Comments on: Transformation

By: Shannon Kieta

Shannon Kieta — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:36:54 +0000

Hi Miss Single Mama…
I JUST found your blog and really haven’t read too too much into it all that well, but enough to see you are a very busy lady! I do not know how you do it! I have two kiddo’s of my own Nico who is 4 1/2 and Abbie 14 months and two step-sons David 9 and Jake 8. My house is NUTS! I am married to Dave, who is a great guy (typical male), but great guy, and I can’t imagine him NOT being in my kid’s life. I can relate to the ex-wife/ex-husband feelings. I call my husbands ex-wife MY ex-wife. She is annoying as hell. The story goes on and on! There is no compromising with her. Seems like when it comes to children being involved in a divorce or a split relationship, they are used as the rope in a tug of war. Always to get even with the other one. I simply could not handle all that crap that you have to deal with. I hand it to you …you are a bigger person than I am. I probably would have killed him by now. I can’t take irresponsible father’s. Hopefully everything will work out for you in the long run. I am here if you ever need advice…on what? I don’t know! But I’m here! Shannon

By: Ellie

Ellie — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:09:18 +0000

I am in the opposite situation. My ex-husband refuses to give me sole custody, he insists on joint custody of our 2 1/2 year old son, but he does not want to have to change his lifestyle. He lives with guy roommates who like to drink often, and there are random people at their bachelor house (our former family home) on any given day. His makeshift room for my son is some carpet laid down in the unfinished basement (he is renting out the upstairs and living in the unfinished basement) and a twin bed in the corner. My son has even told me about a girl, who used to be a former friend of mine, who “took a nap in daddy’s bed”. It drives me insane, and I hate it that I have no control over what my son is being exposed to. When I bring it up with my ex, he tells me that he is just “living his life” and that it’s good for our son to be around a lot of people. He said the girl is just a “friend” and there’s nothing wrong with him having “friends.”
I work a 40 hr work week and also go to school, mainly as a result of his failure to provide anything for our family. Since he hardly works, he has stayed at home with our son 3-4 days a week for the past 2 years. I know that if I tried to fight for custody I would probably lose because he wants to be in his son’ s life. I told my ex I would be happy to take him every night, so I have been. He still parties almost every night with his new fling, my ex-friend. he said he really doesn’t care when he takes our son, but if I try to fight for sole custody he would fight back. I could only wish that he would just walk away, but so far he is not moving. Instead I end up seeing him 4-5 days a week to exchange our son, which is really frustrating to me. He also doesn’t have a car, so i have to drop off my son, see our old home, and sometimes the car of his “new fling/ex-friend” when I drop off my son before work at 7:30 am. The every other weekend thing doesn’t work for us because he mainly works on the weekends, and he saves me (us) money in childcare because he’ll take him during the work week. Any advice for having to deal with the father of your child on a regular basis, or any success stories of how anyone has been able to handle the other parent in their child’s life when you don’t approve of their lifestyle?

By: Marie

Marie — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:22:58 +0000

Totally understand – and no judgement passing here…that’s for sure.

By: boardermom

boardermom — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:26:15 +0000

My X dropped off the face of the earth last May (5 months ago.) I pray that in my situation it stays that way…but probably not, becase I just filed for CS

By: Tara

Tara — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:14:56 +0000

I too know what you mean by: “that he may finally be out of our lives instead of just kind of here”. Only I’m the step mom and I wish the mom would either do or don’t. But this middle business is OLD. Sees them once in every great while and maybe takes them to a movie – maintaining her sometime status of “cool mom”. Nevermind that she hasn’t contributed a penny to their upbringing in years. And is a no call no show 75% of the time.

By: Mindy

Mindy — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:41:19 +0000

I wouldn’t delete the posts. When the time comes and he is ready, it will help him to understand just a little bit better about how his father truly is. These are your memories and experiences with the man that also gave him life. And who knows… some other man would have already filled the “daddy shoes” and it won’t be that important to him. At least that’s the way my son feels now and he is almost 19. Just giving you something to ponder.

By: Erin B

Erin B — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:39:48 +0000

I don’t think Benjamin will have a problem with you feeling this way when he is old enough to understand. Well said.

By: Erin B

Erin B — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:37:31 +0000

And, I must say – kudos to you for being there for your son. Not all children are so lucky. He will be incredibly blessed!

By: Erin B

Erin B — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:36:42 +0000

Agreed. It is a stereotype, largely because it is true in most cases… but not ALL.

By: June'Bug

June'Bug — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:22:13 +0000

I love your post, and vent all you’d like, no need to apologize! This is your blog…a place to spill your feelings out over your keyboard….quite honestly, I think you put it nicely! That ex of your has made his bed and is lying in it….hope he likes sleepin’ in, cause it sounds like he’ll be lying in that bed that he made for quite sometime!

As for Benjamin….love his costume, and he’ll figure out all that dad stuff for himself a few years from now, and that ass kickin’ your talking about….it’ll come around….you’re spot on with that one!