Mr. Handsome

by mssinglemama on August 23, 2010

A confession from the depths of my Mommy secret chest.

I think I am already jealous of the girl who gets to keep my Mr. Benjamin when he’s all grown up into a handsome, dashing and delightfully sweet gentleman.

Is this normal? Will I outgrow this? Or, am I destined to be a mother who has it out for all of her son’s girlfriends. I don’t want to be that mean mother-in-law.

Would love your feedback. And feel free to call me out on this if it’s completely and totally nuts.

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Sara August 23, 2010 at 3:19 pm

What if it’s a boyfriend?

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Kate August 23, 2010 at 3:26 pm

NOT nuts. Completely normal. I feel the same way about my little man.

Isn’t it said somewhere that boys marry women that resemble their mothers?

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Angela August 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm

My son turns 6 in October. Tomorrow is his first day of Kindergarten. The thoughts of him going to school have brought on thoughts of what he will be like as he gets older. I have raised him solo pretty much from the day he was born and have just now been adjusting to life with a man in the house (i.e. my fabulous boyfriend). Thankfully we are in the girls are gross stage. He even argues with my boyfriend that I am his girlfriend not his (ah Freud HAH) . I am terrified for when that stage comes but as kinder starts I fear it coming to quickly. He is such an amazing little guy and I know he is going to be one good looking man (people were right when they said my ex husband and I would make pretty babies). Wow okay didn’t mean for this to be some long drawn out comment. Just wanted to agree that it was normal and I think we all feel that way.

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Ashlea August 23, 2010 at 5:54 pm

So normal in fact that I have already dealt with a bit of this as my baby brother is now engaged to a lovely young woman….the idea that he’s now more her’s than mine is slightly unsettling so I can be pretty sure I’ll feel the same way with my son.

And in the meantime it makes me sad that Anonymous’s mother didn’t take the time spank the bitch outta her/him. Beat that bitchness right out….

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Robyn August 23, 2010 at 6:02 pm

I don’t think you are nuts at all, i have the same feelings about my son and he is only 2 :)

…i hope the anonymous crazies don’t make you stop blogging…i love your blog too much! I am not a single mom, and i still struggle lots of days to keep my sanity. I don’t know how you do it, but it looks like you are doing an amazing job!!!…

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Kim August 23, 2010 at 10:52 pm

I think, ideally, that we funnel that love into creating a common bond over the fact that some other chick thinks our little guys are great once grown up. Hopefully they will appreciate the person we molded them into…and us for doing so despite so many challenges!

…but ask me again in 10 years!!!

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mssinglemama August 24, 2010 at 8:36 am

Love this. Thanks, Kim.

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Heidi August 24, 2010 at 8:34 am

I have a son who is almost 5 and sometimes I get this feeling, kind of like a cramp in my heart if that makes any sense at all..when I watch him getting older and needing me less. He has been asking me what “married” means lately probably to make sense of what our family is since we are divorced. I am just so glad that I have some time to get used to the fact that someday, someone is going to adore my son as much as I do and it might just fill me up with happiness and break my heart at the same time.

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Robin August 24, 2010 at 9:18 am

I’ve thought about it too…there’s so many families that don’t get along and it would kill me if something happened between us that meant he ended up having kids and I wasn’t part of their lives. Even living in a different city would be hard!

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jlh August 24, 2010 at 10:49 am

nope it doesnt go away
my sons are 18 and 14 and no girl is good enough!!!

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mommybella August 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm

I totally feel the same way. All I can ask for though, is that we continue to stay close and that he will always love me…. and that I get to see him grow into that wonderful man. I won’t let him be a momma’s boy, but very close

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hef August 24, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Haha, have to agree with the first comment. You never know where you’re sons life will take him! He could spend his life with a male companion, he could choose to be single, it’s not definite that he’ll grow up, marry a woman, and ride into the sunset, ya know?

NOW, if you’re trying to say that you’re raising what you think is fantastic future-husband material… well I have no doubt that you are. ;)

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mssinglemama August 24, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Very, very true!

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arscuore August 24, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Here’s where I get a little jealous of yoou guys that have neurotypical kids… I don’t think about The Boy’s future too much, because I don’t know at what level he is going to function in society (with his autism). Will he graduate with a diploma? I don’t know. Will he go to college or even trade school? I don’t know. Will he be able to live on his own, or will he live with me for the rest of my life? I don’t know. Will he ever experience romantic love? I just don’t know…

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mssinglemama August 25, 2010 at 9:16 pm

Thanks for this. Who knows what will come but you know he will always have an amazing mama.

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Thrifty Vintage Chic September 4, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Wow, thank you for commenting … such insight about a mother’s life I never considered. I certainly realized that mothers (and especially single mothers) of special needs children are incredible and in their own league, but I never really thought about our parenting experiences differing on the level of our hopes and dreams for our babes. Poignant — thanks again!

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anon August 25, 2010 at 10:36 am

I think of this with my 1 year old daughter. Will she find happiness with a man or woman (I’m openminded!)? Will I know grandkids? At this point I’m just focused on maintaining a positive relationship with her as she grows and leading her down the path I see as morally correct.

