Love

by mssinglemama on November 2, 2009

Check it out, our sixth and final Ford Fiesta Mission. I had to get someone to play the part of a celebrity. Little did I know he was right under my nose.

Zappos.com for the lovely price of $119.95.[Full disclosure: I bought these myself and I just love them. I share products that are out of this world awesome with my readers because I, like every other mom, hate wasting money and time buying products that disappoint.]Benjamin spotted one of our cats today.They both disappeared when Murphy started hanging out here. Today we say Lily. She’s gray I think the neighbor must be feeding her, or all of the neighbors. My cats used to live out at my mother’s with us so they’re feasting out here with all of these harmless humans. Much better than the wild dogs and giant raccoons.Mom is selling the raccoon house. Found out a few weeks ago. She’s moving into one that is very similar but even further into the woods. This one won’t be on the top of a steep hill but next to a calm, flat pond. My brother sent me this picture.So now I am going to tell people my mother lives “even deeper” in the forest instead of just “out in the forest.”At least she’ll have a swing.—-I have to travel again for work next week.I told my boss if it becomes a regular thing that I’d go “Mama Bear on his ass.” I actually said that in his office. But I had just stepped off of a plane that zipped me in and out of Baltimore faster than you can say Baltimore so I am blaming it on the stale sky air that also gave me two zits. I call them Baltimore zits. You can call them Alaina’s ugly zits.And now you all know about my zits. It doesn’t matter. You’ll all see them in my sixth and final Fiesta Mission video that I’m completing tomorrow night at the High Ball. I have to find someone dressed like a celebrity and then have them play the part. The zits will be there too. Maybe I should find a costume with a mask.Benjamin spotted one of our cats today.Both of my cats disappeared when Murphy started hanging out here. Today we say Lily. She’s gray I think the neighbor must be feeding her, or all of the neighbors. My cats used to live out at my mother’s with us so they’re feasting out here with all of these harmless humans. Much better than the wild dogs and giant raccoons.Mom is selling the raccoon house. Found out a few weeks ago. She’s moving into one that is very similar but even further into the woods. This one won’t be on the top of a steep hill but next to a calm, flat pond. My brother sent me this picture.So now I am going to tell people my mother lives “even deeper” in the forest instead of just “out in the forest.” At least she’ll have a swing.—-I have to travel again for work next week.I told my boss if it becomes a regular thing that I’d go “Mama Bear on his ass.” I actually said that in his office. But I had just stepped off of a plane that zipped me in and out of Baltimore faster than you can say Baltimore so I am blaming it on the stale sky air that also gave me two zits. I call them Baltimore zits. You can call them Alaina’s ugly zits.And now you all know about my zits. It doesn’t matter. You’ll all see them in my sixth and final Fiesta Mission video that I’m completing tomorrow night at the High Ball. I have to find someone dressed like a celebrity and then have them play the part. The zits will be there. Maybe I should find a costume with a mask.—Benjamin spotted one of our cats today.They both disappeared when Murphy started hanging out here. Today we say Lily. She’s gray I think the neighbor must be feeding her, or all of the neighbors. My cats used to live out at my mother’s with us so they’re feasting out here with all of these harmless humans. Much better than the wild dogs and giant raccoons.Mom is selling the raccoon house. Found out a few weeks ago. She’s moving into one that is very similar but even further into the woods. This one won’t be on the top of a steep hill but next to a calm, flat pond. My brother sent me this picture.So now I am going to tell people my mother lives “even deeper” in the forest instead of just “out in the forest.”At least she’ll have a swing.—-I have to travel again for work next week.I told my boss if it becomes a regular thing that I’d go “Mama Bear on his ass.” I actually said that in his office. But I had just stepped off of a plane that zipped me in and out of Baltimore faster than you can say Baltimore so I am blaming it on the stale sky air that also gave me two zits. I call them Baltimore zits. You can call them Alaina’s ugly zits.And now you all know about my zits. It doesn’t matter. You’ll all see them in my sixth and final Fiesta Mission video that I’m completing tomorrow night at the High Ball. I have to find someone dressed like a celebrity and then have them play the part. The zits will be there. Maybe I should find a costume with a mask.—The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” said family member, who shall remain unnamed seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there at the party. I think he may have stayed for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror and then he said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” said family member, who shall remain unnamed seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there at the party. I think he may have stayed for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror and then he said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” the family member, who shall remain unnamed, seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there – at the party – for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time and he had been staring on disapprovingly. