Where did it go?

by mssinglemama on October 4, 2009

Last I checked Benjamin had just learned how to walk.

We still spent every night together cuddling up on one another in between play time bouts that included the likes of hide-and-go seek crawling and tickle attacks. My biggest worry when I took this picture was whether or not that scar from a fall he took would ever completely heal. Little did I know I should have been worrying about those two front teeth instead.


Then we moved out of my mother’s house and back to our little, big city where Benjamin, obviously, just kept growing. Here he also learned how to master the art of throwing fits.


The sweat on his forehead in this picture was from the hot August sun, under which Benjamin had been dancing for hours. First with me and then with some hippie dude. He loved men at that age, always wanting that extra attention from Mommy’s mysterious deep-voiced, broad shouldered brethren. Before I snapped this picture I took a quick moment to sit down with a tarot card reader. I needed some advice, the kind you can only get from a stranger with a knack for reading people and cards.

“You’ll be fine without a man so it’s just up to you. You have to decide if you want one or not,” she told me.  I didn’t know the answer then, but I do now. And then suddenly, almost in a blink, Benjamin shot up from that little two year old to this absolutely gigantic three year old.


I know he’s still small to the rest of the world, but to me, to his mama, he is a little giant. And finally, after all of this time, we are both free. That baby stuff is behind us and we’re moving into new territory, big boy territory.

How did this happen? And where did it all go? All of that time? The only thing I can recommend to any new mothers out there is this – buy a decent camera. I don’t care if you have to put it on your credit card, but for the love of all that is holy, buy your family (whether there are two or eight of you) a camera that can capture some decent photographs. I use this one now and regret, daily, that I didn’t have it from the beginning.

The decent shots I do have of Benjamin during our first year are few and far between. Pictures of us together are especially rare.

BenandMama.jp  gI took this picture of us just one week after I left his father when Benjamin was four months old. Looking back on the last three years the only thing I can think is, “How in the hell did I do that?”

This week is my blog’s two year anniversary. For this reason, the fact that my baby is turning into a boy in front of my eyes and because of some life changing news I have yet to share with you I am going to take a one week break from blogging. I just need to think and enjoy my moments. I don’t mean to be a tease but that’s all I can tell you right now – more to come, I promise.

Win a Silver New Leaf set and a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

If you are a fan and have been reading just leave a comment and you’ll be entered to win one silver new leaf necklace set and a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. There are only 20 silver necklaces left and this really is the last batch of 2009 (unless someone else starts making them because my designer is officially off on her extended European vacation).

Related posts:

  1. Why I am a single mother.
  2. Big Tease
  3. My Camera (and My Aprons).
  4. For My Single Mamas (a sexy contest)
  5. Big Boys and Girls

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