On Prince Charming…

by mssinglemama on October 6, 2011

He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Related posts:

  1. Prince Charming can kiss my ass
  2. My prince sent me a castle.
  3. To find a prince you might have to kiss a lot of frogs.
  4. Go pick a man up. I dare you!
  5. That Couple

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On the other side… | Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama
January 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }

Sunny October 6, 2011 at 12:23 pm

CONGRATULATIONS and big hugs to all of you! Slow and steady wins the blending race!

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Lisa October 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm

How wonderful!!! :) congrats!

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melissa b. October 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Congrats! You deserve your prince charming. :)

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Emily October 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

What a great post to read!! CONGRATS!!!

Good luck to you… I’m the eternal optimist (which bites me in the butt quite often) and I totally believe in Prince Charming. So happy you’ve hopefully found yours! Now, does he have a friend… I’m still looking for mine. :)

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Glenda October 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Congrats!! So happy for you and your prince. Best of luck for much happiness.

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awakening October 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Hey lady!! Congrats!! that is so great. I found my love on OKcupid too! We had the lowest match potential of anyone I allowed myself to date…and he’s the best.

You deserve it missy!!

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Jill October 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Amazing story, congrats!
We all need to find our prince charming, happyness you found one.
Hope it happens to me some day too.

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Elle October 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

It’s funny how you wax poetic about the men who so casually waltz in and out of your life. No wonder your first marriage was a sham- the French Canadian accent right? Wasn’t it John Bear’s eyes last time? Now it’s this new guy’s height. Read back your blog posts and I think you’ll notice a crystal clear relationship pattern that is blatantly obvious to everyone but you. You don’t base any of your relationships on substance or reality. You build your latest man up in your mind and then write a blog to convince yourself, and are then enabled through your readers’ affirmations about how wonderful it is. You have no idea who you are and your constant banter about how you love being single and you don’t need a man is ridiculous considering all you do is base your life on the men who are in it. You have some serious daddy issues that you need to work out and you need to stop using this blog to enable your terrible choices. I hope that business you started is doing well and has insanely good health benefits because your son is going to need a LOT of therapy in the coming years.

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kris October 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Wow Elle…for someone who so obviously disagrees with the way she lives her life it strikes me funny that you waste your time reading this blog. Move along debbie downer.

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Michelle October 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

Elle, sounds like you need a stiff one…and I’m not taking about a drink!

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Sparkle April 19, 2012 at 12:43 am

My favorite reply of all time!!! Hehe

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Melissa October 11, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Elle…we dont like you. Go away.

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erin November 30, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I have learned a lot of lessons over the past 3 years of single motherhood and on and off dating and running as fast as I possibly can from anything even hinting of committment, but you know what? I’m still learning. We all are. Don’t judge anyone for their actions, we all do what we think is best at the time and then have to live with those decisions. Hello?!? I’m assuming we’re mostly all single mamas here, if not all, so obviously we’ve made some decisions that we’ve learned from. Let her do her thing and if she’s got to learn another lesson then so be it. Grow in your own time, not in someone else’s idea of growth rate. I find her posts to be very refreshing that someone can keep up the spirit cause I know I doubt it so much, but now and then I can log in and say, “look, she hasn’t given up yet, don’t you either! Keep fighting, keep hoping!” And you know what else, I cycle one minute saying I’m fine, I’m independent and I’m loving it. And 30 minutes later something breaks in my house and I think, man it’d be nice to have someone to help. And did you ever think that maybe those posted musings were someone who was hurting and hoping for more positively speaking to oneself saying I will be fine, I will survive. It’s survival, folks, not crazy babble of one day I don’t need a man and the next day hailing prince charming.

Now, to MSM (which I’m assuming she doesn’t read all this, but if she does…), I hope you find all the happiness you can get, for you and for B. Bring on the chaos and the big family love, and keep on trying. I’m also a small biz owner of 6+ years, and my life is crazy, but someday I hope I can take that leap and let down my walls for a moment and someday I want my kids to be able to come home to what I consider a more traditional family…mom, dad, siblings, pets, dinner…the whole shebang. Right now we make do, but I want them to grow up with that picture of love that you grew up with. Xoxo know that you have a lot of people that appreciate what you offer and exposing the good, the bad, and the ugly so we can feel like we’re not alone. I love the honesty, and the rawness of it. Helps a ton. Happy Holidays, goils!!! :)

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Judy October 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

In the early stages of my divorce like you and so many others I was utterly devastated. Any guy I dated was a way to ease the pain, a crutch, a mistake. I’ve been following your blog for two years now but have read it from the beginning. I think one of the great perks of divorce is that once we’ve healed we get to fall in love again…as many times as we dare. I applaud you. You do not have “daddy issues”, you’re just not willing to settle. And I disagree w/ the above response that you “need a man”. You need love, we all do. I’m very happy that you are so in love right now and I hope it lasts and lasts.

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mssinglemama October 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Thank you so much, Judy. I know exactly what you mean. And I feel so incredibly relieved that I refused to settle. Follow your heart, Mamas and ignore the haters. ; )

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Thelma October 6, 2011 at 10:48 pm

I feel kind of protective of you in a sisterly, friendly way. With that in mind I say, take your time getting to know anyone before you completely hand over your heart. Please don’t confuse infatuation with love. Infatuation feels great, enjoy it, just be a little cautious OK? Remember love is behavior, watch what someone does not what they say. Also remember, it takes awhile before you get to know anyone and in the beginning of any romance we all project a ton onto the other person, all of our fantasies and cultural conditioning about Prince Charmings. Also, don’t forget some of the wise words of women you’ve read like Gloria. Slow and steady, proceed with equal parts head and heart. Wishing the best for you in all things.

