). I had completely given up on meeting anyone. Then my prince came along, and there were butterflies and magic and everything clicked into place as if it had always been meant to be that way. The first time my mom met him she said, “Oh, there you are!” because she felt like we’d been waiting for him to come into our lives. He is the perfect stepfather to my 4 year old son; I could not have imagined a better one. He is the perfect partner for me. We’ve had our growing pains, but in 13 months we have never yelled at each other, called each other names, been purposefully cruel, etc. And I still have the butterflies.

My point is that THIS is what I always wanted; not just someone to fill the empty place beside me. And there’s a huge difference. I’m so happy that you have found it. That magic will carry you through the difficult times, I promise.


Liz November 10, 2011 at 7:42 pm

I am SO glad to see you back in this space.

Congrats on your prince – he sounds like he was worth kissing all those frogs. πŸ˜‰


sam November 10, 2011 at 10:10 pm

be careful with guys, some are great some are not. It is sometimes good to hire a PI to make sure


Stac November 11, 2011 at 8:21 am

I don’t know if you’re joking…or not…or maybe both…but this gave me a smile….


Someonewhoknows November 14, 2011 at 10:30 am

Actually, I work for an investigation agency, and we do this all the time. And it’s not just women meeting men online, or whatnot. IMO, ESPECIALLY if you have a child, take the time and do some research on your new beau. A thorough background check from a reputable agency will cost you around 100$ to make sure your new guy isn’t a felon, chronic DUI’er, or worse. Sorry to be so cautious, but seriously, you wouldn’t believe the stuff I see.


Erin November 10, 2011 at 10:28 pm

So. Happy. For. You!


Erika November 10, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Hooray! So glad you’re back, and I LOVED this post! Keep up the good work, Mama!


Chris November 11, 2011 at 12:03 am

Very nice post! I am glad you did come back to blog! I hope you had some time away to just relax and enjoy life. You have a lot of followers and your blog has helped many including me.

Welcome back!!!


rachael November 11, 2011 at 12:38 am

.. i wish i could meet my perfect match. . and i’m very happy for you. don’t listen to the skeptics. you deserve this.


Jen November 11, 2011 at 9:33 am

I was one of those who cautioned you, but my answer is still yes, we all need a prince, one defined by you as someone who is just perfectly perfect for you.

PS I’m happy to have your words to read again.


Leelee November 11, 2011 at 10:37 am

I read some of the replies and I was over joyed by the sense of community by many. It’s a beautiful thing. But, I am hoping the ones who are quite skeptic of ever finding love…true love were joking. Just because you are a single parent in no way means you will not be able to offer and receive the most precious gift one human can ever receive and experience; Unconditional Love. I am proof of that. Before meeting my amazing soul mate I was a single parent of two gifts from above. The harsh reality I was faced with at the time was; all men are alike, selfish jerks. It was an illusion I created as I watched my own mother suffer her entire and I mean entire life holding onto that myth. “What you believe is what you create”. And as long as you believe that idea you will continue to create false love and also give false love permission to enter your life. Actually you will invite it. I am happy to say that my husband and I have been married for 10 years and the love continues to grow. And we have four beautiful children. Keep on believing in love and β€œInvite” it into your life. Just remember; β€œWhen they show you who they are believe it the first time”. I wish I found this important rule of life when I had to weed out the bad men. Oh well, hard lessons led me to good ones.


Cat November 11, 2011 at 11:42 am

Welcome back!! I am happy to see you are writing here again. Congrats on finding your prince! I recently found mine after a very long time. He is not perfect but neither am I and we are perfect for each other. πŸ™‚ Again, so happy you are back.


SavoredLife November 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

This made me tear up…

Amazing what a truly perfect complement can do to, and for, you! πŸ˜€


Honoree Corder November 11, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Yay! You’re back … *whew* Just sent you an email, too. I put you in the Resources section of The Successful Single Mom Gets Rich! Big hugs and blessings to my favorite townie.