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror over the phone and then said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they see my blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” said family member, who shall remain unnamed seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there at the party. I think he may have stayed for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror and then he said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” the family member, who shall remain unnamed, seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there at the party. I think he may have stayed for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror and then he said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” the family member, who shall remain unnamed, seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there – at the party – for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time and he had been staring on disapprovingly. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror and then he said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” the family member, who shall remain unnamed, seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there – at the party – for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time and he had been staring on disapprovingly. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror over the phone and then said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they find this blog. [You all should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. The real reason I’ve been frozen.It recently came to my attention that some of my family members – family members who I don’t even see or speak to on a regular basis – are keeping up with my life through this blog.Their conclusion, rightfully so, is that I am a self-absorbed mother who puts herself over her own son.”Benjamin’s birthday party, Alaina?” the family member, who shall remain unnamed, seethed into the phone.”Yeah, what about it?””Have you ever been to a kids birthday party, Alaina?””Yes and they’re pretty boring.””Not for the kids. That was your party Alaina, not Benjamin’s.”He had been there – at the party – for about 40 minutes, I couldn’t be sure because, yes, I was having an awesome time and he had been staring on disapprovingly. Benjamin’s real birthday party – you may remember the video – happened on his actual birthday three days prior to the stranger-people are invited birthday party.At the time Benjamin had three little friends on his invitation list. Perhaps I should have had a more traditional kids birthday party but my apartment is so small I wasn’t even sure where anyone would go. Hell, even having a birthday party as a working single mom was an accomplishment in my eyes. And every time I saw Benjamin he was running around having a blast or outside playing bubbles.My family member went on between my protests and gasps of horror over the phone and then said –  “It’s just all about you – Ms. Single Mama.” Hearing the name of this blog and I guess my online persona coming out of his mouth like that was indescribable. My own flesh and blood was jumping to a conclusion many men before him have had when they see my blog. [You should read some of the comments I delete].It’s a logical conclusion if you take this blog at face value.  But as my real friends know this is just a 2-D view of my life. I write about life from my perspective because it is my blog, not because I am obsessed with myself.  I don’t walk around talking about myself all of the time and referring to myself as Ms. Single Mama.After our phones, fortunately and eerily, both died simultaneously I didn’t call him back. That divide will not be healed today or tomorrow and when you’re up against a pre-conceived image of yourself than how do you fight that? I thought about deleting the blog, not writing anymore. All of this fueled by the idea that one day said family member and others may tell a grown up Benjamin that his mother was a self-absorbed jerk who always put herself ahead of him.Fear. All of it fear. Fear of today’s actions affecting my life with Benjamin tomorrow. I am not a fan of fear though. And any decision made out of fear is never a good one.My decisionI am going to keep blogging and I want all of you to know – this is my corner of the world where I do get to talk about my feelings, uninterrupted. This is not a true reflection of my day to day life. Believe me. And if a family member is going to judge me by one birthday party where – gasp – the adults actually had fun than how can I fight that? If I lived my life in fear of what stranger family members think of me than I wouldn’t be living much at all.Thanks for sticking around while I figure all of this out.I am closing the comments because I don’t want any of you to bash said family member. Even though he broke my heart into a million pieces when he said the things he said, there is no reason to cut him down. That’s how he feels. That is his view of my life, of this blog and of Benjamin’s life and there is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.And said family member has never been mentioned on this blog before – only because we just don’t know each other that well. Didn’t want you to think these words came from anyone I have already virtually introduced you to.On a lighter note… read about Benjamin’s real third birthday party. Post removed by BlogHer for advertising conflicts. To view the video I made in honor of the car I can not mention, click here.Check it out, our sixth and final Ford Fiesta Mission. I had to get someone to play the part of a celebrity. Little did I know he was right under my nose.Thanks again to Ford for giving us a chance to drive one of the 2011 Fiesta’s for six months. I never knew I could a) have so much fun driving a car or b) actually feel like my car is a member of the family, like a pet or something.Fiesta Dave… you will be terribly missed.Check it out, our sixth and final Ford Fiesta Mission. I had to get someone to play the part of a celebrity. Little did I know he was right under my nose.click here.Post removed by BlogHer for advertising conflicts. To view the video I made in honor of the car I can not mention, click here.Check it out, our sixth and final Ford Fiesta Mission. I had to get someone to play the part of a celebrity. Little did I know he was right under my nose.

click here.Check it out, our sixth and final Ford Fiesta Mission. I had to get someone to play the part of a celebrity. Little did I know he was right under my nose.

