Single Mom Free Time

by mssinglemama on June 17, 2010

This video is for all of the mamas, not just the single moms, but I do want to know – do you even have free time as a mom and when you do, do you feel guilty if you don’t miss your kids?

Here’s the deal:

Benjamin is gone for 11 days. 11. Yes, I said 11. I am on day 4 and I don’t miss him yet. At. All. It’s like some kind of miracle from the Heavens above to have free time all to myself… so, why do I feel guilty saying that?

Watch my vlog for more and please, tell me:

1) how often are your little ones gone

2) what do you do with your free time

and

3) am I the worst mother in the world?

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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

Lauren June 17, 2010 at 5:12 pm

My daughter is gone every other weekend to see her paternal grandparents (her dad lives nearly 1,000 miles away and sees her about four times a year… so this is the weird visitation schedule that came to being).

Just after turning 1 year old, she went with those grandparents to see her dad, so she was gone for about 1 1/2 weeks. It felt weird, but I was also right in the middle of a semester of school, so I got to utilize all that time for studying and homework.

You are NOT a bad mother for enjoying the free time!

Even though it was nice to have a break, I felt guilty that I couldn’t spend every weekend with her, especially because I was so busy during the week and she was in daycare. (With both school and my post-grad job, the biggest problem for me was when I would compare the time I spent one-on-one with her and the time she spent in daycare. I felt extremely guilty for not being there for her all the time.)

Now, I’m no longer in school, AND I just quit a job… so I’m enjoying the life of a stay-at-home mom. I look forward to those every other weekends. I can lie in my bed and not have to get up immediately. I can clean the house and it stays clean the whole weekend. I can bask in the silence of the house. Now, I have guilt whatsoever since I can spend so much time with her.

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Brenda June 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Our kids are just about the same age and, perhaps, my daughter may be as precocious as your son! She has been with her dad now for…35 days. Ay yi yi! I won’t see her again for 24 days. I have to admit, I have enjoyed the time apart, but it was mostly because I kept myself so damned busy!

I think you are COMPLETELY NORMAL for not being distraught that he’s gone. You need to take care of you, too, so that you can enjoy the times you do have together when he comes back even more!! So go out with the girls, have fun with John Bear…get a pedicure, sleep in, drink wine….ENJOY!! :)

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DD June 17, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Coming out of lurkdom to let you know that I think this is probably more normal than not. For some reason we as women tend to carry a lot of Mommy Guilt. I say enjoy the time, take care of you and you’ll be that much more fabulous of a Mom when he returns :) Everyone needs a break from time to time.

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Jenee June 17, 2010 at 6:49 pm

My not-so-little guy goes to his dad’s every other weekend and for five weeks every summer, plus alternating holidays – based on the standard order for the Dayton, Ohio area. He’s actually gone right now which is probably why I have time to respond even :) I do miss him when he’s gone – but then again my son is just about ten and is pretty easy going and fun to hang out with – so I always find myself a bit lost when he’s gone – plus I still worry about him being with his dad because we have radially different ideas about child rearing.

That being said – I definitely enjoy my alone time – this week I’ve been making headway with part of my dissertation, I went to my first concert sans Zack (since 1999), I’m catching up with other single mamas whose children are also elsewhere temporarily, and spending time with my boyfriend. Also, I’ve been able to sleep in, and go to my favorite watering hole (even on a weeknight!).

I don’t think you’re the worst mother in the world – I definitely think there are cultural expectations (unrealistic in most cases) about what mothers are supposed to be doing or feeling when their children are away – but in time – if we’ve raised our children right they’ll be fully autonomous and away with friends, away to college, etc. anyway. It’s unrealistic to think that mothers (especially single mothers) should put every ounce of energy into fretting about their children and not put some of their energy into themselves and their other adult relationships.

We can’t be whole mothers/women if we only focus/nurture one aspect of our identity ;)

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Naturally Single Mom June 17, 2010 at 7:25 pm

My kids are never gone. No visitation whatsoever.

In my “free time” (aka, my days off from work, and at night after they are in bed), I clean. Exciting stuff.

I don’t know if I’d be able to handle 4 days without my kids, much less 11!!