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K8 October 6, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Wow I can’t believe “Elle’s” post! That was really harsh and mean!! Thats why I can’t write a blog.For people like that.Im too sensitive.
Im happy for you, and hope everything works out well.I feel that you give me inspiration and hope.Whether or not things work out.You stay strong and you don’t box yourself up to hide away from the unknown.The unknown is a scary scary thing for me.
Keep doing what you do! =)

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SamanaMama October 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

That is absolutely awesome! I find it incredible that no matter how happy someone is, there will always be someone to try and bring them down, Elle you know I mean you! I am happy for you, I am having the same feelings these days & it is amazing! Keep on keeping on, and don’t let the one’s who insists on raining on your positive vibes get you down, namaste =)

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Stac October 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I’m giddy for you! Sounds like fun! No matter what, remember to have fun :)

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LJ October 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Wow, Elle. Way to be perfect, all-knowing, and so, so, RIGHT about our dear friend. Aren’t we lucky to have your opinion.

I’m so happy and proud of you Single Mama! You deserve every butterfly and exciting emotions you’re feeling! Good for you, go get him. =)

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YoYo October 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Elle-b*tchface troll obviously needs to find herself an accent, some eyes, or some height…bwahaha. Get offa that jealousy girl, it looks UGLY on you! HA!

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GreenInOC October 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I’m glad that you are so happy!

I do have to say that I hope you reconsider having Benjamin meeting new guy or his children. I don’t understand the point of putting children in the position to fall in love with other people but there ability to continue those relationships are completely at their parent’s whims.

Why does he have to meet new guy? You probably think it’s because you and new guy are in it for the long haul. We believe ll relationships are for the long haul otherwise we wouldn’t have them!

As a child, my Dad never introduced us to women he was dating. Ever. As an adult he said it was because he was an adult with adult relationships and his children were separate from them. As an adult, I refuse to meet a man’s children until we have been together for at least a year and marriage is on the table.

Guess what? I’ve never met a man’s children. The adult relationship never lasted long enough to warrant having the children involved.

Children fall in love easily and adults fall in love with children easily. It’s not fair to the kids to stay with someone because you love their kids and not them (the adult).

Adults with all their experience, skills and abilities to cope have a very hard time when relationships go sour. Why subject children, who do not have the same abilities as adults, to this?

In case you are wondering, I am safely off my high horse now and back on the ground!! I am passionate about the subject in case you can’t tell!

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Anna October 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

So what happens if you already know the guy, and so does your child, when you begin to date? Do you stop all contact?

People are people and don’t fit into formulas well. What works for you isn’t necessarily the best for everyone else.

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Kay October 11, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I think this is a very well written comment and deserves some careful consideration. While I don’t necessarily think that a year is warranted, a month seems very short to me. It’s hard to even know a person in a month, much less know if they deserve the honor of becoming part of your child’s life. Take it slow. In spite of the fact that you say your child doesn’t appear to be troubled over your parting of ways with John Bear, it was so recent (and it happened more than once, which must have been confusing no matter how eloquently you explained it) give your little boy the time he deserves to heal and move on, just as you should give yourself this same opportunity. That being said, enjoy these butterflies and excitement with your new beau, it’s always such a great part of any new relationship.

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SamanaMama October 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm

SOOO…
What if you wait that amount of time for them to meet and find that your soon to be husband doesn’t get along with your child, or god forbid, your child doesn’t like him?!

OH BOY!

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GreenInOC October 11, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Nothing is foolproof but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and do our best to protect children.

Putting kids in car seats doesn’t always, 100% of the time, protect them. Does that mean that they should never be used? I say no, they should be used anyway because they protect most of the time. Do your best and that means putting them in a car seat.

!!

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GreenInOC October 11, 2011 at 6:47 pm

oh, geez! I had some cute html code looking line stating “end analogy” but the comment system removed it! My reply about the car seats, in case it isn’t clear, is an analogy!!

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Jenny October 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

YAY! I am so happy for you! :)

Real, matrue, selfless, captivating love does exist! I recently found mine and I am so glad that you are starting to believe in it again!

I am do glad that you didn’t settle or give up! I hope he really is the one and that the two (five) of you grow into something amazing together. Congrats! Now you know what they mean when they say, “You just know”!

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Sarah October 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Your life is full of risk, chance, romance and thrills. Don’t let anyone keep you from enjoying the ups. When people rain on your parade, it’s because they’re tired of their shade and want to steal your sun! :-) Go forward and enjoy! And keep sharing!! Single mamas need hope. ^_^

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Anna October 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

See? Butterflies.

So happy for you! <3

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Jen October 6, 2011 at 8:15 pm

It’s a treat to read your giddy words, really it is, and I’m genuinely glad to learn you’ve met a promising new guy.

I do have to say, though, that my first thought after reading that you were going to wait a month before introducing Benjamin was, “that’s not long enough.” I also totally agree with the comment that what works for some doesn’t work for others, and I know that such an early introduction doesn’t work for me.

I can’t help but ask, why rush things? If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I agree with GreenInOC that it’s so easy for kids to get attached, not only to adults, but to each other, I mean Benjamin and the new guy’s kids.

I understand the desire to fantasize about a future together, but I’ve also come to realize that as a single parent, some fantasies just have to remain fantasies. I’m not saying families can’t be successfully blended, but in my experience it is complicated. My girls adore my boyfriend of 3 years and we spend lots of time together, but my relationship with him is really about me and him in a very different way than the relationship of a married couple with children would be.

Much as I love the excitement and butterflies of a new relationship, I’m a cautious person by nature. I think if you were my lifelong friend and had just told me this story, after asking for all the gory details ;) I’d encourage you to take things slow.

