Single Mom Dating Zen: Lions & Tigers

by mssinglemama on April 23, 2009

What if there are two men?

There’s the tiger who has no rules.

He has traces of warmth and is even very sweet but he’s healing, refusing to feel. His hurt is palpable and it makes you angry that some young childless thing broke this perfect man for the rest of us. Didn’t she see what she had?

Just one look from him can induce a dizzy confusion that makes you lose your breath. And while you have your standards and your priorities to keep, every once in a while every girl just wants some fun especially when she’s too busy for much else.

Then there’s the lion who is strong and confident.

When you meet him at the park each long arm is moving in tandem with the other, pushing his swinging children who seem light as air. They’re laughing, they’re happy.  He tells you he only wants what is best for them and these words speak volumes to his single parent philosophy. When he meets your son he asks him, “What is your favorite, a lion or a tiger?”

The question seems like fate as just the night before you were teaching him the difference. He has a southern drawl and uses words, like “pardon”, that make your stomach tingle so you ask for his number. He reads your blog but rather than running away as you thought he might he calls your heart “rare”.

Now you have a date set for next week and you’re nervous already, wondering if you can possibly be as good as he thinks you are.

——-

Dating should be fun. As soon as a guy tips that fun to pain-in-the-ass scale, he’s out. We’re single moms. We don’t have time to dick around, unless that’s what we’re in the mood for…

Again. Fun vs. Pain in the Ass. Keep that balance tipped always and you’ll be okay.

It’s not like this is new. Here’s something I wrote over on year ago in my post, “Is Marriage Out of Style“:

Dating for me, as for most single mothers, is now completely different. The men don’t have the same effect on me. They’re now secondary to my child, my career and myself. Being in love doesn’t even feel the same.

As much as I hate dating games, this one looks like a lot of fun! It’s portable so you can use them as ice breakers. Just leave a comment to be entered.

ttg_dating

The game is courtesy of Sherri at SingleEdition.com who I featured in that marriage post above. You should definitely check out that web site. It’s an amazing resource for any of us who are single and happy to be so.

What are you in the mood for a lion or a tiger? Or maybe a bear? What about all three? Leave a comment and consider yourself entered.

Related posts:

  1. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2
  2. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1
  3. The Single Mom Dating Conundrum.
  4. Dating Single Parents: Can it Work?
  5. A Single Mom Dating Show. It’s About Time.

{ 6 trackbacks }

The dating front
May 4, 2009 at 7:35 pm
The beginning.
May 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Single Mom Couple
June 1, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Meet the Bear
June 5, 2009 at 5:50 am
Seeing aliens
July 27, 2009 at 5:15 am
Lion Share
July 31, 2009 at 5:23 am

{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }

Deanna Leigh April 23, 2009 at 11:18 pm

I think part of the beauty of being a single Mama is figuring out what REALLY makes sense…dating, parenting and life. I've come to terms with the men in my past just don't cut it, so who does? This is the best time to figure out.

Have fun!

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MindyMom April 23, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Definitely a lion.

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Nakia April 23, 2009 at 11:32 pm

I have to go with a lion.

Deanna – I agree. Now *is* the best time to figure out who cuts it.

Good luck MSM with the Lion and the Tiger. ;o)

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jen_k_ April 24, 2009 at 12:18 am

I'm in the mood for a little bit of both. Each has their merits. Options are divine, so keep them open. Go, Girl.

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Nina April 24, 2009 at 12:23 am

Lion. I'm tired of trying to love men whole…and helping them know they are a great person. I want the person that already knows that and can see it in me.