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Anonymous June 17, 2010 at 7:44 pm

My two boys, ages 7 & 4, go to their Dad every other weekend. I have to admit there are times when this has worked out very well for me because the man that I have been in a relationship with (for 3 years) is also divorced with a child and we happen to have the same parenting schedule. When we have our children on the weekends, we do kid things like pool parties, family movie night etc…and when we don’t, we get to go away for the weekend or go out for a nice dinner etc…

A lot of my friends have said that our situation is “ideal” because we have date nights and we get to do adult things. And for a while I agreed with them but in reality, the “ideal” situation is to have my children 24/7. Although I’m fine with being divorced, my children hop back and forth every week to two different environments with two different sets of rules. This will be the routine every week until they become legal adults. For the rest of their lives, they will have go to two Thanksivings and Christmases…

I don’t feel guilty about not missing at them at times because we all need that mental breather. What I do feel guilty about is having them never experience an un-divorced family.

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KM June 17, 2010 at 7:45 pm

I’m with Naturally Single Mom on this one, my little girl is never gone either. It’s just myself and her, the only time I’m away from her is for my 2, 12 hour shifts every weekend as a nurse. It is exhausting and frustrating yet I wouldn’t change it for the world. To have 1 day, or even 2 child free to do what I wanted without having guilt from leaving her with a babysitter or my parents would be amazing and wonderful! But alas, it will never happen so I read your blog and just imagine what I could accomplish 11 days child free… and no, you are not a bad mother, you are a lucky mother that Benjamin has a father who wants to be in his life!

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anon June 17, 2010 at 8:28 pm

It’s been 10 months and I have been out without my daughter twice. It is so hard having an almost nonexistant support system and I would give anything just to have a night a month to…clean or pay bills.I usually have an hour a day between the time I leave work and pick her up at daycare and I’m usually so tired I just sit in a vegetable like state. I look forward to a time when she can spend a week with her grandparents or an overnight with a girlfriend.

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Erin June 17, 2010 at 9:02 pm

I literally FORGOT I even HAD children when I was in Vegas for three days. I don’t feel guilty at all! Sometimes, you just have to love your life and YOU, and sometimes it’s hard to remember who you are when you have another person that takes total priority! (Same with relationships, too I think!)

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bennieman June 17, 2010 at 11:04 pm

I am not in your position (not a single mom) but actually your post sounds incredibly healthy, like you and your ex and have reached a good (maybe not perfect but good place) and you have confidence that you have brought your son to a good place. I think that is fantastic. When my sister went through a tough divorce her children always felt bad when they were with their father because they were worried about her, even really really young children grabbed on to that feeling. When she was able to release that and let go and feel good about them being with their father even though his parenting style was different everyone thrived. You probably will miss him next week but enjoy your time and don’t feel guilty. You love him and always will but you need and deserve this.

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Robin June 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

I think, as a single mother, if you are eager, relieved and at peace when your child(ren) are gone — whether for 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month — it means you are normal. We spend so much time and energy on the little ones that we mostly spend our lives just surviving, so a chance to get a little breather and to not have to think about someone else is not only good but really critical to maintaining our own peace and happiness. If we’re not happy, relaxed and fulfilled, then how can we expect our children to be so?
PS
Even as I say this, I still feel guilty when people ask if I miss my son when he is gone and my answer is no — mostly because I don’t think about it as I am too busy just getting things done, or living a brief window of an “adult” life.

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rich women hunter June 18, 2010 at 5:29 am

We feel the same when I am not with my son.I don’t know why I feel guilty every time I’m not with him. Maybe because we should be the one who’s with them always. I have free time when he is on school and when his with his father.

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me June 18, 2010 at 8:35 am

totally normal! you will realize how much you missed him as soon as you get him back!

i have been doing the every other weekend thing for about 3 years. her first vacation away was last summer and i was dreading it. the time leading up to the vacation was hard, but after she was gone, i was ok and not crazy missing her. i didn’t realize how much i missed her until she got back. now this year she is going on a 2 week vacation and i know that i will be fine!

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QuirkyGirlx3 June 18, 2010 at 9:22 am

My girls are lucky in the respect that they have a dad who wants them and is very much involved in their lives. However, as wonderful as this sounds it comes with it’s own distinct set of hardships and very real problems as we despise each other and he refuses to co-parent. This being said, my girls are gone quiet a bit as we attempt to share custody.

