On Weddings

by mssinglemama on June 5, 2009

I looked up at my little sister. I had my wedding dress bunched up around my thighs and I was squatting on the toilet in my aunt’s house.

“Don’t ever do this, ” I said.

Getting married, the actual wedding part, was painful for me.

Maybe it was because I was marrying the wrong man or maybe it’s because I planned my wedding in three days (a must to meet my French Canadian boyfriend’s expiration date for his time in the US.)

I was only 25-years-old. One year later I would be pregnant at just 26-years-old and wishing I had never done what I was about to do.

“Ever,” I said sternly.

She looked at me with her mouth gaping and nodded.

Inseparable when we were younger and only one year apart, I often call my little sister my soul mate. Destined to be together, cast here in tandem to be friends for life, we often take each other’s words as gospel.

Fortunately she didn’t listen to me and two years later I was standing beside her, looking on as her bridesmaid, listening to her nervous breaths and seeing the tears in her husband’s eyes as they exchanged their vows on the steps of a hallowed building on the campus of the University of Virginia where the two had met.

Anna and Ryan, have been in love since they met. Anna used to sneak away from a night with her friends to surprise Ryan in his dorm room, just a few doors down from Edgar Allen Poe’s room.

When the walls of my marriage started crumbling I called Anna more than anyone.

“It just shouldn’t be that hard Alaina, you should just love each other,” she would tell me over and over again.

Like this… it should be like this –

annaryan

—–

I have four weddings to go to this summer. Four.

Weddings are usually a blur of bad music, bad food and lots of confused driving to and from – all to watch a couple make the most solemn of vows which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, like a voyeur or something.

I hate weddings. I do. I do. So that’s why I’m surprising myself because I’m actually excited about each and every one of these weddings. Just thinking about them all gives me butterflies in my stomach. Happy little love butterflies.

I’m becoming a ball of cheese.

Just roll me up and send me on my way. But before that, let me explain…

The first is this weekend. The Bear is taking me to his cousin’s wedding. I don’t know his cousin or anyone in the Bear’s family but I can’t wait . We’re going to have a blast because we’ll be together and I get to meet his family – the people who had a hand in molding him into the awesome, pure man he is today.

The second wedding is next weekend in Lexington, Kentucky where Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) will become Modern Married Momma. Look out for her live Skype Bachelorette Party on Thursday night featuring Miss Ive. I may or may not be there depending on whether or not I can find a sitter for Benjamin. But I’ll definitely be there for the ceremony.

The third is my littlest brother’s this August and finally in September my best friend, a former single mom herself, is going to re-marry her ex-husband. I’ll save those stories for later…

Right now – tell me yours… leave a story about your wedding, a good memory, a bad memory – did you know it was right? or wrong?

Everyone who leaves a comment will be entered to win one of five copies of the Successful Single Mom by Honoree Corpron. She’s been happily married for one year now but Honoree is still tireless in her desire to empower single moms.

Can’t wait to be a guest on her new radio talk show just for single moms. Check that out here.

{ 4 trackbacks }

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September 22, 2012 at 9:29 am

{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica_L June 5, 2009 at 2:34 pm

I'm very close to both of my sisters as well. They are way better than best friends! Weddings I love. Mine was very nice, but with that odd feeling when I look back that I blame on marrying the wrong guy. All of our respective sisters were crying their eyes out and it should have been a sign. Now I'm trying to navigate the single mom dating thing, we'll see how it goes. Love your blog so far!

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Meighan June 5, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I've been married twice. The first time… *sigh* that fact that my then 8 month old son started screaming when I said "I do" should have been the huge warning sign that I should stop and run as fast as I could. But I was 18, with a kid, and knew it all. When I couldn't stand his girlfriend, not to mention I don't share, I called it quits. Best. move. ever.
The second time was pure magic. Everything about the day, the month, the years that have followed have been amazing. I can honestly say that my wedding day was the 'worst' day or our marriage, because every day has been better than the last. I often tell him "I love you, more than I did yesterday" and I can mean it. I found my cocaptain, my anchor, my bestfriend. I can say this with a year deployment to Iraq, a deployment to Afghanistan, and this TDY school that's taken him away M-F for 14 very long weeks. It's worth it to be loved by him.

