Comments on: Holidaze

By: Co-Parenting and Mrs. Brady

Co-Parenting and Mrs. Brady — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:46:36 +0000

[...] mssinglemama on January 11, 2010 John and Benjamin had a bit of a falling out over our Christmas vacation. And if you think a three-year-old and a thirty-year-old can’t be at odds, than I’m [...]

By: 30somethingmama

30somethingmama — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 03:16:13 +0000

hey alana. your mom’s house is exquisite!

starting anew surely is scary, like trudging back to the waters of the unknown. but look here, is John Bear is great now, how less great can he be compared to your ex anyways?? besides, the universe conspired for you to be together. That should mean something.

happy 2010! my blog’s been stale now…sheesh. keep writing alana.

By: Tara

Tara — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:06:38 +0000

Wow, this is fabulous and beautifuly written. I’m so happy I stumbled to your blog! I LOVE hearing fellow sister’s travels in life. I still think I’m maybe 10 yrs away from being able to trust myself to trust a man, but hell, it’s wonderful to read about others who are walking forward in life. Best wishes!

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 02:54:23 +0000

Marriage is one of those words that highlight how limited language can be (or perhaps it’s my vocabulary that needs expanding?)

My grandparents marriage was based on practicalities and was understood to be until death do them part, no matter how miserable either of them would eventually become. My marriage is based on love with an understanding despite our deepest hopes, it may not be until death do us part. My son’s marriage will be to a man, something my grandparents never dreamed would happen.

I swear I’m not trying to talk you into marriage. Just sharing that I have found, and history shows, that “marriage” is an ever changing institution. If you choose to enter into it again, it’s yours to do with as you wish; a blank canvas rather than a paint by number, if you will (it’s late and that’s the best I could do!)

By: Jill B

Jill B — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 02:04:30 +0000

Thanks for sharing.

It’s interesting – while I was hearing your thoughts from your perspective, I’m struck by the similarity to my own thoughts and fears about relationships, my own scar tissue a doubts of myself and my ability to be in a relationship. Almost paralyzing fear. Am trying hard to not let it be. Your sharing gives me hope.

By: Carol

Carol — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:33:13 +0000

I am entering year #3 of my second marriage. Like you, I was terrified of marrying a second time as I considered myself a failure for not making the first one work. I entered this marriage a different person and married someone who was not like husband #1 in any way. I think that is because I was ready for someone good, someone I deserved, someone who I respected and who respected me. It was a huge leap of faith on both our parts. He was afraid of constantly being compared to #1 but he’s not. It’s as though my first marriage was another life – and in a way it was. I don’t consider my first one a “mistake” – it was a learning experience. It taught me a lot about how I don’t want to be treated by a man. I came away from it with a strength I never knew I had. I got that from walking away. This marriage feels right – it feels good – and I know it will last for many many years.
I won’t say “don’t be scared” because you will be. But once you make that scary scary leap – you will know it’s right. It won’t be perfect, nothing or no person is that. But it will be better. You will have learned about yourself from your first experience. Whether or not you and your new guy tie the knot or not, you can still commit to him – in your heart. My son was three when I met my husband of today. He is now almost eleven. Their relationship has blossomed and grown and strengthened like I never imagined. It makes my heart sing to see them together. My son was best man in our wedding. I never ever thought I would meet anyone who would love my boy as fiercely as I do but it happened.
A failed marriage is not the end of happiness in your world. It leaves scars but they heal. Trust me – they do!
All the best in the New Year! Good things will come!

By: Autumn

Autumn — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:08:23 +0000

Truly well written, beautifully put words on an equally breakable & sustainable subject as a dish…maybe love really is a plate, one we fill, clean, & refill on a daily basis. You gotta eat. <3

Happy New Year to you & yours!

By: ~kris~

~kris~ — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:58:39 +0000

I’m so happy for you! Embrace it! Enjoy it!

They are different men. You are different for the experiences you’ve had – you are not the same woman that was married to your ex-husband. Your judgment is better, you are better, more evolved.

Congrats on finding love!

By: EB

EB — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:48:31 +0000

You couldn’t have said it any better. This post resonates with me bigtime. Thank you for putting into words- so eloquently- what my heart feels at the thought of entering into another relationship or marriage. Just know you aren’t alone. Being a single mother and contemplating doing it all over again is a heavy heavy thing. It is normal your hesitation, no matter how dear that sweet ole bear of yours is. And I believe he is sweet indeed! Take your time, and the right choice for you will be eventually be revealed. The good news is… there is no rush, and if he is as sweet as he seems, he will wait! It’s still early on in the relationship I think for these conversations anyway, I think it’s our tendency as women and mothers to try to figure things out and find out what the future will hold but rushing will only bring trouble into those futures, sooo try to relax and just sit with things as they unfold. My two cents anyway.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:35:47 +0000

Thank you all so much for these comments. They mean more than you know.