Growing pains

by mssinglemama on September 24, 2009

When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. 

I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.

And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. 

I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. 

So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

The stories behind the blog.

 

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I don’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – is barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important. I have to bust ass sometimes and typically these 36When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. A vdiCongratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I don’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – is barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important. I have to bust ass sometimes and typically these 36When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. A vdiCongratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I don’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – is barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important. I have to bust ass sometimes and typically these 36When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. A vdiCongratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. Another video and a contest for my book.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I don’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – is barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important. I have to bust ass sometimes and typically these 36When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

The stories behind the blog.

single moms book - Ms. Single Mama Uncensored

The blog is just the beginning. In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out.

In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. A vdiCongratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. Another video and a contest for my book.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the luxurious monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost.When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was crushed. Benjamin wasn’t phased. In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I don’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – is barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important. I have to bust ass sometimes and typically these 36When Benjamin’s child support payments suddenly ceased three months ago I knew something was up. A few weeks later the restaurant his father worked for closed it’s doors – turning their employees out with no paychecks. I didn’t rely on his child support, the amount – although used – was barely enough to cover our monthly medical expenses, let alone anything substantial like rent, food, clothing and school, but I do count on him to show up every week for his 36 hours with Benjamin. Being self-employed, every hour to myself is now incredibly important.And I am also finding that working from home with a child does not suit me. Maybe it’s my crazy neighbor lady’s cackling laugh echoing into every corner of our apartment, all day long or the humid fall heat, or maybe it’s the fact that having a dog and a man around make our apartment seem that much smaller – but I just hate being home all of the time. I could rent an office space, they’re cheap for us freelancers but I don’t know if that’s really the solution because there is also the stress of being completely responsible for my own little company (even though it has an employee count of one) that seems entirely overwhelming. So when his father called on his day this week to tell me, “I went to buy gas and they wouldn’t take my card and now I am at the bank and they say I have no money because of Internet fraud,” I

