The dating front

by mssinglemama on May 4, 2009

I’ve met a bear.

It’s quite ironic actually because after I wrote about the tiger and the lion, a bear showed up. What’s even odder is that so many of you had commented telling me only a bear would do. And I sat here reading those comments, wondering – perplexed. Why the bear? What’s with this bear thing?

And then he surfaced with his crystal blue eyes, soft smile and then his big bear hug. So clearly not a lion or a tiger, the bear is as you all said – comfortable, strong, delightfully funny, intelligent, patient and respectful of all of my boundaries (emotional and physical). And he calls me. On. The. Gasp. Phone.

It’s too early to tell much of anything, except for the teeny tiny fact that the bear has potential.

Dating is always fun for me, easy almost, until I bump into someone who is really there, someone I may actually want to keep around, someone who wants to keep me around… someone I can see myself with. Then fun typically turns into something more intense, something that sends me into a soft panic. Of how and why. But so far, there will be none of that.

This time I’m ready. And I’m going to enjoy him, not fear him.

—–

Another single mama bites the bullet.

Tracy of a Brand New Day, Tracy of One of My First Single Mama Blogging Friends, is now engaged. I can’t even tell you how odd it is to sit here and watch the single mamas all fall. Mommy Pie, Morgan and now Tracy. Fall in a good way… I mean fall into love land when they least expected it or wanted it. That, is the trick, it appears.

So go check out Tracy’s blog for her proposal story. I know you love those. The best part? Her big man asked her little man for permission. Wow.

—-

Sometimes it’s a good thing when you receive an errant text…

meant for another girl with a name very much like yours.

“Drinks with you went much better than expected :  ) im glad we met up tonite!”

And suddenly you realize why your perfectly dateable, totally attractive, single dad friend is still single.

He can’t text girls worth a shit.

This is not the good thing. The good thing is that I can help him.

So I text back:

“Wrong girl!!!! Haaaaaaa. And never text a :  )  to a girl again. You need texting lessons!”

I called him and gave him the some tips, the first being not to text a girl seconds after you’ve parted ways. Let her wonder a bit. And yeah, the smiley face from a guy – not so much.

After my divorce I realized quickly the world of dating had changed thanks to text messaging. I soon discovered that many guys, especially the younger ones, actually ask you out on dates via text and sometimes even cancel them via text. At first I balked at all of this but now I’m slipping into the texting camp.

I’m also discovering that a man’s texting style, like his kissing style, can either turn me completely on or off.

Sometimes guys, it’s better to just pick up the phone.

With that said, if it’s a single mom you’re calling be prepared for the sound of her three-year-old in the background, “I want to talk! Let me talk.”

Or, “Mommy! Mommy! MOOOOOMMEEEEEE!!!!”

I still can’t even imagine what it must be like to be childless and dating someone with a child. Some of the men, upon hearing my screaming little one in the background, ignore it all together and jump off of the phone.

Others patiently wait while saying, “No problem, take your time.”

I prefer the later, of course, and typically drop the ones who are uncomfortable with the kid factor. One thing nearly as annoying as the sound of a three-year-old begging for attention is a man who can’t handle kids.

Sometimes the benefit of the doubt is in order, but only if he’s not meant for serious things.

—–

Winners.

It’s taken me SO long to do this. But congratulations to Lindsey Jay  - you won the Dating Topics game, courtesy of SingleEdition.com.

And congratulations to Nydia, Sheila, Margaret from the NM, Angela and Mary – you’ll all be getting a copy of Christine Coppa’s Rattled!

I am still necklace shopping but have one on its way that may be the perfect fit. We all made it together! And I’m SOOOOOOO excited to unveil it here. Hopefully it will be here by Friday. So hang on… keep leaving your feedback until then, everyone who comments has a chance to win that very necklace, or the necklace of their choice.

I’m thinking the winner will want the new necklace though. The first one.

Related posts:

  1. Single Mom Dating Zen: Lions & Tigers
  2. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2
  3. Dating Karma
  4. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1
  5. The Single Mom Dating Conundrum.