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April October 6, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Jen,
I have to agree with you completely. In my experience and I have been single going on 6 years now; the desire to have that family of husband and wife and children is always in the back of my mind, but trying to blend it with someone else and their children has never felt right. I don’t know if that is partly because that is not the way families were intended to be and emotionally as women we can’t let go of what should have been, or it’s just alot more stressful adding more to the mix. My best relationships have been where I kept my girls and my time separate and my relationship with the person I was seeing separate. Now that being said….It takes the right kind of guy to accept that, but it just seems to work in this hectic, chaotic crazy world we live in where we are trying to juggle working a full time job, or being a stay at home mom, doing homework with your children, making sure lunches are packed, clothes are ready, bills are paid, laundry is done, and not to mention keeping up with keeping the ex husbands house hold supplies for your children up and running (or at least that is how it goes for me!) No wonder we don’t have the energy when it is all said and done to blend. LOL…My advice and again like Jen said “if we were life long friends” and I consider you a friend because we are all in this “single mama” journey together, is to give it time and enjoy just having time to yourself to get to discover each other. The rest will come in time if it is meant to be. Keep the butterflies for as long as you can! ;-)

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Amy October 6, 2011 at 11:30 pm

So love and agree with your response April.

Ms. Single Mama no harm in keeping this relationship precious and away from Benjamin. To enjoy wholeheartedly until you are so sure you cannot stand it!

Sounds like a blast to me (married 20 years and envious of the fun you are having :)

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mssinglemama October 7, 2011 at 8:43 am

I think this is an awesome discussion and I have to chime in… although clearly, I may be in an odd state to do so. But here’s the thing – myself and my new man are from HUGE families. I am one of six, he is one of five. I love being surrounded by chaos and children and to me, that actually feels more like home than anything else. Our kids are also very young. With that said, he will be a “friend” and I will be their “friend” for a very long time. Like I said, we aren’t going to be bringing them around each other often at all. I think we all agree that it has to be incredibly slow. And as parents we know that bringing the kids in will ruin all of our fun as we get to know each other. ; )

But where I disagree with some of you is on this subject – in the long haul and when the time is right – I think it is worth all of the work and the risk to ultimately have a big, happy family all under one roof. And I, personally, would not be happy in a scenario where my boyfriend was a permanent “friend”. But to each his own…

I grew up with a large family and a mom and dad who were madly in love with each other and yes, I want that for my son. And I want it for myself. I also never, ever make decisions which are rooted in fear. Whether that puts my son in therapy for the rest of his life, we’ll see. But I think it will put him in a place where he understands that life has hardships and pain and loss and love, but guess what – you survive them and are only stronger for it. He certainly, today, is the happiest most well-adjusted kid you’ll ever meet.

And as someone who has started her own business (successfully), I can say, that there are no goals you can’t achieve when you set your mind to it. I see this as no different.

That’s all. And that’s why we’re all here. To share our thoughts and feelings on everything related to single parenting and love. I am always interested in all perspectives.

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Rachel October 7, 2011 at 10:45 am

I met my now husband (after a horrible divorce/single mom for 4 years) in similar fashion. He was a blind date and after a few conversations I knew it was good. I knew he would never hurt me. I knew I was in love with him. I had had doubt with other dates (including my ex) – I didn’t know that they would put me and my daughter first through everything. With R, I knew. I knew that even if he met A and we broke up later, he would do it as gracefully as possible.

She had never met any guy I dated – I was never that comfortable. And she met R after 2 weeks (and only during one of those weeks had I seen him face to face). It was ok. I had friends upset that I let them meet so soon. But I trusted myself and I trusted him. We didn’t spend that much time together as a family at first – I still needed to date him first. He’d come over after bedtime during the week and then take us all to dinner on the Sunday afternoons. But it was still good. And I still don’t regret it.

You’ve guarded B when needed and you know yourself and your son. Do what’s best for you 2 as you have before and you’ll be fine.

Congrats!!!

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Stac October 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

I agree with you, a Mom much trust her gut. I never brought any men around my son besides his father until M and I started dating and after 2 weeks I introduced them. But I had known M off and on since 5th grade and I had never been so sure of anything in my life. Some people questioned it, and I also did due to their reactions, but here we are now planning a wedding, paying for braces, and planning our life together as a family of three. I wouldn’t introduce every man you date to your son, but if you feel for certain that it’s the right thing to do in this circumstance I say go for it.

Tania October 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm

I’m so happy for you! You give all us single mamas hope that prince charming may still exist…. That we still have a chance at love….

Good luck xoxo

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SavoredLife October 7, 2011 at 7:43 am

I’ve been waiting for The One to come knock you on your ass! (in a VERY good way, of course.)

My cheeks hurt from smiling…

Am so looking forward to watching this grow! :D

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Miss J Louise October 7, 2011 at 9:43 am

Wow…what a beautiful description of the way you meyt, how you felt and your decisions from here. I do agree that its a little early to be introducing children. I mean like you said its only being a few dates so far. I also agree with your comment that your decisions should not be rooted in fear. Caution is different from fear and I think I would be cautious that if it didn’t work out, the relationships my child would have built with the friend and his children would be suddenly broken and raise questions that are difficult to answer and for a young child to understand. Having said that I’m basing my opinion on my own son and the way he operates. Each child is different and good mums/moms :) know their children enough to be able to decide what they can handle.

I’m so proud of you and your writing skills, your business skills, your parenting skills and the ability to be a real women who is true to herself.

P.S OK CUPID here I come…your prince sounds beyond charming :)

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Viki October 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Sweetie, I am a long time reader and love you, and what I’m saying is coming from a place of love – of tough love, if you’d have it. Readers, please don’t jump on me and call me a hater.

Having read your blog for quite some time now, you said the exact same thing about the time you met John Bear. Obviously, none of us are in your shoes or experiencing your experiences, so we don’t know exactly what’s happening.

From reading about the men in your past, I think you are in love with love and the idea of having a man. Not discounting that this new man might be “the one”, but I’m urging you to take a step back and do some thinking before getting on another roller coaster relationship ride.

