New roommates

by mssinglemama on July 13, 2009

Our new roommates, now I think there are six or so, have crushed Thomas the Tank and even Elmo. Even Woody and Buzz Lightyear haven’t moved. And I’ve become all too aware of the fact that apparently I’m not the only one who has been lacking a man’s attention and affection.


We had just woken up when I took that picture, so to be fair to John here’s a picture he took of me drinking out of a doggy mug.

“Ha. You’re drinking out of a doggy mug.”


“Yes. I am. I am drinking out of a mug with dogs on it, now buzz off silly man and let me finish my coffee.” Now you all know what I look like at the crack of dawn with a doggy mug shoved in my face. I was giving my e-mail a once over after neglecting my virtual world for most of the 4th of July weekend. After doggy coffee and Transformer play time we went to breakfast with John’s parents, who have been completely understanding of my reluctance to bring Benjamin too close, too soon.

John had invited us up to his uncle Marc’s 4th of July cookout weeks in advance but I just couldn’t make up my mind. I went back and forth and then finally decided that morning that we should just go. I was hesitating out of worry, again of the what the unkown would bring. The biggest one being, would spending an entire weekend with John and his family confuse the hell out of Benjamin and in turn, send me into freak out mode. But on that beautiful Saturday morning Benjamin had just finished up his pancakes and me the laundry when I realized my decision was being made out of fear. I called John, “have you left yet?”


“Can we come?”

“Of course! I’ll be over in an hour.”

Then we were off to his awesome uncle Marc’s cookout and later to his parents house where we spent the night. And guess what? It was ridiculously fun. And guess what else? All of the fears that have come to fruition in past relationships have yet to surface. John is incredibly understanding of my wounded bird syndrome and he’s not going anywhere. With that said, I have some work to do so I can keep my freak outs, my fits of fear that turn into short-tempered anger, at a minimum.

After breakfast with his parents we headed to Lake Erie, which up until then I had envisioned as a giant dirty version of Lake Michigan. Clearly I was mistaken.

lake-erieI didn’t bring a suit and then I got upset. Like a little kid I had to swim. So I took off in John’s car while he watched Benjamin trying to hunt down a swim suit shop but I couldn’t find one. Instead I returned with sunscreen for Benjamin and John, some water and a big frown.

“There are some mesh shorts in my trunk,” said John.

Ten minutes later I was in the water in his mesh shorts and my tank top marveling at how amazing a good man makes you feel, especially when he always seems to have just what you need. What we both need.


The road ahead is looking pretty darn good my friends.


[And I’m also happy to report that my fears that John Bear drove like an old man were put to rest when I used his Focus to pick up the sunscreen. I’ve been driving Fiesta Dave for so long that I forget what it’s like to drive normal cars with no pep.]


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July 15, 2009 at 8:36 pm

{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

TeacherMommy July 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm


I'm just now entering the crazy world of divorce (it's going to happen, no way out really) and I am clinging to the hope that down the line, when I'm ready, I'll find my John Bear.

And I think I might need one of those necklaces.


mssinglemama July 13, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Yes, the necklace has a special energy of strength because we are all wearing it at the same time. Pretty amazing. Only one – just one – not even kidding, let in this batch. Next batch won't ship until 8/1. I am new to this e-commerce thing and can't seem to order enough of them.

Hang in there and yes, you'll find your John Bear one of these days and it will be well worth all of the pain you're feeling now.


ghawk July 13, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Once you drive a manual – it's impossible to go back to automatic… Looks like you had a great time!


mssinglemama July 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Yes and once you have a a good man, the same can be said about all of the rest.


Hope you are well.


abrookshire July 13, 2009 at 4:33 pm

I love these!!! And I agree with ghawk. I drove a manual transmission for 8 years and have been driving an automatic for the last 5 and I miss my standard terribly!!!


TorontoMama July 13, 2009 at 4:35 pm

You are too funny! (about him driving like an old man)
I'm the same, I like to drive stick and I can't stand automatics. Maybe it's an Aries thing… Hey, what's John Bear's sign? Let me guess: Libra or Sagittarius?

John Bear sounds too good to be true, and I understand where your fears come from. But you're doing a good job at not letting your fears and insecurities make decisions for you. It's hard, I know, but when you let yourself be open to possibilities, the sky is the limit.

You look gorj in that picture btw πŸ™‚


Sheila July 13, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Wow, he drives a focus, you drove a focus, too. Sounds like something was meant to be!


