Something is up

by mssinglemama on January 20, 2010

Definitely.

Something is definitely up.

I have been keeping it a secret from all of you for over three weeks now and I am about to explode – so excited to just get it out there. But we have to wait.

Until Monday.

A few thoughts running through my head:

Why do I do this to myself? But, then again, why not?

What if you’re all disappointed in me teasing you like this. It’s not that exciting. It is to me, to John Bear and to Benjamin – but to all of you? Humph. I’m not sure.

Those are my thoughts. Totally boring and uneventful.

While we’re waiting for Monday to get here and while I’m being boring and working my ass off  - tell me who you are.

I figure for every lurker that comes out and leaves a comment, another lurker will be entertained in reading said comment. So come out of hiding and tell me about yourself and one quick question:

Do you believe in fate? karma? both? why? why not?

Thanks and I love you. All of you. Even the psycho jerky ones of you.

xoxo

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{ 95 comments… read them below or add one }

Katrina January 20, 2010 at 8:19 pm

Hey! I am a 24 year old single mama to three babes, ages 2, 3, and 4. Currently, I am attending college with a major in civil engineering. LOVE the blog, you are so genuine!

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Juli January 20, 2010 at 8:26 pm

I have a feeling about what the big secret might be— but I’m not going to guess. I’m grumble, grumble, almost 34. Divorced. Seriously dating. Coping with living in the middle-of-nowhere-Central-Pennsylvania. Fate? Karma? Certainly. Can I explain why? Not so much. It’s better than believing that everything is chaotic coincidence. I have this deep, calm feeling that I’ve finally ended up where I am supposed to be. And that brings me great happiness.

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Mel January 20, 2010 at 8:29 pm

Hi I’m Mel…I’ve been reading you for a year. I love your openness and photos. Fate? Karma? I’m not sure. I believe in God…so I guess Fate would sort of go along with that. And as long as your news is exciting to you then we will all be excited for you :)

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Jess January 20, 2010 at 8:42 pm

I’ve been a lurker for a while :) I’m a 28 yo single mom with a 4 yo girl. Found your site about two months ago when I was at work on a slow night (I’m a nurse) and have been hooked ever since. Divorced for three years, I’d love to be in a serious relationship but right now I guess it’s just not meant to be…I totally live vicariously through you in that respect! I don’t know if I would call it ‘fate’, but I do believe that there is a plan. It’s not all random. Karma, for sure…put out the good and it will come back.
As for your news, I’m waiting anxiously!

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Karma January 20, 2010 at 8:59 pm

Well…

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JJ January 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm

I’ve been reading for a little over a year, and I love your blog. I think I check it daily, for inspiration, for support, and for knowing their are others out there just like me, three kiddos and a life that is never dull – at least not to me! And wow Anonymous…big words for someone who isn’t willing to share their name with all those accusations. Please move on.

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Karma January 20, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Maybe there is a side to Alaina that the readers of this blog don’t know. The question is, which part is an act? What goes around comes around. That’s a bit of karma, is it not?

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Bobbi Janay January 20, 2010 at 10:10 pm

Of course there is a side to her that we her readers don’t see, it is her blog so she filters herself to be seen in the light she wants to be seen. So if you have a problem with it don’t read it.

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BriBedell January 20, 2010 at 9:33 pm

Wow you sound like an ass. Here’s a thought, use your self filter and fade away. Why do you feel the need to come on here and act like you are so much better than everyone else.

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C January 20, 2010 at 9:35 pm

I’ve been reading this blog since I first became a single mother. In a scary and uncertain time, reading about your life and how normal and satisfying the life of a single mom could be inspired me to press on. Hearing about single moms like you was the light at the end of the tunnel. It inspired me to start my own blog, and *that* has given me focus and inspiration in myself.

The fact that you inspire hundreds (thousands?) of single mom is amazing, and I hope you know that that’s worth far more than the energy expended by negative, spiteful people (like the poster above).

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Bobbi Janay January 20, 2010 at 10:09 pm

First of all if what you are writing is true it is not your place to announce it to the world. Second if you are going to spew asinine comments about someone be brave enough to not hide behind Anonymous, that is what chickens do.

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mommybella January 20, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Hi, I’m Sofi. I have been reading your blog for a few months now, ever since I stumbled upon it one nite when I my son was not home and I was missing him terribley. I’m 27 and a single mother for 2 1/2 years to an almost 3 year old boy.
I love hearing about yours and others’ experiences of being a single mom. I no longer feel like I am going thru this hell alone. Karma? Fate? well I want to believe… …… that maybe one day I will get what I deserve and my ex will get his!

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dancingmama January 21, 2010 at 12:02 am

Hi..I’m Kari and I’ve been reading your website for about 6 months. Long before I was technically a single mom, although I knew where my life was headed at the time and in part, your website and your words helped give me the strength to finally leave. So for that, thank you. A million thank yous for your candidness, humor and words for thought. I have a 2 1/2 year old son, who splits his time between myself and his dad. Frankly, it’s not as difficult as I thought it might be..maybe because I’m finally happy for the first time in years. It’s heartwarming to know that I’m not alone in this never-ending journey that is single-motherhood. Although I have many days of self-doubt, wondering if I’m going to end up an old woman in a shoe, I just keep breathing…trying against all odds to keep the faith that I have been handed this challenge to become a better person and mother. Thanks again and I’m excited to hear what your “something big” is!!

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Erin January 21, 2010 at 12:29 am

Alaina – I hope you don’t let this person get to you. I care about you. You MATTER to me. Just knowing that there are other single mothers who are out there putting their kids and their sanity first, and taking the time to open up and share about their experience has made my fight back from the pain of divorce more bearable. You’ve given me hope. The mundane IS our life… and I’m so proud of your commitment to encouraging other single mothers in your position.

