Out with the old

by mssinglemama on July 25, 2010

We found a house, the house. Finally. Offer accepted and inspection approved.

The house is so perfect it makes the months of hunting worth every false start and failed inspection. John and I are both in love with the place. In the end, after making a million compromises along the way, it turns out–we didn’t have to compromise one thing.

So, now we wait.

We wait two months until the end of September when we move in and on. Already, just a few days into knowing what’s next and where is next I am beginning to miss this life. The single mom chapter, but above all, the Benjamin and I chapter.

As much as I can’t wait to shut the door on this apartment for the last time, I’ll miss it.

I can’t imagine I’ll ever miss the damp basement or the tiles on the bathroom floor, faded directly in the path of the sun that falls on them every morning. Or the windows that refuse to shut, the yard behind them overgrown with brush and weeds or the sink that spits food disposal back up and out the other drain. Won’t miss those things–ever. But, I will miss the sound of the boards creaking under my feet as I tiptoe downstairs, into my night after putting Benjamin down for his. I’ll miss the sight of my bedroom after I’ve tossed clothes everywhere, trying on every last thing before finding something just right. If I ever have a bedroom of my own again it won’t be a happy bedroom, like this one. This is my last single bedroom. And finally, I’ll miss the sound of John Bear coming over, his key at the door and Murphy scratching at his feet ready to jump on me as soon as he can track me down.

I’ll miss way this apartment seems to knows everything about me. She’s got 900 square feet bursting with memories of faces, places in my mind as I made my way through this maze of single motherhood. Her walls saw it all, Benjamin saw less but enough to know that his mother is real, flawed and far from holding the key to any of life’s mysteries.

I couldn’t protect him from everything.

He’s seen me cry here and he’s seen me completely and utterly exhausted but he’s also seen me laugh myself into tears and he’s watched as I slowly learned to let go so I could find real love for the first time in my life and in his. But all along the way he’s known that I love him and that nothing will ever change that.

We’re ready to move on, both of us – all three of us.

Two months is perfect.

Just enough time for Benjamin and I to stay on this side of the dream for a bit longer, to give it a proper good-bye. We owe her that much.

The new house is just the right size, directly across the street from the elementary school, happy young families everywhere (no vampires that we know of) and plenty of playgrounds.

Related posts:

  1. House hunting and man hunting?
  2. Out of order
  3. A little mystery.
  4. Co-Parenting and Mrs. Brady

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The Almost Step-Father | Ms. Single Mama
September 19, 2010 at 10:28 pm

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Bobbi Janay July 25, 2010 at 11:09 pm

These next two months will fly by, but then the future holds the most amazing adventure.

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Jessica July 26, 2010 at 12:03 am

Beautifully written! This brought tears to my eyes.

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Valerie July 26, 2010 at 12:33 am

Love, love, love this post!
Well written.
When will we get to see pics of the new place?

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Katie July 26, 2010 at 5:43 am

I second Valerie’s post – best post ever – need to see pics of new place :)

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Dee July 26, 2010 at 7:49 am

I love to read you my dear Ms single Mama. You seem to capture what all of us are feeling and dreaming of. There is a lot of hope in everyone’s sad life story. And we must all let go and move on!!! Thanks for helping me do just that! :)

“Everything happens for a reason, the hard part is finding what that reason is” – Anonymous

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Juli Ruffing July 26, 2010 at 9:59 am

I’m so happy for your happiness. Best of luck on the new house and all your endeavors moving forward.

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singlemama_cc July 26, 2010 at 10:01 am

SO happy for you Alaina:) It’s been incredible to share in this journey with you and Benjamin…and now JohnBear. Nothing but the best wishes to you and your family!
xoxoxoox

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Sunny July 26, 2010 at 10:27 am

I’m so happy for the four of you!

This post accurately captures some of the emotions that I’m running through right now as we hunt for our new home and wait for mine to sell.

Thanks for the update the pic of the wonderful house and for (once again) giving me faith that when the time is right it will happen for me as well.

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Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) July 26, 2010 at 10:34 am

Congratulations! It’s so good to honor the place you are now, say a proper goodbye and then move ahead to see what adventures await you all.

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Suzanne (Crunchy green Mom) July 26, 2010 at 11:07 am

SOO happy for you. That house fits the three of you perfectly.

What a wonderful home to hold your new life in! You are blessed… Everytime I read your new saga it brings tears to my eyes.

I remember when I first found you, it was like finding another soul that was lost with me. I remember the path, the new discoveries and learned to let go of things along side of you.

Now.. I get to come with you on the same journey!

Good luck.. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds into a brand new journey!

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Wendy Armbruster Bell July 26, 2010 at 11:56 am

Looks lovely!

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Glenda July 26, 2010 at 1:50 pm

So happy for the 3 of you! Beautiful house that you 3 will make a HOME. The past will be the past that made you that much stronger. Remember the memories as they have molded you into the women you are. Your future is brighter and the journey is yours to take. Wishing you the best of happiness and the new book in your life unfolds. Can’t wait to see it / read it through your eyes. Thanks for sharing with all of us!

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Annie July 26, 2010 at 1:51 pm

this makes me smile SOOOOO big…congratulations a million times over mama!

