When I started this blog I had one single mom friend, now I feel I have thousands.
I know many of you feel the same way having found my blog. Often many of you send me photos of yourselves and your little ones and my heart melts each time, especially today when I found this picture in my inbox of Robin and her son Reagan.
I wanted to share these words of her story of calling off her wedding to her abusive fiance:
It was the most stressful time of my life to the point where my hair was falling out like a cancer patient, but oddly enough, it was the most joyous phase of rediscovery and empowerment. I called off the wedding, struck out on my own … but then had to move abruptly to another state, leaving behind a life I carefully built as a young professional because my ex- took stalking to a new level of physical threats of violence. In many ways I lost everything — but in so many other ways I gained an entire world of new possibilities.
Robin is now living her dream career as a new media journalist for Zootoo Pet News, featured on the New York Post among others. Click here to see one of her newscasts and take a look at that beautiful necklace she’s wearing.
Robin’s comment reminds me of something I wrote in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. Here’s an excerpt from the Rapunzel Complex:
I walked through my mother’s garden and let my hands lightly touch the flowers surrounding me, running my fingertips through their soft petals. I wondered if I could ever be so beautiful and innocent again. Benjamin was in his sling, still stirring, but just seconds away from finally falling asleep. A restless newborn, he had yet to sleep for more than six hours straight. His father had occasionally taken him from me in the night, but Benjamin’s screams would only intensify. Minutes later he would be back in my arms, my exasperated husband insisting I take the baby so he could sleep.
Now my husband was gone. And I was free— well, almost. I still had Benjamin strapped to my chest during all of my waking hours outside of work. The pressure was immense and unrelenting, but the peace that came with that extra few feet in my bed, the quiet drama-free nights and being in control of my destiny – no matter how uncertain it seemed – gave me hope that soon Benjamin and I would be back on our feet and stronger than ever.
In honor of all of my beautiful single mamas finding their way or who have already found their way, here’s another contest! Just leave a comment and you’ll be entered to win.
A sexy apron from FlirtyAprons.com!!!
along with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love
And a New Leaf necklace in brass, like the one Robin is wearing in her newscast.
Four runners-up winners will receive a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love.
Just leave a comment and you’ll be entered! Deadline on this one is Friday August 28, 2009. While you’re at it leave a comment in my Back to School Contest, that one runs until September 4, 2009.
[P.S. The silver necklaces are almost gone, I have three left in 18" chains and only 12 in the 16" chain. If you would like a longer chain just leave me a note at your purchase. I have plenty left in both lengths in the brass necklaces. The creator of our necklaces is leaving on a wonderful, extended European vacation so I may not be replenishing the stock until next Spring.]
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{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the apron, and would love to read your book, thanks
susan
choose me, choose me! robin and regan are beautiful…hope abounds here! yay.
I’d tuck that apron away with the rest of my “when I find MY house” stuff, when I’d have my own kitchen to cook in. Did I mention house hunting sucks?
I bought the book, but not the necklace and would LOVE to have one in brass. The book I’d pass along to my bestest friend in the world, another single mom who I grew up with, lost touch with and just recently reconnected when we both filed for divorce and moved back to our home town.
PS, we decided the reason we both ended up marrying duds is because we stopped being close friends and are now a complete package, her and I and our kids. And that any man we meet from here on out has to be willing to accept us all!
What a powerful moment for any woman. To realize enough is enough and have the strength to walk away before it’s too late. Thank you for sharing this story with us and for introducing us to another amazing single momma!
Love the blog Alaina, keep up the wonderful writing you do
.
WOW ! Another incredible single mom! This site get’s more awesome everyday! Count me in!
LOVE your blog, Alaina! You are a wonderful mom and are doing great job with your little guy. I’d love to read your book…and as I’ve said am really contemplating ordering a necklace…I love them, they are so pretty!
ROBIN! This is so great. I’m so happy to have hooked you and Alaina up. And many many thanks, Alaina, for spotlighting my friend! Robin is fabulous.
