The Crush

by mssinglemama on July 24, 2009

An excerpt from Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, my eBook coming out on July 30th. Leave a comment here and be entered to win a copy.

The Crush

Why losing your heart as a new single mom is not an option

When I first saw him I couldn’t stop staring but I tried. I started rearranging things on my desk, sorting papers and placing all of the errant paper clips back in their little bunny basket. The desk decorations weren’t mine, they were all hand me downs left by the secretary before me. The desk itself was at least thirty years old, giant and heavy with metal edges worn and actually rusting in spots.

Six weeks before I had been an account assistant at a boutique ad agency in the city and now I was here, at the radio station I had interned for in high school. The job had miraculously opened up just days before I’d decided to leave my husband and it paid just enough to cover my bills with a little left over for some groceries. Rather than feeling ashamed for taking such a huge step back, I spent my days laughing with my old co-workers, sharing memories and escaping from the reality that awaited me at my mother’s house. I missed Benjamin terribly during the days, but I needed the eight-hour break my babysitter and mother afforded me.

Every week, one of the station’s shows would feature a guest from the community, an upstanding citizen or someone who wanted to promote an upcoming event like a concert, festival or art fair. When he walked in the door snapped shut behind him and I looked up but he kept walking and took a seat on the bench in the hallway. Clearly he had been here before. His brown pants matched an equally bland shirt and his beard looked scruffy around his soft cheeks and dark eyes. His boots were worn and he tapped his foot a bit before crossing his arms over his thick chest.

“Hi,” I said, “I’m Alaina.”

“Very nice to meet you Alaina,” he said. His voice add a kindness about it, a warm generosity but his eyes were hiding some kind of pain.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“My band has a few charity shows coming up. You?”

“You’re up,” the show host said. The words broke our conversation and with that the man stood up, nodded politely at me and then ducked into the studio. I relaxed back into my chair and turned the radio up so I could hear his words flowing through the speakers. He was talking about his non-profit organization and his band but all I heard was love, passion, fire – the voice of someone who cared about life and his community. I imagined what it would be like to be on the receiving end of that passion.

To be continued… in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored.

Related posts:

  1. Mizrahi’s “blog”, a pregnant man and my crush on Handy Manny.
  2. Dear Single Men:
  3. That Couple

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