Going, going, gone?

by mssinglemama on March 14, 2010

UPDATE: Totally changed my mind and this blog will stay, but expect a total make over soon. Read about it here.

In October of 2007, when I started writing this blog, I was the new single mom of a 19-month-old. My goal was to help other single moms find their way as I found my own.

At first there were only a few of you reading, then a few hundred and then a few thousand. Now there are over 15,000 of you who pop into my corner of the world for updates on my life, on Benjamin, on my relationship with John. And out of all of the thousands, only a handful surface to leave stomach-churning comments that give me chills. Others go so far as to write vicious blog posts. And even others are harassing me behind the scenes with repeated comments that leave me worrying about my and Benjamin’s safety.

To those who actually have time in their day to spew needless negativity into the world, targeted at us – Who are you? Where do you come from? Who raised you to treat others this way? I may be a single mother and you may hate everything I represent – but my son and I will never stoop to your level. Ever.

I have also outgrown this blog. I have my answers. My journey as a single mom feels complete. Not because I have found John, but because I have found myself. And then there’s Benjamin. The idea of him reading some of the words written about me here or elsewhere is beyond terrifying. I can’t let that happen, no matter how much I love this blog, no matter how much I love all of you.

I could write and keep his pictures and mention of him off of my blog, but the premise – being a single mom, dating, who knows… it would still affect him, our relationship and how he is perceived by his peers.

I am going to keep the 600+ blog posts I have written up for the next 12 months. And then, I will be deleting this space. That should be enough time for all of you to catch up. I love all of you (my single mamas). But I have to listen to my gut and end this here.

If you need advice about being a dating single mom, there will always be my book. Everything you need is on those pages. Although, the book won’t be up forever either. Don’t think for a second that I am ashamed of anything I have written. I just want Benjamin to read or hear these stories from me first. I may start blogging again, I’m just not sure when or where.

You can do this without me. You can.

I know you can because I did. And I will always be here thinking of you and sending you all of the positive energy I can muster, just not from this blog. I can’t thank you enough for being here, for supporting me and for giving me your spirit during these past few years. If anyone is responsible for the growth I’ve experienced personally – it’s all of you.

Thank you,

xoxo

Alaina

P.S. Fill out this form and you’ll be on my mailing list, so if I do start another blog someday – I can let you know.

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FEAR No. 058 – Peace In Anonymity | FEAR Realized
March 15, 2010 at 11:43 am

{ 99 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica Barker March 14, 2010 at 10:03 am

I am both proud of you and saddened about this change. There are so many of us that are still struggling and enjoy coming to your blog for support. I do hope we can find another place to join together and support each other. Xxoo

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NetterB March 14, 2010 at 10:14 am

I hope you can see past the sadness of the finality and see it as an opportunity of new beginnings. Wishing nothing but the best for you and your two best guys!

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Anonymous March 14, 2010 at 10:27 am

cant say I’m sad to see you go…

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Andrea March 14, 2010 at 4:16 pm

but it seems you will be bored to death!

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Amy March 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm

What a pathetic waste of life. Why are you reading this? I feel so sorry for you that you find joy in hurting others.

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April March 14, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Clearly you have nothing better to do with yourself than to put someone else down to make yourself feel good. What a waste.

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Lori March 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

The fact that you hide you vileness behind the cloak of “anonymous” shows how much of a spineless coward you are. Take your bitterness and jealousy elsewhere, you’ve already ruined this for the rest of us.

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you are a waste March 15, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Anonymous:

The fact that you can bash a wonderful person like alaina without reason is shameful . someone who has worked SO hard to get to a point in her life to be comfortable and to make a stable life for her son. alaina is selfless and inspirational. you will never take that away from her or us. But i feel for you bc u obviously have been deprived of faith, family, and friends. i will pray for you that you will one day feel guilt for being so hateful. there is no room for a person like you on this earth, none. get help or go away. u r truly one pathetic sob.

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Nate Riggs March 26, 2010 at 11:13 am

Lolz. There’s non glory in being an anonymous troll. For a period of time, I was a single daddy and found humor in what Alaina wrote. Isn’t this always the case? Some jerk-off has to come in ans spoil the party for everyone. Gutless.

Keep writing Alaina. You have your fans. F*%# trolls…

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notasoccermom March 14, 2010 at 10:31 am

The blog-o-sphere can be really mean. It is easy to put out filth in anonymous words.
Good luck in all you do, the real single mothers fighting the fight know how strong you are.
Sorry to see anyone go under these conditions

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Jen @ follow my bliss March 14, 2010 at 10:39 am

So sorry to hear this but I completely understand. I hope this next leg of your journey is as amazing as the last one has been and that you continue to find contentment. You’re an inspiration to all of us (even those of us who aren’t single moms)! If this choice is in your gut, it’s the right choice.