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Amanda June 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm

My wedding was amazing and my marriage is even better. I can't say everyday is rainbows and butterflies, but we certainly try to make the other person happy on a daily basis, while remaining the independent people we were before we met. He makes me a better version of myself and vice versa (or at least I hope he thinks that!). He is my best friend and I am so lucky that I found him. I believe whole heartedly in our marriage, but I have had friends and family members whose marriages didn't work out because one of the parties wasn't being true to themselves for the entirety…and that's when you should bail. Your marriage should bring out the best in both people, and when it doesn't, I don't think it's worth it. I am lucky that my husband makes me shine, and I hope that there is someone out there for everyone…it sounds like the Bear makes you shine!!

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Kati June 5, 2009 at 2:52 pm

It sounds to me like you might just be letting your "love" wall down some. 😉 I am getting married tomorrow!! Today is my last day a single mother! (Although I will always cherish those days alone with my boy) Have a great weekend meeting his family!

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littlemansmom June 5, 2009 at 2:56 pm

LOL…for someone who hates weddings, you sure get to attend a lot of them…don't forget anotherone in July…2010!!! LOL!!

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babbling June 5, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Having planned a big wedding I never wanted with an ex fiance, and having always wanted to elope (real elope, just the two of us, no one else) my husband and I had a lot to talk about when he proposed. We ended up with an extraordinarily small ceremony, followed by a casual cocktail party for all of our friends. I wasn't interested in the wedding, just the marrying, so didn't put a lot of effort into it, and frankly sort of dreaded the whole thing. I never even bothered to iron my $70 wedding dress. It was a very unwedding wedding. And so I was FLOORED by how much I enjoyed it. I loved everything about "our day." I couldn't wipe the grin off my face, my cheeks throbbed! Every bit of it was so us, and so right, and we still talk about how surprisingly wonderful that day was (and as much as we loved our wedding day, I smile even more when I realize how many even better days we've had since then.)

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jen_k_ June 5, 2009 at 3:21 pm

I eloped on a beach on Grace Bay in Providenciales, Turks and Caicos. Highly recommended.

I married my best friend. The day was just right. The marriage was not.

We're now happily divorced. But what I did that day – committing to a life and a family with that man – is probably the best decision I've ever made. He's a loyal friend, and incredible father, and a good, good man. He's like a brother to me.

Lesson: Marrying your best friend does not a marriage make. You've got to have a little chemistry, too.

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Lucy June 5, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I love being married and my wedding was amazing. The whole day of the wedding I kept waiting to get nervous, have those wedding day jitters everyone talks about, but it never happened. I just couldn't wait to be married to this man. And I still feel amazed that I'm married to him. I don't know how I found him, but somehow I stumbled ass-backwards into the love of my life. Thank God.

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Irishmom June 5, 2009 at 3:54 pm

I have to say, for me, it was one of the best days of my life. I totally was in love with my husband and truly believed it was forever. I had also moved countries to be with him, given up my wonderful job, friends and an extremely wonderful social life. When I look back now, I think my trust was too open and big. I think I should have thought it out more. But, our wedding itself was glorious and I choose to remember it that way. We got married in the house I grew up in in South Africa and it was beautiful. Those memories will never change for me, despite the pain that has followed thirteen years after the event. Ironically, we met at none other than, a wedding! 🙂

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Sheila June 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Gosh, all my memories of my marriage just leave me . .. red faced. I was so naive, so unschooled in the ways things should have been. I didn't know anyone else who was married, and I had no idea what I was doing. Disappointing!

Bozo and I had an elopment of sorts – didn't tell family or anyone in advance, invited one set of friends each to Big Bear Lake. I did all of the prep work — rented a fishing boat, hired an officiant over the phone, wore BLACK (AAAAAH! It's true what they say – wear black, wish yourself back), bought $10 wedding rings, but I DID have a fancy $40 bouquet. Beautiful location, but it was lacking in so many things that I always wished I would have on my wedding day.

Well, there's always next time!

The best thing about the stupid wedding? This picture, of me and my most-faithful-blog-reader, who drove our fishing boat 🙂

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v633/SheilaShar

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abrookshire June 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

My wedding, fortunately, never happened and is currently in storage at my parents house waiting on the right guy to come along.