P.S. ~ You are BEAUTIFUL.

Anonymous: Find a real outlet for your anger, like a punching bag.

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Anne Y January 21, 2010 at 1:04 am

Ooohhhh……I can’t wait to hear the secret. Ideas are brewing in my mind!
I am a former single mom (of 7 years) and am now a married mommy of 3 ages almost 11, 9.5 and closing in on 2. Love reading your blog since I can identify with so much of what you write having been there once before. I was a single mom at the age of 20 to my son and my the time I was 21 I have a son and daughter to care for by myself. I got married at the age of 28 and had my 3rd child with in March of 2008. I think your advice is great and you have been a help to many single moms! Keep going and I can’t wait to hear the secret!

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Dymphna January 21, 2010 at 4:24 am

Hi, I’m a mom of 3, aged 5, 2 and 5 months. Just came across your blog via Matt Logelin’s one. Am looking forward to reading your blog. I believe in karma but I think bad things happen to good people also. Thats life and bad luck I suppose! D x

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Shelley in ME January 21, 2010 at 4:58 am

I have been reading your blog for a year or so now. I totally believe in fate and karma. You have been through some really tough times and I hope this news rocked your world, you deserve it! Anonymous is a coward for not stating her name and is obviously a very angry, self centered person. Why else would she write a comment like that on someone else’s blog. If she doesn’t like it, don’t read it. I love reading about John Bear and Benjamin playing with the Transformers. As a mother of 2 young boys I have spent countless hours trying to transform those things! The older ones are much easier…

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Mandy S. January 21, 2010 at 5:08 am

I’m Mandy, I subscribed to your blog while I was pregnant and searching for “atypical mommy blogs”, and just….keep reading. Oddly enough we live in the same neighborhood (I figured that out after your manicure post) so I keep waiting to run into you at the grocery or something but haven’t yet. Weird, huh?

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Amanda January 21, 2010 at 5:42 am

Well I’m excited for you. I love surprises!!! Well to tell you about me, I have been a single mom since I was 21. My son’s father left us. He was too immature and not ready for a kid. I am 29 and have an 8 year little boy. I want a long term relationship but i too have an affinity for the wrong men. I sent the last guy i was dating a link to how to date a single mom.. he he I would rather be open and upfront. I am from Southeastern Ohio. I just started reading your blogs. I am glad that somebody is writing about the things we go through.

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Laura January 21, 2010 at 6:04 am

I’m 36, married with a 2 year old daughter. I love your blog, not because I identify with being a single mom, but I’m a mom and I think parents have things in common and we can all help and learn from each other. I believe in karma, fate, things like that. I believe things happen for a reason, even though that “reason” might not reveal itself for awhile. We learn so much from out past experiences. I look forward to Monday and I hope the anonymous comment rolls off your back. Have a great weekend.

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Katrina January 21, 2010 at 6:06 am

OOPS mommy brain! I am not sure whether I believe in karma or not. I don’t know maybe a little.

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Stac January 21, 2010 at 6:29 am

I’m a 28 year old single mom to a 5 year old boy. I’ve been reading you since about November when I was about to have a complete and total mental break down. I was too busy trying to live up to the expectations of being the typical perfect self-sacraficing mom, and that wasn’t good for me or my son. Then I found this site and I saw other mom’s who were true to themselves, it gave me strength on a day I needed it the most. I completely believe in karma, fate, threefold and all the likes. I also 100% believe in second chances. Well my son’s father and I broke up when I was pregnant, we’ve recently began seeing eachother again. I find that experience both joyful and painful at times. Joyful because through it all I knew he was my true love, and painful because this is forcing me to face his mistakes, my own mistakes, and many deep seeded issues I’ve buried for most of my life.

Thank you for providing a place where we can all share and be ourselves.

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k.hunk January 21, 2010 at 7:00 am

I’m a single(ish) 30 y.o. with no kids, but I stumbled upon your blog a while ago (I don’t even remember what brought me here) but I really enjoy your style of writing and could completely relate to your quest of finding a nice guy. As for karma and fate, I definitely believe in it there are too many examples that could otherwise not be explained. Keep up the good work and I’m excited to hear your news!!!!!!!!

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Amy January 21, 2010 at 7:43 am

Hey, married momma of two little girls, 7 & 3 here. Although married now I will never loose my single momma mentality. I LOVE this blog for every single word posted on it. I believe all mothers should stick together; single, married or somewhere inbetween. Too often women bash each other down–a trait I find horrid– I love the melting pot you provide and am thankful I stumbled upon your writing. From one woman to another, you rock!

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Mikaela January 21, 2010 at 8:06 am

Hey – married 26 year old momma of 1 and 8/9 (due March 2). My husband is in the military, so my “single” parenthood is relegated to deployments. Love the blog and am extremely proud of all of you that truly are single mommas. You do an amazing job!

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QuirkyGirlx3 January 21, 2010 at 11:28 am

Mikaela,

Give yourself a little more credit, sweetheart. I’m an Army Brat. My father was gone roughly nine months out of every year off and on at intervals depending on field duty and the state of the world. My mom raised me in foreign countries and strange cities. We developed a support system, but with each move we had to start over and figure it out ourselves. She didn’t have to work and yes, we knew Daddy would come back eventually, but that didn’t stop that she did all the day to day and the hard stuff solo.