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Single Mama NYC March 14, 2010 at 10:40 am

I’m so very sorry to hear that. Negative, cowardly, anonymous comments like the one above are really just proof that you are making an impact in our community. The fact that these anonymous commenters take time from their day to come to your blog to post negativity illustrates a)They are drawn to your life and perspectives, b)Their lives are sadly empty of value. I do understand your Mama Lion instinct to protect your cub though, I really do. My best wishes to you for every success in this next phase of your life. If you ever need to vent again, come on over and do a guest blog post. Us Single Mama bloggers have to stick together. Tons of love and light to you, Benjamin, and John. Xoxo, Issa

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lesli March 14, 2010 at 10:53 am

Alaina, I’m sorry to see you go but you must do what’s right for your family…I wish you the best.

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sassysinglemama March 14, 2010 at 11:03 am

This anonymous prick I have one question for you wtf? You can’t even leave her last post alone and then you hide behind anonymous name! You can’t even put a name to you hateful words. Atleast Alaina said what she felt and but her name and face to the words! We don’t become single moms cause we want to be, we become single moms because we were cheated on, abused and sometimes we just know if our kids are going to have a good life we must do it on our own! Ms single mama I loved your posts you wrote down everything, I am sorry to see you go! Good luck in the future. And GOD bless your family

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MommaSunshine March 14, 2010 at 11:31 am

Good luck to you, Alaina, in wherever life takes you. You need to do what is best for you and your family. You owe no one any explanations. It’s your life – live it to the best of your abilities! :-)

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Winecountrymom March 14, 2010 at 11:33 am

Thank you for the many pearls of wisdom and for sharing bits and pieces of your life. Best of luck to you!

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Mandi March 14, 2010 at 11:33 am

Alaina. I’m so sad to see you go. I was never a single mom- but found your blog one day about a year ago through Matt and haven’t stopped reading since. My son, Aiden, and Benjamin are the same age. I’m so glad you have found yourself and some peace and Happiness for you and Benjamin. He is sure to grow into a strong man. We wish you all the best. :)

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Star March 14, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Thank you Alaina, for being there for me this past year and a half. You helped me to find my place in the world…to have a picture of what single-mom living is like and for being a person that I could newly identify with. For making it ok for me to juggle being a mom AND being a single woman…for discussing “living room dates” and balancing parenting and dating and making each of our decisions acceptable because they work for us. Thank you for giving me the hope that I can swing a successful career, be a good mom, find love someday, and deal with my not so ideal ex situation. I loved reading about Benjamin (he is the same age as my oldest) and seeing that my child was not the only one that was in the stages of superheroes and other such boy stuff. You were the first person I found out in cyberspace when I was floundering in my new title as single mom (not knowing a single such person in real life) and I clung to your blog as my only flotation device. I have since found my place in this world…survived living with my parents (which you also helped me through) have found my balance with my ex situation (empathizing with you and the unpaid child support and undependable father issues) and am a happy whole person again. I support your decision but will miss your posts terribly.
Love, Star

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singlemama_cc March 14, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Always know this……you have inspired THIS singlemama. YOU honestly helped me Alaina. I truely wish you all the best in all that you do and I hope you’ll write again someday. Until then, Ive got my copy of your book on me at all times:)
You will always be my Oprah of singlemums and I love you darling….thank you for helping a lost mama find herself……

I hate good byes….so, for now, keep on truckin girl and Ill see you soon…probably on the NYTimes bestseller list ;)

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Lisa from Lisa's Yarns March 14, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Alaina,

I am sad to read this, but at the same time, I completely understand. I don’t understand how people can be so judgmental. So rude. So full of anger.

I’ll miss following along on your adventures – best of luck to you, John, and Benjamin!

Lisa

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Canadian Bald Guy March 14, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Hey Alaina,

You & Morgan were big-time reasons for me starting up my new blog just over a year ago. I’m very sorry to hear that you’re ending things here, but I understand why.

Best of luck to you, Ben, & John and I hope to see you writing again…maybe in a slightly different capacity.

Take care.

Todd
“Canadian Bald Guy”

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Ellie March 14, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Alaina I am not a mom or single at that mater but I recently discovered your blog and I couldn’t stop reading it. I am sad that you have decided to stop writing but I understand you decision. It is terrible what are people capable of and the lengths some individuals will go to hurt an innocent person that they don’t event know.
Thank you for sharing your world with us. You and strong women like you are inspiration for me to keep going and never give up on myself. You and me may face different challenges but we have both pick a life full of obstacles. So thank you again and best of luck with your company, little Benjamin and John.
I will love hearing from you when you decide to return!
Love Ellie

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Annie March 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Noooo! I just discovered your site! oh well…I have 12 months to catch up I guess…I wish you all the best in your endeavors. I’m sorry that the screwed up freaks in this world have chased you away (like the one posted under “anonymous” above..so pathetic)

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Erin March 14, 2010 at 12:39 pm

You are an incredible woman, and you inspired me to blog on MY single mom life, as well as to encourage me to date again! THANK YOU for everything you’ve done, for the love you’ve put into your blog, and for your courage to share the truth. May you be blessed on your new journey!!!