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Annie Y July 26, 2010 at 1:57 pm

I’m so happy for you guys!
I can promise you that you will never forget the smells, sounds and moments you and Benjamin shared in your 900sq. ft. apartment.
Before I got married, my children and I lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse. We moved out of that town house 4 years ago and I still remember everything about it right down to the squeaky steps, the creaky floorboard under the carpet in the living room, the background noise from the neighboring apartments and highway and the kids of the neighborhood laughing outside.
Take your memories and enjoy you future, in your house, with your family.
XOXO

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Sara July 26, 2010 at 2:19 pm

What a great house for the three of you to start your lives together, and what a fabulous change!

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Sheila July 26, 2010 at 2:20 pm

That’s awesome. Congrats!

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Mish July 26, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Hi there. I’m a new follower. Congrats on the new house. =)

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Melissa July 26, 2010 at 5:29 pm

I am sitting here in tears reading this post. the house looks perfect. I am so happy for you all. It will be moving day before you know it and then you can make wonderful new memories in your new house, but from experience I know that you will always remember your old place. I still think back on my first apartment and love the memories but do not miss all the flaws of the old place.

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Deanna Leigh July 26, 2010 at 7:42 pm

Brilliant start to the next leg of your journey with your blossoming family. So proud to read this story unfold and know it can be done…thank you for sharing that with us.

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Ricci July 26, 2010 at 10:50 pm

I know, I should censor myself, but there is no other way to say the giddiness and joy that I have for you then KICK ASS!

I hope and pray that everything you want and desire for your family can happen due to the new “introduced” chapter in your life!

Congrats Again!

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Aimee July 27, 2010 at 4:05 am

This is the first post I have read, and won’t be the last…. I totally feel your excitement and sadness. My son and I live in the same 975 sq foot duplex for over 10 years. The yard and neighborhood was great, and the tub backed up every other week. The cellar was musty and his matchbox cars would roll on their own on the uneven kitchen floor. It was hot in the summer and freezing during the New England winters. It has been 6 years, a marriage to a wonderful loving man, a move to Arizona to a lovely 2000 sq foot new home with a dishwasher…wow! My son is 22 now and moved back to Boston. I miss that stupid duplex more than anyone can imagine. It is not where you live….but the memories that are made there.
It is my hope that all your dreams come true and that the best of memories are yet to be made with your new family in your new home. Best Wishes! Cheers!

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Candice July 27, 2010 at 10:31 am

Complete with basketball hoop and all! I am so thrilled for you!

Don’t let your reader’s email about leaving get you down. She just isn’t ready to be inspired by how you have taken the lemons of life and made the lemonade of love. Every day, even if I only think of you in passing, you inspire me. It is possible to go somewhere over the rainbow — and the skies are blue!

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Carrie July 27, 2010 at 11:53 am

Such a cute house! Such a great life ahead of you. It’s wonderful to see you so happy. :)

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Shannon July 28, 2010 at 9:07 am

I’m so happy for you but I know how bittersweet this all is. I’ve been remarried for almost 3 years (in January…wow, already!) and I still make little dates for hotel weekends with my daughter, because we so loved our alone time. But my old house had the walls that had seen it all too. And on the last night we slept in our house before moving in with my husband and his son, my girl and I made a celebration of it. And when she fell asleep cuddled in my arms, I cried and said goodbye to those 5 precious single mom years.
Your new house is gorgeous and I’m so happy for the love you’ve found. But like I always say, “Once a single mama, always a single mama”.

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charity July 28, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Look at all the gardening! Wow! Beautiful flowers!

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mommybella July 28, 2010 at 11:35 pm

I am so happy for you. I feel the same way. I hope that when my son is older he remembers the memories when it was just the 2 of us. When we use to play an have tickle fights. the nights when he would wake up to my loud crying, the emotions.. and most of all the joy that he brought to my life… that he basically saved my life. I wish you all the happiness in the world with your newly formed family

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Erin July 29, 2010 at 11:36 pm

I, too, love this post and love the house. Enjoy your goodbye and embrace every last moment. Congrats!!!!!!

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Erin July 29, 2010 at 11:39 pm

I want to thank you all for making me fall in love w single motherhood. I have learned to cherish this time I have w my babies. You guys are the best!!

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Elli D. July 31, 2010 at 8:50 pm

Well, moving is usually moving (I like the way this sentence sounds). It’s kind of like a breakup, never easy. But I’m pretty sure you will get used to the new place quickly – YOU have said that it is perfect, too. Just try to make it feel like real home (put some family pictures on a wall, for instance) right from the start for your son. Kids can be very affected by moving to a new place.

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Kyle August 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

It’s nice to hear of happy endings and new beginnings. There seems to be so few of them lately. Good luck to all three of you.

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christina August 2, 2010 at 6:24 am

That was very good post, and when I saw your new house pic I was really happy for you congratulations.

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Jenny August 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Your house looks exactly as I imagined from your description!

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Erica August 9, 2010 at 4:44 pm

OK, this post just made me cry…at work, no less. Awesome, poignant writing. You are so amazing Alaina, and I truly thank God that I somehow found you on Twitter and found your blog and have your positive can-do attitude mixed with your beautiful realism about the peaks and valleys of life to turn to whenever I feel lost and alone…You truly are a reminder of God’s grace in this world. You have inspired me beyond belief. You make single motherhood bareable, and even something to celebrate. Thank you for keeping so many of us single moms hopeful during our dark nights of the soul. And when you walk down that aisle and step into your new life, you better believe we will all be celebrating your new chapter…

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