When they were very small I use to try to force myself to feel guilty about the fact that I didn’t feel guilty for having a life and enjoying myself when they were gone. I thought this made me a hideous mother who didn’t deserve my daughters because I wasn’t consumed with them 24/7.

It took me years to realize it was because

1. I knew they were coming back and this time of freedom and peace wasn’t about to last, so enjoy it while you can!!

2. I had balance. My kids were not my world. I had interests and friends and a life outside of my family. This makes me a better mother and a more interesting person.

In short, of course you’re not horrible. And good for you that you’ve figured out when he’s young what some mothers NEVER learn….how to be your own woman.

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Irene June 18, 2010 at 9:37 am

My daughter stays at her father’s house for one night a weekend. We have a very casual arrangement though, and he’s kept her for the whole weekend if I want or need to go out of town, or if his parents are in town. He’s a teacher and is off for the summer so recently he’s been keeping her 1-3 nights a week. She’s almost two by the way, and is also precocious.

I feel ok about it because she is happy at his house. He does lots of fun stuff with her and is in general a good daddy. And I do get burned out and need a break. She’s at a challenging age and is very strong-willed. When she comes back I feel refreshed and ready to jump in again. When she was younger I really had a hard time with it and felt lost without her, but now that’s she’s more independent I can be too and I finally have time to get back in touch with myself. I cherish that time, because it helps me be a grounded, confident mother.

When she’s away I catch up on errands, cleaning, sleep. I also get out when I can or spend the night with the guy I’m dating, and really enjoy it without any guilt! The only time I feel a little weird is when I’m around other kids, and I wish she was there to play too. And I must confess the thought of her with her father’s girlfriend and three kids (they pretty much live there and they are getting married) irritates me sometimes. Not sure how to get over that but I’m working on it!

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Sara June 18, 2010 at 11:03 am

First off I had to answer question #3 right away! You are not a bad mother for thinking that way! :)
I have my son 24/7 with absolutley no help from the father and I can say I went to Vegas this past week and didn’t miss my son until the second to the last day. I did feel guilty for a little while that I wasn’t thinking about him, but I told myself when he was born that in order to be able to do this entirely on my own, I need to have vacation time to myself, so I make a point to go somewhere every 4-6 months. I’m not saying I go away for weeks at a time but a few days here and there. :)
In my free time I like to re-organize my life so it’s all ready when he comes back ( I just can’t believe how easy it is to get unorganised when you have kids!) And a weakness of mine is traveling, I may just get a job at the airlines so I can have flight benefits haha.
I hope every Mom out there realizes the importance to have your time to yourself, Lord knows I need it!

Take Care!

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J.R. Reed June 18, 2010 at 11:05 am

It’s been way too long since I stopped by for a visit. I promise to make the time to comment more. I am very proud to be Ms. Single Mama approved!!!!

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Abimom June 18, 2010 at 12:04 pm

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER! No, you’re really not, just thought I’d get it out there. Your whole book is about how to be yourself while being a mother. So now you get to be yourself by YOURSELF for a little while. And obviously even though you don’t ‘miss’ him, you are thinking about him, or this blog wouldn’t have occurred to you.

I haven’t had any days off yet. Abi’s father has no visitation. In a few years though she will be going off to summer camp! Lol, and that will be a wonderful time.

Just think though chica, he’s four. He might could start kindergarten next year. I don’t know what the age cut off is in Ohio, but I was in kindergarten at five years old. But he’ll definitely be in there by age 6. Pretty soon you’re going to have eight hours every week day Benjamin free. And you probably will find it something of a relief. Which is also ok.

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Jen June 18, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Sometimes I miss my kids terribly when they are at their father’s, sometimes I do not. And I get pangs of guilt when I don’t miss them, but what I feel more guilty about, I think, is the constant upheaval they experience going back and forth between two homes, when “home” is something that should be constant. Maybe “upheaval” is too strong a word, but I know there are times when it is hard for them they miss me and then I feel guilty that because the marriage fell apart they don’t have that feeling that both their parents are always “there”. For this reason, when I got divorced I promised myself I’d always make myself available if they needed me. Whether it was to bring their favourite book to Papa’s or attend an event when it isn’t my day, I would do it. Recently, something came up and I’d already accepted an invitation to my boyfriend’s mother’s birthday dinner. I couldn’t get out of that and felt guilty about not being available to my kids. It wasn’t a big event, so I really don’t think they minded, but I felt guilty about choosing my own thing over theirs. Not quite the same thing as you’re describing, Alaina, but in the sense that I felt guilty over thinking of myself first, I think maybe it is. Maybe because of the failure of our marriages, us single mothers feel like we must go to great lengths to at least succeed at being super-moms, and so we feel extra guilt when we put ourselves first every now and then.

