Happily Ever After?

by mssinglemama on March 29, 2010

“Maybe you shouldn’t have kids,” I sigh into the phone.

Typically I’m encouraging my little sister to just have a kid already, but my sister has caught me in a post Benjamin was being a pain in the ass moment and I don’t really feel like talking, or doing much of anything. In fact, I just want to wallow in my moment of feeling like I am the worst mother on Earth. These moments happen. I have learned to ride them out by curling up in my bed until it passes. But now Anna has called and because I cherish our conversations I answer.

“I know. Right? Why should we have kids? We can do whatever we want, whenever.” She and her husband live in Charlottesville, Virginia – one of the coolest little cities on the planet. They’re bartenders by night and live rock start lifestyles.

“I know. You suck. Seriously.”

Then I tell her about this old man I heard at the cafeteria in my great uncle’s nursing home saying, “Kids. You breed ‘em, you educate ‘em, you buy their books, you feed ‘em, you even house ‘em and then what? What do you get? Nothing. A whole lotta nothing.” There he was, in what could be the very last few days of his life, wondering why he spent so much of his life raising and rearing children.

“We give everything to them and then we’re just tired and exhausted at the end. It’s like the rule of nature or something,” I tell Anna.

After I hang up and have a few more moments to relax, I walk back up to Benjamin’s room excited to see him and hear his little voice. He may be a pain in the ass, but he’s my pain in the ass and I couldn’t live a moment without him. And yet, I can completely understand why my sister isn’t hankering to have a baby.

More and more young couples, like my sister and her husband, are choosing not to have children. And more and more single women are remaining single, with very good reason. They are just fine, completely happy on their own. Exactly as I was when I met John.

I got an e-mail from one of you… a reader, who also happens to be leading up this amazing documentary. Love my readers and love this documentary. Please pass it on.

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Happy Alone « the satisfied mind
March 31, 2010 at 8:21 pm

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen March 29, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Oh, yay! I love this. Will be reposting on my blog ASAP! Thanks.

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Canadian Bald Guy March 29, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Y’know, no matter what my son is acting like on any given day…all it takes is one genuine smile and a hug and I’m mush all over again.

Having children was the single-greatest thing to ever happen to a crank-ass like me.

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Kelly March 29, 2010 at 6:29 pm

I KNOW that feeling- was there this morning. I was ready to just throw my 9 yr old son out the front door and into the car to get to school. He was being such a pill. My 8 yr old daughter just sat there staring at us like we had each grown a second head. In the end though, I told him I love him and to have a good day at school. It all passes and if we do this child-rearing thing right, the love we see those little people give and receive is all worth it.

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Kelly March 29, 2010 at 6:33 pm

btw- Glad you decided to come back. I was checking every day or so hoping it would be the case…

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April March 29, 2010 at 8:37 pm

I know some days are challenging but I have yet to lose it because I get to see the fussy and frustrated side of him. I know before I know it he won’t be needing me and I love every minute of it. When I first separated from his father I would get mad at him for not being here to help but I don’t think that any more, not in a long time because I’m fortunate to get to see all sides of him and to be that close with him.
I think for some people after having a child you don’t miss the partying, hangovers and stinky cigarette smell leftover on your clothes in the morning anymore. You grow in a different direction, a different kind of fun. And I love it.
Also, enjoyed the video reminds of the new Sex and the City coming out!

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Cathy J March 30, 2010 at 2:18 am

I know many single women who are pretty content with life, and others who long for the man of their dreams to show up.

For those of us without children (not necessarily by choice): there are other ways to have children in our lives: as a teacher, aunty, second mum to your best friend’s children, foster parent, carer for international students, step-mum to someone else’s…. so I believe most of us have had experiences with child rearing in different ways.

Whether it be loving the children in your life, your partner, parents or siblings – by loving others we learn about ourselves. By giving and receiving love we are blessed beyond words. Love can be frustrating and hurtful, yet it can be hopeful, rejuvenating and joyful.

As a single we can get caught up in the pretty good life in so many ways and not even notice that we are missing much. Yet, either as a single, as half of a couple or a mum, isn’t life about love and about using our gifts to help others?

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mssinglemama March 30, 2010 at 9:52 am

Yes, absolutely Cathy. Children or not we are all here to learn how to love and care for others. Definitely not a privilege reserved for mothers only.

And, yes, singles like my sister are definitely missing out. I have lived both sides of this story and, hands down, prefer this site – no matter how hard it may be sometimes.