Michelle July 13, 2009 at 4:56 pm

I am glad that you went. I am also glad that Benjamin loves his transformers. I remember as my son was growing up, leaving behind the baby and toddler stuff for the Big Boy stuff was kind of sad. Like the end of a chapter. Now he is nine (last Thursday was his b-day) and we have moved on to electronics and that sort of thing. Fortunately for me he does still like to play, so he asked for some transformers for his birthday. We had fun playing, although I was always the decepticons.


Barry July 13, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Great post! The fear of inviting a man to get so close into your sons life is just you being a mama bear protecting her cub. You will do whatever you can to protect him from danger or disappointment. Looks like you are peaking out of your cave a bit. A worthwhile and worthy male bear will do that. Looks like your son has a great role model. You and your Mr. Bear. πŸ™‚


Violet July 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Ahhhh yes! The world of boys is so different than girls. I have one o each, but my first was a boy and somehow I just couldn't give him the male interaction he needed and it became more apparent as he got older. He is now obsessed with Star Wars and has been for a couple years now. Don't get me wrong, I like Star Wars but I can't watch the movie every day and don't have the capacity to play light-sabers with him everyday. Lucky for him, the man I fell in love with also shares his passion for Star Wars, Transformers, etc. Now he has a buddy to do it with!

By the way, I love reading your blog. I feel like your a kindred spirit!


Katherine (SOLO dot MOM) July 13, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Sounds like your fears were put to rest… So glad you decided to go and let Benjamin be a part of a great weekend celebrating and enjoying your new found “great” man.


Phoenix July 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm

He’s handsome, understanding, good with kids, his family doesn’t appear to be crazy, you can geek out together, his dog is adorable – – – damn, girl what a summer! Life is good! As Warren Zevon said: “Enjoy every sandwich”


Alicia July 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm

I need to get me a Transformers toy for my son – he still deeply entrenched in the Thomas Train thing, and unfortunately, I aide and abet that freaky obsession by buying him even more Thomas crap.

Btw, is Benjamin potty-trained yet? How long did it take? Got any tips?


Alicia July 13, 2009 at 2:21 pm

I need to get a Transformers toy for my son! He’s still deeply entrenched in the Thomas Train stuff, which I unfortunately aide and abet by buying him even more Thomas crap…

btw, is Benjamin potty-trained? How long did it take and got any tips?


Hanna July 13, 2009 at 2:54 pm

You BOTH drive Ford Focuses too? Fate, I tell you.


Meg July 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Just so you know: I, too, have that doggie mug. Part of a gift set of some sort I think. Anyway, glad to hear everything is going well πŸ˜€ whatever you do, don’t stop writing. I think this story has a happy ending!


Canadian Bald Guy July 13, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Heh…you drink out of a mug with dogs on it.

Sorry…that’s all I could come up with. I’m very glad you’re doing so well.


famejane July 13, 2009 at 4:48 pm

Such a cute post. I’m curious about the necklaces however. What is it that makes it so special and produces special energy just because many people are wearing them at the same time. I suppose I’m a bit skeptical about that. They are very pretty though.


mssinglemama July 14, 2009 at 10:15 am

I know it sounds crazy… but I’m a bit superstitious like that. I definitely believe in the human spirit and the energy it carries, especially when a group of people set their mind to something.


Bobbi Janay July 13, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Sounds like things are going great.


Mama Crazy July 13, 2009 at 6:43 pm

I saw the title and was all “Awww John Bear and Murphy moved in!” and then I read the post. Lol.

Awesomeness that John Bear AND his family are so understanding. I’m also so happy for Benjamin that he has a guy around to do guy things with!

(Oh, I moved my blog btw too.)


T July 13, 2009 at 6:45 pm

This line made me say Aw!

I’m not the only one who has been lacking a man’s attention and affection.

It does sound so nice. And I realize we’re only seeing this through your eyes. Of course, saying that, do you realize we’re seeing really great stuff through your eyes?

Yeah, the road ahead looks very nice indeed. πŸ™‚


Spruce Hill July 13, 2009 at 6:54 pm

I have the same sweatshirt! πŸ™‚

Ah the world of boys toys! I am glad I have gilrs I would be so lost in that isle at the store!


Janet July 13, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Okay, the pic of the 2 Transformers…I totally used to have the one on the left! Even if you’re a girl, Transformers are awesome. Or maybe I’m just a huge nerd. πŸ™‚ So glad I have a boy.

I have to admit though, when I saw the title of this post…I thought you had moved in together! Tease!


C.J. July 13, 2009 at 11:14 pm

I can’t believe your boy didn’t have a Transformer. I have a bunch of Ninja Turles I want to send to him. Even boy needs a Transformer and a Ninja Turtle. It’s like, in the Bible or something.