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In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. A vdiCongratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost. When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was instantly crushed along with my son’s face… no, wait a minute, Benjamin wasn’t crushed at all.In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the fewer I hear Benjamin’s cries for his father or cravings for his presence. And I am beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales. So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence. I will have time to write again soon… I hope. Until then you’ll have to suffer with this shitty blog post. My apologies and hopes that you’ll stick around because I have some cool stuff coming up. Another video and a contest for my book.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.I thought not having a day job would leave me with more time but I feel like I have less. Without the structure of the 9-5:00, the luxurious monotony of knowing where your next  check is coming from and the benefit of not being in your home all day to mess it up so you have to clean it again – I am feeling a bit lost.When Benjamin’s father canceled Tuesday morning because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here my precious solo work time for the week was crushed. Benjamin wasn’t phased. In fact, he was thrilled that he would be spending all day with Mommy instead of going to Daddy’s. I am finding that the closer John Bear and Murphy become, the less I hear Benjamin’s cry for his father. Suddenly a man is here, really here. I know all of the happily married moms reading this blog know exactly what really here means. But, as a single mom who has never had a man around and for a boy who has only seen his father for 36 hours a weeI am also beginning to believe in timing, fate and all of those miraculous things you hear mention of only in urban legends and fairy tales.So here I am, on Wednesday night – three days into the work week with very little “work” to show for myself and a house that needs to be cleaned again. The only thing I can offer you is this shitty blog post. I don’t know how the stay at home moms do it, I really don’t. I think I would die a million deaths before being home every day with my child. Maybe it’s just his age (3.5) but I feel like the worst mother on the planet because I couldn’t play another round of legos with him tonight and then practically forced him into bed one hour before his normal bedtime just so I could get a moment of peace and silence.P.S.Congratulations to the Shutterfly and Sole Mate contest winners, if you won you will have received an e-mail by now.There’s a book I used to read when I was a little girl.No Room for a Sneeze.It’s out of print now. But you can find it on eBay and in the corners of dusty book stores. In the story, the father of a family, overwhelmed by his small house filled with noisy kids and a fussing wife, asks an old wise man for advice. The old wise man tells him to move the cows into the house. He moves the cows in and as you can imagine, isn’t happy with the results. But when he goes back to the old wise man one month later he tells him to move the horses in, and then the chickens and so on, until every animal is stuffed into the house along with his family.Finally he goes back to the old wise man months later pleading for help and he says, “Take them all out.” When the father moves the animals back to the barn his little house suddenly seems spacious, quiet and clean. Everyone has room to breath again.The one thing about working from home I didn’t count on is the fact that I am home constantly. It would be one thing if I had a spacious, dreamy apartment but it’s small and with winter closing in I am already feeling a bit clastrophobic. I feel like I need to purge the place but I can’t find a spare moment to clean like I should be cleaning, to clean like there is no tomorrow.There’s a book I used to read when I was a little girl.No Room for a Sneeze.It’s out of print now. But you can find it on eBay and in the corners of dusty book stores. In the story, the father of a family, overwhelmed by his small house filled with noisy kids and a fussing wife, asks an old wise man for advice. The old wise man tells him to move the cows into the house. He moves the cows in and as you can imagine, isn’t happy with the results. But when he goes back to the old wise man one month later he tells him to move the horses in, and then the chickens and so on, until every animal is stuffed into the house along with his family.Finally he goes back to the old wise man months later pleading for help and he says, “Take them all out.” When the father moves the animals back to the barn his little house suddenly seems spacious, quiet and clean. Everyone has room to breath again.The one thing about working from home I didn’t count on is the fact that I am home constantly. It would be one thing if I had a spacious, dreamy apartment but it’s small and with winter closing in I am already feeling a bit clastrophobic. I feel like I need to purge the place but I can’t find a spare moment to clean like I should be cleaning, to clean like there is no tomorrow.There’s a book I used to read when I was a little girl.No Room for a Sneeze.It’s out of print now. But you can find it on eBay and in the corners of dusty book stores. In the story, the father of a family, overwhelmed by his small house filled with noisy kids and a fussing wife, asks an old wise man for advice. The old wise man tells him to move the cows into the house. He moves the cows in and as you can imagine, isn’t happy with the results. But when he goes back to the old wise man one month later he tells him to move the horses in, and then the chickens and so on, until every animal is stuffed into the house along with his family.Finally he goes back to the old wise man months later pleading for help and he says, “Take them all out.” When the father moves the animals back to the barn his little house suddenly seems spacious, quiet and clean. Everyone has room to breath again.The one thing about working from home I didn’t count on is the fact that I am home constantly. It would be one thing if I had a spacious, dreamy apartment but it’s small and with winter closing in I am already feeling a bit clastrophobic. I feel like I need to purge the place but I can’t find a spare moment to clean like I should be cleaning, to clean like there is no tomorrow.I am beyond busy right now.Things are happening and I’m not quite sure what will come of them but I have to be focusing my attention on all of these things, and there are a few.Namely the funky smell creeping up out of my basement and my apartment that needs to be cleaned three times as often as it used to because I am here all day long messing it up. And this week Benjamin’s father bailed because he didn’t have the $10 in gas money to get up here. Yes, a winner that one.Did I already mention that I am busy?So busy I can’t even write a blog post worth reading. What is happening to me? I am growing in so many ways but being a work-at-home mom is by far the most stressful and time consuming job I have ever had. Not that the rest of you hardworking individuals aren’t out there busting your butt every day but come on – could you really do what you do with a three year old jumping up and down in the same room shouting and screaming at you to transform his Transformer that happens to be covered in some kind of mysterious goo? Sure, there are the rewarding moments like when he looks up at me and tells me, “Mommy, I love you so much, I really do.” Or when his pre-school teacher tells me what an amazing colorer Benjamin has become, “filling in every empty space and practically staying within the lines.” But I’m not sure if I can handle this stay at home, work at home mom thing.Time will tell. While I wait for adaptation to kick in I wanted to take my new readers back to an old school video of Benjamin. I think this was one of the first we made for my little blog.

Can you believe how much he has grown? YouTube tells me that video is from June 3, 2008. He was that little one year and three months ago? Not possible. And he was only missing one of his now two missing front teeth. What next? Will he grow another arm or something?

I measured him today and he has grown two inches since July 31st. Two inches. So doesn’t that mean he is growing 1/32nd of an inch every day? Amazing. What a little shit. And he tells me so too, every day he says, “Look, Mommy! I got bigger!” He’s up to something and I’m on to him. As for you work at home moms – my hat is off to you. I truly don’t know how you do this.

Watch the rest of my videos here to catch up on what you’ve missed. And if you’re wondering what happened to Benjamin’s two front teeth read this.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Michele September 24, 2009 at 9:59 pm

I TOTALLY know what you mean. I am a work-from-home Mom as well. My daughter is 5, and I have worked from hom since she was born.
Oh…. the stories I could tell. Which is actually why I started blogging in the first place, because of all the crazy stuff she would do, or get into while I was “busy”. (I blogged them all) hysterical stuff.
“just give Mommy 5 more minutes” has become the most over-used phrase EVER in our house.
I gave her an old computer, set it up at a little kids desk in my office, so now she sits and “works” with mommy. She loves it. Just a thought….

