A Little Surprise & Date Night

by mssinglemama on July 21, 2009

UPDATE & DISCLAIMER: All words ever written about Mia’s Other Woman on this blog are mine and mine alone, unless otherwise noted. Because we have been best friends our entire lives, I don’t even have Mia proof my posts – she trusts me. Whenever I write about her Other Woman, again because Mia is like a sister to me, I tend to get a bit fired up. Equating her to a woman on Jerry Springer was perhaps out of line. For that I apologize but I meant what I said and have zero tolerance for people who cheat or sleep with married men. Even though it takes two, both parties are equally as guilty as each other.

I have dated enough men who have been cheated on to know that the effects of that kind of broken heart don’t heal so easily. It’s a horrible, horrible thing. But again, my apologies to the Other Woman for going below the belt and most of all to Mia for meddling in her business. I won’t be mentioning the Other Woman on this blog again out of respect for their privacy. And I also want to say that I believe her ex is a good father. He did make a tragic mistake but he loves their daughter immensely. To my readers who may be confused, I am writing this because the Other Woman is reading this blog. We know this because the post that follows upset her and she told her boyfriend (Mia’s ex) who called Mia immediately.

You thought the book was all I had up my sleeve?

Nah. I’m much crazier than that? Why launch just one project when you can have two? These earrings have been in the works for a few months now.  I am also working on a silver set of the new leaf necklace and earrings, which are coming in a few weeks. In the meantime, check out the new earrings in my Ms. Single Mama Shop.

And here is the lovely Mia modeling them for us…

earringsmia2

Mia is doing well by the way. Her ex-boyfriend is still with the Other Woman. Yuck. I can’t even imagine being with a man who left his girlfriend and little daughter for me. I mean, really? Have you no self-respect Ms. Other Woman? I imagine her as some chick who could easily take a seat on Jerry Springer and blend right in with the scenery. I digress, sorry, still clearly fired up about all of it but so incredibly happy Mia is not with him anymore.

He doesn’t deserve her.

Not very many men do because Mia is a true spirit, a rare soul and someone who has the strength to grow and heal faster than I ever thought possible. We were talking the other night about the new single mom sympathy stares she’s receiving and the comments like, “Oh, don’t worry honey, you’ll find another one.”

Mia’s response? “Who says I want another one? Are you kidding me? I am loving this, loving being single – what if I never want another one again? Seriously. I think I may want to be single forever.” Her question prompted a big, long response from me – one which I’ll be featuring in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. So stay tuned for that.

Married or not, if you have kids and you’re in a relationship date night is an absolute must. John Bear is amazing with Benjamin. So amazing in fact that I would be hard pressed to even find an issue to write about here. He is so patient and very aware of the parental learning curve he faces — as we all do when we suddenly have a child in our lives, whether they’re ours or not. But with that said I am three years and nine months ahead of him which means he needs and should have more breaks from the kid stuff than I do. I don’t want to overwhelm the guy. But to take breaks together, that’s another story all together.

Since we started dating he has always insisted on us having at least one date night a week, ideally two nights a week. At first that was tough for me to swallow. Taking an entire night off from everything seemed impossible, let alone two. But now, three months in – I look forward to our designated date nights as much as he does. It is clear to me now why they are so important. Tuesday, our typical date night is big around here, we both get all excited. But this Tuesday – we’re stumped. Where should we go? I was asking on Twitter and than John suggested letting all of you decide. So cast your vote here on where we should go tonight.

If you have a better idea, please leave a comment!

Related posts:

  1. Date night.
  2. Single Mom Night Out
  3. How to Date a Single Mom, Part 6
  4. Would you date yourself?
  5. How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Gina July 21, 2009 at 8:59 am

Ok here it is, this is something i got ages ago… but it looks like a blast!

Dating the Wal-Mart way!

