Comments on: All Boy or All Dad?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:05:42 +0000

I agree with so many of these posts and find that consistancy is indeed the best answer when dealing with young ones. But I also know that everyones situation is entirely different. After reading these posts I almost feel like the fathers or the “every other weekend parent” are always to blame which is really not fair. Everyone wants to blame someone else for their child acting out because that could never be their own fault. Set the rules straight, don’t give in and don’t blame the EX for all the wrong things. Period!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:14:10 +0000

I consistently create the same food, music, smells and sounds as possible when they arrive home. Often takes a few hours, if not days for mine to get back to some form of their old selves. Sometimes all my efforts to routine them doesn’t seem to work at all. Sometimes it’s like I instantly have my little family back in tact. I don’t have any real advice. I’m just happy it’s not just me that struggles with this.

By: Simon

Simon — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:49:45 +0000

and for susan the marine….
I really feel for your situation, and it sucks that you have to go through seeing what you do, but it seems like there is a little animosity between yourself and your ex based on different parenting styles.
Unfortunately, your situation is faced by (quite literally) millions of dads every year who go through the divorce process. Flipping it and seeing a woman go through the same thing makes me sadder. Not because it is worse, but because it drives home how f’ed up the courts are.
Kids should have equal time with both parents. Period.

By: Simon

Simon — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:41:20 +0000

a little advice from a dad…
I think part of what he is going through is definitely his age. LIttle boys are, well, little boys. You know the whole ‘sugar and spice and all things nice’ nursery rhyme? Well, it’s true. I am sure that is playing into it.
The other side, with his dad, and how he pampers him is frustrating, but in my case something that happened without me realizing it. I had (have) a daughter and was on the every other weekend plan. I adored her and fought to have her longer but it never worked out (something I am still trying to figure out). The times I did have were special and the last thing I wanted to do during the precious seldom moments was be the bad guy when it came to disciplining. That has since changed (she’s now 9), but it took a few years, and the constant reminder of my girlfriend (now wife) for myself to see that I was letting her get away with murder just because I didn’t want to “ruin” the time with her.

Was it right? No. Was it normal? Probably.

Alaina, I don’t know Ben’s father anymore than most of the other people here, but I know what it’s like to not see your kid much and then when you do, feel like you’re being a ‘bad’ parent because all you seem to do is punish them when they are with you. To be fair, even now that I am much better at disciplining I am still the one who puts up with more crap from the kids. I am just easier going. Bad manners and talking back, maybe not, but in general I do.

Hang in there. Boys will be boys. Even the bigger ones.
~Simon

By: Prep&Priss

Prep&Priss — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:07:57 +0000

She lets her kid growl?! Interesting! Sounds like he might be a little animal

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 03:28:27 +0000

I just wanted to say thank you for the topic and posts! As an officially soon-to- be single mama (awaiting Judge’s orders this month) of a 14 month old daughter, I already notice challenges when she goes to her dad’s house every other weekend. The first time she threw her head back in a tantrum was the Sunday night she returned from her Dads’.

The re-assurance to do the right thing is so important! Some days it’s so hard and so exhausting. I am relieved to know I’m not alone and am so grateful for all of your priceless knowledge.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:48:21 +0000

Consistency will help, but some of it is just his age, and some of it is having another adult (your ex’s girlfriend) in the picture as an additional co-parent. My son’s father and I separated when he was 5. We co-parented pretty successfully until my son was 7 and he started dating the women that he would eventually marry. My son is now 19 and we talk about the two households a lot and how confusing it could be at times. So many different expectations to negotiate. If it helps at all I will tell you that my son is a smart, well-adjusted sophomore in college with little contact with his father and stepmother…he figured it all out himself.

By: girlplease

girlplease — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:52:24 +0000

This is what is stopping me from filing–the lack of control. Even being married my husband blurts out STUPID things about our son’s future or even now for example, he’s sick and the idiot takes him out to the car without shoes. Are you testing pneumonia to happen (he has bronchiolitis right now). Pisses me off to no end.

I hear stupid things like “can’t wait to take you to that hot dog stand” (DH eats like crap with 300 cholesterol count; yea he’s awesome model for health) or “meh boys can lose their virginity at a young age, it’s no big deal.” Um moron, it wasn’t right when you lost yours at 11 to a 30 year old lady, it’s not right for our son to lose it at 11 to whomever either!

I hate this. I can’t stand being married to a complete moron yet all a divorce will do is not having him be in my life for what? 3 hours and during sleeping?

By: Stac

Stac — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:20:39 +0000

My boy has taken to speaking in a “hardcore” growl. I just assume it’s a boy thing and it would happen no matter if he saw dad or not.

By: Ken

Ken — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 03:35:15 +0000

Why are you ASKING a four year old to do his chores?

When you ask, you imply a choice. That he chooses other than the one you desire should not surprise you. You ARE the grown up. You have ALL the power in this relationship.

Telling a child to do something need not be bossy or derogatory. Be nice. Be respectful. Make it clear what the child is to do. Do not imply a choice.

Most choice comes MUCH MUCH later… around middle school in my son’s case. For now, things like picking up toys should not be couched in optional terms (“would you pick that up” does in fact offer a choice of yes or no). Age appropriate choices are ok (would you like the banana or the apple for your snack).

Check out John Rosemond for some no-frills, straightforward coaching tips on parenting, then trust your good instincts!