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shiang March 14, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Oh, so sad to read this because it sounds like such a difficult decision for you….I have really enjoyed your blog! I know we’ll stay in touch! :)

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arscuore March 14, 2010 at 3:03 pm

This is a sad day. I hope to read you again someday! : (

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hef March 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm

People are really fucking bizarre, especially when cloaked in the anonymity of the internet. I don’t think I’ll ever understand what is so hard about simply avoiding something you don’t like. There’s a way to respectfully present your opposing views and then there’s … whatever it is that drives people to troll around the personal space of others spewing their self-righteous (or, maybe, self-loathing) bullshit. I’ve been reading for over a year. I’ve been through a lot during that time. I haven’t always agreed with your opinions. At all. But I’ve RESPECTED your opinions and approach to life completely. Some of your words have really moved me. I’ve met other incredible women through your blog. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished. And I wish you nothing but the best in future endeavors.

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Ryan (The Auto Insider) March 14, 2010 at 3:50 pm

While I’m not a single mama in any sense of the term, I do regularly follow the going-ons of Alaina, Benjamin and John. I had the unexpected of meeting this trio while making a journey from Detroit to NYC in a 2011 Ford Fiesta. Because of our Fiesta Movement connection, Alaina allowed my buddy and I to crash for a few hours, in which I was able to see inside the life of this extremely strong and motivated single mom.

I recently read some very disheartening words posted elsewhere on the web about the so-called “wrong doings” of this online journal. To them I say, “Piss off.” Without truly knowing the situation or realizing how ignorant their words read to others, they’ve basically lambasted everything that Alaina has worked so hard to create and provide for both herself and her son.

Benjamin is a happy kid. He’s a strong kid. But most of all, he’s a smart kid. Nothing written on these pages would ever change that, and if anything, he’ll see how strong his mom has been through the tough times and how much she loves him. Trust me.

I applaud Alaina for everything she’s accomplished and it’s truly sad to see her make this decision, but I trust her decision and wish her, Ben and John the best of luck in their next steps.

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Andrea March 14, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Ay my sweet Alaina, I´m crying, and dont know exactly why! Im so happy for you, and I truly understand that you need to protect your child. The good thing about your blog is that was so open, so real, that when it comes to your child privacy it is exactly what he may not like about it. I will never forget you Alaina, you were an important part in my life this last years. You can´t imagine how a written word can mean for a girl living far far away from you. Your mails, your posts, even your letters and packages (yes Alaina sent me presents twice!, thats the kind of person she is) made me feel someone in the world cared for us. Luckily this is the end of a big trip for me too. But thats another story, I will write you soon!!!! Bests for you and your beautiful family! xoxo Andrea

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Angie March 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm

People are assholes. You are a great writer and a wonderful mom. You’re raising a hell of a kid and he’s going to grow up to be one hell of an adult.

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Tomi L. Wiley March 14, 2010 at 4:14 pm

I will never forget stumbling across your blog and catching my breath, for here was a strong, intelligent, taTOOed woman of my own heart and situation. I will always have your New Leaf necklace (and earrings) and will always touch it, in the hollow of my throat, where my strong heart beats, and feel your spirit, encouragement, and energy along each ridge on my fingertip.

Thank you,

~ tomi

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Erica March 14, 2010 at 4:24 pm

I got a lot of negative feedback when I found out I was pregnant and I just wanted to pack up and take my unborn child where no one new us. There are things that I dread she may one day find out, like that I DO know who her father is. I understand and respect your decision to end your blog even though it’s been comforting to other single mothers. And to those that are negative towards you and all that you stand for, clearly they’ve never walked a step, let alone a mile, in any of our shoes. I’ll miss all the posts that you write but I truely hope it’s to YOUR benefit and the safety of yourself and your son. Peace and Blessings!!

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Samantha March 14, 2010 at 4:27 pm

I have read your blog for over a year now and I’ve never posted a comment. I’m in my mid 20s, not married, not a single mom…just someone that enjoyed your story.

What a shame it is that some close-minded, right-wing, conservative, pathetic human beings could ever influence the proud, strong, determined single mama that you are. I so understand your desire to protect Benjamin’s and your safety…I mean, it’s the entire basis of this blog.

I hope that you trust that you’ve raised a son that is an independent thinker, that knows who he is and that he knows who is his Mama is and what’s she done for him. Even the cruelest and most disgusting words by strangers won’t influence him when he’s old enough to Google. It just won’t happen… you didn’t raise your son that way.

