Work

by mssinglemama on April 5, 2010

“This isn’t working is it?”

“No, it’s not,” John answers.

Working together, in the same office, just two feet away from each other had been talking it’s toll on John and I’s relationship. My boyfriend had been replaced with a co-worker and we couldn’t break the two, draw the lines, separate work from play. Starting your own business is one thing but dragging your relationship into it is another thing entirely.

“Where’s John?” Brad asked during week two.

“I’m not sure. I think he’s at home today. This working together thing is killing us.”

“Really, why?”

“I don’t know.  It’s just killing our mojo.”

“Your mojo?”

“Yeah, you know – our mojo – everything is off. Everything.” And I didn’t know how to fix it. John wanted to stop working together immediately, to my protest.

“If we can’t make it work at work can we work together while raising a family? That’s work, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” John told me, “it is. But that’s different.”

I wasn’t sure whether or not I could buy into that school of thought. Newborns, diapers, sleep-deprivation, cleaning, coordinating schedules – work. Or not. I couldn’t be sure and then, after a few more weeks of working in separate spaces, things fell back into place. Our relationship felt more like our relationship again and I realized that he was right.

Choosing not to work together was a pre-emptive move to prevent an all out assault on our relationship. But, it did not mean we were incompatible. So, with me as his ultimate cheer leader, John started looking for another job and within two weeks he had two offers. He chose an absolutely awesome SEO company where he’ll have his hands in all kinds of fun strategy stuff – the perfect fit.

This first year, our first year, has been intense. Our careers have both been shifting on a micro level along with the entire marketing and advertising industry at this dawn of new media. Now we’ve both landed and can finally just sit back and have a toast to riding the wave and surviving.

To celebrate and because we’re long overdue for a little trip, John and I are taking off for a beach on Tybee Island near Savannah. We weighed the pros and cons of bringing Benjamin along but I vetoed and insisted we go alone. This will be our second full week alone in the year we’ve been together. We need this time. For ourselves, yes, but largely for Benjamin. Adult alone time is essential, I believe, to feeding a relationship and therefore to creating a happy family.

And we’re starving.

Stay tuned for random vacation pics and posts over this week.

——

And some notes on work…

All is going incredibly well with Cement Marketing. Remember Lifeline of Ohio? My first client? Check out their new website – designed, developed and created by Cement Marketing. Sweet. And if you can make it – meet me on Sunday when I get back from vacation at the State House for their candle light vigil.

Related posts:

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  2. How do you work it?
  3. Boyfriend + toddler + work = tired single mama
  4. We’re gonna do this.
  5. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 5

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie April 5, 2010 at 9:46 am

Just checked out Lifeline of Ohio – way to make a pregnant girl from Michigan cry :) Awesome, awesome website – kudos to Cement Marketing! (And to you and John, for doing the right thing for your relationship.)

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Patricia April 5, 2010 at 9:55 am

OMG, James and I would occassionaly help out at my Dad’s restaurant before we were married. I nearly killed him. I’m not kidding. It scared me because I thought it meant we may not last… Turns out I only want to throw bricks at his head when we serve tables together :) Have fun!

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Carol April 5, 2010 at 10:38 am

My husband Steve and I have been partners in business for almost six years. We used to work in the same space and it was a bit stifling. We are still partners in real estate but we work in separate locations and we have totally different buyers which we work with separately. There are other couples who are agents that spend 24/7 together and we now realize that just isn’t for us!

I think you made the right decision. Work and life are two totally different things!

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Liz April 5, 2010 at 11:00 am

My husband and I just moved with our little girl to Savannah from Cbus a few weeks ago – you’ll LOVE Tybee! I honestly feel like I’m living in paradise. You have to eat at Fannie’s. It’s a little dive-y but they have awesome food. Enjoy your trip!

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Lesli April 5, 2010 at 11:03 am

You’ll be in my ‘hood!!! Well, Georgia–that’s about it. Tybee is nice…haven’t been there in forever.

Not to change the subject, but I thought you had decided you weren’t going to blog anymore? I’m confused….but glad to see you’re still here! : )

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Penny April 5, 2010 at 11:46 am

been a “follower”, never commented…but this resonated with me on the opposite side though. My husband and I met at work, dated and married (13 yrs now). Even once he left to start his own business (which I helped run while still working my job at our “meeting place”) He has now moved on to a company where I am no longer involved every day and THAT has been a learning curve for our relationship. Our relationship works both ways and we are grateful, but don’t feel bad if you can’t work together AND live together…sometimes it helps to have some mystery to your day and some unknown topic to share, looking forward to seeing your loved one at the end of a busy day is nice too. Hope this works out for you. Oh, and I’m a big fan of adult time too (my oldest was 2 1/2 when I met my husband-we have always placed importance on our time alone as well as “family”, it helps everyone)

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Rachel April 5, 2010 at 11:48 am

I think you’re on the verge of being dumped. Or maybe you want to dump him. One or the other. Either or both of you are in love with the idea of being “in love.” But neither of you are truly in love with each other. It’s not surprising that you can’t recognize it. This is all going to end. And it may end badly. Soon.