We were two months shy of D-day almost to the MINUTE when he decided that he wasn't ready for a wife and someone else's bastard child. Up to that minute I thought he was THE ONE. Up to that second I was willing to fight or die fighting for that relationship and that man guy and that marriage.

The dream wedding that would turn into a nightmare marriage, no doubt.

Because this guy standing before me that uttered that word that cut deeper than any knife I could ever imagine…..he wasn't the man I fell in love with. He wasn't the man that I wanted to marry. I couldn't even recognize the person in front of me. Because the person in front of me was supposed to be the man that was in the operating room with me when "someone else's bastard child" was born. I was supposed to be marrying the man, who, when two weeks into our relationship, I told him I was six weeks pregnant, took my hand, wiped my tears away, and promise we'd get through this together.

He was supposed to be the man that won my heart and cherished my heart…..not the guy in front of me who just shattered it in the most painful and detrimental way you can ever hurt a mother's heart.

So my wedding is still waiting on the groom. I have my dress, I have my decorations, I have my bridesmaid and their dresses (pending alterations time might make necessary), I have the two men who will walk down the aisle with me, my dad and my son. I just need the man that my Daddy will give Ty and I away to.

Because he'll give us both away.

I'm still waiting on my wedding, and every wedding I've attended since that day has been more bitter than sweet for me….but as Disney has taught me my whole life…someday my prince will come.

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inlawswithmoney June 5, 2009 at 4:22 pm

I stayed up almost all night long the night before my wedding and I didn't really come to any conclusions. I think I was just too tired the next day to do anything different.

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Kimberly June 5, 2009 at 4:29 pm

My wedding was on national television two years ago.. the Style Network's show "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" .. it was a fabulous day, pefect in every way. Too bad the marriage was not. It pains me to see it still air on tv and to run into people who say "Were you on that wedding show?" and then to look at my finger and see no ring and to look at my son and see no father.

But, my wedding was fabulous. We had a fireworks show at the reception what was amazing. I wouldn't have changed a thing, not even the groom because on that day we loved each other more than anything in the world and we made promises and took vows that we believed would hold true. My husband simply couldn't give up an addiction and I simply couldn't live that way any longer.

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above average joe June 5, 2009 at 4:38 pm

At our reception, Mrs. Joe & I wanted to be introduced while the theme from Mad About You played. Well, as we walked in the DJ got the track number wrong and we entered to the theme from Saved By The Bell.

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Tammy (CruisinTam) June 5, 2009 at 5:14 pm

I met my husband when I was 17. He was a divorced eye doctor and 24 years old. (YIKES!) It was love at first sight — or was it? What 17 year old wouldn't want a chance at a "doctor husband." 20 months later, we married – I was 19, he was 26. Looking back now, what 19 year old knows true love? Either it WAS true love or we just got lucky, but our 29th anniversary is this Sunday, June 7th! We have a wonderful 25 year old son and are more in love today than we were on the day we married.

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Brittni June 5, 2009 at 8:05 pm

That is so wonderful! Congratulations to you and your 'doctor husband'!

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CruisinTam (Tammy) June 6, 2009 at 12:46 am

Thanks!

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Hanna June 5, 2009 at 5:16 pm

I never made it to my wedding day. I wore a $100 pawn shop engagement ring for 2 years, through pregnancy, childbirth, cross-country moves, poverty and abandonment, thinking that love and the promise of marriage would get us through the bad times.

I've been to four weddings since the failure of my engagement, and I enjoyed all of them immensely. Maybe the fact that I never got to the alter has preserved some remaining hope in the goodness of marriage. Like I have a second chance not to screw it up.

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Wordnerd June 5, 2009 at 5:27 pm

I married my best friend on the front steps of an old house that overlooked a river. People drank wine during the entire 5:15min ceremony, after we went out back and ate fancy snacks and danced slowly to a cover of Cindy Lauper's Time after Time, I had tears in my eyes the entire time. The night finished with people still dancing in my livng room at 5am….aside from the day my son was born, it was the best day of my life….I wish for everyone to feel as loved as I felt on that day. The day wasn't perfect, it wouldn't have been featured in a magazine…but it felt perfect to me. WOW…I think I just outdid myself with the cheesiness! Consider me inspired by this post!

