Comments on: Hold up http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/ Single Mom Dating, Love, and Life Advice Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:14:09 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: eliza http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11327 eliza Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:53:07 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11327 I don't really get this. You're still single. You've been dating this guy 3 months. I've read your blog for awhile and I'm happily married with 3. Never been divorced. I wouldn't worry about the naysayers. I don’t really get this. You’re still single. You’ve been dating this guy 3 months.
I’ve read your blog for awhile and I’m happily married with 3. Never been divorced. I wouldn’t worry about the naysayers.

]]> By: Laura http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11271 Laura Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:14:10 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11271 By the way, forgot to say, that I am new to your blog, have gone back and read quite a bit, and I am loving it!!!! By the way, forgot to say, that I am new to your blog, have gone back and read quite a bit, and I am loving it!!!!

]]> By: Laura http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11270 Laura Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:13:38 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11270 My son is almost 9yrs old. I met my now husband when my son was almost 4. I was a single mom, working hard, not looking for anyone. All that mattered to me was that my son was healthy and happy. I was happy enough with myself that I didn't "need' a man in my life. I "dated" my husband for almost 2yrs before we got married. It's not easy, and I believe that once you are a single mother for sometime, it gets even harder to date, because you are not only about you, but you and that precious cargo you cary. It's tough, can get even tougher before it gets easier (if it ever does) but you can and will get through it all, as you say, it just takes work. I have been with my husband for almost 5 years, will be married for three, and it's still work every day. For a single mother out there to say that you are not being fair, or that you aren't a "single mom" any more, they are wrong in so many ways. Even though I am married to my husband, and I have another little one, I still look at my son, and think of myself as that single mother. It never goes away, just helps make you stronger, and hopefully happier! My son is almost 9yrs old. I met my now husband when my son was almost 4. I was a single mom, working hard, not looking for anyone. All that mattered to me was that my son was healthy and happy. I was happy enough with myself that I didn’t “need’ a man in my life. I “dated” my husband for almost 2yrs before we got married. It’s not easy, and I believe that once you are a single mother for sometime, it gets even harder to date, because you are not only about you, but you and that precious cargo you cary. It’s tough, can get even tougher before it gets easier (if it ever does) but you can and will get through it all, as you say, it just takes work. I have been with my husband for almost 5 years, will be married for three, and it’s still work every day. For a single mother out there to say that you are not being fair, or that you aren’t a “single mom” any more, they are wrong in so many ways. Even though I am married to my husband, and I have another little one, I still look at my son, and think of myself as that single mother. It never goes away, just helps make you stronger, and hopefully happier!

]]> By: Roxanne http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11256 Roxanne Mon, 20 Jul 2009 21:50:07 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11256 I have to admit, I have shied away as of late, because it does sting a bit. It's a very bitter taste when I notice someone's wedding ring, or catch a glimpse of two people lovingly staring into each other's eyes, holding hands, kissing. I miss it so much that it's painful sometimes. But you, like so many times, are absolutely right: <em>If you truly do want someone to love you, you have to love yourself first and be happy for those around you, recognizing that they are no happier than you are even though they may have an extra body to share their happiness with. You also have to believe it is possible, to open your heart.</em> This brought tears to my eyes because you're so, so right. A wedding ring I notice on a stranger does not make them a better person than me. Two people kissing does not equal perfection, or anymore happiness than when my son kisses me. Sometimes I forget that. Thank you for reminding me. And hey, I'm so happy for you. Honestly truly 100% happy for you. I have to admit, I have shied away as of late, because it does sting a bit. It’s a very bitter taste when I notice someone’s wedding ring, or catch a glimpse of two people lovingly staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, kissing. I miss it so much that it’s painful sometimes.

But you, like so many times, are absolutely right:
If you truly do want someone to love you, you have to love yourself first and be happy for those around you, recognizing that they are no happier than you are even though they may have an extra body to share their happiness with. You also have to believe it is possible, to open your heart.

This brought tears to my eyes because you’re so, so right. A wedding ring I notice on a stranger does not make them a better person than me. Two people kissing does not equal perfection, or anymore happiness than when my son kisses me. Sometimes I forget that. Thank you for reminding me.

And hey, I’m so happy for you. Honestly truly 100% happy for you.