I don’t doubt that you’ve so tremendously grown as a result of this blog, it would be impossible not to. Who are any of us to question your decisions as a mother for yourself and for your son? However, I hope don’t you have all of the answers yet. All we can ever ask for in life is try to figure out we are and what we want (and I still don’t know, personally) but what I do know is that it’s an ever evolving process. You’ll always be a Single Mama (with or without John Bear and marriage) and perhaps your next blog will be about how you’re navigating life as a newlywed and expectant mother… while trying to help John Bear find his place as a new father and step-father to Benjamin.

About a year ago, I wrote a blog post for the most famous news network in the world. It landed on the front page of their website. I got thousands of positive comments and thousands of negative ones. In fact, if you Google my name, there are some horrible and disgusting things written (also by right-wing, conservative religious fanatics.) At the time, I cried and cried and felt a moment of regret for speaking my mind. I also know that writing that blog post gave me so much pride and no one could take that away from me. I suspect you feel the same way.

Your blog and your 600+ posts are the biggest gift you could give to Benjamin and clearly, the gift you’ve given to the other single mothers. He will see, first hand, how is mother was not one of those pathetic women that other blog talked about, but how she kept going… because that’s what single mom’s do.

I’ll miss reading your blog and I wish you the best of luck.

The daughter of a strong, proud and amazing single mother,
Samantha

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Megan J in Ohio March 25, 2010 at 11:30 pm

What’s wrong with being a right wing conservative? I am one, have always been one, and have been reading Alaina’s blog for several years. I have never posted anything bad about her – I identified with her both as a former single momma, and a married momma. I’d hate to see a whole category of people thrown in with unkind people, just because they have a similar ideology.
Alaina, posting this after your decision to continue, and wanted to say I am so glad!

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In My Pink Heels March 14, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Alaina,

Thank you so much for sharing your world with the rest of the world. You are a true inspiration to me and many others! Congratulations on everything you have done and everything you will continue to do in the future. You are a great mommy, woman, and leader!

I commend you on all of your hard work and honesty. Until next time….

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Jared March 14, 2010 at 5:07 pm

I’m sad to see this end because it’s one of the few places I see people openly struggling with the hard issues of life. We need space as people to address the realities of this life in community together. None of us have all of the answers, but together we help find bits of peace and resolution for the things that challenge us to live our lives to their full potential. Thank you for sharing your life and providing a space for others to do the same. Godspeed.

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Gina March 14, 2010 at 6:41 pm

YES, that is what I was so drawn to.

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Jess March 14, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Alaina, I found your blog a year ago and became hooked. I felt like I had found a friend who understood everything I was going through. You are an awesome woman and you and Benjamin deserve nothing but the fun, good, and fabulous things life has to offer both of you! You have found the love you deserve with John and I wish you every happiness! Good luck on your next endeavors, and I will patiently wait until you decide to blog again :) Thank you for the thoughts, advice, and inspiration!

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J-Fo March 14, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Your blog was the entry point for a single mom journey that culminated in a 2800-mile move, a new husband-to-be and an amazing new family. To say I’m grateful is nearly a pathetic understatement, but I’ll start there. Thank you, thank you, and all the very best to you, Benjamin and John as you embark on the next chapter of your life!

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Kristin March 14, 2010 at 5:36 pm

I just want to say, holy shit Samantha, that was the best comment ever.

Alaina, you’re one of my personal heroes. I watched you in action with Benjamin, live and in person and I can say with absolute certainty that that little boy is loved fiercely and beautifully by a strong, spirited, courageous Mama. Adore you.

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Samantha March 14, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Thanks, Kristin :)

I’ve never written on someone’s blog before but I’m just really upset for Alaina and I’m appalled at some people’s behavior. I’ve been the victim of some very nasty blog posts (on a much more public level) by some anonymous cowards.

No one deserves it…and especially a woman who is just trying to raise her son the best she can.

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Emily March 14, 2010 at 5:38 pm

If you “lovers” only knew what kind of a person Alaina really was, you’d understand the “haters”.

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Samantha March 14, 2010 at 6:55 pm

What kind of a world are we living in when a young woman who leaves an abusive and dysfunctional marriage to raise her child differently is looked down upon?

What kind of a world are we living in when a young woman who wants to share her story so that others going through the same situation do not feel alone and scared and confused…is treated like a terrorist against women?

Emily, there is no way for any of us to know who Alaina really is. This is the internet. But I can guarantee you, the woman she is on the blog has only made society better, not worse. How Laura Wood, the “Thinking” Housewife and her close-minded followers, spoke about Alaina and women in general is not only appalling…it’s scary.