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Mandy June 5, 2009 at 5:27 pm

I honestly loved my wedding and every time I think about it my innards are warmed again. 🙂 Everything just came together perfectly. We did a Sunday brunch, and I think people talked more about the waffles than us. I hope you get to go to a Sunday wedding one day, because even if you don't like weddings, syrup and strawberries make everything better.

And you inspired me – I posted about the only awkward part of the day on my blog. Looking back, it makes me chuckle.

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MissIve June 5, 2009 at 5:39 pm

I love the way you started this post. For so many reasons.

I've been thinking about the irony of two women, with fairly good reason to be jaded on the subject, standing up for a girl whose optimism and hope is pretty unmatched.

But I think it's perfect. I'm pretty goosebumpy about Morgan and Ronnie—their whole story.

When you and I met, we introduced ourselves as equal parts cynic and optimist. But it's not hard to see that both halves represent resignation and courage, respectively. And lately, I much prefer the latter. It's a difficult balance to strike, but finding a way to maintain hope, in spite of much evidence to the contrary, seems worth the effort.

I know we're going to Kentucky for Ms. Morgan, but I think it's going to be really good for our jaded butts, too.

I loved your sister's story. My sisters are my soul mates, without a doubt. Finish each others' sentences and the whole bit. I love, love, love that picture of your her and Ryan. And Poe? Seriously?

Anyway, as crazy as it sounds, I still believe in that kind of love story. Can't wait for next Friday. I'm bringing hankies. I know we're gonna need it.

Jen/@MissIve

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Abby Carter June 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I'll never forget the huge grin I had on my face all day, the one I had to massage that night because my cheeks hurt so much. I wanted to run down the aisle, frustrated at the silly step-together-step they make you do. Honestly, I couldn't get there fast enough.
The reception, held on the campus of the University of Toronto was amazing. An austere oak paneled room with long oak tables and high back chairs came to life with huge candelabras and ropes of ivy down each table. You couldn't help but gasp at the sight. It was a rockous night, with many people being cut off at the bar, and everyone having a wonderful time.
That day was one of the happiest of my life.
We were so happy until just shy of our 11th anniversary, he was cruelly ripped from my grasp by national tragedy.

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Lauren June 5, 2009 at 6:09 pm

I've never been married… but my best friend's wedding this January was wonderful. The two of us met when we were 12 and we always said we'd be each others maids-of-honor. So, nearly 10 years later, it finally happened, and I was the maid-of-honor at her wedding. (Now we just have to wait around for me to get married!)

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Hollie June 5, 2009 at 6:20 pm

I am married to my high school sweetheart. Tim and I have been married for almost 7 years…but have been together since we were 14 – putting us at just over 16yrs together. Of course during highschool, we had our ups and downs and a few wee break ups…but he is THE ONE for me. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

We had a beautiful ceremony – with a few AFV moments (really thought DH was going to pass out due to heat)…and the reception was even better at a gorgeous hall with a view of the lake. We are just as happy together as we were the day we got married…I'm sure happier, now that we have 2 amazing children to share our life and love with.

Your sister's story is so sweet – hope you have lots of fun at your upcoming weddings.

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amy June 5, 2009 at 6:20 pm

We eloped to Maui and I would not change a thing! We were married on a gorgeous beach with NO stress and all the touches I wanted (pretty dress, newly hired Fire Fighter husband in his FF dress suit, a Hawaiian musician, flowers, professional pics and video for family at home.) It was so relaxed and PERFECT for us. Afterwards we dined in a swanky hotel and toasted each other. It was perfect for us, neither of us like to be the center of attention and we wanted it to be OUR day. That was 17 years ago as of yesterday 🙂

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April June 5, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Your sister is beautiful – just like you.
We eloped, after being together 6 years, I was 4 months pregnant. It was happy and exciting.
Then it went straight down the tubes.
While a coworker was happily getting engaged and planning her wedding and my
brother buying a new house,
I was planning a divorce and filing bankruptcy, house included!
Weddings UGH!!! I'd rather stay home with a big bowl of ice cream.
I'm not there yet to be able to share in some else's wedding bliss.