He might be charming for sure, but aren’t so many other men, including our exes? Lasting relationships are built on a rock solid foundation. I’ll hope for the best for you, because you do deserve it.

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Amy October 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I have to agree with this. If you go back and look at the early John Bear posts, they are the exact same.

Do what you want with your dating life, but leave the kid out of it.

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Amy October 10, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Oh dear, another Amy who is NOT this Amy. From now on I will be AmyinBC!

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Jen October 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Chiming back in here. I wanted to comment on Viki’s comment about how we, your readers, have experienced your relationships. What we know of you is what you’ve chosen to share with us on your blog. You probably did gush just as much about John at the start (seems to me you did, but I didn’t go back and check) and you probably felt it was the best thing yet (though I do recall you talking about the lack of butterflies).

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that it can be difficult for us, who only know you from your words, to really know what you’re feeling. Only you know that, so trust your gut. We all come from different places, with different experiences that shape how we behave.

And I believe you when you say this is different, because I know what it’s like when you finally find the one that makes you feel different, safer.

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Meghan October 7, 2011 at 2:43 pm

What a wonderfully written blog post! I adore reading it and am in full support of you….

My only words of advice…I too, at one point, had that type of meeting/instant connection with a man. We were smitten from day one, words such as “I have never felt like this about anyone” were thrown around and we were together every day since the day we had met. Or, as my therapist later told me, “You were an insta-bond, and those never work out.”

The reason why I share is, I wish I did things differently. As in, I was in the same mind-altering state you are currently in, and was so smitten, I just ran with it. I wish, in hindsight, that I let things progress much more naturally and smoothly and slowly. I wish we didn’t let those overwhelming clouds of attraction/feelings create such an intense bonding in the beginning. Because that rush of feelings ultimately hindered us to grow and connect in a natural, smooth state. We were so enamored and convinced by the uniqueness of the situation, it was shocking when “normal relationship” stuff started happening.

Relationships are fabulous, loving and warm. They also have growing pains, awkward moments and misunderstandings. And when you start out with an insta-bond that is too intense, you are thrown for a loop when all of these mishaps happen. And they are huge hiccups. As in, “I have never felt like this about someone and care for you so much, I thought we would have risen above the normal growing pains of a relationship.”

Whereas, normal coupling moves so slowly, it allows you take each awkward moment in stride.

So, my advice? Be happy you found someone you connect with so instantaneously. But, don’t let it fool you. Take it slowly. Enjoy the instant connection, but don’t let it hamper the reality check of your life.

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Emma October 7, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Wow, I wish I could say I didn’t see this coming but I did, clear as day. When I saw the post a couple weeks ago, “Romance in the air”, I fully expected a love story to emerge. But I had to wait a few more days. Sweetheart, your pattern is clear as day. You are in love with the notion of love. You have not fallen in love with this man. Maybe you will. I hope so. But, we’ve heard this story before, so many times. If you haven’t learned your lesson about love yet, at least haven’t you learned your lesson that exposing your mischievousness and exposing Benjamin to us in this way is sick and narcissistic? I felt sorry for John Bear that such a private part of his life was exposed. I already feel sorry for this 6’3″ man for what he’s in for. It’s like dating on reality TV. It’s not real. But, when it crashes, we’ll be able to read about that too, so I suppose you might as well keep it up.

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Thelma October 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Please allow me to chime in one more time as I raise the questions to us all, women and friends, isn’t it time we abandoned the construct of Prince Charming and The One? I believe these ideas and language are antiquated and the stuff of fairy tales. They do not serve us a women, looking for intimacy and partnership as they set us up with unrealistic expectations. Likewise, they do not serve men as who can live up to such fantasies? To desire love is the most basic human need but can we define it as adults and not as little girls brainwashed by Disney movies? Are you with me?

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KH October 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I am with you, Thelma… and everyone else who respectfully pointed out that this is an obvious pattern.

I would like to suggest that you put some of this amazing energy toward writing romance novels – you are an unbelievable story teller!

Finally, I hope this turns out for the best.

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Jessica October 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Totally with you, Thelma! Being in LOVE (not infatuation, which is what this is) in real life is completely different than being in love in a movie.

I do wish you happiness and you deserve to find a prince, but there isn’t any rush. And please don’t introduce your son to this stranger after only a month. It’s not fair to him, or to this man’s daughters.

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Krista October 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I’m a long time reader too. I think it is awesome you met someone and am glad you did. Not that you were ASKING your readers for their opinions exactly, but I still want to chime mine in. Contrary to popular opinion- I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with you introducing your kids to this man you are dating next month, or even now. I met my fiance at a party, that I attended with my two kids. He met us all on the same day. On our second date, he invited us all out to an agricultural fair. I thought this was adorable, and previously had not let my kids meet the men I dated. It felt different with this one, and I trusted that. 3 short months later, he took me on vacation and asked me to marry him, and have a baby with him. We moved in together. Got pregnant almost right away. People around me were FREAKING OUT thinking I went crazy. Then, to make things more crazy, we moved from Canada to Costa Rica together for my maternity leave. Now I am due in 5 weeks with my third son and I love this new country that I am living in. He is an incredible step dad, an amazing partner, and I don’t regret following my heart one bit. I don’t mean to make this be about me- I only tell this story to highlight that sometimes when you live your life in the way that feels right for you without regard for everyone else’s opinions IT REWARDS YOU WITH A LIFE YOU ACTUALLY WANT. All that said, I still think the concepts of The One and “prince charming” are dangerous and asking for disappointment. My unsolicited advice- just keep real and see him for who he really is, flaws especially. Don’t let yourself be blinded by limerence. (PS- My partner is 7 feet tall! I relate to being in awe of the height!)

