Comments on: The Must-Have Man List http://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:59:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Single Mom Question: We have chemistry, but… | Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-27404 Single Mom Question: We have chemistry, but… | Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama Fri, 10 Jun 2011 13:59:50 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-27404 [...] at love? We had chemistry, but not much in the way of companionship. Here’s the post.And here’s my post on the Must Have Man List Jen references. For me, a solid financial situation and a stable job is now a must.Related posts:Single Mom [...] [...] at love? We had chemistry, but not much in the way of companionship. Here’s the post.And here’s my post on the Must Have Man List Jen references. For me, a solid financial situation and a stable job is now a must.Related posts:Single Mom [...]

]]> By: Butterflies vs. Lead Weightshttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-16009 Butterflies vs. Lead Weights Mon, 22 Feb 2010 01:25:15 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-16009 [...] Do you still believe in the one? I certainly hope not. My Must Have Man List Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough? That Couple [...] [...] Do you still believe in the one? I certainly hope not. My Must Have Man List Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough? That Couple [...]

]]> By: Melissahttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-15133 Melissa Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:21:46 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-15133 I'm a single mom and I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I am more than ready to get married to him. Well he isn't ready...any advice of what to do? He said he isn't ready at this moment to be responsible, but knows that when he is, he wants it to be with me. I’m a single mom and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I am more than ready to get married to him. Well he isn’t ready…any advice of what to do? He said he isn’t ready at this moment to be responsible, but knows that when he is, he wants it to be with me.

]]> By: Love and relationships: What are your non-negotiables? « Organised Chaoshttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-15124 Love and relationships: What are your non-negotiables? « Organised Chaos Wed, 06 Jan 2010 10:09:46 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-15124 [...] Published January 6, 2010 Parenting , Relationships Leave a Comment A list from Ms Single Mama on man qualities she thinks are mandatory before he can be single mom worthy recently prompted me revisit my relationship non negotiables.  [...] [...] Published January 6, 2010 Parenting , Relationships Leave a Comment A list from Ms Single Mama on man qualities she thinks are mandatory before he can be single mom worthy recently prompted me revisit my relationship non negotiables.  [...]

]]> By: Annehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-15086 Anne Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:06:14 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-15086 I LOVED LOVED LOVED this list! In the years since my divorce my biggest mistake has been trying to tell myself its MY job to make changes....MY job to work around the other person because Im the one with 'baggage' (as a good friends mother once said to me)... but to me my so called 'baggage' is the bonus... the part of my package deal that will someday be cherished...and that is when Ill know 'he's' right!! I needed this list as a friendly reminder that Im worth every single quality listed and anything less.... well, is just not worth my time. Thank you again! I love reading your blog!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED this list! In the years since my divorce my biggest mistake has been trying to tell myself its MY job to make changes….MY job to work around the other person because Im the one with ‘baggage’ (as a good friends mother once said to me)… but to me my so called ‘baggage’ is the bonus… the part of my package deal that will someday be cherished…and that is when Ill know ‘he’s’ right!! I needed this list as a friendly reminder that Im worth every single quality listed and anything less…. well, is just not worth my time. Thank you again! I love reading your blog!!

]]> By: Cissyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-15048 Cissy Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:33:52 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-15048 I loved this! It is going in my Journal! I loved this! It is going in my Journal!

]]> By: natiehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-15047 natie Sun, 03 Jan 2010 02:44:07 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-15047 wow @ Girlplease its like you read my mind completely on that one! and Marienna you truly put all the thoughts I was trying to convey to my ex boyfriend into words. I was so excited I quickly ran to my journal and wrote "His actions will ALWAYS speak louder than his words. and the two must be consistent, not conflicting"* My ex would always claimed he loved me but his actions said something entirely different, in fact they said nothing at all! He didnt put any effort into our relationship and seemed to avoid acknowledging the fact that I had a child. At first I thought maybe i was being too harsh or demanding or picky but marienna helped confirm what ive known all along: i dont have time for that BS! wow @ Girlplease its like you read my mind completely on that one!
and Marienna you truly put all the thoughts I was trying to convey to my ex boyfriend into words. I was so excited I quickly ran to my journal and wrote “His actions will ALWAYS speak louder than his words. and the two must be consistent, not conflicting”* My ex would always claimed he loved me but his actions said something entirely different, in fact they said nothing at all! He didnt put any effort into our relationship and seemed to avoid acknowledging the fact that I had a child. At first I thought maybe i was being too harsh or demanding or picky but marienna helped confirm what ive known all along: i dont have time for that BS!