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Cat June 18, 2010 at 12:23 pm

My daughter is now 18 but she has never had visits with her dad more than a few hours every couple of weeks or months. The only time I had away from her was when she was old enough for sleepovers and would stay at a friends house which she did not do that often. When she was gone I would miss her a lot and it felt strange she was not home. However, sometimes I wished I would have a few days to myself to not be “mom” and just be “me” and felt guilty for that. I think that guilt is just ingrained into moms, some maybe more than others.

You are doing a great job though. Enjoy your “me” time and have a fun night out and a couple of drinks for all the moms that rarely get that “me” time! :)

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Bobbi Janay June 18, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Enjoy your time to your self.

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Karissa June 18, 2010 at 3:22 pm

B goes every Friday to his dad’s and comes home on Sundays. He’s been doing so since he was 18 months, and he’s now four. I make sure I see him off at the Greyhound station, and most Sundays I pick him up (he and his dad take the bus 2 hours each way each weekend).

I have had weekends where I’ve missed him the entire time, and I’ve had others where I dread his return. I’ve had Saturday night guilt pangs when I realized I hadn’t spoken to him since Friday afternoon.

The first year or so that he was gone I finished my Honours degree. Currently I use the “time off” to cultivate my relationship with my sweetheart, who lives four hours away but drives to see me each weekend.

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Angela G June 18, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Only us mother’s would feel guilty about not feeling guilty about our kids!

Give youreself a few days and you might be missing him like crazy so enjoy the time and peace for now!

My daughter only goes to dad’s eow and if I stay busy don’t start missing her till a few hours before she is due home. If I am really busy, might not miss her at all. I know that time with other parent is good for her and me and that makes it easier to swallow.

BTW, received my “Marry Him” book today (was one of winners) and can’t wait to enjoy my kid free night cracking it open! Thanks again!

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Bear June 19, 2010 at 1:28 am

Worry about it in seven days. ;-)

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vfsdklhvdishgidfjgl June 19, 2010 at 6:30 am

I’m so glad this post is up and I’m thankful to be reading all these reassuring comments. I suffer terribly from the mom guilt stuff. When my daughter was younger (she is 3 in September), I used to miss her SO MUCH when I was at work or at school that I would phone on my breaks. Now, I never do. And also, whenever she sleeps at my parents..which is maybe like once every 2-3 months, I used to miss her tons. I’ve been REALLY stressed out lately and I think have really been needing time to myself…which I’ve been getting this week. I went away for about 3 days and I didn’t miss her and I just thought that was SO HORRIBLE..like how could I not miss my child? Not to mention, I’ve also been working so I only get a few hours (usually LESS because of all the other stuff I have to do as a single mom ie clean up constantly, prepare food/other stuff constantly…) of quality time. Anyway, once again, she’s at my parents and I have all this stuff I need to catch up on so I’m thankful and not worried about her and don’t miss her…..but the guilt DEFINITELY still is there….

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Heidi June 19, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I have 2 kids ages 4 and 2 and they are with their dad every M and Tuesday and every other weekend.. This makes it possible for both of us to have some extended time with them and to have a bunch of days “off” too. I remember sitting around when they were away longing for them to come home.. and then one day I realized they are having a blast with their dad when they are away from me! I was kind of upset they didn’t miss me more. These days when I have time to myself I take a yoga class or go out with my girls, or go on a grown up date with the new man in my life. I have high intensity, fiery kids too and I know exactly how you feel. We love and adore our kids, but it’s ok to feel good when we get a break too!

