Romance in the air?

by mssinglemama on September 13, 2011

The leaves are falling, the days are shorter, there is Halloween stuff every where, I just found an awesome vintage fur coat at a thrift store and I find myself wishing I had a manperson to share it with. But why? I don’t want to be wanting one, when clearly there isn’t one anywhere on the horizon.

I confessed this to my  fellow super-independent single mom friend, Elizabeth, tonight after our boys ran off from the dinner table.

“Me too,” she said, “Fall makes me want a boyfriend.”

“It’s the season, they call this the dating season.”

“I know! Right? It totally is.”

“But, why? Probably because we are nesting or something.”

“Yeah, we are all trying to find a guy before it freezes over. Someone to cuddle with in the Winter.”

“But we don’t even have any prospects.”

“I know. It’s bad!” she laughed.

“What are we going to do? Where do we even look?”

We’ve all but given up on bars. Online dating is out. And that leaves bumping into men in our natural habitat. Which for me includes my office (with my employees and clients) or jogging around my neighborhood or the school yard. Needless to say, not going to happen. So, here we find ourselves, suddenly craving men thanks to mother nature when this summer she and her hot, blazing sun had us not interested in anything remotely serious.

“I think we need hobbies or something.”

“Like what, though?”

“Something we could do that involved meeting men.”

We both fall silent. Totally stumped. Hobbies require time and another commitment.

“I’ve got it,” I say, “Let’s fake injuries on the bike path. We can take turns.”

We have a good laugh and I realize that as long as I’ve got my friends this Winter, I won’t be needing a man much at all.

Are you feeling it? Or is it just us? Does Fall induce romantic thoughts in your otherwise man-free mind?

Related posts:

  1. Does romance really exist?
  2. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 5
  3. A Single Mom’s Guide to Finding a Manperson
  4. Single Mom Question: Why can’t I commit?

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Tania September 13, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Well, my relationship just ended a mere 2 weeks ago so I’m still in anti-man mode. But I do think I will feel pretty lonely and cold this winter…

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Chris R September 13, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I think your right i know it sounds funny but with the summer over and the season changing it kinda makes you wanna do things like take walks and cuddle up. This being my first fall being divorced as well as in my new home, as well as my b-day being in Oct… Well Ms. Single Mamma your not the only one feeling the “thirst” lol…

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Stephanie September 13, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Well, I’ve been single for the past 4-ish years. Almost 5 now. I’ve had a few flawed attempts at dating/relationships that I just dont even count.
I tend to feel the desire to find someone in the fall and winter. But, I dont have the time to date. Life is work, little one, work, little one. Repeat. 7days a week.

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Angi September 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I get like that in the spring. New life = new relationship. I’ve been divorced almost 2 years and have only had a few first dates. I have had a consistent FWB for a little over a year. I’m content with that. It gives me the physical contact without the distractions of the emotional stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be in a great relationship. I just don’t think I’m there yet. I’m happy like Stephanie – work, little man, work, little man, something for me, repeat.

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Steve September 14, 2011 at 12:19 am

try woodworking. most of the students would be guys.

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Jen September 17, 2011 at 10:42 am

Plus woodworking is FUN!

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Star September 14, 2011 at 8:40 am

When I got into that kinda mood I enjoyed flirting with men who were probably all wrong for me that I met on plenty of fish…but only over the phone or via email so it didn’t cost anything or use up my time but there’s something about being at home in jammies and still getting to flirt with a cute guy that fixes the “nesting” urge. Nothing wrong with leading some guy along for the hell of it. Eventually the losers bailed out and the keeper remained ;) Didn’t cost me a penny! Side benefit…I felt like SUCH a lady in demand with a full inbox of flirts AND was so funny to be sexy and cute and fun and free on email while I changed poopy diapers in real life ;)

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ApprentieMaman September 14, 2011 at 8:45 am

It’s so cozy, just the two of us. I love the fall, the long walks in the forest, cuddling with my baby in front of the fire place. I don’t want to give it up…yet.

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Lucy McBees October 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Hi ApprentieMaman.

I will do it too, cute comment :)

Cheers Lucy

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ApprentieMaman September 14, 2011 at 9:26 am

I didn’t mean that “romance” would prevent me from going for a walk with my baby but I enjoy being able to concentrate on my little girl. Now it’s just about the two of us and I love it. Everybody refers to us as to “the girls”: how are the girls doing? did the girls sleep well?
If there was a man in the picture, would we still be “the girls”?
Instead of going on dates, I would rather take a long (not so) hot bad with my baby girl “chatting” to the bath toys :-)
So no romance for me this fall. But ask me again next year :-)

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JorrSwen September 14, 2011 at 9:48 am

I’ve been single for the past 4 months and now that the weather is changing I find myself trying ot make more than 2 cups of coffee in the coffee pot…but for whom? your guess is as good as mine. The weather has turned me into a robotic love seeker. I find myself doing things i would not normally do given my current mood. i am being tempted by online dating…someone get me some oxygen

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SingleMama September 14, 2011 at 10:32 am

Oh my goodness!! Maybe this is what my problem is right now! But how in the heck would I even squeeze any time in for a man!?!