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Grounding Myself « hip single mama
May 4, 2009 at 8:11 pm

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

LindseyJay May 5, 2009 at 2:00 am

I won the date question game!? Wow! That's so cool! Hee hee. Funny cause I've just been seperated for 6 months and not really 'dating' per say but will hopefully get to use it quite a bit in the next while!! Yay!!

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Lauren May 5, 2009 at 2:31 am

You don't put smiley faces in texts? 22-year-olds do… I think. I guess I don't text enough to know for sure. Although, I hate texting and don't understand the people who use it as their primary way of communicating with others. And I think I would completely ignore a guy who asked me out on a date via text. Puke!

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

I do. Just don't like it when men do it. ; )

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Sheila May 5, 2009 at 2:37 am

Thank you, girlie! My neighbor went to Christine's signing here in CA and brought me a copy of Rattled, so you can give my prize to another very well-deserving mama or papa!

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Keeshabee May 5, 2009 at 3:47 am

If you don't have anyone else in mind MSM, I would really love Sheila's copy. I've had this book on my Amazon wish list since I started reading your blog a few months back.

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

You got it darling!

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Canadian Bald Guy May 5, 2009 at 3:14 am

The Bear is a good choice. I've been called one on more than one occasion…so my fingers are crossed for you.

Have fun!

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Bear May 5, 2009 at 3:21 am

Thank God you mentioned blue eyes… otherwise this post might have prompted a VERY awkward conversation with Mrs. Bear.

I'm with CBG. The bear all the way. But then again, I'm not exactly unbiased.

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MommaSunshine May 5, 2009 at 11:35 am

Good luck with the Bear. I look forward to hearing more about him as the story unfolds..

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Derek May 5, 2009 at 11:39 am

My g/f and I text a fair amount, but only because it's a convenient way to keep in touch when we're at work, or in the evenings when we might be busy with other projects.

Last night she was babysitting and I was tearing out a friend's bathroom countertop and ceramic tile backsplash…We texted back and forth throughout the evening and also on the drive home when the rain, road noise, and poor reception made a phone call difficult.

I'm one of those guys you'd like, I guess — I LOVE to hear her kids on the phone in the background, even when they are being bad — and I always tell her "take your time, babe, I'll be right here when you're done" if we're on the phone and some minor emergency crops up. A lot of times I am called on to talk to her kids because they request me by name during a phone conversation, LOL.

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Anna May 5, 2009 at 12:13 pm

"One thing nearly as annoying as the sound of a three-year-old begging for attention is a man who can’t handle kids."

Love it~

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April May 5, 2009 at 12:54 pm

*sigh* I want a bear… LOL

I'll have to give the texting thing some more thought. Men text me all the time, and I haven't given enough thought to their style…I think I might have to set some criteria, here…

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Ian May 5, 2009 at 2:02 pm

that bear link is awesome — – - HOW YOU DOING MAMA???

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Kat Wilder May 5, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Gee, I used to think I'd start falling into the "old" camp when I no longer knew the names of popular bands/songs. Now I realize I'm an age victim of the text-dating thing.

I certainly have flirted by texting, but asking me for a date? The first time a guy texted me for a date, I called him on the phone immediately. I mean, really!

But, I'm middle-aged, and I suppose that's why I won't get the 20- and 30-something guys to try to date me (um, that is the only reason, right!?!?

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I'm only 30 and I've thought the same thing about the young twenty-something guys… "will they even date someone who doesn't text constantly?"?"

So funny.

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above average joe May 5, 2009 at 4:36 pm

I got into an arguement with a woman Saturday night regarding being a single parent and dating. I think I'm going to write about it.

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Katherine SOLOdotMOM May 5, 2009 at 4:57 pm

I'm so glad to hear about the bear… of course – we want to hear more! Single parents dating… the drama continues, as always, huh…

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Kristin May 5, 2009 at 9:40 pm

I had a man who liked to text me stuff like "Big Kisses!". He didn't last long. I am an unrepentant asshole, but if you don't like smileys than at least you and I can drink beer together in hell.