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Hillary June 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm

My son is two. He is gone and at his dads every weekend. He picks him up from my house on friday and I pick him up from his house on sunday. I love my weekends. I feel like the weekends are my time to be me. I spend most of my time staying up late and sleeping in. I relax, go to starbucks, spend time with the boyfriend, and just enjoying being me. I can’t imagine my life any other way. I think its important for him to be able to spend time with his dad. I love him with all my heart, but being a single mom in many ways brings me peace of mind to not loose my cool durring the week when he is at home with me. The weekends are my change to regroup and recenter. I think what you feel is normal. Enjoy your time, the chaos will return soon enough.

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steph June 20, 2010 at 1:52 pm

YOU SOUND AS IF YOUR MAKING YOURSELF BUSY, SO THERE IS NO TIME TO MISS HIM, PLUS IT MUST BE GREAT JUST TO HAVE SOME REAL TIME FOR YOURSELF!

LIKE YOU SAID WILL LIKELY KICK IN NEXT WEEK AND IF NOT THAT’S OK, BUT AM SURE WHEN YOU DO SEE HIM YOU WILL REALISES HOW MUCH YOU HAVE MISSED HIM.

SORRY BOUT THE CAPITALS

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Kami June 21, 2010 at 2:59 am

Ms. Single Moma

I have been married for 4 years now, however I have been with my soon to be ex-husband (it still feels weird to say that) for fifteen years. We have one daughter, she is three years old and the most precious person in my life. I have pretty much raised her on my own with no outside help, nor help from my husband. I have never been away from her for more then a few hours. However, there are days that I wish I could just take her, drop her off for a few days and go out and find myself again …. or just have some fun and adult conversation. I wish I could drop her off with my husband and leave him alone with her, however that is not the case do to his substance abuse (although he claims he does not have a problem). So you see, I firmly believe that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and you should feel no gouilt over it. I think, but is is just my thought or rather opinion, that youshould feel blessed that you can trust your ex with your child.

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mssinglemama June 22, 2010 at 8:03 pm

I wish we were neighbors so I could borrow her for a few days. Thank you so much for sharing… and I do feel very lucky.

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Aprille June 21, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Hahaha! I feel the same way when my kids are gone! When people ask me if I miss them I always tell them “Yes, of course!” but secretly I looove the extra sleep, not having to rush home from work and getting quality time with my boyfriend! We moms really need to knock off this mommy guilt crap! Enjoy!

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Ms. Single Mama June 21, 2010 at 1:31 pm

You are all so amazing. Have read all of your comments but, alas, no time to respond to each. I am absolutely slammed this week at work. Now we’re on day 7 and I am just starting to feel little inklings of missing him, but still – not a full out “I must have him back or I’ll freak.”

This me time is just way too nice. ; )

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Michelle June 21, 2010 at 2:37 pm

You’re a narcisistic, attention craved, egomaniac.

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Anon June 22, 2010 at 8:47 am

I think Kami said what a lot of us single mom’s are thinking. I used to think (when I gave birth) that a single mom is a single mom is a single mom. But really some single moms are not completely alone. Be thankful that you have help from the other parent.

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mssinglemama June 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm

You are so right. There are SO many different single mamas out there. I wish the world, outside our single mom world, would realize that and stop stereotyping. I know single moms with 50/50 custody and while I am envious I also can’t imagine not having him for that long. I love my every other weekend deal, quite the best fit I think. I’m very lucky it turned out this way.

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Dawn June 22, 2010 at 11:01 am

You bring me joy every time you confess you’re human, a woman, and a mother. Your reunion with Benjamin will be spectacular for the both of you.

It’s been months since I have had a weekend without my daughters, but when I do have time without them I absolutely enjoy the part where I set something down (anywhere in the house) and I find it exactly where I left it.

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Anon June 22, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Michelle: Learn how to spell.

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alexis June 23, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Haha! Oh, thank you for making ME feel normal! My little guy (who is turning 8 years old tomorrow) is almost never away from me. His Dad only gets supervised visitation for about an hour a week (which I supervise). So the only time off I get is when I have Grandma or Auntie keep him for a sleepover. I would say, in the last 10 months, it has happened 4(?!) times. I don’t miss him when he’s gone. And, even worse than that, I actually develop Seasonal Affective Disorder during the last few days of school just knowing that it will be the two of us…all summer…togetherness non-stop…all summer…My son is also a championship talker and sometimes i just can’t stand to hear another word!
But, I believe all that is about to change. In two weeks we are moving in with my Jon Bear and he makes sure I get lots of “me” time. He also has a big family that will help out with babysitting.
So, here is to being moms! Without kids, at times, and enjoying every minute!
Cheers!