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SavoredLife September 14, 2011 at 10:42 am

I remember those days… Well, living in Florida, the leaves didn’t change and the climate remained tropical, but, the IDEA of it all fueled the longing for companionship. Fall, Winter and the impending holidays were always romanticized: snuggling in front of a roaring fire, hand-in-hand walks in chilly weather, and of course, attending festivities with a date on my arm.

While I loved my time single (with just the Munkees and me), I love my time sharing this life with my sweetie AND the Munkees even more. :D

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LauraO September 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

I’ve been accepting all invites to parties, and have joined a time exchange in my community.

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Ashleen September 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Don’t completely dismiss the idea of meeting someone around your neighborhood or at the schoolyard. Unlikely probably, but not impossible.
After seven years of being divorced, I ran into my neighbor and her brother out and about. It was like boom! What really made the difference was me being in a receptive mind frame and also confident in myself. And ready to learn how to have a healthy relationship. Otherwise it could have been like any “nice to meet you” moment. Three years later and we are going strong.

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Michele September 15, 2011 at 9:07 am

I have met some nice guys on okCupid and recommend giving it a try. It’s format is actually kind of fun.

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Colin September 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

On the other side of the equation, I have met a lot of very wonderful women at acoustic venues, such as house concerts and local jams. In fact, the last one I was at featured 3 women I had dated! Nobody had a problem, except me, a little bit.

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Melissa September 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

nope…nope…nope….relationships…who needs em?? Not me! I love fall by my myself. its Christmastime that gets me…

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cmeenow September 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I have a great experience with romance, I love sharing with you.

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92120Momma September 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I too have given up on bars and online dating (too many stange men)! As for work, I work mostly with women so I many have to fall on a hiking trail!

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butterfly2010 September 16, 2011 at 7:52 am

You are definitely not the only one. Having someone to snuggle with makes this season more awesome. Online dating is definitely tough. I’ve had more serious/non-hook-up type things from okcupid than plenty of fish. I go on meetup and look for singles events and have joined various groups for other ways to go to activities and I belong to a gym. The dating world is tough as a single mom.

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Jodie September 16, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I vistedd a friend the other day and listened to her girly version of her new relationship. When she asked me about if I was interested in anyone I simply explained that I did not have time to even think about someone in my life.

She frowned

Ever since that frown I have been craving a “want” for a relationship and it has left me feeling quite empty! It could be the weather or it could be my need for more supportive friends :(

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Laura September 17, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Wow, this was the topic of conversation at a girl’s night out last night where I live: Los Angeles. Clearly, we don’t have seasons here, but geez, the married moms were lamenting that they missed butterfly feelings on first dates and the single moms were saying that the dating world was grueling and they missed the constant, reliable best friend companionship they enjoyed when they were married. I think I was the only one who said I’d written off men for a while and that the grass is greener where you water it. Seriously, I am tired. My two boys need constant attention and I’m exhausted. At first, the new man seems enticing and supportive, but somehow, I end up with another child to take care of and all my needs are thrown to the wayside.

I need to take care of myself this Fall and Winter and get strong enough so that a man in my life doesn’t = a black hole of demands causing the obliteration of any of my needs and interests.

I’m sure by Christmas, though, I’ll be singing another tune ! :-)

Laura

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Emily September 23, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Love your post. Ha! I couldn’t have said it so well. The amount of maneuvering it takes for me to carve out time for myself and my needs is exhausting enough. But I TREASURE those manicure’s once a month or (gasp) clothes shopping for myself WITHOUT chasing my 3yo daughter. What would a man do to that? oomph.

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rachael September 18, 2011 at 1:04 pm

i’m really starting to feel the desire for a man. to keep me warm and go to the fair and ride the ferris wheel with! mmm. so fun. unfortunately.. or maybe fortunately, i’m so incredibly busy that i can’t find the time to fake an injury. haha. that and i’m restricted from the outdoors or anything public as my kiddo has MONO. grr. school.

good luck :)

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Peanut's Mommy September 18, 2011 at 10:05 pm

I hear ya. The manfriend and I just broke up (again) last week. I want to take a break for a bit but the idea of being single again this holiday season doesn’t sound like fun.

Good luck!

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Sarah September 18, 2011 at 10:10 pm

oh, wow….another post about you wanting a boyfriend. shocker!