KQ November 11, 2011 at 8:37 pm

I worried about this “finding a prince” thing after a long, drawn out, bitter divorce. But I still read fairy tales to my girls and I hoped, deep in my heart, that it was true. That there was someone out there are great as I imagined a man could be. Because that companionship is so very important. Turns out…they sometimes arrive even better than we can imagine!
I’m now learning a lot about timing. And patience. And how it takes a LOT of healing from a damaged relationship before you can create a really great relationship with someone new. But I’m still hopeful!
And I’m glad you’re back!


Sarah November 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

hahaha. I won the bet with my friend. I said your would be back before a month was up. No one as narcissistic as you could stay away – have to have affirmation from your “sweet readers.” I give you and your prince a year, probably less.


Jamo's Mama November 11, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Sarah- I think I speak for most of the readers when I say that your negativity isn’t needed here. This is a place for single moms and those that know and love us to come together as a community and get support that we don’t receive in our day to day lives. Please take your negativity else where.


Hydrangea November 14, 2011 at 10:21 am

Sarah I agree with Jamo’s Mama. Take your trolling comments elsewhere. It’s obvious you enjoy bringing other people down. Why else would you continue to check this woman’s blog and comment the DAY she added a new post? You were probably checking it daily, huh? Just to prove to prove—what? That you actually bet against her and her happiness?? Wow you’re obviously such a compassionate and caring person (rolls eyes). You must hate kittens and babies too. I have a bet for you honey- I *bet* you’re insecure and jealous of her and her success otherwise you wouldn’t bother to spend so much time on here. So with that said dear, DON’T come back. WE don’t want want you here.


Sheila November 11, 2011 at 11:36 pm

To be honest, I was one of the doubters when you first told us about your man. And then I saw his pic and said, “Oh, he *is* perfect for her.” πŸ™‚ So glad you’re happy and best wishes to you.


Kara November 12, 2011 at 12:18 am

Glad you’ve returned:) Don’t let the negativity keep you down! So many of us appreciate your posts and the honesty in which you write them. Happy for you and your prince.
One thing I’ve learned since my first prince turned into a toad:), was that loving and taking caring of myself is the most important thing. Once we learn that we don’t NEED a prince, then we can choose to be with one instead. I believe love can be better than we imagine. Best wishes to you both!


MOM GONE MAD November 12, 2011 at 2:50 am

So glad you’re back! We all have our ups and downs – being a single mom is not easy. Thanks for venturing back into the waters to shares your good times and bad with us. πŸ˜‰


bella November 12, 2011 at 3:45 am

I was definitely one of those people who had negative thoughts about this new relationship.
I hope that you realize that the comments you received were not coming from a mistrust of you and your judgement…at least my negativity wasn’t. It’s fear. As single moms, we know that it takes so much work to make a happy and loving relationship go the distance when it involves children. It’s HARD, and you know it as well as the rest of us.
But what if it doesn’t work? That’s always the question. Children adjust, and they do well, because they don’t have a choice. It’s survival. It doesn’t mean they have not been significantly impacted by our actions as parents, whether it’s by our interactions with them or interactions in other relationships. If this relationship does not work, it could impact your child. I REALLY believe you know this, and are a responsible and intelligent enough parent to be able to understand the risk that we ALL take in entering into new relationships.
I hope you are happy. I hope you have found the relationship that will work for you. I hope that you can finally settle down, knowing you’re making the right decision. But I want to tell you that even if a year or two from now, this man is not around, it does NOT make you a failure, it does not mean your child will be damaged indefinitely, and it does not mean you’re a bad parent. All it means is that you’re human, just like you were with John. And your wonderful son will eventually be an adult, with the capacity to have an understanding of all that you have gone through in trying to find happiness.
I will end by saying that we ALL mess up with our kids in one way or another. I am not here to judge whether or not you are messing up with your relationships. I’m just saying that all you can do is your best, and that you deserve to be happy. I would hope that any intelligent adult would say the same thing. I wish you luck, and I wish you happiness. So glad to have you back.