I highly recommend you find a copy.

That story is a mish-mash of she and I’s dating lives during our early 20’s. Choosing the wrong men, dumping the right ones – all for the wrong reasons. But then facing those scars, bringing them out into the open and wanting to hide so desperately that it hurts. But you can’t hide when someone loves you like this because he’s not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to scare him away.

When you’ve shown a man that side of yourself and he’s still around, and still smiling at you like this

IMG_2395 it’s enough to make any girl consider throwing in that single towel.

{ 1 trackback }

The Advantages of Deprivation - Abigail Carter
November 6, 2017 at 6:07 pm

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

ashlea November 3, 2009 at 4:24 am

That IS….it is absolutely THE smile. That’s the smile to watch for.

Reply

Katherine SOLO dot MOM November 3, 2009 at 7:08 am

I am so happy for you and yes WHAT A SMILE!

Love is wonderful when it’s true and the real thing….

Reply

Anonymous November 3, 2009 at 12:10 pm

French Canadians have nice smiles, too…

…at first.

Reply

mssinglemama November 3, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I don’t know who you are – but comparing John to my ex-husband is completely out of line.

Reply

Samantha November 3, 2009 at 1:41 pm

That smile is one in a million. I can totally relate considering the best man I’ve ever loved and left is now back in my life….and with that same kind of smile no less! Woooohoooo!!!!

Reply

Dawn November 3, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Anonymous appears reptilian in nature. I heard this brand of humans will continue harming them selves and others like them. Think of it as a leap for human kind.

Happy with you tonight and always Alaina. The best is yet to come.

Reply

Anonymous November 4, 2009 at 8:48 am

Laissez le bon temps rouler

Reply

Glenda November 4, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Alaina, don’t surrender to the negativity of some folks. It’s not worth your time or energy. Enjoy every minute of every day that you get to spend with John and Benjamin, and let all that other sh** roll off your shoulders. People that are not going anywhere in life always want to take down the ones that are doing something with their lives. Hold your head up high… smile… and sending you hugsXX

Reply

Jessica November 4, 2009 at 6:48 pm

It is hard to keep that single towel when there are smiles like that. Gotta be strong sometimes though. And… you’d have to change the title of your blog.

Reply

Kerry November 4, 2009 at 11:20 pm

I just read that comment about French Canadians and I just had to say that it really annoys the crap out of me when people post ridiculous, mean, rude, hurtful things on people’s blogs. Seriously. Ugh.

Sorry! I’m looking forward to the day when that smile makes you throw in the single towel! Best of luck to you always!

Reply

T November 5, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Oh boy…

This line: But you can’t hide when someone loves you like this because he’s not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to scare him away.

Yep, I know this. I know it and its scary and exhilarating all the same. I feel very blessed because of it.

Reply

women's workouts November 5, 2009 at 7:13 pm

Great smile and congrats to your sister! That’s a great accomplishment. I am lucky to have a great smile looking my way every day.

Reply

jen_k_ November 6, 2009 at 1:48 pm

This post is making me smile so big my face hurts. You two. xo

Reply

Sharon McMillan November 14, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Beautiful post and that is the smile. I met a guy from Ohio whose smile was a lot like that. I wasn’t sure at first as I just came out of a 4 year (university relationship that was suppose to be THE ONE) and was pretty much not interested in anything with anyone.

But every time I looked around that Ohio guy was there with that confident, not- too-flashy-but -totally-into-you-solid- kind of smile.

22 years later we’re still together and even sent our eldest off to university in her Dad’s home state of Ohio. Good people there.

I’m so happy for you.

Reply

Leave a Comment