Gather 1 shopping cart each. Separate ways and find the following (You can take pictures of most of the items if you like to keep costs down)

• One food item to feed your date ( what do you think they’d like most, or something new to try)
• One item that reminds you of your childhood
• Something reminiscent of your most embarrassing moment
• Something that makes you think of your date
• Something that makes you think of your child
• CD that most fits your relationship
• Something Yellow
• Something Round
• Something you want in the future
• Something for your future together
• Something for your date to remember this night by (must buy)

You have 45 minutes to do your shopping, and then you must purchase items and meet back at the car, grab dinner, have a picnic etc and share your finding with one another.

This is a great date for fun and communication!

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Jaden July 21, 2009 at 9:20 am

Well I went to your poll and voted, but if the Wal-Mart trip was on the list, I would have picked that! Sounds like fun! :D

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Speedgirl July 21, 2009 at 9:21 am

Gina, I love this idea! I hope one day to have a guy to have a fun date night with :)

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Barry July 21, 2009 at 9:23 am

I am still a favorite of a nice quiet restaurant and a corner table. Can’t beat an old style Italian restaurant with people coming by the table playing soft music, bottle of red, and great food. All you do is concentrate on each other, and enjoy great conversation and warm terrific food. Kids and troubles slip away with each spoonful and glass of wine. :)

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Daniel April 1, 2014 at 9:01 pm

c5h vad mycket fint du har de4r! Vilket ste4lle att fe5 e5ka till och ta det lite lugnt :) c4lskar de fina bokste4verna jag anar de4r pe5 en husve4gg!/ J

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Sheila July 21, 2009 at 9:37 am

Wow, Gina – that WalMart idea is awesome!

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melissa July 21, 2009 at 10:15 am

The absolute BEST date I ever had was about two years ago….It was a blind date/internet date, so we decided to meet in a public place halfway between out respective towns. We rented a quad for the day and took ourselves four wheelin in the mountains. It was a first for both of us, and my uncle owns the place we rented from (free was a big bonus too), so I knew someone would know exactly where we were (safety, please!). Anyway, there was a giant waterfall a few miles in where we stopped and had the most romantic first kiss! My toes curl just thinking about it! He was unstrapping my horrible rental helmet, and wham!!! Sparks flew. Anyway, my POINT here before I get all sappy is that you should try something adventurous. Go four wheelin, take shooting lessons, heck, even a mini go-car race would be super fun! Do you have any drive-in movies there? Romance doesn’t come in stuffy restaurants and bottles of wine for me, it comes in little surprises that pack a big punch. One man I was dating years ago followed me into work one day and startled me at the door. Just as I was asking him what he was doing there, he says “i thought you could use a kiss today…” So im ready to pucker up, but instead, he put a Hershey’s kiss in my palm and walked out without a word. I cried, people. Sweetest thing ever. Dozens of roses couldn’t have been more special than that one little kiss. (After work there were kisses all over my car! sigh, too bad that one got away…) Do something you never thought you would want to do, and you might get a big surprise and a heaping dose of spontaneous romance. Its all about butterflies in your belly. Make sure they NEVER go away. Hmmm….what about one of those places you go to make dinners for the week and freeze em? They’re called Dream Dinners here in the West….learn a new recipe together? Just my thoughts! Have fun, lady!

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T July 21, 2009 at 10:42 am

Ok, yeah, I love Gina’s idea. That rocks.

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mssinglemama July 21, 2009 at 10:49 am

I LOVE Gina’s idea too… awesome. We spent all of Friday afternoon in Wal-Mart buying stuff for Benjamin. Transformers, art supplies, t-shirt iron-ons and we had so much fun.

Hmmm… if we don’t do this tonight we will definitely do it next Tuesday. Awesome idea.

I like the idea of something adventurous and fun. Maybe our picnic should be at the end of a hiking trail somewhere? And now I have only three hours to plan this entire date, whatever it is.

Thanks everyone!

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Rebecca July 21, 2009 at 10:51 am

Do you ever go bowling? It’s a very fun date :)

Have fun!

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MommaSunshine July 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

Totally jealous! I’ll be spending my Tuesday night having popcorn for dinner and waiting for bedtime! lol

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MindyMom July 21, 2009 at 11:17 am

ALL are great ideas! And I like that you have designated date nights. It’s important to take some time together as a couple – without the kid(s) and I think sometimes we forget that and the relationships suffers.