]]> By: Danny http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11195 Danny Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:20:14 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11195 many thanks ive just read this blog today and hope to benefit a lot from it. Ive had my experiences painful for that matter and have not yet established relationship though i want my son to be happy, what do i do, pliz help many thanks ive just read this blog today and hope to benefit a lot from it. Ive had my experiences painful for that matter and have not yet established relationship though i want my son to be happy, what do i do, pliz help

]]> By: Single MOMa (Nica) http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11194 Single MOMa (Nica) Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:13:07 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11194 I like this post. It is honest and shows how much you care about your readers. Although I don’t visit as much as I'd like; your new love story has given me hope and reminded me of what is possible. I like the fact that I don't have a connection to every post anymore, because it feels like I am learning something new. I have to admit at first the sting of jealously did appear, but that just made me admit to myself that I still do want that kind of love. I have been a single mom to a boy for a little over 8yrs now, and meeting someone special to share our lives with is something I almost gave up on. Thank you for sharing your life with us, and renewing my faith in single moms finding love. I am excited to read your eBook! Blessings I like this post. It is honest and shows how much you care about your readers.

Although I don’t visit as much as I’d like; your new love story has given me hope and reminded me of what is possible. I like the fact that I don’t have a connection to every post anymore, because it feels like I am learning something new. I have to admit at first the sting of jealously did appear, but that just made me admit to myself that I still do want that kind of love. I have been a single mom to a boy for a little over 8yrs now, and meeting someone special to share our lives with is something I almost gave up on. Thank you for sharing your life with us, and renewing my faith in single moms finding love.
I am excited to read your eBook!

Blessings

]]> By: Speedgirl http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11187 Speedgirl Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:25:59 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11187 There is no false advertising here. Alaina is not married. She is still single and still a mamma. She is just dating a man who she really likes a lot. How can people say her story as a single mom is over? They have only been dating for a few months, people. I don't remember her ever writing that John is over all the time, or helps with financial strains, or punishes Benjamin, or stays home from work to be with a sick little boy, or any other the other stressful things that happen in day-to-day life for us single moms. They have a long way to go on this journey. I too have felt that some posts are pretty gushy - but I truly believe that is just Alaina being honest about her feelings at the moment. Her life isn't all butterflies and ponies - no one's is! But she doesn't want to focus on the negative now, so let her be happy for a while! I read your blog, Alaina, mostly because it makes me think about what I would do if I were in your shoes. It helps me prepare for what awaits when I do start dating. (Because I know that I will some day!) Your relationships, especially those with Mr. Man and John, have solidified my belief that "Mr. Right" needs to fill that role for both me AND for my children, or he ain't right enough! There is no false advertising here. Alaina is not married. She is still single and still a mamma. She is just dating a man who she really likes a lot. How can people say her story as a single mom is over? They have only been dating for a few months, people. I don’t remember her ever writing that John is over all the time, or helps with financial strains, or punishes Benjamin, or stays home from work to be with a sick little boy, or any other the other stressful things that happen in day-to-day life for us single moms. They have a long way to go on this journey. I too have felt that some posts are pretty gushy – but I truly believe that is just Alaina being honest about her feelings at the moment. Her life isn’t all butterflies and ponies – no one’s is! But she doesn’t want to focus on the negative now, so let her be happy for a while!
I read your blog, Alaina, mostly because it makes me think about what I would do if I were in your shoes. It helps me prepare for what awaits when I do start dating. (Because I know that I will some day!) Your relationships, especially those with Mr. Man and John, have solidified my belief that “Mr. Right” needs to fill that role for both me AND for my children, or he ain’t right enough!

]]> By: Tricia http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11179 Tricia Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:20:42 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11179 Wow Alaina! I KNEW being away from your blog for a week or two was not a good thing for me! I totally relate to everything that you talk about still. Not because I'm at the point you are. Mainly because you've been in my own shoes before I walked in them and you have not only survived, you have THRIVED and have given me nothing but absolute hope. Hope for, you guessed it, MYSELF. And of course my beautiful children. But, I have never seen your blog as one which is looking for love, or I wouldn't have kept coming back. I saw it as one about empowerment, taking your talents and caring nature back to the world of single moms out there and sharing the good, bad and ugly. The fact that falling in love again is definitely GOOD, does not for one moment make me think that that's the end of the story and that they're aren't new challenges. I know it must be extremely hard to trust your heart again, (at least it will be for me) and especially hard to allow your children's hearts to be vulnerable too. And that's why I read you. You inspire, but you are real. That's all people really need. To know that a tiny bit of their own struggles can be viewed through the eyes of someone who has walked before them and can give them hope. I only hope that one day, I can use all the accumulated talents and skills from being a mother who chose to stay home and use them to help others. That would be enough for me in this life, to know that I could share my experience and hopefully touch someone else in the process. I am so happy that there is a good man in your life. He is very lucky too. And Benjamin, will in the long run benefit from a mother who both believes in herself and in the magic of love. Thank you, I will always be reading. And learning. :) I am many steps behind you, but your path is showing me some of the way. Mostly, that I need to believe in myself first. The rest will follow. :) Wow Alaina! I KNEW being away from your blog for a week or two was not a good thing for me! I totally relate to everything that you talk about still. Not because I’m at the point you are. Mainly because you’ve been in my own shoes before I walked in them and you have not only survived, you have THRIVED and have given me nothing but absolute hope. Hope for, you guessed it, MYSELF. And of course my beautiful children. But, I have never seen your blog as one which is looking for love, or I wouldn’t have kept coming back. I saw it as one about empowerment, taking your talents and caring nature back to the world of single moms out there and sharing the good, bad and ugly. The fact that falling in love again is definitely GOOD, does not for one moment make me think that that’s the end of the story and that they’re aren’t new challenges. I know it must be extremely hard to trust your heart again, (at least it will be for me) and especially hard to allow your children’s hearts to be vulnerable too. And that’s why I read you. You inspire, but you are real. That’s all people really need. To know that a tiny bit of their own struggles can be viewed through the eyes of someone who has walked before them and can give them hope.

