Hold up

by mssinglemama on July 15, 2009

There have been a few comments to my latest post from single mothers who are now unable to relate to my story, once feeling a connection that is now lost because I have fallen in love.

As Fame Jane put it, “I’ve been reading your blog since last summer (though I just started posting) and I used to feel like I had so much in common with you and your other readers – like we could all relate to each other so much, and now I’m starting not to feel that connection as much. It seems like the blog is becoming less about the struggles of singlemomhood, and more about a love story.”

She goes on to say she is happy for us, “it’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful and I am so happy for you. I’ve decided to use your story as one of hope and inspiration.”

That’s fantastic and my goal in all of this is exactly that, to hopefully inspire single moms or just make you all smile or laugh. I just really hope none of you think John Bear, Benjamin and I are sitting on a big, fat pile of roses making merry and galloping off into the sunset. Maybe I have been writing too much about all of the good stuff and not focusing enough on the real trials and tribulations of falling in love as a single mom. I can’t tell you everything but I can tell you that this shit has never been easy and it still isn’t. Being a single mother for three years and then suddenly bringing a man into the picture again is definitely not simple. Anyone who tells you it is has got to be selling you a bill of goods or sucking down happy pills every day.

I am still a single mother. And while John Bear is lessening my load, helping around the house and touching my soul in ways I never thought possible, he is new to our world and ours to his. You can’t take a childless guy and instantly expect everything to be absolutely perfect or expect not to feel significant growing pains.

I have been pouring my heart and soul out to all of you for two years and to hear that some how I am losing a connection with some of you because I am entering a real relationship, perhaps the first one I’ve ever had breaks my heart into a million pieces. We are at different stages of our single motherhood, I am sure of that.

I too remember swallowing a bitter taste when hearing about other single mothers finding someone again. But before I met John that bitter taste completely disappeared and I found myself nothing but happy for other fallen single moms like Kristen, Mommy Pie, Morgan and Tracy. That, I believe, is the secret to finding someone yourself. If you truly do want someone to love you, you have to love yourself first and be happy for those around you, recognizing that they are no happier than you are even though they may have an extra body to share their happiness with. You also have to believe it is possible, to open your heart.

This is now a love story, yes. But it is the love story of a single mom which is far from your average love story – that I can guarantee you. I can also promise you that when you do bring a man into your single mom life you’ll be reading through my blog’s archives to figure out how John Bear and I navigate this road together because it’s not easy.

I love you all, and so appreciate hearing your concerns I just wanted to respond as best I could in hopes that you all do not feel betrayed by my gushy, mushy love posts as of late. Also, please remember that I was completely content when I met John and I wasn’t looking for him or for a man to save me. As I told him on our first date, “if it happens, it happens.”

Please, remember that and find that peace within yourselves as well. Stop waiting for a Prince Charming – be your own Prince, love yourself, treat yourself like the Princess you are and then one day he’ll show up. But when he does, you will still be a single mother – as I am. Having a sweet, adoring boyfriend is great but it also takes effort. No one ever said relationships were easy, especially for single mamas. It also takes time – a lot of time – before one can truly say, I am no longer a single mother.

My secret project, coming very soon now, is devoted entirely to all of you for this very reason. I don’t want to lose any of you and if I do, there’s something I want you to have before you go – to help you navigate the single mom dating life, where ever it may lead you. We’re all in this together and no one can wish it away or make it all go away, not even the perfect guy.

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