We’re in the middle of a war, people are losing their jobs, and some people don’t have health care. Women aren’t paid the same as men and sexism is still present. And Ms. Single Mama, a single mother trying to raise a decent human being is being criticized for sharing her story and for being a strong female? Give me a break.

It’s so easy for people like you (and I’m assuming your like-minded “friends”) to hide behind the anonymity of the internet. But if you ever met Alaina or any of us “lovers” in person, I doubt you’d have the guts to speak your hatred to our faces.

How any woman can criticize Alaina is unconscionable and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

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Emily March 14, 2010 at 9:48 pm

Samantha, sure there’s a way for some of us to know who Alaina really is. I know her and she is a self-absorbed fake who thrives on the drama and attention she has created on this blog and her twitter stream.

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Samantha March 14, 2010 at 10:04 pm

I don’t really believe you, “Emily,” but if that’s the case…

Don’t read her blog. It’s that simple.

You’re really expending a lot of energy on someone you don’t like.

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Amy March 14, 2010 at 11:54 pm

This is what I don’t understand – why expend the energy? No one is forced to read blogs. If you don’t agree with the topic, blogger, etc., why even bother?

Emily and Anonymous just show how insecure and unhappy they really are. A confident, happy, secure person does not waste his/her time going to blogs just to enter derogatory comments.

Emily March 15, 2010 at 7:43 am

It doesn’t take any energy at all. In fact, it’s entertaining. And, btw, I’m a very happy person.

Samantha March 15, 2010 at 10:19 am

In response to Emily saying it’s entertaining…

Read a book? Listen to music? Watch TV? Take a walk?

I think you’ve further proved all of our points if what you call “entertainment” is going on someone’s blog you don’t like and posting nasty comments.

Can we all say… “get a life?”

J-Fo March 15, 2010 at 1:16 am

I secretly (OK, now it’s not so secret) wish that I could flip the lid open and see what goes on behind the scenes in the lives of the Emilys of this world. My guess is that we’d find some fun, horrific or otherwise shameful little details that make it downright laughable that the Emilys of this world have such audacity as to judge and condemn those who just throw it out there in the open.

And, yes. Amazing the amount of time the Emilys spend here.

All the best, Alaina. You’ve done good work. And controversy just affirms it even more. Cheers, J-Fo

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mssinglemama March 25, 2010 at 6:49 am

And for the record. I don’t know any Emily. Or FameJane’s or any of the other names she uses to comment here. And judging by your comments – if I met you or do know you, I’m sure I didn’t like you.

Vicki November 6, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Superior thinking desmontrated above. Thanks!

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Andrea March 14, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Thank you Thank you for all that you have done. I found this Blog by accident, but it has seen me through some of my tougher days and given me hope and advice. I find it unfortunate that there are people out there who have so much time on their hands they can post hate mail and not even have the courage to leave their names. I will be sorry to see you go but please know that those negative individuals represent only a small population of your followers. I believe like most readers we returned to your site over and over because it struck a similar space in us we needs to fill or feel understood. I do hope you begin a new Blog someday.

Thanks for all you have given
Andrea

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Karen March 14, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Ugh, I just read that awful “housewife blog”. I found it laughable, but also creepy as f*ck. No wonder you want to shield your son and personal life from this toxicity. I’ve enjoyed reading your story, and hope you enjoy some blissful anonymity. Would you consider a members-only blog — one that requires a password?

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Ellie March 14, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I just read it too…. I almost cried. How can someone be so full of hate? I wanted to post something but than I wouldn’t allow myself to fall to their level.

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April March 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm

I am also very sad to see you go. I have enjoyed reading your blog, your adventures and your advice. Your site is the best single mom blogs that I have come across with a nice site, and some class at it. I hate that it has to end so abruptly but I truly wish you nothing but success and happiness in the future.

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Sheila March 14, 2010 at 9:47 pm

I thought I’d left a comment, but didn’t see it show up. Anyway, I wanted to give you my unconditional support. You have to do what you have to do. You’ve inspired legions of people, and you know who you are – that’s all that matters! xoxo

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Leah March 14, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Wow, I’ve been reading your posts for some time now but I’ve never looked at the comment section before today. All I can say is – thank you for sharing your life with us. I’m not a single mother, but I am struggling in my own way. I’ve found hope in your words and for me that is enough.

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Cleo March 14, 2010 at 11:37 pm

Alaina – I am such sorry to hear that people could say such scary and hurtful things to you. As a single mom myself, your stories have inspired me in moments when I am completely overwhelmed and stressed. Ignoring the jerks for a second, that you have come to a point where you no longer need this blog because you have found yourself….well, that is the biggest inspiration of all! Thank you for sharing your life and stories with us. It was a great honor. Best wishes to you and your family (and good luck with your new business)!!