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Kira October 10, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Lol that is the most absurd story I have ever heard! How can you give advice when you have been with this 7-foot “dream man” for all of what, a year? I could see it if you told this story and you have been together for a substantial amount of time. Right now, it just sounds like a bad experiment. Please don’t spread this story around and call it good advice. Sorry it had to be said.

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steph October 7, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Please wait longer than a month to introduce! If you’re going to be together forever then what’s the rush. Congrats though just be cautious. Which I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you as your probably going through all the “what ifs” in your own head.

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Carrie October 8, 2011 at 11:16 am

I have to agree with those who are urging you to slow down and examine your past relationship patterns. You are clearly still in the infatuation stage with this man — who sounds wonderful and charming and could possibly be a great match for you — but clearly you are a woman who is “in love with love” as other readers have pointed out. Please reconsider involving the kids in this so quickly. Why the rush? Protect your son and his heart while you figure out what is going on with yours. Protecting him should always be your number one priorty. Having said all of that…. good luck.

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Lisa October 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Well, now. THAT sounds LOVELY!

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Erica October 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I want to be supportive of all women who make decisions for themselves. BUT my recent heartbreak has shown me that sometimes we are too close to a situation to be able to reapind in a tempered manner. My ex-fiance and father of my dear little girl due in December had an incredible serendipitous connection from day 1. Destiny brought us together. Our relationship was so different than any other and it wasnt based on sex. We got engaged after a mibth and a half…the same time I introduced him to my boys agea 6 &7 who bith instantly fell in love with him. He was the firat man I truly rrspected…previously I had a pattern of finding men i could control or manipulate because I feard truly falling for someone. But as certain as I was and still am about my feelings for him…he can no longer say the same. For him it was just infatuation…he thought i was the woman of his dreams until i no linger was and now he cant bear the thought of pursuing a relationship although he is a good man who desperately deaires a relationship with his daughter. Yet i gave my heart freely with no fear believing the univerae or God would honor true hearts desire. But you need time to truly know another peraon…even.if you are sure you cant be aure that he is sure…just like with John. I just adore your endless passion amd positivity and wish you all the best…but please guard your heart if only for a few more minths. No judgement from me

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Lucy McBees October 9, 2011 at 8:48 am

Hi everyone.

Waw, it is very valuable blog. Many thanks for that. Keep going and I looking forward.

Cheers Lucy

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angie October 9, 2011 at 10:51 am

While I agree that introducing a man as your ‘boyfriend’ to young children should wait a long time, I don’t understand everyone’s fear of introducing a new ‘friend’ and his children. You meet at a park, you introduce your new ‘friend’ and the kids can get to know each other a bit on neutral territory, on an occasional basis. How is this any different than, say, you meet a new single girlfriend and decide to get together to let your kids play? There is no guarantee you will maintain this friendship for any length of time, there is no guarantee your kids won’t like your new friend or their kids, and yet most people wouldn’t say “oh no, I can’t introduce you to my kids because you might not be my friend next year.”

I think this whole argument is a little silly. Obviously you don’t introduce this man as anything other than a friend, and as long as you keep the relationship that the children see as ‘friends’, I don’t get the harm. Kids learn very early on that people (other kids/friends, teachers, neighbors, relatives, and yes, even people they love) come in and out of their lives. It’s part of life.

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Amy October 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

…because Benjamin has been through this roller coaster before. Many times.

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Andrea October 9, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I completely agree with Angie’s comment above! My daughter has never really met any men I have dated thus far, but if I am dating a single dad I am open to the possibility of occasional “playdates”. I’m a little cautious – simply because I don’t want to fall in love with a great dad, I want to fall in love with the man (and I want him to do the same). However, my time without my daughter is VERY limited – and trying to coordinate a non-child time with another single parent can be difficult. So – what’s the harm in the occasional friend playdate? Your child has some fun while you get to relax and have normal conversations with an adult.

No one would be having issues if this were a playdate with someone you weren’t dating….and having a playdate with someone you are dating shouldn’t be any different (as long as it is done in the same manner).

Very happy for you! I know that feeling when you see a profile and are a little taken back – the instant trust/feeling comfortable around someone – it’s amazing!

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sihan October 9, 2011 at 6:46 pm

My friend wrote me and said, “grab your popcorn.” I am a long-time reader and a fan of your site. But, I am quite amazed at the public display of note only your life, but Benjamin’s and all your men. While it is wildly entertaining for us to read, it does not represent most of us single moms – at least not the ones I know. The single moms in my network are focused on taking care of their children to such a degree that when dating comes into the picture it remains a secondary priority. Dear, dating and men is your priority.Of course you love Benjamin, I don’t doubt that. But you are drawn to men and need that constant attention from them. Your heart remains on a string dependent upon the opposite sex. When you think you’re in love you weave the romance story. When you don’t have a man, you weave the, “I don’t need a man story”. When you are being hurt, you weave the, “What’s wrong with men?” story. I feel sorry for Benjamin and I feel sorry for whoever the man is that you bring into your life in such a public way. If he knows about your blog and reads your history and how you broadcast intimate details of your life, he’ll be smart to run.

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Janey October 9, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I must say, I agree with those who have commented that you are in love with love. Plus, though we all want to be in love, most of us single mamas are too busy with everyday life and raising our kids than focusing as much as you do on our dating lives. When you are single your blog is a blog for single moms. When you are dating your blog is a dating blog. Nothing wrong with any of that, but that’s what it is. And when you are in the dating mode I feel as though I can no longer relate to what you write.

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Jerline October 9, 2011 at 10:40 pm

[First Time in the Blog] What a Great Post!!! I am a new single mother of two small boys. In the process of divorce…still : ( It’s 10:38pm at night, I am studying for an exam for my Master’s class and I got into thinking if I will ever find someone who will love and appreciate me for who I am. Not only that, but also love my children. Your post gave me hope and tears. Congrats on your Prince Charming!!!