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Ashley March 30, 2010 at 5:29 am

I don’t think anything in this world could ever replace being a mother. Having children, watching them grow up, teaching them to grow up…It’s the best feeling in this world. I remember watching my girl when she was just a newborn baby, she was learning new things like–staring at my face for hours or staring at the ceiling, or basically staring at anything that catches her eye, and the baby laugh–it takes away all the stress. I know having children has its up and downs. But personally for me, it has more ups than downs. I cannot imagine my life without my children.
As for that video, if women find the option of being single is for them then nobody should stop them or make them feel inadequate just because they are single. I’m happy for them if they are happy. Good for them. =D

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MommaSunshine March 30, 2010 at 6:02 am

No matter how my children act, no matter how much of a hard time they give them, no matter how bad a day with them is, I am always, always grateful that I have the privledge of having them in my life.

Always.

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J.R. Reed March 30, 2010 at 10:29 am

You do not sound at all spiteful. Quite the opposite actually…

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mommybella March 30, 2010 at 11:01 am

because we are single mothers we get to see the good, the bad and the really, really bad. I can not remember my life with out my son, I live for him. I love being a mother no matter how hard it gets sometimes. I believe it is all worth it!

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Shannon Kieta March 30, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Eventhough I am not a single mom; sometimes I feel like it. I do pretty much EVERYTHING! You get my drift? Anyhoo, I LOVE my kids more than life itself. Having kids took me 36 years. I quit my job to stay home to raise them, because I don’t want to miss a thing! And I haven’t. My son is going to be 5 in May and my daughter just turned a year and a half. They are the smartest, most beautiful children in the whole world…and it’s because I have wrapped my entire life around them. 24/7! My life wouldn’t mean squat without my kids. Yeah, there are days that I feel like popping Xanax every 4 hours, but my son tells me he loves me at LEAST a hundred times a day. How sweet is that for a 4 year old. And the funny thing…I NEVER get sick of hearing it!!! Shannon

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Brenda March 30, 2010 at 5:39 pm

So, let’s review what we’ve learned just in the month of March about this complete fabrication of a PERSONA (not an actual person, mind you) known as Alaina “Sheer.” You hate children, even though you have one. And, even though you got one by accident, you feel infinitely qualified to tell other women not to have one. Check. You hate cats because, apparently, cats hate you. So, you’re also vengeful. Check. And you’re a perpetual, habitual quitter. You quit this blog, then you come rushing back because of the outpouring of support from your “fans”. What a carefully calculated, ego-stroking maneuver. Bravo! Let’s see how long you leave this dissenting opinion posted. Oh, wait, that’s right. You “try to never delete comments, unless they are completely and absolutely over the line, offensive to [your] readers (ie insulting single motherhood), or filled with expletives. IF it’s an attack on [you], [you] leave it up because [you] can (most often) handle it.” Well, this post is none of the above…but, you’ll delete it. You always delete the truth from this blog. And, the truth is, you are not a good person. You only truly care about one person: Alaina “Sheer”. Oh wait, and that’s a PERSONA, not a real person at all. So, you’re in love with your image…that isn’t even YOU.

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Jennie March 30, 2010 at 8:00 pm

Oh Brenda, Brenda…Brenda…Brenda…get a life!
The world will still go round, and continue to evolve with or without you in it.
Upsetting isn’t it?

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mssinglemama March 30, 2010 at 8:33 pm

“Brenda” (who is really a man by the way) has my last name in quotations because Sheer is not my real last name.

I change the spelling here to keep creeps like him from finding me in the flesh. But, unfortunately, he knows my real last name. This is one of the main reasons why I have been freaked out lately, worrying about our safety. He also goes so far as to leave comments to me from unblocked IP addresses.

And, you are right “Brenda”, I don’t feel guilty at all about what happened. You know why? Because had any one of my employees done the same thing I would have taken the same action. Take responsibilities for your own actions, stop blaming others and man the F up. What you say here is public and it is all on record, tied to your reputation and your name.

Who is really obsessed with themselves? Who is really risking everything just to spread hatred publicly to me when you could just send me a private e-mail?

Take a good look at yourself and please, please – for the love of God – leave us alone.

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Ellie March 30, 2010 at 11:38 pm

You are a sorry person. Go get a life and stop bothering people that are doing nothing to bother you!

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Ellie March 30, 2010 at 11:40 pm

I meant the last comment to the Brenda person… anyway just wanted to clarify…
Alaina maybe you should think about deleting this freaks.

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mssinglemama March 31, 2010 at 9:05 am

Yes… I know Ellie. Doesn’t really illustrate that in the comments. ; ) I have deleted him/her 100 times but he keeps going to a new IP address to break through my spam wall.

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Dawn March 31, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Being hated is a compliment. Put a smile on your lips … you are the BOMB :)

La, la, la, la, la … {skips off into the horizon}

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