Leelee November 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm

My goodness! I can’t believe there are actually negative comments here. Why can’t you wish this young lady a bit of happiness? I absolutely enjoy reading Single Mama’s stories. She is charming, witty, and willing to give all of us a glimpse of her life. Is it that hard to imagine that she has found someone that loves her and her son? We all deserve to be loved! Every single one of us. This blog should inspire single mama’s to get out of there comfortable box and brave the unknown in search of true happiness. Because trust me when I say this; True happiness is not in your little comfortable box. We all deserve to be happy even the skeptics.

Let me tell you skeptics a thing or two about being loved Unconditionally. It’s given to those who ask for it! Yes, it’s that simple. But as long as you fear the unknown you are never going to understand how magical it is outside that box. I am proof of that!

Sure I had to kiss a few too many frogs. One out of the crop was abusive on every level imaginable. You would think that one horrid frog would make me climb right back into my box. Um no! I learned what I didn’t want. And what I needed most. I learned in order to love someone I needed to love self. And until you learn that and forgive yourself for the things you couldn’t be to self and to your child/children you will never truly understand what you are truly worth. And even those skeptics with nasty comments deserve love; true love. Once you believe that, you open yourself up to all the amazing posibilities this life of yours can offer you.

It’s a shame that my two young children had to witness my mistakes with men. But, I am grateful that I acknowledged them and expressed how sorry I was to my children. And guess what? They forgave me!!! Why? Because kids are forgiving beings. They want mama to be happy because if mama is happy they are happy. Just never EVER put your man before your children EVER. That’s when you run into trouble. A mistake I made as well. Of course you don’t want to put your needs on the back burner. No, you just have to learn to balance things out until you feel a comfortable flow. You will understand what I mean trust me. Intuition never stirs you wrong ever.

I think it’s a mistake to think Children are damaged by our human mistakes. As long as you communicate with your children they will not become damaged goods. It’s when they sit in the silence of your mistakes that damage begins. Being a single mama isn’t the end of the world ladies it’s not. If you accept it as being a horrible “condition” I feel sorry for you. Vicitims never win in this world. Go sit with my mom for a few hours and you’ll understand what I mean. It’s when you take responsibility for your life and the life of your children that you will gain the strength and understanding of what it is to be alive in the present (victims live in the past) and have all your truly deserve.

So please either enjoy single mama’s blog or go read gossip websites. They love negative comments.

So single mama I am happy you stepped out of the box. It’s a pretty amazing view isn’t it? Just remember;When people show you who they are believe them the first time. Keep on writing and keep on inspiring.



Eva November 13, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I’m a mama but not single but I was a child to a single mama. I find your words empowering for all women which is why I love reading your blog and following along. I feel your take on relationships, love, princes, and ever afters is just like mine – married, single, dating, whatever.. we all need to be happy with who we are first. Your the type of mama I would want to be teaching my daughter just how I am.. you don’t need a prince to save you, and don’t settle for anything less.. they are out there, I feel I have one, and Im glad you have one too πŸ™‚


Ginger November 14, 2011 at 10:14 am

I think that is a really good point. We don’t ‘need’ them, but we are all human – so who says it’s NOT okay to want? Every girl is entitled to their dreams. And if you are lucky to find your prince charming, you should hold your head up high and embrace that you deserve it.


Yvonne November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

I have my perfectly imperfect prince, in my perfectly imperfect life. Almost two years now…. I am happy. I’m glad to see you’re happy too. πŸ˜‰


Craig November 14, 2011 at 10:41 am

From what I’ve seen some women do want the fairytale story and some don’t. Guess it just depends on a person’s perspective. Hope you don’t mind my 2 cents!


Christina November 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

My heart strings were pulled on that post. I try to draw back on my 7 year old self and I don’t recall any thoughts. I wish I did. Thanks for a touching and honest post.


Anna November 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Glad you are back, MSM. Missed you.

Here’s my Barbie story, and why I love my mom: When I was young enough to have Barbies, but old enough to have questions, Barbie and Ken went camping. I forgot to clean up after playing, and Mom found Ken and Barbie lying together naked. All she said was, “I hope they’re married!” : )


Amanda November 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I think there is a prince out there, and who doesn’t want companionship? Maybe some people prefer being alone but most of us want company and somebody to spend our daily lives with. It’s nice to know you’re doing well. I wish you and Ben the best as always.


