Everything you’ll ever need…

by mssinglemama on June 10, 2009

to know about being a dating single mom.

A few days ago, I spent hours sorting through my archives to produce a lovely table of contents to this blog. It’s funny to put your own life into categories, but I think you’ll enjoy them.

Like Chapter 11 – “The Ex Files: the Men I’ve Dated Along the Way.”


Along the way to what?

To meeting him.

The Bear. My John Bear.

I know it’s early. Only six weeks in. But when someone says, “I’ve been waiting 30 years to meet you,” and then looks into your eyes and tells you how amazing you are and you look right back at him and feel the same way – one can’t help but wonder – could this be it?

Then your knees turn all mushy right along with your heart and your head stays on, in tact and nods, up and down, up and down. Yes. I feel the same way. This is just too weird. Feels like a dream and we’re both in it together.

And stumbling across old, yet very powerful posts like this one now make me thank my lucky stars I didn’t settle, that I listened to that heart all along the way when it shouted, “move on! He’s just not right.”

And I’m so glad I did.

Turns out he was just a few blocks away the entire time.

Now the relationship chapter or this blog will begin. So far though it’s very, very easy. Delightful actually.

And as for that old fear stuff I used to write about. Gone. Seriously. Not an ounce of fear in my heart right now. It’s the oddest thing. It just feels right. Perhaps I was confusing fear with my gut telling me what I didn’t want to hear.


Maybe our fears are the rational side of our single mama brains pointing us in the right direction. Maybe, if based and grounded in realities, our fears are there for a reason.

Maybe we should listen to ourselves in every moment. How could we lead ourselves astray if we constantly do what is right by our family, our children and ourselves? From the groceries we buy to the dates we keep or choose to break… every decision should feel right.

As always, just food for thought my lovelies and as always, I’d love to hear yours.


And don’t forget to check out my Ms. Single Mama Table of Contents. Lots of good stuff in there like online dating tips, break up tips, single mom dating advice. Eat your hearts out but you may want to grab a glass of wine first.

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Christeen June 10, 2009 at 7:58 pm

You are such an inspiration for single mommas like me! Someday hopefully Ill find myself a bear instead of a sneaky slithery snake!



Cara June 10, 2009 at 8:03 pm

Thanks, lady. As always I appreciate what you write and how it relates to my own single mama life. Best of luck to you and John!


Christy June 10, 2009 at 8:06 pm

I'm happy for you that you feel confident and comfortable in your choices. Learning to listen to that inner voice is what it's all about. You're right…how could it lead you astray? πŸ™‚


DesperatelySeekingMe June 10, 2009 at 8:11 pm

This post totally made me break down and cry. I'm so happy for you and I do wonder if there is someone else out there for me, like you have found…it also made me so glad that I didn't spend the rest of my life with Mr. SO Wrong just because we have kids. I want what you have, but this life beats the one I had a million times over. Congrats!


Notesfromthegrove June 10, 2009 at 8:29 pm

I'm so happy for you and can relate so much. On the second night my now-husband came over he said, "we're going to want to be married awhile before the babies come". AAAAAHHHHH! Holy amazing! We both just felt the exact same way at the exact same time. I packed up and moved with him to a new state 2 1/2 months later and we'll be celebrating 3 years together this Saturday!


Sarah June 10, 2009 at 9:12 pm

I'm a single not-mama… but you have no idea how much this was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. And congratulations! It's so wonderful when people who deserve it are so happy!


arscuore June 10, 2009 at 10:03 pm

YOU are lovely. Thank you for being who you are and sharing your insights. This has been my year of HOPE, and it's turning into something more.

Thank you!
PS I may be getting my leaf tat soon — the boy is at Dad's next week. I'll be sure to send you pics!!


Janet June 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm

You are such a sweet and caring soul. I'm so happy for you.


mssinglemama June 10, 2009 at 11:07 pm

You are all TOO sweet. Seriously. Thanks for all of the positive thoughts. Love it.

And yes, push those snakes aside when there are Bears to be had!


Jojo'sMama June 10, 2009 at 11:08 pm

WOW… I think this was somthing that I was ment to read. I'm going through the whole (am I settling?.. Is their better out in the dating world?.. His he really changing ?… Do I stay or leave?) and it's been sucking the life out of me…

I'm glad you went after what your heart told you, I only hope I'm able to hear what my heart is telling me, and be strong enough to follow.


Canadian Bald Guy June 10, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Good to hear that the connection I've been having with Momma Sunshine isn't the only connection being felt in the Blogosphere! My fingers are crossed for you, Alaina. He sounds like a great guy.


Brittni June 11, 2009 at 12:48 am

This is so exciting! I am very happy for you. And yes, every perfect guy is worth the wait and all of the pain it took to get there. You two seem so great together!