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Irishmom April 24, 2009 at 12:24 am

No lions for me. Or tigers for that matter from your description. I married a lion, all out there and declaring how much I meant to him. He was all ego, confident and sure of himself, which appealed to me in a strange kind of way. He was funny, fun and the life of the party. That wasn't so great when our children made an appearance. He still wanted the single life and the joy of being a parent. He was a lion untamed and never actually grew up. I was and am years ahead of him. So, I know I'm still healing myself, but be cautious. At this point, I'd settle for less of a bad boy and maybe one who is quieter and more caring. Who loves to be around children and really enjoys them. Doesn't see them as an obligation that sometimes ruin his idea of fun. hmmmm. Hope I haven't spoiled your choice. You are young enough to have fun. But, you have the heart of a mama bear and that will protect you, whatever the outcome. Perhaps he should wonder if HE is up for the challenge that is you. :)

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mssinglemama April 24, 2009 at 4:03 am

I am not sure what animal I would be right now… The one hunting them perhaps? And I would never settle for less than what you described.

Sent from my iPhone

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Kim April 24, 2009 at 12:37 am

I am a Leo. So lion it is!

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junctionmama April 24, 2009 at 12:43 am

Love Irishmom's comment.

I like Lions. I used to go for Tigers but I'm done taking care of the men I'm with. I need someone who can take care of himself :)

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Erin April 24, 2009 at 1:04 am

Maybe you'll meet a bear next, oh my!

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LindseyJay April 24, 2009 at 1:09 am

I'll take the lion above if you don't want him!!Sounds like just what I need right now!

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LindseyJay April 24, 2009 at 1:10 am

Oh and I could use those cards for the guy I know who doesn't like to talk about himself! Good icebreaker over a bottle of wine!! And I could say I won them!

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Miranda April 24, 2009 at 1:43 am

: ) I'd wait for the bear myself! (Good one, Erin.) Choices are a marvelous thing, though…

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mssinglemama April 24, 2009 at 1:45 am

Wait??? What is a bear like?

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MommaSunshine April 24, 2009 at 1:49 am

I vote go for the Lion. :)

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JMJ April 24, 2009 at 2:08 am

Have some great Argentine Malbec wine with the Lion and tell him all about your great trip your going to have in Chicago! :)

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Canadian Bald Guy April 24, 2009 at 2:08 am

So wait…does this mean you've got a date next week with a man with a southern drawl who says "pardon" a lot? Why isn't this the top subject of conversation???

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Christina April 24, 2009 at 2:23 am

Well all I can think of is "Lions and Tigers and Bears oh MY!"

So on the surface it seems like Lion right? But I gotta tell you from one who married a Lion – and has since divorced him – if the Lion cannot take your breath away like the Tiger? Then he's still not *quite* what you deserve. Because we all need our breath to be taken away now and then and that need does not stop just because you decide to say I Do :->

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notasoccermom April 24, 2009 at 2:27 am

wow, really hard. The longer I am single, it seems I stop looking for anythimg any one 'sort' of person. I just think I will know when I meet him.

Call me a romantic who has not given up

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Janet April 24, 2009 at 2:41 am

The lion DEFINITELY sounds better than the tiger. I don't need a guy with issues…I've got enough of my own shit to deal with.

But I'm intrigued…what is the bear like? I need a description to truly make a decision! :)

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Bear April 24, 2009 at 4:32 pm

:-) I suppose you'd have to ask Mrs. Bear for a truly objective answer, especially about the cuddly and… ahh… other parts.

But definitely fun-loving — you hit that one on the head. Enjoying life is what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Every moment exists to be savored.

And I'd imagine they'd lean more toward Italian reds — Nebbiolos and Barolos. (No disrespect at all to the Malbecs, which are lovely too.)

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Janet April 25, 2009 at 3:40 am

Oooh, Bear…you DO sound fun! I'm convinced. :)

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Janet April 24, 2009 at 2:42 am

Actually, the more I think about it, the bear sounds best. I'm picturing warm, playful, and cuddly. And bears know how to have fun (have you seen polar bears at the zoo?) so the sex would be great. lol

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Kristy April 23, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Brittany April 24, 2009 at 3:32 am

Lion.

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Maryann April 24, 2009 at 3:32 am

Irishmom totally hit the nail on the head!!

