Comments on: How do you work it?

By: b

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:04:39 +0000

how do i work it?
i work my butt off at work — don’t take a lunch break so i can leave early so my kid can have a 9-hour day instead of a 10 hour day; i leave a lot of non perishable, non junk food stuff in the car so my kid can have food as soon as we see each other, because they pretty much starve them after lunch time; and the house is rarely (ever?) fully clean, i.e., we skimp on certain things to have quality time together. i make doing homework a priority and we do it in that 90 minutes we have, between the end of day care and time to get ready for bed. and there is **no help** here — the father lives 400 miles away, no family, any help is paid for (we can afford 4 hours a week). the boyfriend just up and left, too much stress, and if he is too wimpy to handle it after only a year, then he mustn’t have what it takes. And that’s what I tell myself when I’m feeling really low — I did it myself, new job, new house, made this gorgeous child, left the man, and still look good (though I am often surprised by what i see in the mirror, meaning that surviving some of the crud didn’t leave me decrepit and hobbled!). So: skimp on housework, focus on what’s important, and coach yourself when all else fails.
and yes, i string a few extra dollars here: bibbysrocket.etsy.com

By: Single Mom Book Contest

Single Mom Book Contest — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:08:27 +0000

[...] five winners of my How Do You Work It? Ms. Single Mama Uncensored contest [...]

By: AK

AK — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:48:01 +0000

sorry I thought my email would be included
girlpleaseatgmaildotcome

By: AK

AK — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:40:03 +0000

These are an inspiration yet I”m still afraid. I work full time, have a 10 mo old son, and I’m trying to get the nerve to divorce someone who is being more erratic, stressed, and constantly threatening to take my son away from me. My mother has about 3 months to live. My father is in his own world of denial and “oh it can’t be that bad. Just tell him off.” I need some support, advice, strength. If anyone can give it, please email me. I’m scared of pulling the trigger knowing the hell this custody battle will be. But I can’t have this environment for my son. He’s my whole world.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:35:57 +0000

I completely agree with your “must haves” – music, books, and wine are lifesavers….

By: Stac

Stac — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:28:24 +0000

I recently told a new young single mom who asked how I manage: “I manage because I have to.” There is no other option. I currently get child support, but I’ve learned to never count on it. It’s all dependent on his employment status. But I always tell myself…you can’t get blood from a stone.

By: Elise

Elise — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:22:32 +0000

Wow. I feel so overwhelmed after reading all of these post. It makes me feel like I am not the only one that is going through so much all at once and having to make it work somehow. My Ex and I split a year ago, it has been and still is hard taking care of my son as well as myself. There were many times I really didn’t think we were going to pull through but we did. We lived with my parents for 4 months, I didn’t have a job or any source of income and it seemed impossible to even go to job interviews. I did not have a babysitter nor the money to pay for a daycare. After 4 months I managed to find a decent full time job with benefits, it doesn’t pay all the bills but it takes care of the ones we need. Still now I do not recieve child support and even though I fight for it with my expensive lawyer, my ex seems to find ways around it. We make it through the days and I just have to remind myself each day that even though life is hard we have each other and that’s all we need to be happy most days. I’m starting now to get over the feeling of being a failure for my son and not keeping my family together. I have started dating recently and his support is very helpful, I haven’t told him much about my divorce and he still hasn’t been around my son after a few months but it’s nice having someone around.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:55:53 +0000

I work at a job that I really don’t enjoy…

But, it pays me well and I only work 4 miles from my house and my son’s school. The peace-of-mind of having a stable job and close proximity is worth WAY more than me “enjoying” my job right now!

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:29:15 +0000

I do it by focusing on the goal. The goal right now is to raise a happy, healthy young boy. I work full time to pay bills. I go to school online part time to get a better education, so I can look at my son and tell him that education is important do it while you are young and before you start a family. I aslo had to come to realize that families are what you make it. A family doesn’t have to involve a mother/father, a great family has to have love. A mommy and son is a perfect family to me~!

I just try to enjoy and remember the things I can. If if forget something try not to be so hard on myself. Realize that this is only one chapter in both of our lives.

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:03:29 +0000

I also wanted to say (and I hope that it is noted) how much this blog has meant to me over the last nine months. I spent a long time lurking and a long time trying to fight off the fear of becoming a single mother. This blog and all of its comments didn’t make it easier but it has helped me feel like there is a community that has each other’s backs and who are strong and committed and beautiful even on the darkest and bleakest days. Considering that this post is about having strength, I think that knowing there is a community out there that is actually global is strength giving and humbling at the same time. So I thank mssinglemama and to all of the people who post, from the bottom of my heart.