Glenda November 14, 2011 at 7:32 pm

so glad you’re back to writing.
great post. happy for you!


Loveless Marriage November 15, 2011 at 3:06 am

I tend to think that this price thingy is all in the mind due to the romanticized notion of love and marriage being fed to us both when we are young and even now through the media. There is no perfect man and there is no perfect marriage. It is how to you make do with what you have and how you react to the problems that crop up in a relationship that determine the outcome.


Tania November 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

I’m so thrilled that you’re finally back (I check back often hoping for your return!) This was a great post and the idea of finding our Prince charming I guess is just something that we grow up dreaming about…why settle for less and make any exceptions? There is someone out there and yes while he may not be fairy tale perfect he will be perfect for me.


kelly November 15, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Welcome back and thanks for sharing the love πŸ™‚


RM November 16, 2011 at 8:02 pm

You have a new relationship, good for you. A quick browse across your past entries shows you quite happily contradict your own ‘advice’ when it suits you.
The most amusing thing is how you are trying to differentiate between want and need. In love these are the same thing. If you doubt this, walk up to him and say “I don’t need you.” and see how badly that goes down.
Perhaps drop all the advice sections and let the personal stuff speak for itself.

The other disappointing thing here is the “ALL women are princesses, most men are jerks” mentality. Let me assure you that there are as many jerk women as there are men. And when men dream of their perfect princess, she doesn’t already have kids to another man. “Why settle for less?” You’re asking him to do the same.


flirbee November 16, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Yeahhhh! you’re back.

sounds like things are going well with the prince – glad to hear it.


Nikki November 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I’ve settled for far too long. And I’ve heard enough hope filled stories of couples who’ve been married for a quarter century or more and who are still happy…really happy, not just pretend happy for the visual of it all and fear of being imperfect… I finally realize that I’m worth being caught. And he’ll be worth the wait. So I’ll wait. Because I believe he is out there; and I’ll know when he arrives. I believe those who know, know. And I believe that you know. And that is really awesome. And just one more story I’ll tuck away as proof, that there is someone out there who is not perfect, but perfect for me. πŸ™‚ Yay, you! Glad to see you back, too. ;o)


LE November 17, 2011 at 7:12 pm

I have to agree with Jenny (who made the facebook comment) on this one. I have been reading your blog for nearly 4 years but you have lost me as a reader too. While I initially found hope in your journey as a single mother who did not let her divorce or single parenting status define her, I can no longer say this is true. Your relationship patterns have been painfully played out over and over again on this blog and sadly, this one seems no different from the last. Of course, none of us are in your shoes, but lines such as β€œYou have never felt this way before” are classic teenager tropes. Trust me, we have felt that way before. Every time someone criticizes something in your blog, constructively or not, you have thrown a temper tantrum and stormed off, threatening to punish your readers with your absence. It has become so old…


Jenny November 18, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Oh, hey now… No one needs to agree with me. I can be an ass sometimes. I actually thought I posted that privately so only A would see it. Anyway, I think she got her nose out of joint, and I think she gets that.


Ruby November 22, 2011 at 2:24 am

Welcome back! So happy to see you write here again!


dusti November 22, 2011 at 3:39 pm

I am really happy for you !!! It seems some people just need to not read your blog if they need to be hateful!!! I honestly dont get how someone is so unhappy that they have to take time to be so ugly!!! I guess I am from the way of thinking we really need to pray for people that are so hateful , they are possibly raising kids that ours will have to deal w!!! GOD bless u and I hope u continue w much happiness.


lmt November 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I am happy for you. I did think your first post about your new guy was over the tope sort of ridiculous. Not because you fell hell over heels, hey everyone loves that feeling but because you try and draw these grand conclusions and “lecture others with these truisms–a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycles, what not need etc… Why not just say “Wow I met a guy and I haven’t felt this way about someone in a really long time.” Don’t get your back up so easy. I bet if you read that post over you would admit it sounded a bit over the top.


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