CME July 14, 2009 at 10:00 am

I love it and completely understand. My son has at least one transformer with him at all times. It’s like Thomas, who? It’s all about transformers, now! And I understand your fear, but it sounds like you are having some trust and faith, too, which is awesome! Whatever will be will be! The universe will take care of it. Enjoy each day because who knows what tomorrow will bring. xoxo


Jen July 14, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Thank you for giving the rest of us hope that we all may have a John Bear out there!

Are you getting the necklaces in silver too? I think I may not only try to get one for myself (and I say that as they apparently sell out quickly), but one for my daughter as well. I believe we are both at a turning point in our lives (she is 17).


Andrea July 14, 2009 at 8:16 pm

This is all sweetness. And It is so good to take the risk and give yourselves the chance. It is so touching for me that thing about your kid needing a man too. We try to protect them from everything but they need to share this journey with us. These days when I think I want to be alone like forever, then I think about my son, he deserves the chance to share with more people, maybe have brothers one day. And to pursue that we have to jump into the water, as you did! even without a swimsuit.

ps: 1-Bear looks awesome with glasses, 2- I need more life in nature, nice trees over there.


kika July 15, 2009 at 8:40 am

I am new to this site, and at first I was super excited to have found it. I think there are a lot of good tips, and “John Bear” stories are enjoyable. I know that my goal is to have a happy meaningful life and eventually find the guy who will love me and my kids in a way where we are all happy. But in the end it makes me sad that I don’t have a guy like you do and I have a hard time relating. I will keep reading your post and feel happy for you and Benjamin that you have found someone to share your special moments with.


mssinglemama July 15, 2009 at 11:28 am

Jen – yes, the silver will be available soon, in just a few weeks now.

Andrea – so happy to hear from you… and yes, I was with you on wanting to just be alone forever but it’s best to at least be open to it for our sons. If it happens, great. If not, we’ll be happy anyway.

Kika – I hate that this makes you sad. I really do… please read back in my years of archives as I never, ever thought I would find a John Bear. Well, I guess I always had hope, but this is all me to me too.


famejane July 15, 2009 at 6:47 pm

While I am so happy for you and think you’re a superstar, I can also relate to what Kika said. I’ve been reading your blog since last summer (thought just started posting) and I used to feel like I had so much in common with you and your other readers – like we could all relate to each other so much, and now I’m starting not to feel that connection as much. It seems like the blog is becoming less about the struggles of singlemomhood, and more about a love story. Now, that being said, it’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful and I am so happy for you. I’ve decided to use your story as one of hope and inspiration. So…maybe your blog becomes more about “single mom falls in love and lives happily ever after” and that would be great…and I would keep reading simply because I admire and respect you and you’re a marvelous writer. So, in my book, it’s all good! Keep up the good work. To Kika: there are many other wonderful single mom blogs (many of which Alaina links to) that might provide you with the support you’re looking for. There is room for everybody.


Tishia Lee July 15, 2009 at 9:27 pm

So glad that you decided to just go for it and go. It sounds like (and looks) you all had a great time!


kika July 15, 2009 at 10:55 pm

Earlier I wrote: “But in the end it makes me sad that I don’t have a guy like you do and I have a hard time relating.”

I think the word “sad” was maybe too big an expression… But I’m also not sure what word I should have used. I didn’t mean to step on any toes, I like following this blog! And thanks famejane, I didn’t know there were links to other sites, I will look for them now.


arscuore July 16, 2009 at 11:45 am

Can I just say I HATE transformers? I just opened up a package, and after turning the truck into a robot, my son wanted me to turn it back into a truck — yeah, right. Instructions from IKEA are easier to figure out…


Single MOMa (Nica) July 18, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Big boy toys! How exciting! I love Transformers! I have 2 younger brothers, and we watched all the toons and had most of the toys. So sad, but somewhere down the road we lost them.
I was extremely excited to introduce my son to them when they came on the big screen! I saw the trailer during his school’s private screening of Shrek 3, and I squealed like a teenager at a boy band concert. lol

Have fun w/ your new roomies.
Has Ben seen the movies?


Isle Dance July 19, 2009 at 12:26 pm

I’m so happy for you. My freak outs = retreat. There is work to be done here, for sure.


dannycoxdidit July 22, 2009 at 7:07 pm

I can’t help but notice that the Optimus Prime (the red one with the blue head) is the same die-cast metal one I had as a kid. Although I’ve only started reading recently, I can’t help but smile when I see John Bear in the pictures. You two look very happy together, and as a friend of John Bear’s, I couldn’t be happier for both of you.

I truly wish you two the best.


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