I was also married to a US Marine. Our first daughter was a year old and I was pregnant with our second when he was sent to Kosovo. It was a trial run for what I was about to embark on 2 years later. So, where it is different for you than regular single moms in some ways its harder. You give up your husband and your children’s father so that the rest of us can sleep safely. He doesn’t leave becuase he’s a jerk and doesn’t want the responsibilty; he leaves because he has honor and a greater sense of responsibilty. You’re job is infinately harder than ours.

So from one military wife to another, and from an Army Brat to your babies: Thank You. Thank you for the sacrifices your family is making for mine. I know this one. It’s not easy, but I’m proud everyday for what my dad did for his country and those he did not know. I’m proud of you, your husband, and your children. The depth of my gratitude can not be fully expressed.

It is my humble opinion that you are more than one of us. You (as all military wives-who NEVER get credit-are) in a class all by yourself.

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mssinglemama January 21, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Totally agree.

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Glenda January 21, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Mikaela / QuirkyGirlx3… I can so relate! Been there done that! Hubby was in the Marines and all the times he left I felt like a single mom! I am the mother of 2. A boy and a girl. Lived all over the US… in Okinawa and visited Korea. Life in the military was a great experience…but very hard!

Alaina… I’ve been reading since you guest blogged at Storked! Love your writing style… you keep it real…and been reading since. Don’t always comment…but love reading your blog…all about Benjamin and your love story with John Bear. Can’t wait for Monday… yay! Have a great weekend!

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michelle January 21, 2010 at 8:13 am

Hello…I’ve been following your blog for a while now….came to it through Matt Logelin’s. I’m married and have a 4yo daughter. I love reading your blog, you’re honest, fun, and a great photographer. I’m looking forward to Monday…. :) Have a great weekend!

Oh, about fate? Karma? Sure…I guess I am a believer in both. One saying that I try to live by “whatever happens, happens…If it’s meant to be”. Oh and my mom was wronged by a previous manager of hers….what I hope to tell the woman someday is that “karma can be a b*&ch and I hope it comes back to bite you in the a$$.” :)

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Katherine SOLO dot MOM January 21, 2010 at 8:43 am

Hey just stopping by to say hey, once again. Can’t wait to hear what is going on in your world…. Monday. You do keep us on the edge of our seat alot.. but we secretly love it.

Hope all is well in your world… I am still dealing with the shock that my oldest baby turned a swapping 15 yesterday… yeah – surreal, to say the least.

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Lori January 21, 2010 at 9:35 am

I’m not really a lurker… I just don’t have a lot of time to comment like I want to. But I’m a faithful reader and sport my leaf necklace and earrings regularly. (Of which I receive tons of compliments!)
Hmmm. I am not sure if I believe in fate or not. Or karma. Both are nice ideas though. I guess I’m hesitant to believe because I feel like we choose our own fates. If we choose it is it fate? And karma… I know too many assholes that skate by in life, screwing other people over and being generally unpleasant people. And on the other hand, I know good people who can’t catch a break. That’s my take on the question though.
Can’t wait to hear your news.

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Cleo January 21, 2010 at 9:45 am

I guess I was a lurker but only in that I have been reading for a while and havent responded. I think your blog is fantastic and has provided me insight and comfort many times over. I am a single mom of a 3 year old with a super flaky dad (hasnt seen her in over a year and now wants to come over for a “visit”. I mean really, what is that????!!) Anyway, wanted to come out of hiding so that you knew there are hopefully more of us supporting you than the nasty ones out there. I absolutely believe in karma – though sometimes I think it takes a lifetime to get the results of it. Fate…that one I am a little less sure about.

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Melissa January 21, 2010 at 9:46 am

I am a 25-year-old married grad student. I currently do not have any children. I was introduced to your blog through Matt Logelin’s blog about a year ago. Although I am not a single mom, I fell in love with your writing and all the knowledge/wisdom you write about. As a Marriage and Family therapist intern (studying for my M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy), you have amazing insight and information that I feel will help me understand my clients better. Anyway, that is me and I thank you for being so transparent and honest with all of us. I can’t imagine it being easy to hear people comment (good or bad) about your life and choices. For what it’s worth, I think you are an amazing mom.

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Jennifer January 21, 2010 at 9:50 am

Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for probably almost a year now and this is my first time to leave a comment. I found you thru Matt Loglin’s page (amazing guy). I am 32 yrs old divorced mother of a 5 year old son…so yes we have things in common. Plus I now have been blessed with my own wonderful John Bear. So a lot of what you say or vent about hits home with me. You are an inspiration. And for me that doesn’t mean you need to be perfect – it means you’re not perfect (like me) and you make mistakes and learn and grow from them. Can’t wait to hear what the big news is. I’ll be back on Monday to find out!

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Jaden January 21, 2010 at 10:25 am

I’m Jaden… 26 year old mommy of one and married to the guy I’ve been with since I was 16. I believe that everything happens for a reason… and yes, Karma exists :)

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Beth January 21, 2010 at 10:38 am

I’m Beth and have been reading your blog for about a year. I am not single but wishing I was. 3 kiddos. Love your writing.

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fourmoore January 21, 2010 at 10:39 am

I’m Lisa – 38 years old and divorced for about 1.5 years. I have 3 kids (girls ages 11 and 6 and a boy age 4). I totally appreciate reading about your experiences. It reminds me that I’m not the only one leading a crazy post-divorce life. Sometimes I just want to get off the ride, you know? But, I’m working hard at putting my efforts into planning for our future and bettering my life today. Thanks for all of your honest words.

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Travis January 21, 2010 at 10:43 am

Uh… yeah… I’m a guy… on a single mom’s blog.

I feel uncomfortable right now…

Anywho…

Karma? Yes and No. Karma is the supposed contradistinction of faith… But I say.. Faith without karma is dead. They work together.