I totall get the “complex” and I am continually amazed at the strength that women can find when we least expect to find it.
My husband walked out on a cold night in January. The next day, we got hit with an ice storm. I was living in his grandmother’s old house, built in 1960. Our heat came from ancient electric wall heaters, with a fireplace as backup. My only firewood was in the yard, exposed to the elements. I took off work early, picked up my child, and spent the next 2 hours in the ice-rain hauling firewood into my carport where it would hopefully dry before we lost power. It took something like that to make me realize that I should never say “poor me,” but rather “I rock!” Shortly after that, I found your blog, and I haven’t looked back.
Thanks for continuing to be a great role model to single moms, and for providing an outlet for other great single moms to be stand-out role models too! Kudos to you, and to Robin.
Just gave me shivers. You do rock!
My silver necklace came on tuesday. Love the silver!
Keep writing…………….
Kristy
Oh…please pick me!!
I for one would love to read your book!
I love Robin’s pic and video. What a beautiful strong mama!!
Great stuff Alaina. Keep it up!
Stories like this give single moms strength. It breaks through the typical single mom stereotypes. It gives new single moms faith that they can and will survive. It gives the seasoned single moms an insight to how far they have come. My favorite quote right now…
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have”
I don’t care if I win but wanted you to know what an inspiration you have been to me. I am recently separated from my husband of 7 years. There are days that I don’t think I can make it raising our two children but then I read your blog and everyone’s comments and it gives me renewed strength. THANK YOU!
By the way, I bought the silver necklace the day you announced it.
I just found your site. You are doing something truly wonderful with your blog. I’m a single mom of a now 18 year old college sophomore, and I feel lucky to be the rock in my son’s life. When I look up at the young man he has become I feel proud of him, and of myself. I love the apron (and everything else!)
Pick me Pick me!
Wow! I love your strength and other single mothers. I sure wish I would of found your blog 6 years old when I felt so along, and didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I look back now and wonder how the heck I did it, but darn it I did it. My son is a great 6 year old little boy. I sure hope I am not screwing him up, trying to work it out again with his father. I need some time to think!
But I want to enter the contest while I’m thinking about my decisions.
Hi Alaina,
Please put me in your contest, would love to read your book and that apron is soo cute!!
Take Care
Barbi
Oh how I wish I had one of those neclaces!!
I so want to read your book. I never thought to send a picture of me and my son. I think we’re due for a new one!
Wow! what a touching story. I completely understand and can empathize with your story about the feelings of freedom mixed with pressure. My husband and I divorced when my little girl was only 18 months old. our marriage was structured around the philosophy that he was too busy for me or our life together…and i was to gratefully accept the scraps of time he threw my way. When I found out more of the “scraps” were going to a female work colleague (he was having an affair), it was the beginning of the end for me. So our divorce marked a new beginning for my daughter and I, where we didn’t have to wait for him or beg for his attention anymore. Freedom, and yet the added pressure of balancing life as a young lawyer, single mom, and independent woman. almost two years later, the balance is still precarious…but it is an adventure that I am enjoying every minute of!
Love your words and Robin’s, they ring so true and reverberate my own feelings and experiences. Single mama’s are strong stock, wonderful, beautiful women with strength and gumption.
That apron is adorable!
I would love all of these items! Honoree, my friend and coach, has one of the necklaces and it’s so beautiful! Thanks for the giveaway!
Robin and Regan are beautiful!
Please do include me. I am a big old sobby mess over a break-up right now and a little sesssssiness would feel so good. Here’s to all those single mamas out there holding each other up — so amazing.
Love the silver, the blog, pictures and your new love you share!!!So happy for you and I really want t o wear the book !!!! lol
OOps meant read !!Hell Id wear it too if I could !! HAAA
I found out 1 week before my daughters 1st birthday that my husband was cheating on me. I’d honestly never felt a hurt like that before and didn’t know if I could make it. I did. It was hard, but I did and I’m a better person for it. In some ways I want to thank him for making me the person I am today! (that sounds a little crazy, right?!) But when I was going through it there was so many times I questioned what I had done wrong, because surely I was the ONLY one who was going through this! 3 years later I found your blog and it has helped in so many ways with the last steps of putting that behind me! Thank you!