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christine March 15, 2010 at 2:48 am

wow. i’ve been away for the better part of last week, and apparently i missed a lot. i’m sad to see you go. i believe it was fate that caused me to stumble across your blog in sept 2008. that was one of the hardest times of my life, and it made a big difference for me to read you. <3 thank you for being there when i needed you.

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Sharon March 15, 2010 at 6:32 am

As I said in my subscriber note to you – you’ve done so much good for your family and others. I’m a married mom who always enjoyed your blog and in my opinion you live out your faith which trumps mouth service any day of the week. I finally took a longer look at that housewife blog this morning (hadn’t had time to look properly before). Good Lord, that’s a disgruntled man writing that blog or a woman filled with self loathing.

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Bryn March 15, 2010 at 8:21 am

Another awesome blog ended thanks to the asshats of the world. Alaina, you ROCK and I’m proud to be a (new, again) member of that incredible demographic you’ve represented so well! Thank you for all you’ve done for single moms! For ALL moms!

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3girlsandaboy March 15, 2010 at 9:58 am

I perused that horrible blog and agree with your decision to be the better person. It is so much easier to stand in judgment of others, than to attempt tolerance and understanding of one another. You have to look at your life like…”What good did I put out into it?” You have done well Alaina and your son is proof of that. Best wishes on the next leg of your journey.

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Jenn-Dragonfly March 15, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Alaina, I am so very sorry to see you go as well. After reading the above comments, I can understand. I will never understand though, how people can be so mean, vicious and hateful. I guess they need the attention to make themselves feel good. Its points to a mental disorder and/or an inferiority complex. There will always be bullies in the world. You are doing the right thing. Mama bear will always protect her cub. Good luck in all you do and I agree with Karen that maybe a password protected blog? with strict security? maybe then we can share with you again without the haters. Maybe something that can block the haters from logging in… Think about it :-) We will miss you!!

xxxoooo Jenn

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jen_k_ March 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I’m a reader turned real-life friend. Alaina and I discovered we live just a few blocks from each other last spring.

Alaina is earnest, intuitive, an engaged and thoughtful mom, and the kind of genuine friend you always wished you had — the kind of friend who leaves her fleecy jammies and cozy Bear on a -20 degree night, slides on her hot boots and lipstick and picks you up for girls’ night out because she knows how badly you need it.

I’ve heard her talk about you – she wonders about you, worries for you, and really does think about you a lot. There’s nothing fake about this woman – not a thing. Simple as that.

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Abby Carter March 15, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Alaina, you give me and so many other bloggers out there pause. To blog is to open oneself up to vulnerability on a whole bunch of levels. Take stock in knowing that you have helped countless people out there with your words and the candidacy of your experiences. There will always be those who don’t understand that.

I wish you lots of luck with your newest endeavors…

Abby

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mom23inmd March 15, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Bye Alaina. I wish you all the best.

Julie

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Maureen McCabe March 15, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Never read your blog before today but I am sorry to hear how anonymous commenters have treated you.

I don’t understand the pay off for them. They must be very miserable. All the best!

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chrissy March 15, 2010 at 4:00 pm

I really am going to miss this-I’m not even a mom. I started reading your blog because I had to for work. I got hooked-instantly. maybe its because I’m from ohio too and I am far away in the Land of LA and you made the world feel a little bit smaller. A little piece of my heart just broke :(

I wish you the best of luck!

cheers!

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Jenny March 15, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Your words have helped many women – I wish you the best.

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trl March 15, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Alaina,

I too am happy, proud and sad to see you go! Happy that you have found deep fulfillment and that you have found a deep strong inner voice. I am thrilled to hear you making a choice that is comfortable for you and your child. You were wonderfully vulnerable and very open in sharing yourself. You are brave and strong. I am sad that others feel like they can steal your power or put fear in your heart. I hope you continue to fulfill your dreams for yourself and Benjamin! I am sure you will have many successes in life and though you may not be blogging I am confident you will continue to help others in need of hope during difficult times. i hope you can find the time you are now spending on not blogging to give yourself some well deserved rest and fun! maybe you’ll have time to for more beautiful photography! benjamin is so lucky to have a great documentarian of his childhood-don’t stop!!!!

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Josie March 15, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Bye Alaina.
While I never really commented here I am an avid follower both here and on Facebook. I even bought one of your neckaces as the beauty and meaning behind it moved me.
I do understand why you are doing this and wish you nothing but the best.
As a single Mom of an almost 20 year old, your stories, thoughts and feelings rang so true to my experiences over 18 years of flying solo.
Stay strong.

Josie

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RobinEsque March 15, 2010 at 8:23 pm

as my son could only say — oh, for crying-out-loud! You will be missed and the community that you brought together will certainly be missed!! I’ve had folks travel from your blog to mine, and vice versa … and for me, it has always made me feel like a dear friend’s friend was stopping by, or at least it gave me a strong sense of camaraderie.