Whatever you do, have fun! And let us know when the silver set is ready!

PS- “other women” really piss me off.

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Jen July 21, 2009 at 11:56 am

I’m TOTALLY in Mia’s boat. Except that my ex-husband promptly married the Other Woman when she got pregnant, almost immediately after the divorce was final! In any case, I’m SO happy to be out, and free, and fulfilled in my own single life.

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Val July 21, 2009 at 12:04 pm

If you’ve never been to zpizza in the Short North, Tuesdays are buy one get one free night! They have GREAT flavor combinations for toppings!

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Bobbi Janay July 21, 2009 at 12:12 pm

Good luck and I hope you have fun.

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Erin July 21, 2009 at 12:36 pm

I’m so glad Mia is doing well, what happened with my ex is similar and he is still with that other woman and I agree on your opinion about women like that. Denial is their M.O.

All of these date ideas are great! The Wal-mart things sounds amazing. I am old fashioned and love the romantic low lighting, wine and convo.

I also think John Bear is right about making time for one to two dates a week. It is something to look forward to and something to break apart the daily grind.

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Jill July 21, 2009 at 1:21 pm

You and John Bear are SO adorable together! I’m happy that you have found love and someone that is so great with your son.

Date nights are incredibly important, go have fun!! I voted for mini golf :-)

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melissa July 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm

ok another thought….make your own ceramics! Thery have pottery places where you design your own plates os cups or vases, etc. Great keepsake idea. Make on to remember when it was all still so new and exciting. Bowling is a great idea too!

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famejane July 21, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Gina, that’s awesome. i wish I had a guy I could call up right now and say, “Meet me at Walmart!”

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Ms. Single Mama July 21, 2009 at 4:03 pm

FameJane – isn’t it an awesome idea? Totally going to have to do it and record the results for a YouTube video.

Melissa – there is a ceramics place right around the corner from my place, taking Benjamin soon but love the idea of going with John Bear too.

Guess what? Tonight is our three month anniversary! I totally forgot until like an hour ago. I think we are going to head to the place we went to on our first date. Hmmm… still haven’t really decided, even as I sit here waiting for him to knock on my door. Love it.

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Rebecca K. July 21, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I read about “date night” of one of the married mama bloggers that I’ve followed … they go out to their favorite local bar and have a couple of drinks, eat dinner, and end the evening with a quick shopping trip before heading home. I found the “shopping trip” part funny … what an unromantic way to end the evening I thought. But I was wrong … she pointed out that they both enjoy that part of the date night the most because they usually don’t get a chance to go shopping without the kids TOGETHER! It’s usually one parent/partner/caregiver watching the kids while the other one heads out to shop, right? Make sense to me! :)

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Amy July 21, 2009 at 6:31 pm

Sigh, am married with 3 kids. What I would do for a ‘date night’. Must work on that!

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famejane July 22, 2009 at 6:09 am

Whoa!! Icksnay on the Wall-Mart idea ladies!!!! I remembered some old posts by Alaina that were none too complimentary of the conglomerate slave chain. I’m sure Alaina’s gut turned over a bit with the idea. With respect to her her views (many readers agreed) about the chain, how about “Dating the Target way”? Wall-Mart is a definite “no-shop-zone”. Are you with me??

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mssinglemama July 22, 2009 at 6:38 am

Jane – actually, as I said up there, just went to Wal-mart for the first time since writing that post last Friday with John Bear. I’m not really against Wal-Mart at all, I’m not even against the people who shop there.

I am definitely against the politicians who give chains like Wal-Mart tax breaks and in turn do not reward small businesses. I could go on and on. But read that post again – not against Wal-Mart, just shocked that day when I walked into the “wrong Wal-Mart”.

http://mssinglemama.com/2009/02/24/the-wrong-wal-mart/

With that said I think Target would be a great place to do this as well but could be a bit more expensive. Thanks for chiming in Fame Jane!