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Saba June 5, 2009 at 7:09 pm

I felt the most beautiful on my wedding day – it was amazing! So much for the marriage…

I have some weddings to go to this summer which will actually be quite difficult as I am super bitter and am in the 'I hate love, it SUCKS' mode. I assume that will pass with time…

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Heather June 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm

OMG! Your posts are so honest! This is the blog where single mommas go to swap war stories and bitch. I want to join in. I've never been more in love with anyone than my husband. Married when I was 3 months pregnant, seperated at 6 months. Our divorce should be final this month. He still tells me how much he loves me and my child but too much has happened and we cannot be together. Weddings suck. I boycott them. I tell people not to do it. I'm that girl.

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Brittni June 5, 2009 at 8:09 pm

You and our sister look so much alike….dark-haired beauties. I am not married yet, but I dream of my wedding every day. Ava and I in matching dresses, tears rolling down my face, dancing to ashlee simpson with all of my best friends to celebrate, drinking wine and jello shots, the calla lillies, the buttercream cake…..ALL OF IT! I am so excited to get married and be married. A lot of people say that I am too young and I have all the time in the world. But when you find the one that you want to spend your life with, WHY WAIT?

Have fun at all those weddings, especially the one when you meet the Bear's family.

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cjp628 June 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

I was 22 when I got married, 24 when my daughter was born and divorced at 26…It has been a long hard road but I wouldn't change a thing. I am proud to say I raised her and supported us all by myself. Although very tough and trying at times, I did it!
I swore up and down I would NEVER get married again and my mom always said, "never say never you have no idea what your future holds".
Here I am now, just turned 30, scary!, and I am getting married in August. I can't believe that I have found a man that loves my daughter as much as I do. He is kind, caring and most of all understanding…(which is a great quality to have when dating a single mom). I love him more and more every day and I can't wait for the 3 of us begin our new life together!
There are good men out there. They may be very few and far between but they are there. I am a firm believer in the saying…stop looking. It is soooo true!
I am very happy for you and I wish you the best!!!

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Dawn June 5, 2009 at 10:01 pm

My second wedding was horrid. On Monday my ex loaded 2 of his daughters and I into the car to go for a "ride". (Later I figured out that he knew I wouldn't make a scene in front of the kids). He drove me to the courthouse to get the license. We were engaged for 6 months at this time and I was trying to find a way to escape for about a month. When I told him I wanted to call my mom and tell her…he said no. He said that he was calling the preacher that night and we were getting married on Saturday at the church. I was not allowed to tell anyone except his kids. On Saturday, I was trying really hard to get away from him (without him knowing) to run away literally…we drove to the church…we got married in the yard of the church with just him, me, the preacher, his wife, and 2 people from the church. You know…I never was allowed to tell my mom. It wasnt until a month later, when I called my mom in the middle of the night from the next town to come pick me up, I had ran away…that we had gotten married. UGH. I wish I had had the balls to leave him before the I do's.

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Honoree June 5, 2009 at 10:40 pm

Wow! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I read every word, all ready to comment and then I saw me and my book there. Ad the radio show. I am honored.

P.S. I am so happily remarried! I did my work (on myself) and held out for Mr.Wonderful. We got married in our backyard, at sunset. Bliss is possible!

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Mister Strudel June 5, 2009 at 11:21 pm

Nobody has slept in Poe's room #13 in the West Range at UVA on a regular basis since around 1909.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raven_Society

Clarify?

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mssinglemama June 5, 2009 at 11:39 pm

You\\'re right – I just called my sister… he slept in a room a few doors down. But the rooms are all identical and reserved only for honors students or something. I\\'m going to update the post accordingly. Thanks for clarifying this!

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TorontoMama June 6, 2009 at 12:32 am

My Ex and I were together for 13 years, then we decided to get married to have kids, and it all went downhill from there. Our wedding was very small, on a beach. It looked very romantic, but when I look back, I realize something wasn't right already. The spark wasn't there.

But I'm not a cynic and I still believe in love 🙂

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ElizabethF June 6, 2009 at 1:07 am

I should have known when my sister wasn't able to find the special white lace underwear in my car when I was getting dressed that the marriage was destined for failure…red cotton underwear do not say 'I forever do' 🙂

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christine June 6, 2009 at 1:31 am

i should've known it was a sign when our full-length mirror fell and broke as i was getting dressed for our wedding. but i was so in love, and pregnant (by choice) that i ignored the broken mirror and all the other little things that weren't exactly the way i'd hoped they would be. i always believed the wedding day didn't matter so much, it was the marriage and the time together that was important. unfortunately, our marriage began almost as soon as it ended, with my husband beginning an affair as soon as we returned from our honeymoon.

and he officially ended our marriage the day before our 3rd wedding anniversary, with his 3rd affair. i'm so jaded now, i don't even fathom getting to marriage ever again.