I only hope that one day, I can use all the accumulated talents and skills from being a mother who chose to stay home and use them to help others. That would be enough for me in this life, to know that I could share my experience and hopefully touch someone else in the process.

I am so happy that there is a good man in your life. He is very lucky too. And Benjamin, will in the long run benefit from a mother who both believes in herself and in the magic of love.

Thank you, I will always be reading. And learning. :) I am many steps behind you, but your path is showing me some of the way. Mostly, that I need to believe in myself first. The rest will follow. :)

]]> By: Hef http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11173 Hef Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:24:19 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11173 Amazing things are happening for you right now. Run with it. Enjoy it. And PLEASE continue to spread the sunshine. You're an inspiration. Amazing things are happening for you right now. Run with it. Enjoy it. And PLEASE continue to spread the sunshine. You’re an inspiration.

]]> By: Single Mom in New England http://mssinglemama.com/2009/07/15/hold-up/#comment-11160 Single Mom in New England Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:07:39 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=3984#comment-11160 Hi Alaina, We all knew that you were bound to find love eventually - you are such a great person!! :) We held our breath through Mr. Man and the boyfriends before that. So we are all really happy for you. But, you know how it feels when all your friends start pairing off, and you feel like you're the last one left on the planet who hasn't found a boyfriend? That's how it's feeling to me with all my Single Mom blogs (Mommy pie, Single Mom Seeking, Modern Single Momma to name a few). And when you find yourself alone, for better or worse, you tend to gravitate to others who are in the same boat as you. I think that's all famejane was saying, and I happen to agree with her. I read your blog to hear about surviving the dating world as a single mom - because that's WHERE I'M AT. Unfortunately, I'm not at the "Single Mom Navigating a New Relationship" stage (but someday I hope to be!) It doesn't mean I'll stop reading your blog, because I'm glad that you have found a wonderful man and I'll be curious to see where it leads... but honestly I'll probably not check in as often, and I will seek out new/other "Single Mom" blog writers that are at the same stage in life that I am. (And that's true for the other aforementioned formerly-single mom blogs I read.) Just wanted to chime in my 2 cents... also your comment, "I can’t tell you everything but I can tell you that this shit has never been easy and it still isn’t." Well, here's hoping that someday you CAN tell us everything- that's why we're here, excitedly reading your blog! :) Have a fantastic day! Hi Alaina, We all knew that you were bound to find love eventually – you are such a great person!! :) We held our breath through Mr. Man and the boyfriends before that. So we are all really happy for you.

But, you know how it feels when all your friends start pairing off, and you feel like you’re the last one left on the planet who hasn’t found a boyfriend? That’s how it’s feeling to me with all my Single Mom blogs (Mommy pie, Single Mom Seeking, Modern Single Momma to name a few). And when you find yourself alone, for better or worse, you tend to gravitate to others who are in the same boat as you. I think that’s all famejane was saying, and I happen to agree with her. I read your blog to hear about surviving the dating world as a single mom – because that’s WHERE I’M AT. Unfortunately, I’m not at the “Single Mom Navigating a New Relationship” stage (but someday I hope to be!) It doesn’t mean I’ll stop reading your blog, because I’m glad that you have found a wonderful man and I’ll be curious to see where it leads… but honestly I’ll probably not check in as often, and I will seek out new/other “Single Mom” blog writers that are at the same stage in life that I am. (And that’s true for the other aforementioned formerly-single mom blogs I read.)

Just wanted to chime in my 2 cents… also your comment, “I can’t tell you everything but I can tell you that this shit has never been easy and it still isn’t.” Well, here’s hoping that someday you CAN tell us everything- that’s why we’re here, excitedly reading your blog! :) Have a fantastic day!

]]>