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Michelle July 22, 2009 at 7:38 am

I would like to make a comment on the “update”. This is your blog, not OW. If she does not like what she reads, she can go somewhere else. And last time I checked, a man can still be a good father but a lousy man. A cheater is a cheater. Is she mad because you called a spade a spade? I do not believe that you should censor your thoughts and feelings because she did something very wrong. If Mia’s ex did not want to be with Mia and wanted to be with OW, he should have waited until they were at least separated if not divorced. OW and the ex both did something they should be ashamed of. I am glad to see Mia holding her head high in this ordeal. I too am glad Mia is out of that relationship. Alaina, Just keep those comments coming. Us single moms and divorcees are with you!

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christine July 22, 2009 at 8:20 am

i agree with Michelle. i don’t think the OW deserves your generosity here. she doesn’t need to read this blog. is it because she wants to keep tabs on Mia? this blog is no place for her, period. it is a place for solidarity and support amongst single mothers, and it is more than that, about MSM’s experiences through her own single motherhood, where ever that takes her.

it just strikes me as really ridiculous that the OTHER WOMAN feels like she has a right to get angry and upset. what did she think she was getting into when she had an affair? i don’t get it, sorry.

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Meighan July 22, 2009 at 8:22 am

Um, just wow. So, the bastard who used the cheated, called the mother of his child, to complain that her friend thought his chick of the moment was a Jerrry Springer type whore. This is your opinion. I totally agree. And I think this “man” is a pathetic loser. There is a right way and a wrong way to end a relationship. He chose the absolutely wrong way. And the chick that was screwing around with him, was no one I’d ever be friends with. If I knew either of them, I would seriously doubt their integrieties as people and have nothing to do with either of them again.

Mia, I hope this is another piece that affirms you will be better off without this kind of loser in your life. I don’t know how that man can look his child in the face and think he did right by her. Good parents lead by example.. they don’t say “do as I say, not as I do.”
And to the OW… what a bitch you are to check in on boyfriend’s X’s bff’s blog and then whine to him about it. Your self esteem must be as high as your character is…

*Disclaimer* these are MY opinions. I do not know any of the parties involved. I just read a good blog and am invited to share my views on the topics of the poster. And I think Mia is handleing all of this wonderfully, and her child is lucky to have one great mom.

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Jen C. July 22, 2009 at 8:26 am

I read your site all the time – and I love it – but I’ve never commented before. I had to pipe up and say that I agree with the previous commenter. I totally appreciate and respect your desire to give Mia’s ex and the Other Woman their privacy. That’s very big of you. At the same time, I think she can shove it. Nobody knows who she is, outside of maybe a small circle of people in your community who know you personally, know Mia, know her ex, and can put it all together. But I’m going to guess that the majority of people who read this blog haven’t a clue who this person is. Maybe your Jerry Springer comment was below the belt (even if it made me laugh). And no, two wrongs don’t make a right – so like I said, I respect that you’re choosing to take a higher road. Still, this woman should consider that she doesn’t have much room to complain about other people’s perception of her if she’s going to choose to spend her time destroying someone’s family. I’m not sure she has any room to balk about what people think of her once she crossed that line. We’ve all been in situations where choices have to be made – where there IS a point that we can stop and say, “I’m not going to do this. This is wrong.” And walk away. And she made her choice when that moment came up. And she made the wrong one. She gets no pity from any one here. You have to treat people with respect if you expect the same in return.

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Meighan July 22, 2009 at 8:28 am

In my fury of this, I hit send before I read through and fixed mistakes. I’m fully taken aback that this man called Mia and chewed her out over her friend siding with her. Fully taken aback. No names have been mentioned, other than Mia’s. The OW should have sat back, reflected on how people may view her (and him) and LEARNED something from it-many people will view you like this. Again, sorry for the typos… I will think before I hit send again :)
(p.s, i thought the description was perfect.. a clear visual of the type of people Mia is dealing with… thanks for the smiles.)

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Rebecca July 22, 2009 at 9:37 am

I guess the truth hurts. I like to say, “If you don’t want people talking bad about you, don’t give them any amunition.” Maybe the OW should read something else, like a book on how to be a good person.

