Big Sky

by mssinglemama on June 22, 2011

Benjamin and I are in Montana visiting my brother, Ezra, or, Uncle Ezzie.

I wanted to write an awesome blog post and upload some of my pictures – but my blog won’t let me upload anything for some reason. Until then – and over the next few days – check out my Facebook page photo album for pictures.

Benjamin and I are both spectacular. The kid is so happy to be here and on a vacation with his Mommy that I feel like I should go on a permanent vacation, shut down the business and become a traveling gypsy woman – if only because he’s listening to everything, being super sweet and incredibly gracious. At the very least, I am considering working from home two days a week for the rest of the summer to be with him before he’s off to Kindergarten.

How do you balance it all? Maintaining the motherhood balance?

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Sharesa June 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Luckily for me, my boyfriend and I have our children on the same weekends. On the weekends we have the children we are one big happy family, and on the weekends we don’t have the kids, we get to enjoy eachother. It is great. We often feel like we live a double life. Prior to dating this man, when my son was gone to his dad’s house I loved the time alone I had on the weekends. That is how I stayed sane was to have those weekends to myself. I love my son more than anything, but you definately need “me” time!

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Whoa June 22, 2011 at 7:34 pm

You don’t.
You pick what’s important, teach the lessons you need your children to learn, and allow your neighbours to feel good anout their lawn while you cuddle with your children in too-long-grass. You rush home from work chatting on the phone with the boys you’ll see in 20 minutes. You eat nachos or watermelon for dinner once in a while because you spent too much time biking on the only day it didn’t rain in 2 weeks.
Its never perfect; but if it was, what would you have to work on in your life? :)

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Stac June 23, 2011 at 8:17 am

I love this :)

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Jen June 23, 2011 at 6:13 pm

SO TRUE!

I love that I just talked to my kids on the way home and then read this! Short grass is TOTALLY overrated…

;)

I have to say, after going through 4 years of college as a single mama of 4, I have found some balance. That balance involves avoiding the “tyranny of the urgent”! Don’t let all those little undone things (dishes, laundry…well, that can be a big undone thing, can’t it…, the lawn, etc.) take precedence over what is really important. Those things are right in your face and it’s so easy to let them become urgent…and then you look back over your week and you’ve spent more time on that stuff than you have on your relationships with your children.

One day I was all stressed and I called my mom and asked her if HER mom was an amazing housekeeper. You know what? She could NOT remember!

I have chosen to study with a ‘B’ as a goal instead of an ‘A’ so we could still have game night on Fridays. (And sometimes I still got that A!)

So, it’s all about taking an inventory of what’s really important…and focusing on that.

That’s been my experience anyway!

:)

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Whoa June 24, 2011 at 9:58 am

It seems to take us a lot of ‘retraining’ to lock in our minds that if our homes aren’t perfect, our life is still of value.

I had Grandmothers who would lift your glass to clean underneath it; at what cost?

Certainly I drag my kids into some of the tasks. They are boys – they need to learn how to do these things, but I won’t be owned by my possessions anymore. :) My children can have me, heart and soul.

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rachael June 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

i have a good mom who helps out. it takes a village to raise a kid. i was always told that but only realize the truth now that i have a little one. my son is starting school in august as well. where did the time go?

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vb June 22, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Rachael, Thank You for bringing up a really good point. Sometimes I feel aprehensive asking for help, but it truly takes a team to raise a child, specifically when your doing everything solo. ;)

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Ms. Single Mama June 23, 2011 at 11:09 pm

You are all so magnificent. Thank you for sharing.

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Kellie June 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm

LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! As a newly singly mom of a perfect 2 1/2 yr old girl it’s a wonderful resource and I thank you for sharing and being so open. Balancing is difficult and sometimes life is just out of balance for a while, but you have to keep your focus on the big picture and that is having a happy life and being the best mom you can be (not all of us agree on what our best is all the time, but you always know where your strengths are). Things will get tough and help is important, but sometimes you don’t have it and you have to rely on your strength to get you through. I know that having a smiling face to see every day usually makes things a lot easier! Enjoy Big Sky! That was one of my favorite vacations I’ve ever taken!

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rachael June 24, 2011 at 9:04 pm

there are lots of us single mamas with blogs. they all help me so much. i have a 4 year old boy. we understand so definitely join us!! :)

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April Queen June 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

I think it is so hard to do it all and not have guilt in every direction! I was a stay at home mom until my divorce 3 1/2 years ago. My kids are a little older, 17, 15, and 12, but I was always around for them and now feel guilty if I can’t “get to” everybody. They have no relationship with their dad. He hasn’t spent time with them in 3 years. So, I have them 100% of the time. It is also a monthly battle for child support, so I feel like I am wiped out and can’t give them me as much as I should. It is so hard being a single mom, but in my case, it is still easier than being in a very unhealthy marriage.

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MoosMamma June 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

It’s a very tough path to walk… when your days with your child are cut short by sharing custody. I found it got easier as time went on and I learned to accept that I could not be there for both school drop off and pick up (as a full time shift working mom) all of the time…. and that a few days with grandma or an older cousin for a few hours before and after school weren’t the end of the world…., circumstances also helped (having a new partner whom my daughter adores, and who now lives with us lightens the stress and guilt factor), though when my ex and I split up… and we had the ‘custody’ talk… my heart felt as though it had been ripped into a million pieces… in fact just thinking about it now… puts my stomach in knots. He took weekends… because those are his days off… I didn’t have much fight left in me so I took week days and trade the heck out of my schedule to be with her for as much of my time with her as humanly possible whilst still maintaining a 40 hour work week… It’s a bit of a nightmare at times and vacation days have become… OMG I have no child care days!!!. I’ve been working on starting up my own business because I dream of shedding myself of my shiftwork job… and being at home full time, but that is a far ways off. I think it is great that you have the option to work from home a couple of days a week… your son will no doubt love it and thrive!

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The Pepperrific Life June 27, 2011 at 1:08 am

I, too, sometimes wish I could just give everything up for my daughter, and be with her as much as I can. We single moms do have our work cut out for us. But we survive, because we’re make of tough stuff. I find myself tottering constantly on the “motherhood tightrope”, if I may.

It’s my first time to visit your blog. I’ll be here more often. It’s nice to connect with a fellow single mom :)

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Uncle Grunt June 28, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Wow. You are a very good writer, but chill out. Life is good.

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Farrell July 11, 2011 at 10:48 am

balance is hard. even stay at home married moms and work out of the home married moms and everything in between struggle with balance.
Sometimes my house is messy and I don’t care and we (me and my daughter) take off to the pool instead. sometimes i feel i can’t think until I get something productive done around the house – it drives me crazy – so it’s okay if she chills in front of the TV for an hour (esp. after swimming), or if she plays with her polly pockets by herself, or if she turns music on my ipod and does a dance show for the dog. Some days are easier than others but what one of your commenters already said – your son will never remember how clean your house was, but he will remember you being there and spending time with him. A lesson i have to remind myself too.

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Colette Knight July 15, 2011 at 6:52 am

Great, absolutely correct i liked this
and a awesome writer too.

Colette Knight

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anton August 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm

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