There will be no book after all.
I pulled the plug on the book project after feeling as if I was being pushed down a path that wasn’t right for the book. Most of the details I’ll spare you from – but, I have learned a few very valuable lessons.
The first is that I am not a writer. I am a blogger. There is a huge difference. Writers take years perfecting their stories and I can’t even fathom the amount of work it takes to publish a book. Not just any book, but a book that moves its readers. The kind of book I would want to publish. Instead, as I blogger I write in a fury and hit publish, letting the chips fall as they may. There is a patience and disposition a writer needs as a basic job requirement. And at this point in my life, with my business growing so quickly–the idea of buckling down for another few months of writing the book isn’t possible.
The second lesson learned is that I am a total snob when it comes to design and presentation of this blog to the rest of the world. I didn’t know I had a diva in me, but she’s there. And as uncomfortable as that may be for others or as self-righteous as I may appear when demanding the book be just so, I’d rather her be in there than not. And I’m glad to know that when push comes to shove by standards can’t be waffled.
The third lesson is that Ms. Single Mama Uncensored is just an eBook and should remain an eBook. I won’t be going to another publishing company. As valuable as I think the message and content is for every dating single mother, I don’t want it published and sold to the masses. I wrote the eBook so that new single moms who found my blog wouldn’t have to dig through archives. It’s there for all of you and will go down into the Internet grave yard right along with this blog (whenever that day comes).
I wish my ex-publishers all of the best in their new company and think they’re two truly amazing people. And I hate that I turned out to be a colossal waste of their valuable time (and such a diva). But such is life.
I spent the weekend wandering around Athens, Ohio. My hometown. I was alone and killing time solo while Benjamin spent the night at his father’s.
I have been avoiding wedding planning like the plague, but I decided I should stop at the Dairy Barn – where we’ll have our reception – to catch the place before all of the leaves are gone.
Inside there will be plenty of room for the band, the cocktails, the appetizers, the dance floor and the 200+ people.
Happy the bricks will be there. Have to have the Athens Blocks near by.
And the sweet hills with the sunset.
But as you can see, I was too late for the leaves.
I found this little creek across the street from the Dairy Barn, where I am thinking there just may be the perfect spot for a wedding ceremony. (Assuming, I can tap into my inner Martha Stewart.)
Then I headed to Uptown Athens. Where John and I crossed paths without meeting so many times.
And where he ultimately asked me to marry him on the Athens blocks, coincidentally in front of his favorite bar.
Who knew? He was there all along. But we had to meet at the right time.
Up until moving in together John spent quite a bit of time in his bachelor pad.
He’d leave in the evenings often to get some breathing space at his own place. And he was never around in the mornings, not wanting Benjamin to see him waking up in my bed.
So, naturally, I expected us to have a few bumps moving in together. After all, what would happen when he wouldn’t have a quiet escape? Going from solo to mama and 4 year old at once couldn’t be easy. But right out the gate John made it look easy. He wakes up early to make Benjamin’s breakfast so I can sleep in and he even warms up our car. I could go on and on.
But he needs his breaks from the madness of child rearing and we need our breaks as a couple. If we don’t make this time for ourselves and our relationship we boil over. In these moments, I catch myself imagining what it would be like to be moving in with him sans child. It’s an evil, taunting, senseless thought process. But I have it anyway. And it always ends the same. I, of course, would never trade this for a life without Benjamin in it. Especially, when all in all, this life with John and Benjamin is so lovely. In spite of our moments. Besides, all of these issues would surface as soon as a new baby arrived on the scene anyway.
It makes all of this feel natural. The predecessor to whatever is next. We are learning how to take each other in every moment – the good, the bad and the fantastic. And if we have bad moments, we talk about them and work it out. That’s my favorite part of all. He can talk and he can listen. He’s teaching me to do the same…. my learning curve is a bit steeper I’m afraid. But I’ll get there.