I LOVE the apron and the story of your trip…excited to hear the rest!
Your blog has not only made me feel less alone, but has enabled me to look at my life as MINE… not anyone else’s… we live on a path FULL of judgement and pain, until we let go and turn over a “new leaf”…
I also just landed and then a week later dumped my first boyfriend… no longer willing to tolerate abusive or controlling behavior!
Hi there Alaina! Make sure to let Robin know how brave she is. I know many women who never leave. It takes a very strong person to have the grit to get up and go. Especially having to leave everything behind! Oh, and VERY cute apron and necklace btw.
Love the apron… Too cute!
I would love to give the apron to my sister who is the “Princess of Pie Making”.
Count me in! Would love something new. Why is it when I go shopping I always end up in the kids section picking out a new dress for my girl?? If I win something new maybe I won’t feel so guilty next time.
Love your blog and your updates on Facebook. Your an inspiration to many single mommas out there, don’t stop.
Count me into the contest!
I would <3 to win!
Thank you for doing all you do.
This is only the 2nd time I have commented on your blog. I am not a momma, nor am I married. But I am in love with reading your blog. Fellow Ohioan too! I have been dying to buy your e-book, but simply dont have the funds
I’ll just keep trying this way. Ciao!
Thank you for a touching post; as a freshly minted single mama I am inspired by your words and those of others to stay strong in a time in my life where everywhere I turn I feel like I could crumble.
Leaving a marriage replete with alcoholism, passive aggressive personality disorder and financial ruin, I am discovering for the first time in my adult life, mere days after turning 40, that I am a survivor and am deserving of the peace and happiness I’ve craved for so long. My goal: guide my two beautiful daughters into an adulthood full of potential, strength, beauty, self-confidence. For the first time ever, I can see possibility in the future.
first time commenter, but love the blog and love the prizes!
Ms. Single Mama –
You know I adore you. You also hopefully know that even though I am the world’s worst blog commenter, I read almost every single day, still. It’s been almost two years since I found your blog. I fell in love this summer, to a man I was set up with by a mutual friend early last spring. He is a single father, and his sons are the same age as mine. I have spent so much time thinking I must be dreaming, he is too good to be true. But in my heart, wherever my life takes me, I think I will always be a single mom to my boys. This is not the life I ever pictured for myself, but now my single motherhood is the single most defining thing about me. I love my freedom, I love my life. Here’s to our beautiful, beautiful sons. They are lucky to have moms like us. <3
Andrea!!! Where have you been? Oh, how I have missed you! So excited you found happiness… our sons are lucky to have such awesome mamas.
xoxo
P.S. to everyone else, Andrea is like one of my first readers – I think the only original reader left. Right? Anyone else… not sure.
So I have been reading this blog for several weeks now. I started from the beginning. Reading it at every spare moment I have. I am up to march of 2009. I am bit obsessed and find myself staying up much later then I should just to read one more post. I will say since I have started reading your post you have made me a better mother. Really! I have really started to appreciate myself and my son. I have started to pay more attention to those little things and stop being overwhelmed all the time. You know stop and smell the roses and all that. So thank you! Thank you for being brave and sharing your stories and letting us all hold hands along the way.
Oh funny story, I joined I Heart Single Parents last year I think. Anyways, it wasnt until I was half way through 2008 that i realized YOU were the Alaina I totally adored from the dating relationship group I had joined on their. I was so excited!!! I quickly ran to the computer to tell my dear friend who had directed me to MsSingleMama that I had known about you just on a totally different level. Okay well maybe that was just funny and exciting to me
pick me!
Hello Alaina! I really love your blog. I became a single mom in february 2009 and it still hurts like hell. I gave up everything for my boyfriend, moved to another state, gave up family and friends- and all I got was lies and cheating, 5 years long. Now I moved back and created a new life for me and my 4 year old. A harder, but surely a better life for all of us.