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Cierra the naive 20 yr old April 5, 2010 at 12:54 pm

I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but geez would you want someone to tell you that on a public forum? Yeah she has her life on a blog for everyone to read and comment on it but if you are going to say something that can be taken as mean…Use a little tact and be nice about it. Write only what you would say to a person if you met them face to face. Even if you are not religious you can agree with the saying, “Do onto others, as you would like done to you”, because karma is a bitch! Negativity is just a waste of time and energy that can be used to have a better day, month, and life. Send me hate mail if you wish but blessings on to you and may your life be full of good karma and positivity!

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mommybella April 5, 2010 at 4:09 pm

people who are mean hearted like you are just insecure

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Beth April 5, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Ummm I think Rachel is very jealous of your relationship with John.

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Bobbi Janay April 5, 2010 at 12:02 pm

I can understand not wanting to work together.

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Jennifer April 5, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I cringed when you first announced the new business for this reason exactly. Its so hard working with your significant other. My ex-husband and I worked together doing real estate. We sooooo did not get along and it was a huge reason our marriage ended. Glad you guys saw what it was doing and quickly made a change.

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Jen @ follow my bliss April 5, 2010 at 12:57 pm

My long-term boyfriend (and roommate) and I work together right now out of our home and I was JUST thinking this morning about how I’m going to kill him in the middle of the night soon. ;) We’ve been dealing with this arrangement for six months and I love him and I want to be with him, but being together constantly, especially when our temperaments and moods surrounding work and work challenges are really different, is taking a toll on my patience. We have a business together and he’s now looking for other jobs because we’re having trouble making ends meet, but even if that weren’t the case, I might still suggest that he go look for something outside the house. I miss MISSING him during the day. I miss checking in with him and being glad to hear his voice (from somewhere far away). Right now, I just wanna wring his neck for being constantly grouchy about his job prospects and always complaining that his shoulders hurt! Haha. Thanks for letting me vent. I’m impressed that you guys made this choice – sounds like the right one.

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Cierra the naive 20 yr old April 5, 2010 at 1:01 pm

I learned from whatever experience I have had in my short life that working with family and mixing business with personal life is very rarely a good/easy thing. My parents ran a business for 20 years. Three of my five siblings including myself and their spouses worked for a time helping. There are pros and cons to this situation. While we were in high school and junior high, we learned the value of hard work and valuable job skills like how to talk to clients on a phone, be organized and accountable, various computer program, and etc. The problem began when we started to get older and had more responsibility. The older generation sometimes would clash with the younger generations ideas and vice versa. The strain of having husband and wife not only manage the home finances but the ones of a million dollar plus business was not conducive because people make mistakes. It is great if you can manage it, but having your own accomplishments that are separate from your spouse can provide “breathing” room as my parents call it now. No matter how much you love someone eventually you need a break from them before WW3 happens lol.

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Liz April 5, 2010 at 2:17 pm

He is right. I know lots of great married couples that live together and co-parent together beautifully but couldn’t work together. They can be mutually exclusive. Good for him to go out and find something else instead of letting the whole relationship sink on every level. I man with intuition, a man of action…a man worth keeping. Best of luck to him on his new venture.

Glad you’ve decided to stick around this blog. You’d have been missed.

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trl April 5, 2010 at 3:26 pm

For the hater Rachel-stop hating. Fall “in love” with the idea of only giving loving vibes out into the world and maybe some love will finally come into your life.

Alaina-congrats on both you and John finding a nice balance and your won personal freedoms. I’m sure it is helping you flourish not only in your relationship with one another, but in all aspects of the rest of your life.

Hope the vavca recharges your batteries and that you have some fun in the sun!

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mommybella April 5, 2010 at 4:04 pm

I met my son’s father at work and what a mistake. Besides the fact that I wish I had never met him, it sucked. Working together is soooo bad. working together will kill even the best of relationships.
Glad you guys are doing better now. Have fun on your much deserved vaca!

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Beth April 5, 2010 at 10:04 pm

I think this is the best thing for both of you. We all need our own time as individuals. I did work with my ex for awhile until I said I just need my own time, my own space 8 hours a day. This is much better for your relationship. Enjoy your vacation.

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Katherine SOLO dot MOM April 6, 2010 at 11:32 am

I love love Tybee Island. Got to visit there last year when we took the girl scouts down to Savannah. You guys will have a wonderful time – can’t wait to hear all about feeding that relationship!

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Ellie April 7, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Gosh, crazy how our lives are different and yet we face the same issues.
I am just couple months from a move in with my BF. I love him to death but I am very scared where this will take us. I have been in a relationship that turn sour after we moved in together and although this relationship is very different it is still scary. I can no imagine us working together ever. We are so similar we complete each other sentences and I am not even joking.. it’s kind of creepy sometimes because we really do! We both have strong personalities that we can manage in relationship but I know work setting would just kill it.
Hope you r having good time on vacation. Your pictures make me want to pack up and head to the ocean myself :)

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Laura April 9, 2010 at 10:20 am

I’m glad he found another job. I love my husband and our time together but I would NEVER work with him. NEVER. Glad you guys made the decision. Hope your trip is a blast.

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