Yvonne June 11, 2009 at 2:19 am

I needed to read this….After two years of being a divorced mom of two I started dating someone. He is a wonderful man who was a great father figure for my kids. My kids loved him and he loved all of us. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me….but I could'nt. He was everything that I was looking for. For myself and my kids. But there was no spark. No real chemistry. You know the butterflies…. I tried but nothing. I realized that I was forcing it to work because I wanted the "family" more than I wanted him. I ended it this week. I'm scared that I should have settled, I should have tried harder. But in my heart I know I did the right thing for all of us, including him. Thanks for giving me hope MSM. I realize now that I did the right thing.


Brittni June 11, 2009 at 12:47 pm

You are a strong woman for this. Good luck with everything. There is definitly someone out there who will give you that spark.


Sheila June 11, 2009 at 2:34 am

What is going ON with the single parent universe?!?! I think I'm the only one left not in a relationship. πŸ™‚


Bear June 11, 2009 at 3:57 am

"you may want to grab a glass of wine first"….

That reminds me. Back when everyone was speculating on Lions and Tigers and Bears and what they were like, I think it was pointed out that Lions preferred an Argentinean Malbec, and I speculated that a Bear would go for an Italian red instead. I think you wrote that one of your first dates was at a local wine shop… but I don't think we've heard anything about his tastes in wine?

I'm just curious, not that it matters (unless, of course, he drinks White Zinfandel….)


HumpsNBump June 11, 2009 at 4:15 am

I am so excited for you. Wishing you nothing but happiness.

~ humps


MommaSunshine June 11, 2009 at 10:31 am

Ah, Love. Glad to hear that it's all around for so many of us right now. Such a wonderful thing!!

As for fear, I think it really depends on the person, and how they view fear. I'm pretty good at listening to my gut when it's leading me in right and wrong directions. When it comes to fear, it's often, for me, irrational, and usually in response to stepping outside of my comfort zone. So when *I* feel fear, it's usually a sign that I'm actually going in the RIGHT direction in life…. πŸ˜‰

Again, just my own personal experience and take on life. I think the important lesson here is about knowing yourself and how you respond to your world and the people in it….


Irishmom June 11, 2009 at 1:52 pm

When something feels right and it is right you know it. I'm glad that you know it. πŸ™‚ I liked what you said about fear being what your gut was telling you all along. I think I got so used to living with the fear of change, that I failed to listen to my gut, my soul. Thank you for inspiring me. It's nice to know that down the line, there is a chance that I will trust again. Not yet, by a long shot. But, like you, I hope my time will come. πŸ™‚


Tina June 11, 2009 at 1:54 pm

I love the new table of contents!!! I love this blog!!! I am officially not getting any work done today.


Colleen June 11, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I LOVE your site! It gives me hope that one day i'll find my "John Bear".

Thanks for your truth, honesty and humour!


bebe1561 June 11, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I just wanted to let you know that you are such an inspiration not only to single moms but to women in general. I am not a mom and I am married (going on 2 years) but you are so real and honest about life, love, and being a mom that it gives hope to anyone who reads your blog. I pray that things continue to go well with you and John Bear. πŸ™‚ God bless!


TsQuest June 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm

I'm happy to hear your fears are dissipating. I'm SO ecstatic for you. I can feel your smiles from here.

Enjoy him.


jeffra June 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm

So glad you are experiencing such love, happiness and peace about this relationship! You totally deserve the best! Oh and the bag I bought with your encouragement from Lost Bird Found…totally awesome..I love it, it's perfect, worth every dime AND…it is original, nobody else has it and I get compliments on it! Thanks sooo much!


Laura June 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm

I got engaged to my husband 6 weeks after I met him! We have been married almost 11 years and have 3 kids! He is as perfect for me today as he was when we met! When you know- you know!!


Samantha Niclas June 13, 2009 at 2:15 am

This blog is fantastic! Thumbs up!


mom2threeinmd June 13, 2009 at 5:18 am

You are inspiring me!!! I've been trying to decide about a guy I've been dating for a while now … on paper, it's all right, but that "spark" that you describe, the connection where you just know … well, I don't know for sure, and that should be telling me something. Thanks for helping me to sort out my own feelings, while I am wildly ecstatic for you about your feelings. And p.s., thanks for the necklace, it's beautiful!


Kristi July 24, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Hi Alaina,
Yes, thanks for the inspiration. I’m back out in the dating world, and sometimes I think I’m just too picky about certain things, but I see that I maybe it’s my instincts telling me no!! Thanks for setting a standard to strive for! I’ll just enjoy being single until I can have something like what you have!


Sok February 3, 2015 at 1:46 am

I wish to be aware of fundamentals of getintg a proper relationship that is not drama filled and fun. What exactly are some lines to not mix? How do i conserve a good relationship with my mate? And i’m speaking in regards to a long-term factor, not really a fling.


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