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ltk October 9, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I hope it works but this post is a little crazy don’t you think? Two weeks ago you were writing about how you didn’t want a relationship. How life was better without one. TO be honest, I didn’t think you were being honest with yourself when you wrote that post because I think you are a hopeless romantic. Not a bad thing to be but you have to talk a bit of sense to yourself. Two dates??? Plans for the future after two dates? Sharing it with the world (at least the internet world). Maybe it is love but slow down. why don’t you stick with I met a guy who seems great and we have had two good dates. It is nothing more than that at this point. You will never regret being cautious.

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April October 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I’m pressing the “Like” button!!!!! ;-) ) This is by far the most honest, straight to the point, and sincere evaluation of this post. I too seem to be one to do this with relationships and can surely use and heed your advice in my own life! Cheers to this response!

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Jerline October 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Sometimes you just need to let LOVE consume you, it’s a wonderful things. It’s a Gift from God. No doubt “Itk and April” I agree with you, sometimes you need to take it slow. Then again, not letting yourself go in moment like this you dodge the experience of “Loves Chemistry”. Of course love hurts. It’s obvious from both of your post you two have been hurt by someone you love, so have I. But then I remember those first moments and how the feeling I experienced with my ex-husband was like no other. This is just the game of love and we all want to be players in it. So let your guard down and let love come in, even if it’s just for a moment.

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Lucy McBees October 10, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Hi everyone.

Love do exist, but you need to fight for her! I wish you all the best. Finger crossed. :)

Cheers Lucy

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Irish Mom October 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Live in the moment, there may not be another. Embrace that and you’ll live with an open heart that is open to new people, new experiences, new ideas…the future is not promised! Move forward with an open heart. Best to you.

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Thelma October 10, 2011 at 1:48 pm

For some reason this post has stayed on my mind for days so please forgive me as I feel compelled to chime in for the third time.

I’m troubled by the responses that say something like “kids need to learn about life, loss and love” as somehow justification for a parent’s dysfunctional dating life. (I don’t mean you MSM, I just mean, in general.) Kids will learn all the ups and down, joys and pains of life ON THEIR OWN as they grow and age. It’s unavoidable. However, they should not be learning these life lessons through their parent’s issues, if possible. We all have issues of some kind, but as parents, we should deal with our issues as best we can without involving the kids and passing on our baggage. If we are conscious of our issues, we should protect our kids from them, that is our job.

Also, as the child of a single mother I want to impress this upon all of you. Whether you realize it or not, you are modeling for your children what a intimate relationship looks, acts and feels like. Whatever you are doing in your relationship, be it with your ex or boyfriend etc., you are teaching your kid THIS IS WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE. So, if there is a lot of drama, violence, lack of commitment, obsession, whatever . . . your child will internalize all of this as NORMAL. I speak from experience. The result is that your child will then grow up and have a very difficult time creating healthy relationships for themselves. They will copy what was modeled for them. This happened to all of my siblings. We had to teach ourselves, much later in life, what healthy intimacy should look and feel like and to be honest, I’m still trying to figure it out because I never saw it as a child.

That said, please all single mamas, proceed with CAUTION when dating and bringing lovers into your and your child’s life. Protect your child, not only from strangers but from your weak spots.

And for those that say, there is nothing wrong with having play dates and introducing the new lover as a friend, I think you are underestimating the intelligence and perceptiveness of children. They pick up vibes and they know what is up.

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Michelle October 10, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Thank you for saying what I was thinking so wonderfully. I was raised in divorce and by a single mother and if people think that kids don’t know that this “friend” is not yet another guy you are trying to bring into the family, you are delusional.

Prince Charming does not exist and the fact that you call him that is telling. I thought we women had gotten past this idea. It is not reality. The last thing we need is another generation of women looking for that man to put on the glass slipper. Geesh.

BTW, it wasn’t too long ago you were saying that your son was acting out when John Bear came back, and that once it was just you and him he was so much better. Maybe think about slowing down, for his sake.

I won’t be back to your blog. I enjoyed it at one time, but lately it has been uncomfortable to watch what you are doing in the name of “love”. It is very chaotic (I’m with someone, I don’t need someone, I’m in love, no I’m not, oh, but I am) and, at least from the pieces you’ve shared, you don’t seem to be at peace with yourself. Why do I need to read Musings from a person who just does the same thing over and over and expects different results. I don’t.

Ciao!

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Leigh October 10, 2011 at 1:55 pm

I had to laugh, because last year at this time, I too went to close down my OkCupid account. I glanced at the profile of one new guy who had just joined that day. I was struck by a funny comment he made, and messaged him about it. Two minutes later he emailed me back. We continued emailing for a few weeks and finally met. The connection was there, with a guy six years younger than me, completely opposite lifestyle and life experiences, but with a huge heart, funny, mature, and understanding. We took my kids to mini golf on our second “date” and he was introduced as my friend. A few months into the relationship, he then proceeded to boyfriend. We celebrated our one year this past weekend. Both of our extended families, my kids, even my ex-husband are all very happy for us! We both went into it not expecting anything from each other except a friendship with lots of laughter. We fell in love, but are first best friends who laugh hard everyday. Congrats and good luck to you!

