Shock and Awe

by mssinglemama on May 13, 2010

Many of you choose to write me at times in your life when you need to either say, “I don’t know how I am going to do this,” or “I’ve survived and feel absolutely content.” But every e-mail ends with a thank you. And for that, I can only say – each time – “no, thank you.”

This is why.

I have said this a million times and I’ll say it again. I find strength from you – from your stories of survival, from your pain that I know you will conquer. Here’s a story of another single mom I want you all to meet. She just wrote me last night, from Ireland:

At the end of January my husband left me, after 7 years together, for someone else…in fact, for everyone else, he is stepping into a life of ‘non-monogamy’ with his new…woman. ¬†we have a beautiful little one year girl together and I am expecting our second (and totally planned!) baby in just 8 weeks.

This has been unbelievably traumatic. I wish I could say I felt I was getting out of a bad relationship, but I loved my marriage. Maybe I just don’t have the emotional distance yet.

We had recently (a few years ago) immigrated from Ireland to Canada but I’ve needed to move back to ireland to be with my friends and family, for support. My husband understood this choice, in fact, he didn’t seem to care what I did, I haven’t heard from him in months now, he says he just wants to start a new life all over again, he’s changed his number and email address.
So I’ve lost my husband, my house and had to move continent all within the space of a few months and all whilst being pregnant. Sometimes single motherhood seems like some sort of sentence I have to serve. don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, I ADORE her, but this wasn’t how I expected to be a parent.
Thanks to people like yourself I am starting to see flickers of light.
alli
And then I popped over to her blog where I found this picture.
Ireland-single mom

Now on the outside looking in, having long recovered from my initial shock and yes, feeling as if my single motherhood was a deserving sentence, a punishment – I am only left in awe. Complete and total awe that someone could walk away from such a beautiful family to chase a greener pasture that does not exist.

I share these stories and others because I think when we look in from the outside is suddenly becomes much easier to see that “clearly that dude has issues” and all of the other “men” who leave their families for other women.
But I know I’m not alone in understanding, when we see and hear stories like this, that when you’re on the receiving end of such a hurt it can be easy to blame yourself but when you’re on the outside looking in, it’s easy to see that clearly that the dude has issues. Major issues.

You, my lovelies, just picked a short straw. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you – except for maybe your choice in men or, as Kristy states in the comments “some relationships work and some don’t.” But now you have time to work on that. To rebuild and remodel your life.

I love you all. More than you know. And thank you for sharing your stories with me. Now go over to Alli’s blog and give her a virtual hug.

Related posts:

  1. Whispers
  2. Bikini Wearing Waitresses
  3. The Best of Ms. Single Mama
  4. Isabelle’s Story
  5. Should I leave my husband?

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