]]> By: girlpleasehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-14960 girlplease Tue, 29 Dec 2009 20:16:42 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-14960 I would like to hear your story. I'm prepping myself emotionally to file and like you, I'm scared. Please email me when you can at girlplease29atgmaildotcom I would like to hear your story. I’m prepping myself emotionally to file and like you, I’m scared. Please email me when you can at girlplease29atgmaildotcom

]]> By: girlpleasehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-14959 girlplease Tue, 29 Dec 2009 20:14:28 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-14959 God I wish we could all write honest ads for internet dating sites: Wanted: A man who would treat me with respect, love, and adoration. Someone who is easy going but not someone who will let others walk on them or hurt me/my son--but that doesn't mean being a manipulative bully either. Must be reasonable and accountable in all arguments/disagreements. Yelling, name calling, threatening, and taking away my keys is not acceptable. If you're a slob, keep moving and call a maid because I'm not one. Must be college educated and have a good job and make a decent salary. I'm not a sugar mamma nor am I a gold digger. I believe in a worry-free life. I don't want bill collectors, living paycheck to paycheck, seeing past due notices, or asking friends for money while you buy $200 golf clubs because "you deserve it". Think about the future as well as the present and learn from the past. Be a role model, educator, philosopher to children. Be open minded about races, religion, politics, etc. Think about individuals/situations, not mass generalizations because everything isn't black and white. Be affectionate but not overly needy and whining. I take care of those under 18, not over 18. Be an individual yet enjoy being with me. Be social yet not overly social when it's non stop every move you make is nothing but your friends and family. If you have any addiction issues (even if people tell you you do and you think they're boring and out of touch), sex, drugs, sports, gambling, drinking, Facebook, etc. then move the hell on. I don't need you, want you, it's not cute, it's not just once in a while---it's annoying and you're a loser to me and nothing I want my son to see. If I did, I would have stayed married. God I wish we could all write honest ads for internet dating sites:

Wanted: A man who would treat me with respect, love, and adoration. Someone who is easy going but not someone who will let others walk on them or hurt me/my son–but that doesn’t mean being a manipulative bully either. Must be reasonable and accountable in all arguments/disagreements. Yelling, name calling, threatening, and taking away my keys is not acceptable. If you’re a slob, keep moving and call a maid because I’m not one. Must be college educated and have a good job and make a decent salary. I’m not a sugar mamma nor am I a gold digger. I believe in a worry-free life. I don’t want bill collectors, living paycheck to paycheck, seeing past due notices, or asking friends for money while you buy $200 golf clubs because “you deserve it”. Think about the future as well as the present and learn from the past. Be a role model, educator, philosopher to children. Be open minded about races, religion, politics, etc. Think about individuals/situations, not mass generalizations because everything isn’t black and white. Be affectionate but not overly needy and whining. I take care of those under 18, not over 18. Be an individual yet enjoy being with me. Be social yet not overly social when it’s non stop every move you make is nothing but your friends and family. If you have any addiction issues (even if people tell you you do and you think they’re boring and out of touch), sex, drugs, sports, gambling, drinking, Facebook, etc. then move the hell on. I don’t need you, want you, it’s not cute, it’s not just once in a while—it’s annoying and you’re a loser to me and nothing I want my son to see. If I did, I would have stayed married.

]]> By: girlpleasehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/12/17/the-must-have-man-list/#comment-14958 girlplease Tue, 29 Dec 2009 20:02:26 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=5101#comment-14958 Yea I broke one of my major rules--laziness (as in housework/errands) and it's a huge problem for me. I should send this to myself. I also need to find someone who won't use your past against you; it's now the biggest control/fear pressure point in my potential divorce with my husband (using my past therapy sessions as a power play in a custody battle). I would never, ever have thought in a million years I would have that used against me by my own husband. Now I know. For the future on top of this list I'm adding my own: Never going to be as 100% open about my past and admitting when I was the asshole in relationships due to emotional struggles. Forget it. Prenup, prenup, prenup!!!!!! My parents worked their @ss off to be debt free and have a good retirement. Now that they're sick and close to passing, I never, ever want another man to have what they built. Prenup what you come into in a relationship (that goes for his stuff too) and all marital income can be up for grabs. But damn it, if it doesn't work out, I'll be damned if I'm going to let a man control me financially or leave me stranded at 50, 60, etc. I'll never, ever look over major no nos of abuse/addiction---verbal, mental, emotional, physical, drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, sexist. I've had enough for 38 years in some sort of fashion, thank you. My god have something in common and not be that hopeful "oh isn't that cute, he's a free spirit." Free spirit for me means no security in life (job, financial, etc). Have a friggen decent job that you can hold down, will ya? For things in common, we need to have more than wine tastings in common. No obsessions, especially with sports. The decor in my house has suffered! Yea I broke one of my major rules–laziness (as in housework/errands) and it’s a huge problem for me. I should send this to myself.

I also need to find someone who won’t use your past against you; it’s now the biggest control/fear pressure point in my potential divorce with my husband (using my past therapy sessions as a power play in a custody battle). I would never, ever have thought in a million years I would have that used against me by my own husband. Now I know.

For the future on top of this list I’m adding my own:

Never going to be as 100% open about my past and admitting when I was the asshole in relationships due to emotional struggles. Forget it.

Prenup, prenup, prenup!!!!!! My parents worked their @ss off to be debt free and have a good retirement. Now that they’re sick and close to passing, I never, ever want another man to have what they built. Prenup what you come into in a relationship (that goes for his stuff too) and all marital income can be up for grabs. But damn it, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a man control me financially or leave me stranded at 50, 60, etc.

I’ll never, ever look over major no nos of abuse/addiction—verbal, mental, emotional, physical, drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, sexist. I’ve had enough for 38 years in some sort of fashion, thank you.

My god have something in common and not be that hopeful “oh isn’t that cute, he’s a free spirit.” Free spirit for me means no security in life (job, financial, etc). Have a friggen decent job that you can hold down, will ya? For things in common, we need to have more than wine tastings in common.

No obsessions, especially with sports. The decor in my house has suffered!

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