Fate? Yes and No, Fate is the belief that we have no control over our lives… That it will happen because the “universe” said so. We don’t rebuild our lives after a divorce, cause we “truly” believe in fate… cause that would suck for most of us, if we had to live with that fate.

Since the view that human nature is predictable and we get trapped into believing that we have to swim in that stream. If we don’t want to be there we can get out. But we assume that we can’t so we say, “it’s fate”

Fate is about the lack of knowledge or the lack of confidence that we have no control over our own lives.

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Agreed. You remind me of an old friend who commented on my blog in its very early, early days… Tim Chard. Read this http://mssinglemama.com/2008/02/27/do-i-need-therapy-nope-just-a-fantastic-comment-thread/

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Sharesa January 21, 2010 at 10:59 am

I am a 30 year old single mama to a 4 year old boy. I love your blog! I have been reading it now for several months. I bought your e-book last week and I love it as well. I found your blog when I googled “single mom blogs” and have been hooked ever since!! Excited to hear your news!!

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Shelby January 21, 2010 at 11:17 am

you are either engaged or moving in together :)
I am shelby, 21, engaged, and in love wiht your blog. I like painting, scrapbooking, reading, the gym, and dogs.
by the way, i love john bears dog :)

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Amanda K January 21, 2010 at 11:54 am

I’m a single(ish) mom to an almost 3 year old little girl. I’ve been dating someone since she was 6 months old, but some days it feels like I’m living by myself. LO “donor” is no where to be found, and from what I hear isn’t worth a darn thing anyway.

I’ve been reading for a year or so now, found you through Matt Logelin & Modernsinglemama.

Karma and fate….fate yes, karma is wishful thinking for me. Of course I’d love to believe that all the negative people in my life will recieve “theirs” at one point..but again, wishful thinking. Life happens.

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orangek8 January 21, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Hi Alaina! It’s me, Kate. You know me! I definitely believe in karma of sorts. And a little bit of fate sometimes.

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mssinglemama January 21, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Kate! THE one and only Kate (who I know). Everyone – I used to make public access TV shows with this chick in high school. She is single-handedly responsible for creating a need in my soul to publish just about everything. Jerk.

xoxo

Ha.

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Lesha January 21, 2010 at 12:30 pm

I’m not really a lurker, though I don’t comment all that often. Okay, maybe I’m a lurker.

I’m a single mom to an almost 3 year old little boy, working through all the fun custody stuff with my soon-to-be ex-husband. Starting to date, in a relationship now I guess you would say, and just a little freaked out about all that! I do believe in Karma, but not in fate so much.

I can’t wait to hear the exciting news!

Oh and @Juli, I am also in middle-of-nowhere Central PA!

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Heidi January 21, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I’m a 38-year-old married mom of two boys. I’ve been reading your blog for a year or so. I saw you speak about your blog at a local PRSA luncheon. It sounded interesting so I checked it out. I’ve been reading it ever since because you write so openly and aren’t afraid to be a human. Also, while my boys are a little older than Benjamin, I love reading about what he’s up to because mine were doing similar things just a few years ago.

I’m not sure how I feel about fate — I believe in God and feel that sometimes he directs us down certain paths, which some people may see as fate. I do believe in karma — you get what you give! Look forward to your announcement on Monday and thanks for sharing your life with all of us!

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Single Mom in New England January 21, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Single Mom of one rockin’ 4 year old son here. I secretly hope you’re engaged, and have a wonderfully romantic story to share with us on MONDAY!!!!

I think everyone and everything happens for a reason. And learn to happy with what you have in life, and count your blessings! :) And avoid the jerks.

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Amber January 21, 2010 at 2:31 pm

I’m a total lurker! I’ve been reading your blog for a year now and have only commented once. I found your blog through Matt Logelin’s site and the video interview you did last New Years in Chicago. I’m not a mother and I’ve never been married, but I find your insight and musings on life, love, and motherhood very interesting. I’m a 26 year old library science graduate student in Chicago but I’m from Ohio, so reading your blog is a small connection to the state I love. Thank you for sharing your ups, downs and exciting news with us!

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mssinglemama January 21, 2010 at 3:09 pm

You lurkers, you! This is SO awesome to read and hear about all of you. Keep ‘em coming!

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Roxanne January 21, 2010 at 3:30 pm

Hi! It’s me, Roxanne. You’ve heard of me. I think you’re awesome. In fact, I kinda wanna be like you when I grow up. I’m 28 now, and not sure I’ll ever grow up, but if I do … ;)

I totally believe in karma. Not just in behaviors and actions (leave a penny more often than you take on, my friends), but in thoughts too. You throw out negative thoughts and energy, most likely your life will be engulfed in negativity. Show up with a smile and a little bit of optimism, and you’ll end up a little happier at the end of the day.

A little hippy dippy trippy, I know. I wasn’t always this way …

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Rachel January 21, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I’m a 24 yr old single mom of a 2.5 yr old little boy. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and I love it although I think I’ve only left one comment. I found your blog one late night through Matt Logelin’s site. At the time I found your blog my ex had just left us after being together for 3 years. His baseball career and love of women finally came before us. Reading your blog gave me a new sense of strength and for once I didn’t feel like I was all alone in this crazy world. And reading about your relationship has given me hope that maybe one day I’ll find an amazing man who not only loves me but my son as well. So thank you and I and can’t wait to find out what your secret is.

I’d like to believe in karma and fate but I guess that’s the wishful thinker in me. As for karma I hope one day my ex will get what he deserves but I know to many jerks that have managed to skate by in life.

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junctionmama January 21, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Not exactly a lurker, because I leave comments occasionally.
I’m a 36-year-old about to be divorced single mom of a spunky 2-year-old girl.

