We found a house, the house. Finally. Offer accepted and inspection approved.
The house is so perfect it makes the months of hunting worth every false start and failed inspection. John and I are both in love with the place. In the end, after making a million compromises along the way, it turns out–we didn’t have to compromise one thing.
So, now we wait.
We wait two months until the end of September when we move in and on. Already, just a few days into knowing what’s next and where is next I am beginning to miss this life. The single mom chapter, but above all, the Benjamin and I chapter.
As much as I can’t wait to shut the door on this apartment for the last time, I’ll miss it.
I can’t imagine I’ll ever miss the damp basement or the tiles on the bathroom floor, faded directly in the path of the sun that falls on them every morning. Or the windows that refuse to shut, the yard behind them overgrown with brush and weeds or the sink that spits food disposal back up and out the other drain. Won’t miss those things–ever. But, I will miss the sound of the boards creaking under my feet as I tiptoe downstairs, into my night after putting Benjamin down for his. I’ll miss the sight of my bedroom after I’ve tossed clothes everywhere, trying on every last thing before finding something just right. If I ever have a bedroom of my own again it won’t be a happy bedroom, like this one. This is my last single bedroom. And finally, I’ll miss the sound of John Bear coming over, his key at the door and Murphy scratching at his feet ready to jump on me as soon as he can track me down.
I’ll miss way this apartment seems to knows everything about me. She’s got 900 square feet bursting with memories of faces, places in my mind as I made my way through this maze of single motherhood. Her walls saw it all, Benjamin saw less but enough to know that his mother is real, flawed and far from holding the key to any of life’s mysteries.
I couldn’t protect him from everything.
He’s seen me cry here and he’s seen me completely and utterly exhausted but he’s also seen me laugh myself into tears and he’s watched as I slowly learned to let go so I could find real love for the first time in my life and in his. But all along the way he’s known that I love him and that nothing will ever change that.
We’re ready to move on, both of us – all three of us.
Two months is perfect.
Just enough time for Benjamin and I to stay on this side of the dream for a bit longer, to give it a proper good-bye. We owe her that much.
The new house is just the right size, directly across the street from the elementary school, happy young families everywhere (no vampires that we know of) and plenty of playgrounds.