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Miss J Louise September 21, 2011 at 9:30 am

…and you came to read it :)

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Late Night Coffee September 19, 2011 at 8:32 pm

LOVE this post because it so true. I’m not single…but I totally remember thinking the same thing when fall came around. Maybe its that cozy indoor feeling. The amberish lighting….the yummy food….the cool weather.

I like your idea about finding a hobby that has men. I’ve always been for that….BUT a hobby or organization that you enjoy.

You know…a lot of non-profits have volunteer days….great way to meet a nice person….and maybe go for a casual dinner afterwards as “volunteer friends”. People get hungry after those volunteer days….

And you can still enjoy all that fall weather…:)

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Kara September 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

Fall is the best season for hiking. You never know who you’ll run into on the trails or at coffee afterwards!

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Mei September 20, 2011 at 12:40 pm

So it is the weather…. I do have a boyfriend but all of a sudden I am craving a husband… So we had a conversation last night and both agreed that a marriage would not happen, not going to work for my kids, and not going to work for our relationship. Actually I don’t think I need a marriage now, but can’t help but wanting one. Sigh :-(

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Lisa September 20, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I thought we were all supposed to go crazy in springtime? Like cats in a spring heat or something. Maybe that’s men … At any rate… Yes. The idea of cuddling up with someone over the cold winter months is appealing. And I have no idea where to find one. Nor do I know if I really WANT one. We should be able to rent men for such a purpose.

PS @JorrSwen … I am now feeling guilty about my coffee habit, thank you very much. I ALWAYS make at least 6 cups. :blush:

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Ms. Single Mama September 20, 2011 at 9:26 pm

To anyone who said they need a man to keep them warm at night. I HIGHLY recommend a down comforter. Worth every penny. ; ) And I love, love, love these comments. Glad I’m not the only one. Thank you.

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Stac September 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I have a man…but he’s a night shift guy…so I’m still cold at night :( Maybe I’ll have to invest in the Down comforter as well :)

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Laura September 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

You’re not the only one. Fall, more than any other season, is romantic. Its sumptuous and lush and the air is cool and crispy. It makes me want to cook soup and bake pie and share the bounty of the world before the long, dreary days of winter (for example, even though in California we have “indian summer” and its hot right now, I still want to bake butternut squash and make gratins). Fall is about harvest and community, so it isn’t really surprising that our thoughts turn to the community of our own lives. Its a feeling so unlike “spring butterflies” but about commitment and sharing, like a seasoned relationship.

I’m klutzy enough to not have to fake an injury but with my luck only an 80 year old woman in a walker and no cell phone would be around. I’m totally up for taking woodworking (even with the possibility of real splinter injuries).

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Lesli September 23, 2011 at 1:36 am

Fate, fate, and more fate. Won’t disclose the novel here–but yes, fall is “my time”–when I most want a guy in my life–when they seem to just fall into me. My birthday, my favorite season, wearing sweaters, just giddy, in love, loving fires, drinking too much wine, trying desperately to control my Halloween decorations…..this is a hard season for me–yet my favorite. My boys love it, too. We live for fall….and they make my loss easier.

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Krista September 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

Down comforter- Or, the boyfriend body pillow!
Very funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wig0otzt_PY

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Stephanie September 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

i must say that this is my second fall “single”. i have a 6 year old and a 7 month old(husband left us when I was 12 wks preggo with baby 32) . Sure I long for the nice tight bear hugs that a man can give, but honestly, I oh SO enjoy sleeping in my bed without having to share the blankets :) Of course who wouldn’t wan to be in a relationship and share your life with someone, but right now there is NO time! i don’t even have the time for myself yet, let alone another adult. Stay warm ladies, the nice thing about fall and winter is that SPRING and SUMMER are guaranteed to come!

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Sydney Escorts September 27, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Ha-ha! I just had the sweet laugh for the day. That is soooo cute! I also think of things like that when I’m alone and just want to be with a man. :)

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Misty October 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I have found that a cuddly dog or cat is a great substitute for a husband or boyfriend. They are a lot less trouble too!

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susan October 3, 2011 at 5:16 am

I love the honesty of this post. Get a bit tired of hearing the “i don’t want one/need one” mantras!
I go partner dancing (Ceroc in my case) once a week. It’s a great compromise. Male company for a couple of hours (never ever partner dance with women) – and they are attentive, gentlemanly and from all walks of life. there have been a couple of sparks of romance over the past few months, and one minor disaster, but overall it’s just a great way to get manperson connection without the involvement in a relationship.

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kaleigh October 18, 2011 at 12:06 pm

i am not married but i got a boyfriend. but i think that i might get married.. i am a single mom now but the babys dad helps me out with anything i need.

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themissouriboy February 6, 2012 at 1:05 am

too much money 540? bucks.. no way.

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