In the last few days, I have received hundreds and hundreds of e-mails, comments, tweets, Facebook notes. All of you sending me off with the kindest words and thoughts…
Reading your stories, how far you have come or how you are just beginning in your journeys – whatever they may be – has left me a bit speechless. What do I say? What words can I offer up that at all let you know how I feel about each and every one of you? There aren’t any.
But there are your words…
I decided to publish this letter in particular because I think it captures, in so many ways, the reason why I blogged for all of these years. We are all really, truly on an path that is intertwined. You know that, right? This letter makes the case.Read it and weep (I did).
Dear Ms. Single Mama,
Two weeks ago I picked up an engagement ring from the jewelers, and as I drove home I thought of all the things I needed to do leading up to proposing to my lady: first I needed to figure out exactly how I was going to do it, second I needed to pick out the clothes I was going to wear (as I was positive she would remember it forever), third was to make sure I shaved that morning, and lastly was to make sure that I shot an email to both you and my mother.
Why you and my mom?
Well my mom was a no-brainer. The old lady after all was about to fly 600 miles to babysit my two and a half year old daughter while my soon-to-be fiancee and I were spending a long weekend in the Smokey Mountains– the place were my then girlfriend would be getting her diamond ring at sunset on the balcony of a gorgeous cabin. Why you? Because that little girl– the one I call my daughter, the one my incredible momma was dying to come hang out with, isn’t actually my biological daughter…and the night before I met this little girl for the first time was the night I found your website.
Obviously the timing seems uncanny to me, as the morning I decide to email you that thank you letter I also find out that you are leaving your blog. But now it seems even more important that I thank you. There is so little on the internet for guys that are falling for single mothers. Still to this day, after a year and a half of searching, I haven’t been able to find a single thing online that has been able to really articulate the true emotions that some of us go through as we make decisions regarding these complex adult relationships that affect more than us (for the first time in our chauvinist chick-chasing lives)! Fortunately for me though I found something just as helpful to my emotional well being as I began my journey with my new family… I found your blog.
Reading your blog was literally the deciding moment that I was ready to meet my fiancee’s daughter. I had been going back and forth in my mind for over a month and was almost there, but your blog was the catalyst. Your blog was the place where I learned that single mothers are more than just mothers (they wanna party sometimes too), that sometimes being an extra hand is a better gift than a bouquet of roses, and most of all that being loved by a mother is to be loved by someone who truly knows what love is— because in their children they have felt what unconditional love is.
Thank you for this. Thank you for writing about your life. While I haven’t been a “regular” reader, I have kept up with your blog at least somewhat monthly, and I know that your life too looks like it has been getting better everyday… from career to family… please know that if karma has anything to do with the good things in your world, then you truly deserve it.
I’ve decided I owe you all a proper good-bye. So, I’ll be back next week with one last entirely positive post (unless something devastating happens at Benjamin’s fourth birthday party).
And a side note to this positive story – know that I am not ending this blog because of the negative comments and evil out there. My skin is thicker than you may think and not one of those words hurt me or offended me. The first comment I ever received on this very blog, years ago, was “You are going to die alone with your cats.” Something to that effect.
I deleted it in a fluster and then regretted it immediately. Who cares? How hilarious was that guy anyway? But the comment was vicious, cruel and unjust. Later that same commenter came back and apologized, finding the error in his judgment. He was human, too. Just like us. A person with the ability to see both sides of every story. My blog was a secret then, even from my friends and family. Then, slowly, word got out and I even outed myself at work.
But I kept writing. I kept writing posts that I knew would make co-workers, maybe even clients uncomfortable because I felt they had to be written. I’m a huge fan of free speech. And all along the way – the negative comments came, increasing in frequency and intensity.
So, they are just one reason – one piece of the puzzle of why I have to end this blog and start another chapter. The main reason is simply having outgrown the topic at hand – single motherhood. Don’t give the jerks out there so much credit. Okay? And keep sending me your e-mail addresses on the contact form under this post. That’s how we’ll stay connected in Chapter 2.
Closing the comments on this one. Just have to let it sit here, untouched, unscathed. Love that letter. And by the way (apparently, I am responsible for quite a few marriages, engagements, love… can you believe that? Me? The girl who started this blog as the ultimate relationship skeptic). I find that incredibly ironic and delightful at the same time.