Fate? Yes. Every thing I have ever done and experienced has led me to where I am today.

Karma? I sure hope so, because I want it to bite my ex in the ass!

Your writing has been a source of inspiration over the past year.
Love ya!

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Laura January 21, 2010 at 4:10 pm

i’ve been lurking for a while now… found your blog via matt’s (random encoutner there too!)
i’m 26, not a mom, and never married, but i love how you write (so honest! so much like real life! with links to great etsy stuff!) so that’s kept me coming back. thanks for making us “de-lurk” today :)

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Jill January 21, 2010 at 6:23 pm

I can’t wait to hear your news!! I have a few guesses :)

I do believe in fate, I met the love of my life on a business trip to Philly and we connected, if it hadn’t been for that exact moment that night I wouldn’t be where I am today, incredibly happy with an amazing man!! That is fate to me

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Suzie January 21, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Hi :)
I’ve been somewhat of a lurker (I love that word) since June when I found out I was pregnant. Things didn’t work out with the ex, but I try to stay positive and not bitter about it (which is why I read things like your blog for inspiration and good feelings). I’m 26 and about to become a single mom in just a few short weeks. Scary, but refreshing at the same time. Do I believe in fate and karma? Sure. I believe that everything happens for a reason and wise friend told me that my baby picked me. Thanks for your blogging… it picks me up on down days :)

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Jillian January 21, 2010 at 7:39 pm

I don’t know if I count as a lurker, but I’ll comment anyway just in case. Who am I? A 22 year old who doesn’t know what she wants and how to get it. Do I believe in fate, karma etc? No. I don’t believe in any power or being higher than ourselves. I believe we invent karma, fate etc to make us feel better and thus we attribute it to situations where we see fit. I believe that nice people get nice things and attract other nice people, but it is simply by virtue of being nice, not because of some divine reward etc.

Regardless, I hope your surprise is a great one, and of course it will be important to us! I think most of the people who read you are emotionally invested in you in one way or another.

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McKenna January 21, 2010 at 7:44 pm

hello! i’m definitely a lurker! i’m a 20 year old college student and although i don’t have any children, i really enjoy reading your blog. i too stumbled upon it through matt logelin’s blog and i really like your writing style and the thoughts you bring to your blog. i have a ton of respect for all single parents and it’s great to see people who just love their kids!
as far as fate and karma? i like to think we choose our own fate, but maybe the choice we make itself is fate? and as far as karma goes, it’s a nice thought, but sometimes i think it’s more “accurate” than others!

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Sam January 21, 2010 at 7:44 pm

Hi, I stumbled on this site a few weeks ago, which came at a perfect time. I’m a single mom of a fantastic 6 year old. In the last few months I have been going through an hard time since my daughter’s father abused her and I have been fighting to keep her protected. It’s very reassuring to see so many strong single moms, when I’m feeling overwhelmed I really do feel better reading the blog. I’ve always believed in Karma and that if you put good in the world it will come back to you and if it doesn’t than you’ve made the world slightly better.

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Dawn January 21, 2010 at 9:26 pm

This is my all time favorite place to mingle with the heroines of the next generation. I absorb strength every time I stop by.

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Ali January 21, 2010 at 10:28 pm

Lurker … real name is Ali. I absolutely believe in fate and karma. I paid my dues and met the man of my dreams when I wasn’t looking. I had to remind myself that I did, in fact, deserve the love he had to offer. Rainy season (in the Pacific NW) paused for our wedding day and the sun shone so brightly … Good things happen.

Can’t wait to hear your news!! You deserve the good things going your way. ;)

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Megan J in Ohio January 21, 2010 at 10:29 pm

HI, not really a lurker, I have left a few comments here and there. I found your blog from Matt Logelin’s. I am a married, 38 year old mother of 9, former single mama to my oldest who is now 19. Blended family, our oldest is almost 20, my husband’s daughter from his 1st marriage. And Honey, do I ever believe in FATE! My husband and I met when we were both single parents of 4 year old daughters. Both had been divorced at exactly the same time, and were unwilling to be divorced but not given the choice. Anyway, long story short, we met, and that night danced in my parents’ driveway in the dark for three hours, the music had stopped after the first hour.
Life ( and the Lord) gives you back what you put out there. You give your best, are kind, say yes sometimes to folks who really need you, and God will bless you 50 times over for whatever good you have done. That’s what I believe! Blessings to you, love your blog!

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Zoeyjane January 21, 2010 at 11:02 pm

I’m only a part-time lurker. :P

I’m 29, living a life of glamour (aka minimalism) in Vancouver with my 3 y.o. daughter (aka teenager). And I *so* think y’all are moving in together, officially.

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Sarah_UK January 22, 2010 at 2:52 am

I’m a lurker and have been for sometime.
I am a single mum to an 11 year old boy – hard work? Yep. But he’s wonderful and the best thing to have ever happened to me. Talk about fate, i believe he was brought to me at a time when i was really sick with an eating disorder ((Wasn’t even having periods!!!)) and for 9 months i HAD to feed my baby and myself….and i got well :)

I love your blog – i think it fab.
ALL power to us single mothers….

Miss Sarah. x

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Patti B. January 22, 2010 at 6:27 am

I’ve probably been lurking around for quite a while. I’m divorced as well, with two awesome boys, 7 and 9, who live with their dad, but are close to me too. I love to write and read what others have to say too – that’s why I feel so at home here.

I believe we have certain skills and qualities that will help us in life, but that we make our own decisions and our own luck. I do believe in karma in the sense that what we put out there affect others and comes back to us that way.

Look forward to more conversations!