The intelligence and strength that you have can only be reflected in the type of people attracted to your blog, and from the comments above (save a select few, lest they be named) it seems that you and your readers are both bright, courageous and will defy the odds. So here’s to us, eh?

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Kristen March 15, 2010 at 9:36 pm

I’m sorry to see you go. You have my respect. Best of luck with everything.

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she got the man March 15, 2010 at 11:06 pm

She got what she wanted and does not need this blog anymore..good for her!

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Y.E. March 16, 2010 at 12:14 am

I remember finding your blog 1 1/2 yrs ago. I was a single mom trying to find the courage to jump back into the dating scene after being out of the loop for many years. I was scared and very lonely. However, reading your blog gave me courage to get back out there. It wasn’t easy but I’m glad to say that after meeting many Mr. Wrongs and a couple of Mr. Right Nows….I have finally found my Mr. Right. We are engaged and will be getting married in July. I really believe you gave me the push I needed to get back out there. Thank you.

I wish you all the best. :)

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jen March 16, 2010 at 12:21 am

Wow, it’s ‘interesting’ reading some of these comments and I’ve gotta wonder what type of sad lives some people lead to be so hateful.

But on to Ms Single Mama. I’ve enjoyed reading this blog and not only am I sad to see it go, I’m appalled at the main reason it’s being stopped. I think overall it’s helped a lot of people going through a bloody hard time and that’s a good thing.

I’m a single mum and I know it’s hard yakka and we need all the support we can get, not hate.

Good luck with everything Alaina.

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Erin March 16, 2010 at 12:41 am

Oh, and Alaina – I just read that woman’s blog, post concerning M.S.M, and ensuing comments….

TRASH.

I happen to live in a world of people JUST like her, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. She is a disgusting example of her faith. Truly.

Just thought I’d throw in my two cents. :)

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chrissy March 16, 2010 at 5:47 pm

not that I want to see it (ok lets be honest I am nosy and totally do!!) who/what made her stop this? who is this monster!? can you share a link?

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Rihanna March 16, 2010 at 4:22 am

Hi Alaina

All the BEST for you and your boy, I totally get where you are coming from and feel incredibly privileged to have been able to read your blog as it was perfect timing for me, as I went through a similar experience. Thank you.

Rihanna

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Laurie March 16, 2010 at 10:02 am

Alaina, thank you so much for sharing your life with us… I’ve been a single mom of two little ones for 2 years now and your posts have honestly helped me through a lot of the rough spots. I love love love my leaf necklace :)

Wishing all the best for you and John and Benjamin!

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Tammie March 16, 2010 at 11:15 am

Alaina, I have read your blog for over a year now, but never comment. As a single mama myself, I have always enjoyed your take on things. I am as annoyed as anyone else over the negativity that people feel they must cast upon others. Really, if you don’t agree….simply stay away, that simple. Best of luck to you, Benjiman and John.

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June'Bug March 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Alaina,

I have been reading your blog for a little over a year now. When I stumbled across your blog I didn’t realize that there was life out here in the blog’o'sphere, and I soon realized that it’s not just life…it’s real life. It’s real people, sharing their real stories, raw, honest & heartfelt. From time to time I’ve been tempted to start my own blog, however, I’ve questioned whether or not I have stories that would be deemed blog-worthy, as well as whether or not I’d be able to handle the raw comments that come with posting my own raw emotions…I’m not sure that I could.

For that reason, I commend you for being able to open this little window of your world, this little doorway into your heart, and share your stories with us…your friends…and for the most part, strangers. I commend you as well, for knowing when it’s time to close this little window, and lock that door in order to keep what you’ve worked so hard for intact.

You have made me realize that throughout my struggles of being a single mama, working hard to keep my head above water in the world of singlemotherhood, I see now that I wasn’t alone….and that I was treading water all that time with many other single mamas, that were and continue to tread those rough waters, in an attempt to keep it all together…simply keep our heads above water for those littles that we love so much.

Thank you Alaina, for your words, your photos, and for your time….best of luck to you, John Bear and Benjamin….and many hopes that one day soon the sun will set on your time here in singlemotherhood, and that the sun will rise on something new.

If you do decide one day to find a place to call your own, and feel the need to open that window & door once again, we’ll be here waiting for you!

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Luck December 16, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Your tihiknng matches mine – great minds think alike!

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qbedet December 17, 2011 at 5:16 am
ojiwwxvav December 19, 2011 at 5:18 am
T March 16, 2010 at 1:53 pm

I say good for you Alaina! You have indeed grown and, actually, this post made me smile, not cry. I’m extremely proud to have witnessed so much that you’ve shared here. I’m thrilled to see you take the next steps to making life yours, strong and beautiful and courageous, just like you did here.