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christine June 6, 2009 at 1:32 am

(that should read ended as soon as it began.)

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Beth B. June 6, 2009 at 1:43 am

I am not married yet, and don't know if I ever will be. (I do, however, see myself starting a family without a Mr. Right if the time comes, and hence ended up here).

Last week, I officiated my first wedding ceremony (I'm a minister). My best friend from high school–she's from Kansas, I'm from NH.

It was so obvious how right she and her hubby are for each other, I started to tear up when I first caught glimpse of her bouquet, and when I said to her, "the man standing next to you is about to become your husband," I had to pause. I was so emotional to be able to marry someone I love to someone she loves. It makes you happy when people you love are happy (like your sister).

Their wedding was simple and laid back, just right for them. We didn't even set the ceremony until the night before, and had no rehearsal. On the edge of a beach in Maui, in front of about 30 friends and family, they pledged their love and devotion. The groom's mom read a selection from Dr. Seuss' Oh the Places You'll Go. And then we had fun drinks and great finger food while a Hawaiian guitarist serenaded us.

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Megan June 6, 2009 at 1:44 am

These stories are so personal and honest. I can relate to so many of the feelings expressed. I do hope to find the one for me and get married, when the time and the person is right. My ex and I never married "officially" – we had a make believe sham wedding that some people know never happened and some people think did. That's totally horrible. After 10+ years together, we separated, it was for the best. He called my son the Bas***d word, too. I could have ripped his face off that day.

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2luvs4nj June 5, 2009 at 7:03 pm

Pouring rain – a courthouse – a dress I had bought off the rack the night before.
I had a $3000 dress waiting in SF and a huge 200 person wedding that was supposed to happen in 3 months.
But a war in Iraq had happened and the "love of my life" was being deployed with the National Guard. A year was going to pass before I would see him again and we moved it all up so that I would be able to get updates on what was happening to him. This man was my dream and the love of my life.
I got pregnant with Taylor the week before he left (he was deployed 3 weeks after our "wedding") I saw him for a week when Taylor was born, he was a shell of the person I knew, I chalked it up to the rushed visit.
He came home when T was 4 months old, Brady was conceived, a true homecoming baby, the man I married never came home. The man came home, but the man I loved never returned. In his place a changed person whose priorities were so out of wack and full of selfishness.
Our marriage ended when he stepped off the plane, even though I didn't realize it for another year, 2 weeks after Brady was born and he left us. To this day I'll never forgive him. I still wonder where we'd be had he never had to leave….but this is my life now, and Brady is 4 years old.
I look forward to what's next, I just wish it would hurry up and get here.

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Ms. Single Mama June 6, 2009 at 1:13 am

So, so sad. I'm so sorry. It will happen… and I always used to say that too – "I just wish it would hurry up and get here." Didn't know what it was… but it came from the inside. Weird feeling but you'll know.

xoxo

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2luvs4nj June 6, 2009 at 6:03 am

Thanks – I'll keep being patient. Love your blog, it has made me realize that what I'm going through isn't some cruel trick on me…there are others out there and that is amazingly comforting.

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Elissa June 6, 2009 at 2:28 am

The night before my wedding I told my now ex husband… "we should have just gone to Vegas!" I enjoyed the planning, mostly, but I did so much of it myself that I was utterly exhausted. I have been divorced now for a few years and am in a serious relationship. My Man has never been married but is completely supportive of my "I'm totally not having another wedding" attitude! I keep telling my friends that one of these days I'm just going to say "hey guys… oh, and by the way… I'm married." ;~)

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notasoccermom June 6, 2009 at 2:33 am

my wedding was at the ripe old age of 18 just three months before i would turn 19. Way too young, naive and poor.. i made all my own flowers, my aunt sewed me a dress.
divorced 9 yrs later with three of the most beautiful children anyone could wish for. inside and out.
I have been a single mother longer than i was a married mother. But it has worked for me.
not sure if i will marry again. i have not lost hope but certainly more choosy

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arscuore June 5, 2009 at 7:56 pm

I knew it was wrong the moment I said "yes" when he proposed (This whisper of a thought went through my head… "He's down on one knee — You can't hurt his feelings"). I knew it was wrong during the 3 years we took to plan it. I knew it was wrong when he shaved his head a month before the wedding ("The PICTURES!", I cried!). I knew it was wrong when I had to drive to our honeymoon suite in my wedding dress (in a stick shift) because he had gotten too drunk. I knew it was wrong many, many times, but didn't want to "give up". It wasn't until I realized that I was giving up on myself by trying to give him chance after chance to be something he was never going to be that I knew it was RIGHT to give him the heave-ho.