I know that some day everything will be fine again. It takes time. A lot of time. And I wish I would have a single mom friend like you here in this town. Reading your blog shows all of us that every pain has its end- and we all can get happy again.
Thank you so much for starting this blog and bringing all of us single moms together for support!! I have been going it solo for two years now, with my 3 yr old daughter and 5 yr old son — the hardest job with the best rewards. It is encouraging to know that there are many of us in the same position, and that we are so strong!!
Thanks again!
Not single, nor a mama but still enjoy reading your blog. Would love to read your book. Thanks for sharing.
Wow Robin is beautiful and has my dream job! Thanks for sharing her with us. I would love to flirt around in that apron and spend time reading your ebook.
I was a single mom for 3 years and remarried last year. We are in the process of my husband adopting my son, and I would love that necklace to commemorate this amazing new phase of our life. Thanks for a fun blog to read… and can’t wait to read your book!
I love, love, love the apron and I hope I get the chance to read your book:) Your story is so inspiring and I feel like you could be my sister:) Hope I win:)
Two days ago my little Ava (2 1/2) said, “Mommy you make food good….” Yesterday she said, “Mommy, you’re a nice Mommy.” Both times I teared up – according to my ex I never cooked as well as his Mom. Over the course of our separation, apparently I said a few things that were hurtful. After years of verbal abuse, I of course was the mean one when I called him on his words to me.
I would love to wear that very cute apron to bake in, and to read your book. I may even write my own one day….
Your blog continues to inspire and strengthen me with every post. What a wonderful community you have brought together! And your prizes are fabulous too
Please enter me in the contest! Thank you
I can’t get enough of your stories!
Awesome Apron! I would love to own it -oh yeah, and a Copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored would be nice too
I agree with what you initially said. Feeling so lonely, having no single mom friends and going to thousands.
I don’t know about thousands .. my blog isn’t that popular .. but I remember first becoming single and pregnant and even now .. I had no one to talk to but my sweet guy friends but I knew they were getting sick of the chick drama so I needed another outlet, so I turned to the one thing that I’ve always turned to all my life: writing.
There are so many other wonderful single mommies on the net who somehow found my blog, and I found we’re friends through the blogosphere and though I do still lonely, I no longer feel alone.
Love both of my necklaces and especially LOVE the blog!
Thank you, everyone for your kind words!! I remember folks telling me all the time back then that I was so brave for calling off the wedding and moving on in my life. I couldn’t relate to why I would be “brave” as I was just doing the only thing I could which was to “refuse to surrender my life to the momentum of mediocrity.” Now, looking back, I know exactly why it was so brave — there were no answers, no known steps to take — just the wide open world, with no safety net. But I made it, and we all do, just simply by putting one foot in front of the other. We don’t have to have the answers, we just have to have the strength to make the right decision and to stand by it. Here’s you … Here’s to us — Single Mamas … and here’s to our sweet babes!
~Robin (&Reagan)
Love your contests!
What a beautiful story! That apron is so cute. I would love to wear that while making dinner for me and the munchkin.
Another great, inspiring post! Thanks for always helping us keep our heads up in the rough times. Kudos to Robin for her courage, and what a great picture!
empowerment is such a wonderful feeling
Alaina…I don’t know how you made it through living with your parents…I really don’t. I hate every moment of every day of it…maybe your mom is not psycho I guess. Anyways, please enter me in your contest…here’s hoping my kids and I make it through the next 3 months of hell.
-Star
Single mamas read:
Single mothers who do not look at themselves as victims but as courageous, empowered, strong women are truly the most amazing creatures on the planet. WE evolve to any change and adapt. We do not take anything for granted. We are selfless and proud. We will take the first step of faith without seeing the whole “staircase”….all of this to better our children.
Thanks again for another inspirational post Alaina!
Please enter me in the contest, I would love, love, love to read your book!