Good luck to you and your little family.

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Single Mom in New England March 16, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Boo Hoo! I’m really sad to see you go! Your single mom community advice has been a source of enjoyment and strength to me! You are such a great writer. Maybe someday you could write another blog, but not include Benjamin, out of hopes to protect him from the negativity…? I will miss dropping in daily to read what you’ve written! I’ll definitely leave my info just in case you ‘pick up the pen’ again in years (or hopefully months) to come!! Take care and THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR LIFE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! :)

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Alicia March 16, 2010 at 7:27 pm

I have been reading your blog for a LONG time. I am VERY sad to see you go…. Know that you have inspired me and given me strength just by being you.

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rsf March 16, 2010 at 10:06 pm

I just found your website a few weeks ago, and am very sad to see you go. Thank you for the support and help and encouragement you’ve given us.

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not really going huh March 16, 2010 at 10:42 pm

So you say you’re going..then post a new blog and close the comments and say you will be back with another post…really? Like Drama much! wow just wow Oh and if you are so worried about your safety and your child’s then why have you posted stuff about him and what state you live in. Yeah..okay

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Momartfully March 17, 2010 at 3:14 am

Oh no.
I’m so sorry this happened… I’m not surprised – people like that are as common as dandelions on the web… but I am sad that you won’t be here.

Thank you for all you’ve contributed and all you’ve grown – and we’ve grown with you. Take care of yourself and your family, and let me know if you ever find a new “home”. -K

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Beth March 17, 2010 at 1:29 pm

I left a comment before but I don’t see it on here. I just wanted to wish you, Benjamin and John the best of luck. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I think we both went through our divorces around the same time and I appreciated your honesty and encouragement. Hope to see you around town!

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Sherry March 18, 2010 at 10:06 am

Your blog has meant so much to so many. I am sad that negativity in the world has affected your family . You and Benjamin are a great superhero team and I enjoyed working with you. I wish you the best and many years joy and happiness.

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Bear March 18, 2010 at 4:59 pm

I’m glad that you’re moving to another stage; if you’ve outgrown this blog, so be it and best wishes for the next one.

I do think there’s something fundamental about this one that you might have overlooked, though: this blog, like most others, not only serves its primary purpose (to disseminate wisdom or knowledge on a particular topic) but serves as a Rorschach test for its readers. The patterns we see in your life as you tell it reflect our own experiences; our responses tell you more about us than they do about you. And your comment section paints a picture of a pretty fascinating world. Many people will sign in just to send along random kind thoughts. A lot of people have been hurt, some in truly devastating ways. Many are achingly lonely, and some have experienced grievous loss. But, crucially, very very few have abandoned hope. And the number who sign in just to be anonymously hurtful is actually relatively small.

I realize it’s difficult to discount that last group, especially when safety is an issue. But I’d offer, as something to consider over the course of the next year, the thought that the snapshot of the world that you’ve captured here might actually not be such a bad thing, on the whole, to pass along to your son.

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mommybella March 19, 2010 at 12:18 am

Sad…. sad to see that you no longer will be here, but happy to know that your journey, to you, feels complete. I think all single mothers have that same goal.
It is true though, for me it was a life line. I have no one in my life that can relate and to have you, this site and your readers, it makes me feel like I’m not soooo alone!.
But in the end you have to do what is right for you. Though we will all miss sharing with you our journey! Good luck in everything! hope B knows he has a great mama!

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Emily March 20, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Did Alaina really say, “apparently, I am responsible for quite a few marriages, engagements, love…”…? If that doesn’t speak to her ego run amuck, I don’t know what does. Way to go, Alaina. At some point, your ego is going to crash and burn.

I will give you this, though: you are an excellent writer and marketer. And I’m sure you are an incredible mother. It’s really unfortunate that some people have stooped so low to include your son in any negativity. Keep doing what you do well, and keep being the mom you say you are.

The fact that you are a disingenuous, fake – and not a very nice person in the eyes of a lot of people who have come to know you well over the past few years shouldn’t take away from what you do best. I’ll give you credit for that.

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Hoboken Mommy March 22, 2010 at 7:18 pm

You’re a good soul to try to touch others lives with your journey. I hope you do write again and I’ll try to catch up on your blog within the year. I just discovered this site.

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J.R. Reed March 23, 2010 at 7:43 pm

People can be real assholes. My blog in in the infancy stages and I can only hope that one day it gets as successful as yours was/is. I also hope that no one spews the kind of crap that you’re referring to. There may be no more Mssinglemama.com, but I will keep your badge up and http://www.sexandthesingledad.com will remain “Ms. Single Mama approved”!

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mommypie March 24, 2010 at 5:06 am

To my very first blog friend … congratulations on this next chapter! We’ll talk offline, but I must say here how very proud and happy for you I am … xoxo

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