That said, I respect your decision.

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Zoe July 22, 2009 at 9:54 am

Another lurker here. Congratulations on your date night, your new earrings, eBook, and genuine, complete and delicious happiness. I know you’re savoring it! Well done!

Can’t help myself: This is to the “Other Woman.” The Jerry Springer comparison unfortunately fits you. You may not have wrestled with a mother and wife on the show, but you did by your actions. You chose to deliberately pursue a married man with a family. Period. Everything that is happening now (and I suspect more scheiss is heading your way…) is the direct result of your selfish choices. Period. If none of your schooling has taught you this, know it now: Life is about to give you a big wake-up call regarding consequences. I have no idea how it will happen, but it will, and most likely, given your recent response, you’ll go crying on someone’s shoulder, playing the victim card.

Well guess what? You’re not the victim in this situation and you’ve got a hell of lotta nerve acting as though you are. There is a real woman with a real child who is dealing with the blowback you created. Do you really want to reach the age of 30 knowing you broke up a family? Make amends. Get rid of the husband and turn your life around. It’s not too late for you. Everyone makes mistakes but you’re heading down Loser Lane at breakneck speed. Pull over before you destroy anyone else.

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Mia July 22, 2009 at 10:06 am

Hi Ms Single Mama fans and friends!
I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your love and support. Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts here from time to time. My intent in doing so is two fold:
Intent # 1) it allows me to constructively vent; I love to write and being able to share my inner most feelings is an emotional release that has really helped me on my healing journey. I am spending a lot of time working on myself, taking responsibility for my own flaws as well dealing with the effects of my ex and his OW’s choices. The writing s are for ME and for anyone else who can benefit from following my journey, not to hurt or manipulate my ex and his gf.

Intent # 2) I can’t afford therapy :)

So thank you again everyone. And thank you Alaina, my best friend, for loving me enough to stick your foot in your mouth for me :) I would do the same for you any day!

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Zoe July 22, 2009 at 10:24 am

Mia, Ms. Single Mama – you both are full-on class. Thanks for modeling the truth of “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.” Rock on, ladies. ;-)

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Jean July 22, 2009 at 10:32 am

I agree with all the previous comments. Mia, keep holding your head high lady. You have grace and class abounding. Alaina, you are showing your true amazingness by having the ability to give this woman undeserving respect and thoughtfullness after all she’s done to your friend. Kudos to you both. ;)

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Sheila July 22, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Dear Other Woman — what he does with you, he’ll do to you.

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kelly July 22, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Dear OW,

From what I hear, it sounds like you can’t seem to handle the truth about the kind of person you are from the choices you have made. News flash… if you don’t like what Ms. Single Mama or the reads have to say about you then take your curiosity some place else. Knowing that you are such an avid reader must truly shed light on the type of person you are… Insecure and caring way too much about what others think! If you are choosing to be with her ex, then man up and take ownership for the decision you have made. Stop crying wolf… Nobody wants to hear it!!!

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melissa July 22, 2009 at 2:39 pm

If only we all had friendships in life like the two of you have! Treat them like diamonds. They come all too rarely, but the REAL ones never break…you cant even scratch their solid surface. I have been there Mia, sort of. My ex husband didn’t exactly leave me for his OW, but instead put her through so much of the same Hell I was living, she eventually attempted suicide. I actually visited her in the hospital. We had a little come-to Jesus meeting, and I hope she finally saw the light. I know that was a day of awakening for me. I have been divorced now for five years almost, and you know what? He is now engaged to a (different) WOMAN whose family HE tore apart!! They belong to eachother, honey. Your man will get his someday. As for the OW, you eventually have to come to terms with her. IF he does continue along this road with her, she may someday play an integral role in the raising of your precious baby girl. Take it from me, it will be better for everyone if you accept her, try to forget what she is, and hope with all your heart she will be good to your baby. My mom always taught me the best revenge is to “kill em with kindness”…that really gets under their skin! You WILL prevail girl!! Cherish your friendship and live for the happiness you WILL find someday.