Posted on Obviously you didn’t realize you catreed the cutest frog on the planet! It seems every one but you can see that!. No wonder he is grumpy!But I do understand things don’t always go as expected. But this failure is actually a big winner!
I love that apron!
I’m so very thankful for this website/blog you’ve put up. I cannot tell you how much it’s spoken to me about single motherhood.
Write on,
Carol
stories like these are so inspiring.
I am, first and foremost, a single mama. And that makes me prouder than *anything*.
Hi, I am new here… I am so glad I found your blog.I started my blo 3 years ago due to my fertility issues. After 3 years I became a mother and soon after a single mother. My ex husband of 8 years left me last January. I did not see it coming and I am still trying to catch my breath. Thanks for sahring thee inspirin stories, it filled my heart with hope
If I won the apron, I’d be able to pass down my current one to my son and I’d wear this one. I also think the other prizes are cool. Am still finding my way as a single mum, but am loving the journey.
Stopping in to catch up. Pick Me!
-Jumping up & town, doing backflips like a pomeranian on speed, waving one hand frantically, with the other hand pointing to my head, yelling out, “Me! Me! Me! Pick Me!”
(Proof that Single Mama’s rule at multi-tasking)
{o^-^o}
A few weeks ago a single mother friend and I took our kids out to the river. When we got there we soon realised we had bitten off a little more than we could chew, thankfully a more experienced mom was already there and was quick to jump in and help. Once we had the kids settled and playing we all started talking. And I asked “are you a single mom?” She responded “yes, how can you tell?” My friend and I just smiled at each other “you jumped right in to help, without hesitation. only someone who has been in our shoes understands our shoes.”
I still love my old friends, but my new single mom friends are priceless to me. The ones who you can call at 2 in the morning and they understand b/c they’ve been there too. The ones who like to go out dancing on no kids weekend and then plan kid friendly events on kids weekend. And even if they have been happily married for 10 years – or dating for a few months, they still remember what it takes to be a single mom!
Would I have to cook more if I won an apron? Pick me! I’ll make cookies!
Alaina-
It’s been so great to watch your site just blossom. You are an amazing inspiration to us all!!
Krisi
pick me! pick me!
Choose me, choose me! I love the necklace but havent been able to afford one yet. With being a single mom and with school starting, property taxes due, etc…you know what i am talking about…hoping soon though!
I love aprons….and two of my favorite (well they’re the same one actually–I just bought two) were the $5 cheapies I found at Richard’s Variety here in Atlanta. Love them! But when feeling flirty, I use my ruffled one from Pier One. A good cook can never have too many aprons. : )
I would love to read the book & the apron is so cute.
I just moved into my own amazing place last month as a single mom with my daughter (who’s turning 6 on Friday!). Only just got internet 2 days ago. Logged onto Ms. Single Mama and am delighted to find the necklace in silver (all I wear!), the new book!!, and the apron (I collect vintage aprons)! I have no money left after paying my Sept. rent today, but I would absolutely love one of those necklaces, which would represent me and my little leaf daughter. I could see me wearing it everyday. And she’ll love it when I tell her the leaves are she and I.
Love,
K
I can’t wait to read your book and while I already have a new-leaf necklace in brass, I’ve been a bit of a singlemama evangelist and I know a single mama who could definitely use it for a lift.
Before I became a single mom, I had only known one *type* of single mom. I refused to become that type. My little girl was my knight in shining armour and she was the one who saved me from so many horrible directions. She saved me from myself, from my self-sabotage, from just being mediocre.
This is what the new leaf represents to me. It’s not about being single and not having a man in my life anymore. It’s about having *her* in my life — she’s the new leaf. That’s why I wear mine with pride, and I hope to do the same for my friend.
I would love to read your book and I would love a silver necklace. But financial situations do not allow me to splurge for myself. I am a single mom of 2 kids and no help from their fathers. I am proud to be on my own raising 2 kids alone, even if it is the hardest thing in the world EVER!
I continue to amaze myself and I enjoy reading your page, reminding myself that I am not the only single mom! Since all my friends are married they really dont understand how hard it is sometimes but I love them anyways!