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Yankee Wife June 23, 2010 at 10:31 pm

You are definitely not a bad mother! Your time away gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself which in turn makes you a better mother. My boys are 19 and a few days away from 14 yrs old. They have been living with their dad for the past several years. They asked to go live with their dad and after a loooooooot of consideration I let them go. Talk about feeling like the worst mother in the world!!! I didn’t want them to go AT ALL!! And at first I was completely devastated, but time has helped. I had an early onset of Empty Nest Syndrome! I had to learn my way and one thing I found is that there are times when I really enjoy me time. There are some benefits tucked into these times when the children are away. Take advantage of your time without him and take in every minute when you are together. Time goes by sooo fast.

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BLT June 24, 2010 at 9:07 pm

I have had 2 weekends away from my kids in 11 years! Tomorrow my husband moves out and I will have every other weekend to myself! He’s taken them for several-hour periods recently, and in that time I’ve read, had a glass of wine, relaxed and honestly not felt any guilt at all. I do have to measure what I do with the spare time since it’s so rare. But I now expect that when I have my weekends alone I’ll spend them reclaiming my space and discovering what I have neglected for so long – what I like to do! I am completely jazzed! I’ll think about my kids but I’ll cherish this new time I have finally and show them what Mom’s really all about!

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Cissy June 25, 2010 at 1:01 am

Enjoy your time! You deserve some me time and there is nothing wrong with that. My son’s dad has finally returned from years living overseas and I finally have time to breathe. Babysitting is a fortune too! Jackson is going to spend about two weeks with his father next month and I am glad he gets his daddy time in. The threes are really hard and it hasn’t even been a month. ;) Thank you for all that you do. You have helped so many of us mommies through some challenging times in our lives. I am forever grateful!

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Poppy July 2, 2010 at 10:04 pm

ENJOY YOUR kid free time!

I am not single but with my husband gone usually more than half the time it sometimes seems like it. Twice I have had the opportunity to visit my lil sis in the Netherlands with my big sis. For almost 2 weeks each time I completely enjoyed MY time. I felt young again, my only responsibility to myself. It was magical and I hope to go again next spring!

Of course I missed everyone but with cheap phone plans available in Holland I could call every day cheap, cheap.

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Amanda July 2, 2010 at 11:49 pm

Enjoy your time. My son goes away for at least 2 months during the summer to spend time with his father. I think that it is still really important for my son to spend time with his father, to get to know who he is and to have a variety of influences. I do enjoy my summers.

I usually date and would go out with my boyfriend. I look at it is an opportunity to decompress and do the thing you typical get the time to do. I keep in the back of my mind a mini mental of tasks and things I would like to do for me. No, it doesn not make you a bad mother for not missing your child.You will realize how much and what a great bond you have with your son. I will say that after the first couple of days I don’t miss my son but when he starts calling me and I hear that sweet voice I back to being a mom. I am in the process of reading “What’s age got to do with it” by Robin Mcgraw and it conveys the important message the best way to take of others is to take care of yourself and my point being is that use this time to take of you so you can be a better mother, lover, coworker and etc.

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Kristine July 6, 2010 at 1:54 pm

OMG Alaina, you have said what I am sure almost all of use are afraid to! I have a 4 yo son also. I am married but sometimes he goes to his cousins house for the weekend and I love it!!!! I have not been away from him for longer than that yet but I think I would enjoy 11 days! I now have a 2.5 month old daughter and I miss her while I am at work but welcome the break as well. I am looking forward to when they are both able to go and stay with someone else for a while so I can spend time with my husband or alone and relax and enjoy a lazy day.

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sofi July 16, 2010 at 5:34 am

Hi
I admmire you, I have a baby she is 1 year old, and my story with the dad is similar than your. Until now I dont let him to take her out, he has just one hour to see her once a week, and he has to do it here at my place.
And I know that eventualy he would like to take her out and that idea drives me crazy!!! I am soooo scared…
how did you do it?

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