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Hanna May 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm

Aww I like :) texts. It means he knows how to find the character menu. I was so happy when I read about littlemansmom. She got her Jane Austen Romance after all. Maybe there's hope for the rest of us?

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Cass May 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm

I got the wrong text once, too. It said "thanks for last night, big boy, and you forgot your underwear."

Too funny. I texted back and said "I'm a girl and still have my underwear, but glad you had a good time."

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Alisa May 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm

I wanted to tell you about this new book just out I paper back by Tom Sturges, who really feels strongly that all parents, single, alternative, gay, nuclear, share a lot of the same issues. When Tom was 3, he lost his father, the legendary music producer Preston Sturges. Tom has imagined what the perfect dad would be, what he would say and how, and now he’s written about it. He has come up with some wonderful and common sense ways to deal with every day parenting problems. It’s: PARKING LOT RULES, and 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children. http://www.parkinglotrules.com/ I’d love to send you an excerpt and have you blog about what you think… just let me know where

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Heather May 6, 2009 at 2:14 am

I get turned off by lols from men. And overuse of :) s. On occasion, they are okay.

Can't wait to hear more about your bear!

Good luck!

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amy May 6, 2009 at 2:52 am

Happy to hear of the bear! And was so amused you texted that guy back, what a hoot.

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Unglued Momma May 6, 2009 at 3:35 pm

For someone that hates talking on the telephone you think that I would be a big advocate for text messaging but I still think that it is such a lazy, informal way of communication for those people that you barely know. When I was dating, if a guy texted me to see if I wanted to go out, I would simply reply "Your phone is obviously not broken if you sent me a text so if you are serious you will pick it up and learn to dial it". Needless to say I got mixed responses but I didn't care. Dating is like sifting through crap. When you are a parent you definitely deserve much needed understanding and patience and it is not always easy to understand if you are dating someone with kids with no kids of your own. My husband was a single father when we met and it wasn't without its challenges but we always had mutual respect for each others place in life….and he always picked up the phone, even if it meant talking to having to talk to his son too.

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I hear you. Did you read my old texting post? I finally told the guy to take my damn number out of his phone.

If they can't pick up the phone to call me than they're not worthy.

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Margaret from NM May 6, 2009 at 4:16 pm

OMG!! I have never won anything in my life :) You absolutely ROCK!! I read the first chapter online and I am hooked already. BTW…I just want to wish you a (early) Happy Mother's Day!!

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Thank you! And congratulations.

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Abby Carter May 6, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Fingers are crossed for your bear… he sounds promising.

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Very promising.

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Manic Mommy May 6, 2009 at 8:35 pm

I think I married a bear. And the end of this month will be our 16th wedding anniversary, so I guess I am keeping him!

BTW, I emailed you today about being featured on http://www.bettyconfidential.com … are you interested? Please let me know because I've got to submit my article tonight, and would LOVE to include you and your blog! Check your email for the info I sent! Thanks!

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mssinglemama May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

I wrote you back last night. Hope you got it!

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Manic Mommy May 7, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Ms. Single Mama–I did get your email and emailed you back. I think something is screwy with my email! I wrote up a blurb for Ms. Single Mama so we're all set! Let me know if you received that email I sent ya!? Thanks, steph

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ALICIA May 16, 2009 at 4:33 am

Eff me! I wish I had found your blog a year ago – BEFORE making all the recent TERRIBLE mistakes I've made as a single mom…. Just broke off a 1-year relationship with a guy who had fallen for my 2/5 year old son and not me… like Jerry Maguire he stole the pootie and I let him – and now my son is totally HEARTBROKEN and I'm at a loss of what to do or how to help… I can't see anyone being interested in us as a package deal ANY time soon, and I feel HORRIBLE for taking away the only father-figure he's ever known…. I'll keep reading your blog for more advice and inspiration. You're very beautiful by the way!

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Carol May 21, 2009 at 7:29 pm

This is the first I have heard about someone not liking smiley faces on texts. I agree that you cannot have a relationship over text, but I think the placement of :-) 's is a good thing….

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Creative Services June 5, 2009 at 9:12 am

exelent post!!!! i really like it

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