Continue on my sister! I love reading everything you have to say!
I have been following your blog for a while now. I’m 28 & the single mom of a 2 yr old. I am glad someone is putting out there all the fears & feelings that come along with being a single mom, especially in the dating world. I only want to do whats best for my daughter but sometimes I feel like I’m holding myself back from doing what I really want. She is my world, don’t get me wrong but every decision I make is based on how it will effect her. I think it’s only right, but it makes it real hard for me to open myself up to a man. I’ve recently met someone & it’s the first time I’ve had feelings for someone since I had my daughter, but I’m afraid to allow it to go any father because I don’t want her to get hurt….
Anyways, seeing how you handle these situations does help me so thank you.
Girl, you seriously rock. I am so proud of you!
———-
I’m a proud mother to a wonderful 3 year old, who everyday, gives me so much joy, my heart is overwhelmed with his love. I often find myself staring at his beautiful face when he sleeps, my eyes slowly studying the architecture of his face. He is the best part of me, and the greatest gift I have been given.
Unfortunately, his father, has decided not to partake in this love fest.
An alcoholic, he left us 12 days before the baby’s 1st Birthday. His partying lifestyle and being babied by his own parents were too good of a deal to trade in for Fatherhood. “Good luck trying to get a penny out of me” were his parting words. I served him with legal documents. He of course, with the help of his family, showcased his cowardly ways by avoiding service for as long as he could. When he was ordered to pay child support, he was given a grace period to pay. Got nothing. Finally, his wages were garnished, and his passport taken away until he paid a fixed amount. Since then, he has made little effort to see him.
This might sound masochistic, but my horrible experience with him, was one of the best things to happen to me. He has given my son “the prototype” of the type of man you shouldn’t grow up to be.
I guess sometimes, it has to take a woman to show them how it’s done, huh ladies?
Word.
oh, god, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. robin and her son are beautiful. blessings to her for saying no to abuse and rising from the ashes of a hellish situation!
thanks, MissKitty … I appreciate it. Just yesterday I celebrated the 4th anniversary of making that decision. Here is my note on Facebook about that day and the journey since. http://bit.ly/2UDlEs
As a single mama, I feel like I have to create myself every day. If not, I can easily slide back into the old days of dispair and anxiety. Each day, I create a life of confidence and tenacity. It’s the only way.
Count me in! New reader to your blog, but I am already hooked!
So I decided to pop back in and you have written a book! I’m thrilled! I keep returning to check out the necklaces, because I hope to be wearing one soon…I love the silver!
I found your website several months ago-during the time of my life when it resonated the most…I am now a single mom too-3 months! There are sooooooo many of us out there! Here are a few things I have learned:
Peace in the home-priceless!
The dust does settle…
Living without a narcissist-so much less exhausting!
Having a bunch of “stuff” doesn’t make you happy-less is definitely more!
Sleeping alone has its perks!
I discovered that I could do this-and do it better than before!
I hope this makes it into the contest-lets just say I worked late last night and then got here a bit late!
Your blog has inspired me so much. Thank you thank you thank you!!
I’m a new single mama of 3 boys, my 4 yr old twins and a 14 month old. I just happened to come across your blog on one of those nights that I was throwing myself “I’m a 24 yr old single mother of 3…how did that happen?” pity party. I stayed up almost all night reading everything you’ve written and all of the awesome comments. And I can’t tell you how much hope you and your readers have given me! Even Amy’s comment a few spots above mine really hit home for me and although I’m still terrified of what the future holds, I’m really looking forward to watching the dust settle! Thanks so much MSM! xoxo
April … hang in there … it’s one step at a time! I have one child, not three, but I faced a lot of crazy hurdles that sometimes seemed impossible ((some thoughts on how I made it: http://bit.ly/2UDlEs )) and having a couple encouraging words here and there is what helped me get through. Glad to have met you here … Alaina is amazing for opening up a community for ladies just like us!
I want the book, cuz yer awesome, lady. xo