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lauren January 22, 2010 at 6:52 am

i can’t wait to hear your secret. your good news.
i need good news. i need this week to end.
that’s all. ;)
*

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Mama Jennifer January 22, 2010 at 7:09 am

Hi Alaina!
My name is Jennifer. I’ve commented before so I don’t know if *officially* I am a lurker. I am a 32 (almost 33) year old single mama. My ex left when my son was 5 weeks old. My son is 8 now. My ex came back long enough to get me pregnant (after our divorce) resulting in my now almost 6 year old daughter. So, I pretty much don’t know what it ‘s like to NOT be a single mama. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have grown so much and I think I am a much better Mommy than I would have been otherwise. I wholeheartedly believe everything happens for a reason! My ex put me into financial ruin … or so I thought! Just this week, 7 years after my divorce and 5 years after my bankruptcy, I bought a HOUSE! So exciting!!! You never know where life will lead you … there is a plan, though and sometimes you just have to go with it! My goal in life is to LOVE and BE LOVED … that’s all. I think you have found that, first with Ben and now, with John Bear! Wishing you the best of luck!

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Megan January 22, 2010 at 8:12 am

Hi. I’m one of those lurkers you mentioned! My name is Megan, I’m a 28 year old single mom to two little girls, ages 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. On December 5, 2008 my husband backed his bags and left. To this day I still don’t fully understand why. A few months after he left I came across your journal and have a been a faithful reader ever since.

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Sounds like fate. ; ) Glad you found me.

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Lara January 22, 2010 at 9:02 am

I’m Lara. 34 single mama (one year today…do divorces have anniversaries?) to a 5 year old precocious and hilarious daughter. I’m pretty much a radical and as such, I don’t find many 30-something mamas with whom I “fit”. What I love about your blog is that ANYONE fits – regardless of personal politics, religious beliefs, etc. It’s a nice place to visit.
As for karma and fate: hell yeah.

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June Bug January 22, 2010 at 9:17 am

I’m 34…mom of two girls ages 13 and 3. I’m a former single mom, but hung up my single mom hat just about 5 years ago.

I know what it feels like to have to work three jobs to keep a roof over our heads. Thankfully two of those jobs allowed me to bring my daughter along which made me feel a little bit better about having to work so hard, but to still getting spend time with my girl. I know what it’s like to give everything and even things I didn’t realize I had for the sake of happiness and the attempt to keep it all together. I know what it’s like to look at that little face that depends on you and realize quickly that you need to keep it together, you HAVE to keep it together! I know the feeling of being too proud to run to mom & dad for help because I’m foolishly afraid I’ll dissapoint them. I also know how quickly the tears fall when you open the pre-foreclosure notice from the bank that crept it’s way into your mailbox.

No matter how hard things seemed at the time, each and everyone of those scenarios made me exactly who I am today. I’m still a little guarded, okay, maybe more than a little…I still put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own, and from time to time, I still breathe a sigh of relief that I’m here, I made it….WE made it! My relationship with “my girl” is beyond words, I think the bond we formed in the early days of working hard and depending on one another molded us into this fierce mother / daughter alliance. I see the way she loves her little sister and her step dad and I realize that I am part of the reason why she loves so much and is such a strong and independent little lady.

Realize, that wherever you are in the world of single motherhood….no matter if you’re at the bottom of this mountain or just about to reach the top, know that good things are waiting for you at the top and that although that climb up the mountain isn’t going to be an easy one the view from the top is BREATHTAKING!!

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:18 pm

What a beautiful comment. Thank you for sharing and flattered to have you reading my blog.

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Lily Robles January 22, 2010 at 9:44 am

I’ve been reading your blog for about a year and a half. I have never left a comment but every time you call your readers out I am really tempted. I have never left a comment because I am not a single mom. I am just a single 22 year old. My sister however is a single mom of four boys so I do have a special place in my heart your single mothers. I enjoy reading your blog. Its inspiring and entertaining.
I recently moved to Indiana from Oregon back in August and it has been a bit lonely. Meeting new people has been difficult and the man I had been dating for three months and I just split. I’ll admit I had not visited your blog for a while but since the break up I found myself back here. And I’m very excited to find out what the surprise is on Monday!
Thanks for sharing your story.

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm

SO glad you finally chimed in! Thank you and do it more often – we need to hear from the inspiring single women who have yet to have kids. You know? Keeps us single mamas on our toes and it’s refreshing.

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Amber January 22, 2010 at 10:16 am

hey, this is my first time commenting on your blog! i’ve been reading it for almost a year, and I love it! I cant wait to hear your big news!! I am a single mom to a wonderful 5 year old son and I so know how they come back from dad’s acting like a totally diffrent child, and not in a good way. as soon as I get my baby back, seems it’s time for him to go see his dad again! it’s a vicious cycle but guess we cant do much about it. I’m so happy for you and John Bear, there is hope for me to find someone who loves me and especially my son. Karma, fate, i believe in all that. I think everything hapens for a reason. I dont like Karma she can be very mean, especially the bad kind! cant wait to hear the news, the suspense is killing me! I dont have a blog yet so i just had to post as anonymous. I would love to chat w/you through email, us single moms have to stick together!

Amber

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm

I hope my news as exciting to all of you as it is to me/us. We shall see…

If you want to stay connected with single moms, the best place is our Single Moms forum – check it out, okay? http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms

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Diana January 22, 2010 at 10:24 am

I am a single Mom to 4 beautiful babies!!! I live in Chillicothe Ohio. Just recently found your blog and I love it. I am just now starting to think I am ready to let someone in my life…we will see. I would like to believe in fate but sometimes it is hard to do that!!

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm

We live SO close to each other. Awesome. Thanks for coming out of your lurker closet, Diana.