Wonderful blog… LOVE IT!!! You’re absolutely amazing!!!
(sorry for the wordy comment…. just had to tell you how much I enjoy “visiting” with you each morning)

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mssinglemama September 26, 2009 at 4:41 am

Thank you for the kudos on the blog and for making me feel less along in this. I can’t wait to pop over to your blog. Sounds hysterical.

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ashlea September 25, 2009 at 3:26 am

I’m a musician. Practicing at a pro level requires intense concentration and attention to every endless detail….yes, seemingly MUCH EASIER without two kids bouncing off the walls, fighting, whatever. And the house DOES need more work when both you and the kids are home messing it up (lunch disaster!). Working from home is “the best of both worlds”….?????? Uhm, no, it is THE HARDEST of both worlds thrown together into one sweet little tornado that will test your every limit. Best of luck. You will learn more tricks to make it easier as you go. : ) One hard truth: more important that you get enough sleep. I could always go and go on less than optimal sleep because I am really really driven BUT with the kids, if I don’t have enough sleep, I can still go and go….just have NO PATIENCE for them. I try to sleep 7-8 hr at least 5/7 days a week, just so I they don’t grow up remembering me as a total freaked out screaming wreck!

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Kaio February 3, 2015 at 6:49 am

Your’s is the inetillgent approach to this issue.

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debra September 25, 2009 at 5:09 am

oh, well, see, I was going to say my solution when working at home until my son was 4 was sleep deprivation. I had the flexibility to work when he was asleep, so I’d get up before him, get small periods of work time during the day, take him out to get sunshine and exercise for both of us, then work after he went to be. Yes, long 4 years.

Hang it there. It’s so worth it to spend time on your passions, and to spend so much time with Benjamin before he’s in school all day.

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mssinglemama September 26, 2009 at 4:40 am

Yeah… this is what I have been doing Debra, but I think this is what is driving me nuts. I really like this idea of making myself get 7-8 hours, 5 nights a week. Very wise advice.

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Kona September 25, 2009 at 11:00 am

Duuude. I have been doing the work-at-home thing since February, when Cooper was just 4 months old. He’s getting ready to turn 1 on Tuesday, and I am about to lose my damn mind. I adore him, and I’m so glad we get to spend this time together, but I live and die by his naps. If he decides to cut one short, then my day goes to hell. I’m looking into daycare for him two days a week, because 1) he needs to be around other kids, since I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s a puppy, and 2) Ohmygodshhhhhquietplease.

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mssinglemama September 26, 2009 at 4:39 am

Yes, find a good daycare because a sane mommy is far better than a crazy mommy. Benjamin MUST go to school because he LOVES it. But now that I am working for myself I can drop him off later and pick him up earlier. I have noticed a big difference in him since being home… I can also take a day off if I want and keep him home if I think he is needing the extra attention.

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Meg September 25, 2009 at 11:38 am

There is no way I could do it. My only job is to stay home and make sure the baby and house stay clean…and I can hardly do that most days! Well. Plus grocery shopping, paying bills, playdates…add working @ home to that and I might lose it. Kudos!

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mssinglemama September 26, 2009 at 4:36 am

I know! One thing about working from home and being home all of the time and having more time is realizing just how much there is to do… it’s really quite amazing.

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Verry February 3, 2015 at 6:30 am

Yeah that’s what I’m talking about ba–ybnice work!

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Rachel September 25, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Yes, working from home is really really hard. So many times I wish I could work in an awesome where someone else cleaned the toilets or where I didn’t have to lock myself in the basement to make a phone call without crazy loud noise in the background. But my daughter is thriving with me able to tend to her needs and the lack of childcare cost is nice. Trade-offs and balances…

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mssinglemama September 26, 2009 at 4:37 am

I hear you. Pluses and minuses. Benjamin is still in pre-school three days a week and even that is rough on me. I think for me, having been in an office for so long (with clean toilets) that it’s been harder to adjust to than I thought.

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mom23inmd September 27, 2009 at 12:18 am

I hear ya. I used to work from home 100% of the time, and the balancing act between toddlers and work is absolutely maddening. Now, I can still work from home about 1 day a week, but my sitter is here and keeps them out of my hair. And, they are old enough to understand that when I am wordlessly pointing to the phone, they need to stay quiet.

And also, I know what it’s like for the ex to bail because of money. My ex went 9 weeks without seeing the kids this summer, for that very reason. Such asses.

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A rolling stone is worth two in the bush, thanks to this aretilc.

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