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Amber July 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm

OTHER WOMAN: You are a coward. You are a homewrecker. You made your bed. NOW LIE IN IT! You go ahead and sugar coat your beautiful love story all you want but the fact remains that you know exactly what kind of a person you are, or you would have never gone crying to the only person who will lick your wounds because hes just as guilty as you are. Good day.

MIA: You are so much better off. And one day very soon you will see that they have done you a favor, if you havent already.

MS.SINGLEMAMA: I wish I had friends like you. Good for you for having your friends back at any and all costs. Good for you for speaking your mind. Good for you for empowering women like us.

I am fired up.

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Amber July 22, 2009 at 4:38 pm

And the Jerry Springer comment, I must say, made me laugh my ass off.

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Liz July 22, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Can you imagine reading a blog that mentions the term “The Other Woman” and knowing that was about you? Yuck. By knowing that “Other Woman” is you, you are completely aware of the fact that you were an interloper on someone else’s relationship and FAMILY? How life altering for an innocent little girl your actions were – when she grows up she’ll not have had the chance to have father at home with her mother because you couldn’t walk away from something that wasn’t yours to begin with? I know it takes two to tango but Wow. OW, you are a REAL prize.

Furthermore – what is your obsession with Mia’s life??? Haven’t you done enough by destroying her daughters world (and hers as well but she is strong and will come out MUCH better off)? Now, after feeling you had to have her boyfriend, you now are spending your time reading her best friends blog?? And whining about it in an attempt getting Mia “in trouble” with her daughters father? Seriously? Did you really complain that you and your bf were HURT? Ha! Hurt? Hmmm. Ummmm..I imagine Mia knows a thing or two about hurt. I imagine her daughter knows a thing about HURT. Your GALL continues to stun me. Perhaps that is where the Jerry Springer comment came from – because those people, much like you it seems, have no shame. Here’s a news flash. When you are a good, caring person you have friends. True friends. Sister friends. If someone hurts you, they have your back. ALWAYS. Mia, because she is a quality woman, has those friends. You cannot expect that Alana would not feel just as negatively towards you as if you had done this to her personally. Because she’s Mia’s sister friend. But you wouldn’t know about this because you probably don’t have those types of friends. Too young, too selfish, to pathetic.

OW – Get a life. Your OWN life. Stop dragging along on the coattails of Mia’s and complaining that you’re getting bunged up along the way. YOU chose this. Not Mia.

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Mama Crazy July 22, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Well, I was going to chime in, but it seems it’s all been said already, so…

HEAR, HEAR!!!!!

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chatline July 22, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Dont worry Mia, that guy is not worth it…

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Wagner July 22, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Wow. This was a great post to start with, but the update/disclaimer really made it powerful.

I have thought this question for awhile, ever since reading the letter to the OW. (Which is an incredible piece. . . )

Mia – are you still firm on the idea of “You may never see my child.”

How is that part working? Has the OW really not ever spent time with your daughter?

Don’t share unless you feel like it, but I think it is such a powerful statement, and agree with you – but I wonder how it really applies itself in reality.

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Isaac April 1, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Just wanted you to know that I still enjoy snpipotg by your blog now and then. I haven’t had the time to do as much scrapping as I was like, over the last year, but I do love it and enjoy your kits so much! Praying you have a very Merry Christmas! blessings,Joy

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Star July 22, 2009 at 7:26 pm

Screw what the other woman thinks. She’s a slut and she knows it. I know what cheating does to a family and I don’t think any kid or wife that has been on the innocent side of things and has had their world blown apart gives a crap what the other woman feels when she reads a blog read by people that clearly know that she is slut with no self-esteem that would stoop to any low to try to make herself feel better. Some of us have morals and think that being a good person and caring about how our actions affect others is more important than a momentary boost of self-esteem created by having sex with some pathetic immoral as*hole. She can have him and should think about her actions before she does them next time rather than worrying about how her actions are viewed by others after the fact. Also, if you think Mia’s ex is such a good dad, how could he be when he could do what he did knowing how it would affect his family, his child’s mother, and his ultimately his little girl?