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Janey August 25, 2010 at 1:02 pm

As a mother of three boys, all in their twenties, let me just say that you need to relax and leave your ego at the door. You have know idea how many ups and downs you’ll face along this road. It’s smooth and it’s bumpy. It’s thrilling and heartbreaking. It’s joyful and sad. For the benefit of your son, please caution yourself about going where you are going with this post. You of course are fully aware that he will chart his own course, and I’m certain you are the type of mother who loves him fully and unconditionally, regardless of shortcomings, and you’ll be proud of him no matter his journey, right? Then focus on that. Not on being jealous of the girl who gets his heart. That is a very egocentric capture of your expectations and very selfish. Don’t put that much pressure on him…or on yourself.

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Thrifty Vintage Chic September 4, 2010 at 9:42 pm

I think about the girl who is going to break his heart … and how to parent him through keeping his heart open and loving, instead of becoming guarded and jaded. And yet, I know his heart will break many times over — or it might, since it tends to be a part of life — but it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to protect him on that level, too!

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Allison in the MN August 25, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I also have worried about this. I have to share this little story from two years ago when my son was in Kindergarten.:

I went to my son’s school to surprise him & have lunch with him. He had spoke often of his friend Jasmine that he would sit next to at lunch. When I got to the school, here they came down the hall HOLDING hands. Seriously, holding hands. I will totally admit right now that I figured that I would be the third wheel & totally embarass him. To my delight he comes running with Jasmine in tow & grabs my hand with his free hand. There the three of us walked down the hall, hand in hand in hand. I thought that my heart was going to burst! My biggest wish is that he grows up into a good man. And….. that he still remembers to hold mommy’s hand every now & again.

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mssinglemama August 25, 2010 at 9:15 pm

YES! So adorable. Benjamin has a “sister” at school. Only his “sister” she’s not his “girlfriend” and if you suggest that he gets this look on his face. Oh my gosh.

I am right there with your wishes. Good stuff.

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Poppy August 25, 2010 at 11:18 pm

My only son is my first born and because of that we share a special bond. He is 17 now and although girls are interested in him he wants to wait. The mother me says “Great!!!” There will come a time I know when he will fall in love (hopefully more than once) and I will become less important. This too kills me! But I want him to grow up and be as happy as he possibly can be so I am willing to step aside..

Or so I say NOW!! Heh..

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G August 26, 2010 at 1:23 am

My son Sky is just 3 and a half. When he gives me his charming smile, I think of the same thing! I thought it was just me. :D

I still have (hopefully!) 15 years more to go before he starts to date :D I have a lot of time to prepare then!

G- from the Philippines…. LOve. Love. Love the necklace! :)

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ann marie August 26, 2010 at 9:01 am

yeah. I’m this way except I have a daughter. How weird is that? I’ve been feeling that way for awhile and you actually said it so it makes sense…
I’ve come to realize that it’s because I know just how amazing she is, and I really need some guy (or girl, I guess) to completely appreciate her awesomeness. Cuz damn if that didn’t always happen in my life until now. (We’ve had a slightly similar path in the marriage/men department ;) )

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Sarah August 26, 2010 at 4:40 pm

OMG I feel exactly the same way! When my son (who is now 6) was just a baby I exclaimed ” I finally understood Italian mother syndrome.” I am of Italian heritgae and dated many Italian boys/men over the years and always faced the jealousy of their mama’s. That being said, women like you and I have way too much going on in our lives to actaully ACT this way, but are we evil for thinking it?

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mssinglemama August 26, 2010 at 8:11 pm

I think – thanks to you and the others above that we must be normal, not evil. ; ) We just see our children as perfection, which I think is natural for most mamas. Perfectly with their flaws and all – because they’re ours.

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Mama Bub August 29, 2010 at 5:54 pm

“The girl who gets to keep him” That just tugged on my heart! I have a Benjamin too and the idea that some day he won’t be all mine is too much to think about most times.

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Cheryl August 30, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Awwwww…. I loved this. Also love this latest pic of Ben, he is TOO cute (and looking soooooo grown up now). Btw, if you’re ever in the market for a darling brown eyed girl to marry yer boy, I happen to know of one. Of course, I won’t be allowing her to date until she’s 30. Think Benjamin can wait? ;-)

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Robin September 4, 2010 at 9:34 pm

When my baby was a baby (he’s now 6), I remember standing over his crib just staring at him in wonderment for what seemed like an hour. And, I mused at how crazy in love I was with this little fellow and who on earth would ever stare adoringly at him, especially in his sleep, as I? That’s when the realization struck … one day there would be another woman … and I would be the mother … the mother-in-law and this is why mothers have such a hard time giving up their sons to someone and/or finding someone good enough to love their baby boys! So now I have a greater appreciation for the mother of the son I might date … and yet, I often wish my son was old enough and not related enough for me to date and marry — because he is/will be a catch! Yes, I think this is normal …

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girlplease September 14, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Not at all. I can think back at how I treated my last ex. He doesn’t deserve it. But I also will instill in him not to be a cheater, an abuser, disrespectful, etc.
I will teach him to choose wisely any partner because they can make or break you. And in return, be the most self and outer respectful person you can be. It all starts and end with respect.

So yes, I am like you dreading the girls, espec. in high school. I’m not a fan of serious dating in high school but I’m also not a fan of boys being a ‘man-ho’ and playing the field. There is nothing wrong with NOT dating in high schoo. I say casually date (no sex), don’t get your heart set on one person, and explore options/life. Save the seriousness for college and thereon. Life is too short to play married life in your teen years.

And that goes for grammar school—ZERO dating policy. Any boy/girl who says “my boyfriend/girlfriend” in grammar school needs a spanking. No you have a friend who is a boy or girl. Putting adult themes on children at that age is a recipie for disaster.

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