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stacey June 6, 2009 at 6:16 am

AWWW your sisters story is SO cute!____I just came across your blog for the first time LOVE IT! I am a single momma to a handsome lil' 4 (&3/4 ) year old. I was never married. I am suppose to be walking down the isle next Friday night at 7:00 pm in a beautiful gown, the flowers were all picked out, the invitations were mailed but instead I called it all off just last week.____I was having doubts in the back of my mind. ____I think I just want to stick to my main man Josh(my son) for now!

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Ameya June 6, 2009 at 3:00 pm

I agree with the weirdness of weddings. That's why my FH and I will be running off to a park early in the morning with our parents & a licensed friend to get married. I find it super awkward to have a bunch of people watch that sorta thing. Then we're just going to have a super casual pot luck type get together in our clubhouse that day. I mean, we're fresh out of college with a baby on the way and an impending move across the globe in less than a year. We don't have money to entertain or impress people, we just want to see them before we leave.

Plus, (extremely) recently the FH already had the big white wedding with someone he should not have been marrying in the first place (that whole "Speak now or forever hold your peace"? Yeah, the pastor didn't say it at that wedding, or i probably would have spoken up, and we would have run away then and not had so much drama!). I had no desire to do anything that would remind him of that whole deal, anyway.

But it's amazing how so few people want to come to weddings that aren't geared towards impressing them! Around a fourth of the people invited have replied, if that. Oh well, that's more time we'll get to spend with the people who ARE coming. And it's goode to know who we should bother staying in contact with while we are over seas.

And I know it's right because I don't care about any of it. We already feel married, I'm actually not that nervous or excited for the wedding myself because it's just a piece of paper & a potluck. And it was so exhausting getting to this point (not between us, but between us & the world) The real commitment was when we said we wanted our life together, when we decided to have a baby together. The piece of paper doesn't mean anything to me, just to the IRS and the the visa places & insurance companies. Or maybe just all my would-be excitement is being reserved for when the baby is born 🙂

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Meg T. June 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm

I like to say that I wasted the good wedding on the wrong guy. My first wedding was a fabulous DIY family togetherness love fest…except you know for me and my first husband. Everyone I talk to who was at it has always said: "I had a GREAT time at your wedding!". Sadly I didn't and we divorced 6 months later.
And then I married my best friend, literally. The man who showed up late to my first wedding because he didn't want to hear me make my vows to a bum, the man who moved me into and out of 15 different apartments throughout college, the man who saved me from a nervous breakdown, the man who I had gone to the pub with every Wednesday night for 7 years.
He looked at me on my mothers couch and said "I have loved you from the moment I met you. Marry me."
So I did.
And it's great.

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Andrea June 6, 2009 at 9:05 pm

I think I secretely inside of me I want a wedding, nice, small, sweet, with a man looking into my eyes melting for me. But I´m not open about it, so I dont know if Iam gonna make it.
I never liked traditional weddings at all and I wasn´t really hoping to marry sometime, I was more focused in my career, travelling. But mine was too untraditional. It was kind of a rush too for residency issues, my parents didn´t agree completely, it was ackward, and now I know we didnt knew ourselves enough. But it could have been a very sweet story anyway, we grew up together and been through so much. But he wasn´t that much into me thats all. I don´t know precisely when he stop loving me, but it happened and you can´t ask for love or romanticism, it just happened.
What your sister said is so true, it can´t be that hard all the time. I hope somethig happens to me soon, I want my son to have a big family. But today I´m hopeless.

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christeen June 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm

My wedding….yuck….just cringed
My wedding was my biggest mistake…..turns out divorce is pricey!
I was married at the local courthouse at about 6 months pregnant and after the 10 minute ceremony I went home and took a nap…….LAME…..