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Jen July 22, 2009 at 7:49 pm

Here’s the thing….Mia is much better off. It’s her ex’s doing, not the OW. If he were the right man and a good man he never would have left her for the OW. The OW is the loser in this situation because she ended up with the ex. I appreciate you putting your foot in your mouth for Mia. I think it rocks to have a bff who would stand by her publicly. This is a public blog, and you aren’t going to please everyone all of the time:) You shouldn’t censor your thoughts because it hurts someones feelings. This is YOU, not HER. Let her start her own blog from her perspective. I feel bad for HER.

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C July 22, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Another shout out to the Other Woman (and all ‘other women’ out there): You made the conscious decision to break apart a family… You knowingly caused years of pain and confusion for the small child involved. You helped a man break his promises and break another woman’s heart…

How does that feel?

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kristen July 22, 2009 at 8:38 pm

While I agree with the anger being expressed on Mia’s behalf towards her situation, i am not impressed with the way everyone is attacking and blaming the other woman like it was all her doing. We don’t know the whole story. Place the blame where it belongs. Mia’s ex was the one who broke his commitment to her.

As women we should take steps to protect and stand up for each other. No woman should intentionally get involved with a married man. But it doesn’t make it better to attack and call each other names when it does happen. This kind of behaviour doesn’t look good on anyone.

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Mama Jennifer July 23, 2009 at 6:01 am

Just had to chime in about the OW. I was affected by an OW over 7 years ago (when my son was 5 weeks old.) thing was, I thought she was the only OW, and it turns out there were many others. After she learned how much of a loser my ex was she dumped him and moved on. I heard several years later that she had found the love of her life, got pregnant and he left her. What goes around, comes around. I’m proud to say that my BFF helped me through it. Although her anger was more directed towards my ex. She would do anything for me and I would never want her to censor her feelings. “The best way to have a friend is to be a friend.”
Alaina – I am so happy for you and Benjamin and I hope one to find what you have found.
BTW – My daughter’s name is Malayna (kind of like Alaina with a “mmm” in front!)

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jodi July 23, 2009 at 6:19 am

I am glad to see others posting about OW and how her feelings shouldn’t be considered in this blog. Did she once consider Mia and her daughter’s feelings? Obviously not. Why then, should she expect her feelings to be considered? Especially by the BEST FRIEND OF HER BOYFRIEND’S EX? That honestly? Takes as much nerve as the cheating!

Living well? The best revenge. Hold your head up high, Mia…you deserve much more than he had to offer.

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Mia July 23, 2009 at 8:36 am

Wagner,
That’s a good question.
At the time of writing the letter my healing had not even started. I consider myself a realist and I know that the day may come when my ex will ask me if the OW can be introduced to my daughter.
Despite the poor choices he has made, I know that our daughter’s best interest is always in his heart. He adores her. So I would respect his wishes and assume they were in a consistent and healthy relationship. I could not keep her away forever.

Ironically, when I met her (long before their relationship began) my daughter was with me and they played together for a long time. At the time I actually thought she would make a good sitter if we ever needed one for a night out. Funny to think about now.

As much as it tears me apart I think my daughter would really like her. She is young, innocent looking, and seemed to have a knack with kids. Selfishly, it would rip my heart into a million pieces. But as we all know, motherhood leaves no room for selfishness. And healing would come that pain as well…

Thanks again everyone. Now let’s get back to happy thoughts and talking about how awesome John Bear is! :)

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Sara July 23, 2009 at 9:08 am

I completely agree with Meighan, Rebecca, and Jen C. Maybe the Other Woman shouldn’t partake in such despicable behavior and then she wouldn’t get crucified in a public forum. I can completely appreciate you and Mia taking the high road and not talking about her for Mia’s sake, but seriously how pathetic is the Other Woman for checking on your blog. What?- doing the damage wasn’t enough? You need to check back and survey the aftermath of your horrible deeds? You’re a terrible excuse for a woman. Your actions disgrace and disgust women everywhere. I truly hope you end up with the same heartache you have caused.
Mia I commend your resolve. For you to potentially be able to accept this person into your daughter’s life speaks to your high character. You are an amazing woman and the man who left you- good father as he may be- is a coward who doesn’t deserve such a strong, beautiful woman.

