Busy is good when your life has changed so dramatically.
I feel numb now. The shock has worn off and Benjamin and I are trucking along like we were before John came into our lives. I have found that taking out the trash alone, warming up the car in the morning and even sleeping in a bed alone isn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.
The hardest thing to stomach is this unsettling feeling that trusting a man again will be incredibly difficult for me in the future. I don’t want to shut myself off to men or the idea of a relationship, but I keep hearing echos of promises he made, “I’m not going anywhere,” and the real clincher – “will you marry me?”.
And then I feel sick.
But I am aware of my own inability to clearly see that he had commitment issues from the beginning and that something wasn’t quite gelling between us.
I have also decided that next time (if and when that ever happens) I won’t just expect butterflies, they will be mandatory. Most of all, that’s what I miss. And I never had them with John. But not yet. I don’t want them yet and am in no way ready for any.
In the meantime, to keep myself distracted from all of this Benjamin and I have been busy, busy, busy. Rock climbing yesterday, gymnastics tonight and this weekend – moving into the new Cement Marketing office in downtown Columbus.
Some teaser photos.
The awesome door. It speaks for itself.
And a fantastic game of “don’t let the balloon touch the ground.”
Incredibly exciting times. I can’t tell you how rewarding owning your own business is… without a doubt, one of the most incredible things I have ever accomplished (Benjamin being the first of the incredible things, of course).