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mssinglemama January 22, 2010 at 12:24 pm

I want to leave comments for each and every one of you, my AMAZING readers. But there are SO many.

Any more lurkers out there? Come on… you can do it!

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MommaSunshine January 22, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Not really a lurker, but I certainly don’t comment as much as I should.

I’ve been a reader of your blog for a little over a year now. It was finding this blog that helped me stumble into the very supportive single parent community here online. I feel like I would be lost without it! So thank you. :)

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Lauren January 22, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Hi I am a 35 year old married mother of one. He is 2 years old. Not sure how I got to your blog, but maybe through Matt L’s site. I live in NYC.

This week I am not beliveing in karma since a few weeks ago we left a note after creating a very small sctrach on a car we parked next to and this week someone stole the engine out of the ^)(& car. I met my husband via a dating site in the early days and I just think we were very very lucky.

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Kimberly January 22, 2010 at 3:20 pm

I’m a single mother of a two year old – when I started reading your blog a year ago I was in sort of same position as you were when you left your husband. I was madly in love with him in the beginning but as the relationship went on I was hurt over and over by his decisions to chose an addiction over our family. I decided to separate from him and 6 months later he committed suicide (this past September). So I am reeling from losing my husband, my son’s father and my best friend .. and also at being a single Mom for real this time. Always appreciate your blog, you give me hope. xoxo

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Kelly January 22, 2010 at 4:28 pm

I’ve been reading for somewhat over a year now and I comment occasionally. I’m a 37yo single mom of two energetic, enthusiastic, highly intelligent, crazy children- boy-9 and girl-7. They certainly do keep me on my toes. I forget how I came across your blog- probably through a link from a single mom article somewhere. I love to wear my leaf earrings and necklace- I got a silver set. it is wonderful to hear all the stories of your and the other readers, they help keep me grounded and they answer the question “Is it just me and my life?” with a resounding NO. I feel much more normal As far as fate/karma- I feel whatever you put out to the world will eventually come back to you threefold. Whether that’s karma or not, I still try and do the right thing. Congratulations on whatever your good news is. I look forward to reading about it on Monday.

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arscuore January 22, 2010 at 5:18 pm

I don’t think I qualify as a lurker, but I like hearing people’s stories, so… I am 35, single mom of an 8yo fabulous boy who happens to have autism. His dad decided he wanted out and then made me do all the dirty work before he left the state and promptly shacked up with a new GF and her three kids. And it was the best thing to ever happen to the kid & me.

I think I believe in Karma more than fate (a big change when I was growing up, I must say). Karma’s more about getting back what you contribute, whereas the idea of fate eliminates the power of choice. I believe in the power of faith and hope, too.

And I have a new man in my life — go me!! Can’t wait to hear your news, Alaina!!

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Famejane January 22, 2010 at 9:24 pm

Fate? No. I don’t believe in it. Too often, bad things happen to good people.

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Kelly January 22, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I am Kelly 32yr old single (not a mom, unless you count my adorable lab;) and in Chicago
I have a ? for some of the ladies above….what does single (ISH) mean?
I wonder if I am ?!?!?

Anywho, I lurk, I have been lurking for about 2years maybe?!?
I can tell you..something you said a while back in a video post about dating was “look around..when at the grocery store, etc just look around”
(I am paraphrasing here) Each time I walk in the grocery store now I hear you in my head & instead of being convinced everyone is looking at me for being SO tall I am convinced they are looking at me cuz I am just “looking around” and looking back! =)
Thanks for that

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Summer January 23, 2010 at 12:15 am

Hello, I am one of your lurkers that never say anything :) I love your blog because you inspire me to do more than I am doing. Do I believe in fate? I think I do. I think that things are supposed to happen, the way they do, and we grow from every experience along the way. That makes us who we are. I also believe in karma, in a way. If you live a good life and have a good attitude, and treat others well, bad things still happen to you, but all of the positive energy that you have been sending out into the universe comes back to save you. Your friends help you, your mind cheers itself up, and you don’t have any regrets to haunt you. So even though there are still things that you can’t control, it doesn’t mean that you can’t control how you handle them. :) Thanks for doing what you do. It helps me feel like there is more to life than boys… unless they’re only 3 feet tall. :)

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erin January 23, 2010 at 9:45 am

absolutely believe in karma.
i am a mom of three (7,4, and 3) who is like the other military momma up there. single mom sometimes, well a lot of time lately.

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mommietopearl January 23, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Lurker anonymous! :) Ya that’s me. I found your blog through many different blogs and as well as other networking sites. You are truly inspiring. Your outlook on life is so contagious. I am a single 20-something mom to a almost, sigh, one year old baby girl! I lurk when I can as I am a mommie by day, and graduate student by night. :)

Karma- yes and no it exists…. yes for good . no for bad.(for me personally speaking). Karma roots into Buddhist beliefs as well as other cultures and religions. often it is said that with every action performed, inevitably it will return to the person back with the same force. It would be great if this happened because. Everyone who gave, would receive equally and then the originally giver would then give again and receive back creating this wonderful circle and cycle. But on the flip side if someone did something of negative nature they would then receive it back in same force, this I would hope never happens, yes a few days I wish ill upon people but really not most days. This would stop the good karma cycles in place.

Fate- no it does not exist. this is saying that things inevitably will happen, and I do not think anyone inevitable is meant to be hurt or abused…. that is something no one should ever “have coming to them” because of fate.

Those are my ramblings hahaha!