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Amanda October 10, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I can’t say I know how you feel because I don’t, though I hope that I can experience this one day. I just wanted to say that I am so happy for you. I couldn’t wipe MY smile off while I read what you wrote about him. This was such an awesome post. :)

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msstef October 10, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I’ve been reading this blog for a long time but I haven’t posted all that much, but I wanted to say something here. First, I am SO happy for you! I have yet to feel that feeling with anyone EVER, even my ex husband that I was with for 12 years. I secretly hold out hope that I will feel that someday though! However, I wanted to say that I’m a little confused as to why there is so much negativity on this post! As single moms aren’t we all here to help and support one another? If you think it’s ok to have your son meet the new guy in a month or a week or 3 days, that’s up to YOU because YOU are his mom! None of us live your life, so I’m just not sure why so many people feel as though they get a say in how you raise your son, or who you introduce him to, etc. I think that more people need to worry about themselves and their own lives rather than worrying so much about yours! And WHO CARES if previous posts about John Bear sound the same as this one, or if you’re “in love with the idea of love” at least you’re passionate about, and in love with something!! I wish I was as excited and in love with the idea of love like you are! I wish I had your optimism and fearlessness! I don’t sit around and imagine what true love would be like or how amazing that would feel! I sit around and think about how scared I am to be hurt and how angry I still am at men for being stupid (see: bitter!) So like my best friend tells me about guys all the time: If they don’t pay your bills, they don’t get to say s***! So, because I don’t pay your bills and I don’t live your life, let me just say congratulations and I wish you all the best! Good luck and thank you for what you do for all of us! And for the record, I think you’re an incredible mother!

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Juli October 10, 2011 at 4:58 pm

You deserve happiness! I am so glad you’ve found someone with whom you enjoy spending time. Everyone deserves someone. Ignore the haters. It sounds too much like jealousy.

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Jacqui MacNeill (Escents Aromatherapy Essential Oils) October 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I love the way you tell that story. Felt like I was right there with you. I love that sense of excitement that comes from a new relationship that clicks! Good luck! :)

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Erin Marie October 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I am so excited for you!! I recently had a similar experience on Match.com and found a guy that I am hoping is that safe place I can rest my weary heart for a bit. Its exhausting keeping these walls up for so long!! I cant wait to hear more!!

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Hazel October 10, 2011 at 6:41 pm

I’m delighted for you! I reckon after what you have experienced thus far in your life and the wonderful energy you so clearly pour into your son, your blog and your business that this man is very lucky to have caught your heart. I hope that you are met with so much love by him and his children, as we say in Ireland ‘ no better Girl ‘.

Elle, you have obviously been very hurt, and perhaps you are projecting your anger that you hold against yourself at MsSingleMama. A bitter heart will only serve to isolate you. It is not your ‘fault’ that you were hurt, try forgiving yourself this will surely open your heart to love… It is a basic human need and you deserve to be loved too if you can allow it. Much love from Ireland xx

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Amy From TX October 10, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Good for you, you deserve to be happy, as we all do. I’m surprised by the comments above, I really am. You are human, and it’s only human to make mistakes, but don’t let people that don’t really know you discourage you from being you. Tread lightly in this new adventure, trust your heart, and learn from the past and you’ll come out fine in the end.

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Sili October 10, 2011 at 11:05 pm

How did you decide the time was right to blog about men? I’m trying to figure this out myself.

In any case: YAY! I love that feeling. That lovely, first kiss feeling with someone that you connect to. May it continue to open your heart to the possibilities.

oxoxox

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susan October 11, 2011 at 3:17 am

wow, there sure is some wide range in opinion here! I’ve been on both sides of the fence on this – and sat painfully in the middle too.
I’m a diehard romantic with a pragmatic streak…I want to beleive there is love at first sight et al but a bit of me is sceptical that it can last. That said, my parents met almost 40 years ago and my father proposed that same night. my mother fobbed him off for two years while she got to know him, decided if he was right for our family (she too was a single mum) and they have been happy ever since.
He says he just knew. She says she had no idea:)

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joelle October 11, 2011 at 10:22 am

I can’t believe you think waiting 1 month to introduce your kids is moving “very slowly”. Seriously, I don’t want to sound sarcastic but I did a double take when I read that. That is not moving slowly at all. To be honest I almost thought the post was a joke or that you were going to reveal that you had been dating someone for the past 4 or 5 months and were keeping under wraps until you were more secure that the realtionship was going someonewhere. Two dates?!! Ms Single Mama what are you doing? What happened to all the lessons you have learned, the wisdom you have gained?
I also agree with the poster who said you are fooling yourself if you think your very quick 5 year old will not pick up on the fact that this guy is more than a friend.
Part of the problem from what I read about your relationship with JOhn Bear (and of course I know we do not know everything from reading the internet) is that you projected so much onto the relationship from the beginning that you failed to realize that you guys weren’t even that happy together.
It is infatuation in the beginning for all of us, it can grow to more but be honest with yourself. get a grip. What about all these life lessons you suposedly have learned? Don’t be one of these woman who are smart and successsful in every aspect of their life except for when it comes to romance and then they totally lose it.
Have fun but geesh this guy could be Ted Bundy for all you know. You do not know if he has a bad temper, if he is moody, whether he snaps out then things don’t go his way. Give it a chance.
I hope you have a sister or good friend around who will give you a good talking too and remind you to settle down.
Nobody is trying to take the wind out of your sails, it is great you met someone who seems to have some potential but this post is kooky. As my teenage son says to me when I over react “take a chill pill”.

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Meghan October 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm

In the spirit of full disclosure, to echo joelle’s post….I did a double take when you referred to him as “my man” in the comments section. For some reason, I (universally) get weirded out when people start using possessive descriptors to someone they just barely started dating. After only two dates (regardless of the chemistry and attraction) it seems way too intense.

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YoYo October 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I hope MSM is reading, and then quickly ignoring all of these (including mine!) comments and continues on her next adventure. This is her life, she knows best for HER child, HER life, and HER new-found love. Who cares what she said 2 weeks ago. She said she doesn’t need a man? Well… I don’t need a million dollars, but if I walk into a pot of gold, you bet your AHEM I’m going to take it. So good for her, and all you nosey judgemental “If it were me…”s, it’s NOT you, it’s HER, so let HER enjoy HER butterflies! And if she flies, we soar with. If she falls, we help pick her up. END.