On a plus note…..the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen and was honored to be a part of was my bestie….shes the sister I never had! I remember a moment at her wedding when her husband looked at her and she looked at him and there was no doubt in my mind that she….rather….they…had found LOVE…….

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missy Flynn-Coffield June 7, 2009 at 12:04 am

I actually still enjoy weddings, in fact, i just told my mom today i was bummed because i didn't have any to attend this summer. Just a lot of baby-showers!

Sounds like you are busy with weddings this summer…enjoy yourself

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ALICIA June 7, 2009 at 5:10 am

My 1st "wedding" was spur-of-the-moment. At a Notary's house, who officiated. It was at 10:20 p.m. because it took us all day to decide to go ahead and go thru with it. I wanted the date and the last name more than anything. The date was 09-09-1999. I was 20. We had no rings, but the Notary's wife was kind enough to let us borrow some jewelry from her junk drawer. There was no dress. We both wore pants actually. I clearly remember this Notary, an older kind gentleman, sitting us both down and asking us to ask ourselves if we could imagine growing old with each other. If the answer was Yes, then he'd marry us. Well, of course we said yes, what else would we say? Immediately after we were pronounced man and wife, we all did a shot of the Notary's tequilla. Oh yah, I forgot: the very next day, I flew home to FL and my husband flew home to Wisconsin! We had a long-distance relationship for the prior 4 years, and I think total we only spent maybe 10 whole days with each other in those 4 years…. very odd. Hence, the divorce 2 years later. But, hey! I kept the last name I so wanted!!!!!!

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Joule June 7, 2009 at 3:51 pm

My husband and I met the first week I was in college in my home state at the University of Georgia (he'd been there a year)…now, 15 years later we are so very happy! We lived together (bought a house together during year 4) for almost all of the 10 years that we were together before we got married on our 10th anniversary (New Year's Eve) in Las Vegas. I was 7 months pregnant with our son when we went to our little white chapel so everyone must have thought 'oh dear, THAT is a quickie wedding!' but that wasn't so! Now, 3.5 years later, we have two beautiful babies (Our big boy Aiden 3 and our sweet little girl Emmerson 1) and we will celebrate our 14th/4th anniversary this New Years Eve.
Our Families were a little peeved that we didn't do the BIG wedding thing. But, we wanted it to be simple and intimate. It was our version of perfect!

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Liz June 7, 2009 at 4:53 pm

I almost married the wrong guy…in fact, when I read Mia's post I got a strange feeling in my stomach that she was talking about my ex – it sounded SO like him and the way she because the super adult in the relationship because he refused to and then made her feel like she sucked even though it was him that wouldn't step up to the plate – all that was creepy familiar – add that although we lived in Tx, he was from Ohio…really strange. We planned the wedding without formalizing an engagement. The whole time I kept thinking "before I go thru with this I'm going to ask Stephen (my best guy friend) if there is a chance anything more might develop between us because I think there might be and I can't not know". Things started falling apart with the other but I loved so much as unhealthy as it was. Tried to keep it together, until he cheated and got so messed up one night he accidentally told me. I'm so glad he did because I'd have married him. 6 years down the road without me ever saying anything, that friend finally said to me "the night I first met you was the most amazing night I've ever had and I've almost watch you get away twice but I was too afraid to say anything – but I love you." I was right – there was something there that we both felt but never acted upon. We've been married 7 years and have two amazing daughters. He's still the best man I've ever met and I can't believe I'm married to him.

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Manic Mommy June 7, 2009 at 8:46 pm

I remember being led up to the altar by my father and meeting my very-soon-to-be husband. As we stood at the altar, I just kept repeating to him, "This is sooo easy. This is sooo easy." I guess that pretty much meant it was the right thing, 16 years and three children later. And it's still sooo easy. That's how marriage should be. Your sister is absolutely right.

Have fun at all those weddings, and I can't wait to see pics of you!

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Sara May 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm

I am wondering if anyone can help me. I have been a single mom since the day my daughter was born (her dad has never wanted to be involved). She is almost 13 years old now, and I am getting married in October! I am looking for a poem/passage for her to read during our ceremony that pertains to our two families becoming one. Does anyone know any good books or websites to help? I have been googling for hours and found nothing. Thanks so much!!

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