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Cat January 23, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Hello, I’m Cat. I guess I am one of those dreaded lurkers as well. I am 39 and have been a single mom for 17 years (my daughter is now 18). My daughter is a senior in high school. I feel very lucky that she and I are very close and she tells me everything. I am also lucky that she has decided to go to college locally and will live at home for the next year or two still and not make me a dreaded empty nester. Eek. I am an RN. I went to nursing school while still working two jobs and raising my daughter on my own. I think we single moms are amazing people that can take on amazing challenges. I think it is great that you have this site that is so supportive and empowering for other single mothers. I was always the only single mom in my circle of friends so it is great this site is here.

Anyway, karma and fate? I do but have no explanation why. I guess I just figure if you are a good person, good things will happen and if you aren’t a good person karma should come and kick you in the patooty.

I think I have a pretty good guess about your announcement on Monday. If it is anything close to what I am guessing I am very excited for you. :-)

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Kathy January 23, 2010 at 7:21 pm

I’m totally a lurker, so I’ll come out and say hi. I’m Kathy, 21 year old in Kentucky, no kids, just a college student. Love your writing, can’t wait to hear your good news!

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Lucy January 23, 2010 at 9:02 pm

I’m intrigued! What is your surprise???

I’m only a semi-lurker. I’ve commented a time or 2. I too have a Benjamin who is the love of my life!

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Kathleen January 23, 2010 at 9:14 pm

I’m Kathleen a 31 year old almost single mom to a 3 year old boy. I stumbled across your blog a couple of months ago and love it! It really does give me inspiration that I too can be a fabulous single mom. I am just starting the process of being separated from my husband. He moves out in a week… This time in my life has been the hardest ever.

So to answer your question about fate, karma, or both, I don’t know. I just hope that when I do reach the light at the end of the tunnel that my son is happy, healthy, and knows that I every decision I make is with his best interests at heart.

Thank you! I am looking forward to reading about your exciting news on Monday!

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Heather January 24, 2010 at 8:40 am

Hi there. I am an almost 34 year old single mom of a wonderful 3 1/2 year old little boy. After the divorce, we moved back home (to my hometown) to Bellbrook, OH…just south of Dayton. Going through the divorce and the subsequent aftermath has been one of hardest things I have ever done…I am getting stronger and more self assured by the day though. I have started to see a great guy too. NOW, not then, do I know that the crumbling of my marriage was the best thing to happen and it was what had to happen…I think it was fate. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out why my ex and I ever even got married in the first place and why we stayed together for eight long, awful years. When I look at my son though, I know the answer…it was fate, twisted fate perhaps, that I met and married that man, and for much better, I have my amazing Ethan because of it. I think that the results of fate aren’t always as beautiful and sweet as we want them to be, but they are what need to be.

So, not too long ago I somehow found your blog and I just love it. You are so honest and open, and I can really relate to you. My son is out with his father…and new stepmother (Who happens to call herself his “bonus mother”…can you say crazy, psycho, insecure woman?!) as we speak for an every 2-3 month custody visit. I am totally thinking of your recent post right now and wondering what I will have to deal with when my child returns. I fully expect at least a couple days of “recovery” from Ethan being with “Disneyland Dad”. Just like you do, I will hang in there though and know that this too shall pass. Thank you for your blog, your thoughts and your inspiration…you give single moms like me a lot of laughter and smiles and a healthy dose of courage too.

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AprilFresh January 24, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Yep, lurker, definitely a lurker… I don’t post much but comb through the site a lot. Thanks to everyone who does post, there is so much to learn here!

I’m April and I’m a 31 year old single mom of a 3 year old. We live in Canada and I’ve been a single mom since day one. I believe everything happens for a reason and that my son was meant to come into my life at the exact moment he did.

I was 27 and had just broken up with my 9-month boyfriend at the time, a perfectly decent guy from any outsider’s perspective. He was a medical student from a good family who worked hard. But he was non-communicative and when he did communicate it was often mean or outright rude. But we had good physical chemistry and it was companionship so we stayed together until January 2006.

In January 2006, I had just come back from my cousin’s wedding in Central America and seeing how absolutely in love they were, I had this epiphany. I don’t know how else to explain it. It was this crazy light and free feeling that I have not experienced since. Love was what it was all about; two people who care so deeply about each other, whose connection is so strong it appears unbreakable. Two people who respect each other and are kind to each other – that was what it was supposed to be like and that was exactly what I didn’t have with my current boyfriend. It was so clear in my mind that I was meant to meet the love of my life and I was excited and eager to start dating again. But this time it would be different, I wouldn’t just wait for relationships to fall in my lap, I would go out there and find this person who I was so sure was also looking for me. I was so clear and ready to stop wasting each other’s time, to be free.

Ten days after the breakup, I found out I was pregnant. I was floored… Never having been pregnant before, I was shocked and happy and scared and the whole gamut of emotions that come with the discovery that you are now responsible for something so much greater than yourself.

What ensued was a year and a half of a roller coster of emotions and decisions. Decisions to tell the father and my family and friends. Coming to terms with being a single-mom, then a full-time working single-mom, then a dating-full-time-working-single-mom. Whew! What a crazy couple years it has been adjusting to this – my new normal. But what a fantastic new normal it is…. and you know what? I did meet the love of my life! He didn’t show up as I’d expected but he’s the greatest kid a mom could ask for. Call it fate, destiny or karma whatever it is, I believe it was meant to be.

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Ken January 24, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Lurker? Hmmm. Maybe just a quiet reader (mostly – I recall commenting at least once, but have read since early last year). I saw at least one other guy on this list…

I read you because your eloquent lucidity helps me see the world through a different set of eyes. Getting past our own points of view is awfully hard (politically, sexually, religiously, generation-ally …).

’tis a life-long quest, and I appreciate your sharing. I even appreciate the other commentators.

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