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Sarah October 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I give it six months. I bet you are suffocating in your relationships because of your egocentric behavior. I have been a single mom, am not anymore, and think that this blog appealed to me a maybe 2 years ago or so…but the random catch ups I have done since then portray your life as a revolving door. Agree with Elle – big time Daddy issues that you’re handing right off to your kid. Maybe just learn to sit and be alone in the moment once? It won’t kill you.

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Stac October 12, 2011 at 9:26 am

I don’t really understand mean comments…the internet is like that…people say things they would never say to anyones face. And as much as I shouldn’t let it bother me, it does. It’s one thing to give your opinion or advice that may or may not match up with what MSM (or anyone else for that matter) is doing, but you can do it in a constructive respectful manner. I don’t understand why people have to be insulting, attacking, or just plain mean. You live your life differently than me, her, the woman next to you, your mother, your sister, etc., etc. That doesn’t make anyone any better than anyone else.

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Glenda October 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm

i second this… social media lets the evil come out of people that they normally wouldn’t say to someone’s face. totally agree!!

really?! let every women live her life to the fullest…whatever makes her happy…and she’ll live and learn and GROW!

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joelle October 12, 2011 at 10:40 am

It’s all a matter a balence and even more so when you have a kid. I believe in love, I just don’t think you can tell after two dates and it can almost sabotage a realtionship with potential by putting unrealistic expectations on the other person too early. As far as the negative comments go–some do sound too harsh but Ms Single Mama has held herself out there as a single mama who gives advice to others–even wrote a book on it and people are going to criticize when they think her behavior is inconsistent or erratic.

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charity October 13, 2011 at 1:49 am

I am completely thrown for a loop by this post. It completely negates everything I thought I admired about the author… this ridiculously competent, business-minded, successful single mother who did everything better than I do on my best days.

Please… please. Two dates? Tell me this is written in irony, a jest, a belated april fools. Look, I met my boyfriend of just over a year on okc, and I thank God every day for it. We are still happily in our ‘honeymoon’ stage and though we discuss the future, make no concrete leaps toward it. We genuinely believe what we have may last forever, so we don’t rush toward moving in together. We recognize our strengths and weaknesses and differences and know that despite our hopes and tentative plans, understand how fragile new love truly is, and wpuld rather explore our relationship slowly instead of rushing in and allowing ourselves to ‘play house’ just because some magazine or idiotic rom-com insisted we should live in the moment.

Love is sacred, ladies, even a n00b like myself understands that. Don’t be like pigeons squabbling over the feel-good crumbs at the feet of happier people… don’t devour the first sweet morsel tossed by light hands and seeking eyes. Wait, wait, be patient, damnit! Do not devour, rather taste and allow the flavor to resonate within you. A handful of crumbs will never fill the hole in your heart… and please.. MSM, remember, you wore another man’s promise on your hand not too long ago.

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modernmotherclub December 10, 2011 at 5:17 am

Wow… while reading this i felt like we was one. I felt your excitement, your nervousness. Im truly so glad your getting your second chance and i prayed that its possible but reading your post I definitely have hope. Im loving the fact that both you guy have kids and understand the importance of family. Im loving that mentally your both on the same page and don’t want to rush anything and thats great especially for the children. A true example of modern day cinderella. He came and rescued your heart <3.

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Laura January 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Yay! I met my husband on OKCupid and couldn’t be happier. Best of luck to you! :D

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Sparkle April 19, 2012 at 2:11 am

I’ve been reading these replies to see if I see a situation similar to mine… but alas I do not. I am in the middle of a divorce, and am reconnecting to a man that I dated 7 yrs in the past. Now he is not a typical “ex”, although we had a very good relationship all those yrs ago, we were both young, “green”, and I had a young daughter from a previous relationship. At that point, I introduced him to my daughter right away. I ended up breaking off the relationship because I thought I owed it to my daughter to try to work out her “real” family for her. (Mind you I was 19 when all this was going on, so it felt like the biggest decision of my life.) I was torn yes, because I loved this man & reached a point where I had to put my child first and at that point/age I didn’t know how to communicate that to him. I didn’t realize how traumatizing the *breakup* would be for her as she had become SO attached to him.

But after 6 yrs of trying to make a relationship, then marriage work, I had just about exhausted all my resources and finally came to realize that this man and I had just about *no* common life goals for a family, a couple, or any kind of relationship.

Now the not so-typical-ex and I have reconnected. He has grown so much into that “Prince Charming” I dreamed about since I was young. I have also had time to grow and experience different things. Now mind you, I’m smitten. I’m head over heels. I’m definitely exploring this new love with him… BUT, my children come first. They are still trying to figure out where their place is in the divorce, they are still trying to wrap their minds around the fact that daddy is now the “weekend dad”. As much as I’m excited to move on with a fresh start, I cannot subject my children to whatever it is I’m doing until I’m ABSOLUTELY sure this is going to be a LTR. And even at that point, I have to watch their cues because they have different needs now because of the divorce.

And as for the rose-tinted glasses, I have made *sure* that I’m looking at him, myself, and this situation with both eyes open. The man is not perfect, and I definitely see his flaws. Nor am I perfect. But we are I believe perfect for each other. Our “relationship” is going through some growing pains right now, as we are trying to balance out the new changes and making adjustments.

We’re taking things slowly. I have met his children, but I told him for the sake of what my kids are going through, we need to follow *their* cues. And he’s perfectly ok with that. In fact he encouraged me to stop worrying about it. It will happen when it’s meant to happen. Love this man LOL.

So the moral of the story, you’re not perfect. You will make mistakes with trying to find a balance with your kids, life & love. But just make sure you let things naturally happen. If he’s the one, there’s no need to rush because you’ll have the time to experience everything. Keep your needs *and* your child’s needs in mind…

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anton August 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

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lusi September 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

i found my man online and its very good :) Thank you for your article =) i found my man on http://www.flirt-couch.com singlebörse. nice!

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