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melissa July 23, 2009 at 9:11 am

That’s the right attitude Mia!! Like I said yesterday, the sooner you accept the situation AS IS all will start to seem better. Like it or not, being a single mommy almost always means there will be other women in your childs life. This may be the absolute hardest part of divorce with children. But, for me, I have tried to look at the bright side. Currently my ex (who is in his 30′s, people) has a gf who is barely out of high school. It really used to tick me off, but you know what? She really adores my kids, and like as not, I think my kids are safer with their dad since she came into the picture. You have to find a way to accept it. You are right, your daughter will likely meet her one day…it will hurt like hell the first time you see her give this other woman a hug, or to know that she is playing mommy when you can’t…but try to think of it as just one more person who may wind up loving your daughter. Whatever the motives are, you MUST find a positive. Accepting single momm-dom means accepting the role other women will play. I adore your writing, and you keep that positive outlook and you will be fine. You are strong, and look at all the women commenting here just for you!! You have support…keep on truckin!

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Ms. Single Mama July 23, 2009 at 11:02 am

You are all so awesome. Love this discussion and all of the thoughts.

Just wanted to say that this Other Woman is really a girl, only 23. She’s a kid. So our discussions and our thoughts here are WAY beyond her. Just an FYI. To me, that’s the most infuriating part of it all. And yes, to Kristen’s point, I have edited SO much out of this blog about Mia’s ex (you have no idea).

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Michelle July 23, 2009 at 11:59 am

Alaina, That she is only 23 makes this even worse. On many points. Pretty much makes me even think less of the ex. She is however old enough to know that someone married is off limits. Flattered as she may have felt that this guy was talking (? do we leave it at that?) to her, she still should have walked away. But it really does place a lot more blame in my perspective on the guy. Why is preying on someone that young? Especially since (I assume) she was single with no kids, she is going to be really immature (not that you can’t be immature if you have kids). I really do hope that she comes to her senses and decides she would rather live with herself, than live as an excuse.

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Andrea July 23, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Ah fun, this seems so highschool! Its The Hills or what, I think she wants to be famous thru your blog. Hey girl start you own blog, express yourself. xoxo

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k July 23, 2009 at 10:25 pm

You are freakin’ kidding me, this “woman” deserves no special props. It may not seem like it now, but in time Mia will look back and be so happy that this other “woman” actually did her a favor. Yes, karma is a biotch too!

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Anonymous July 23, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Yikes, 23!!! That’s child’s play!!!!! Run fast Mia and be glad you are no longer in that relationship. This little girl sounds like she wants a lot of attention, even if it’s negative attention. How would you like your name being attached to the destruction of a family? I don’t know how some people can sleep at night? Mia, you will be happy and loving life, don’t let anyone steal your joy!!!

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Ashley July 29, 2009 at 9:14 am

Uh! Other Woman needs to get over it. Are single moms the only people who actually own up to the results of our own actions? Are we the only ones that can see “Okay, I did this, and this is the result?” She had an affair with a married man!! This is not a publicly accepted thing to do. Surely she didn’t expect that everyone would be so happy for her in her part in destroying a family? Traditionally, I’ve learned that if it’s not something I’d be willing and okay with telling my parents or pastor I said/did/whatever, then there’s a probability that there will be a less than pleasant result or consequence from what I said/did/whatever. It’s a fairly simple lesson to learn.

It just goes beyond me that she gets her feelings hurt over this when SHE is one of the two people that could have prevented this from ever happening in the first place!!

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Ashley July 29, 2009 at 9:17 am

By the way, one of the best dates I have ever went on was simply a day spent at this place that had an arcade, go-cart track, and batting cages. It was SOOOO much fun and made me feel young again. That day will always stand out as one of the best dates ever, even if it was with the ex.

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