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noringsattached April 24, 2009 at 3:42 am

Is too much to ask for a bit of both? That's the only kind of man that could possibly handle me and my life…. <sigh>a girl can dream right?

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Mai Chioniso / Amy April 24, 2009 at 5:08 am

My kids are half Zimbabwean, and in Zim culture, each family has an animal that protects them called a totem. Our Zim relatives are always quick to point out that they (and my girls) are Shumbas, which means lion, and as we all know, the KING OF THE JUNGLE HELLS YEAH.

Bears sleep too much, and tigers are all bark. Haguna matata, and go for the lion.

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Derek April 24, 2009 at 12:58 pm

What part of Zim are you from? I was over there in July. Flew into Bulawayo and did my hunting in the West Nicholson area.

Great country, great people, who unfortunately are going through some really bad **** right now, and for many years prior.

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مجرد انسان April 24, 2009 at 6:18 am

Cool blog :)

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Laura April 24, 2009 at 11:00 am

Since I am a Southern my vote is the Lion :)

Your philosophy on dating is point on! "As soon as a guy tips that fun to pain-in-the-ass scale, he’s out."

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Mama Jennifer April 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm

A Liger! Definately … Find one of those then you don't have to make the choice. Get the best traits of both all wrapped into one.

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Bear April 24, 2009 at 12:45 pm

I have GOT to check the comments on this blog more often.

Thanks to Janet, btw, for the vote of confidence.

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Melissa April 24, 2009 at 12:45 pm

I dated and had a child with a lion(leo). I'm ready for the tiger..after the lion I can handle anything!

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Angel April 24, 2009 at 12:49 pm

I'm going for the bear, mostly because I can't ever make up my mind on men and ALWAYS seem to chose the wrong ones. LOL

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Derek April 24, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Lion. When I was lion hunting in Africa last year, my dad asked the guide "If we come up and scare him, he'll probably run away, right?" The guide replied in a perfect South African drawl: "He's the king of the jungle. The lion does what he wants."

You don't need a guy with issues…One who can't feel, or won't. I came off of a divorce recently but I give my current single-mom girlfriend of four months my full heart. I did my healing up to the point where I filed and left my ex, who lied to me, compromised our finances, and verbally abused me for three years. If it wasn't over, I wouldn't have filed. I have no hard feelings towards my ex but we just weren't a good fit. I wish her luck finding someone better suited to her!

My girlfriend is healing from a divorce also. Some days she has bad days yet. I told her: "I'm in this for the long haul. If I couldn't support you in your darkest hour, I wouldn't deserve you at your best." I believe the best is yet to come, and the glimpses I catch of it, are glorious.

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Kgrrrl April 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Tiger.
And I have to admit, I'm impressed on how much you date.
Seriously – it's more than me, and I don't have kids!

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momcat April 24, 2009 at 3:04 pm

i could use the dating game to train myself to ask the tough questions and to practice *hearing* the answers.

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wyliekat April 24, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I don't want to enter the contest, since others would have more use out of the giveaway than I, but I'll say what I like is a big ol' dog. Fiercely loyal, committed to his pack, protective of his home and loving until the ends of the earth.

Dog in the bedroom also equals Good. ;-}

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SinglMominNewEngland April 24, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Okay, is it me or does it seem like all my favorite "single mama" blogs are pairing off? (mssinglemama.com, modernsinglemama.com, mommypie?) Spring must definitely be in the air! I'm going to have to search out some new SINGLE mama blogs to relate to! lol

It would be my ultimate fantasy to meet a hot dad at the park. My smug New England community seems to be 99.9% happily married couples. I've got to figure out where to find these hot single dads – AND hot single men just for FUN!!! I'm so glad you have not one, but a two to choose from – it's awesome that you have a CHOICE. So I say, enjoy both of them and HAPPY SPRING!! Send some of that flirty spring and hot men my way. :)

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mssinglemama April 24, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Ohhhhh my goodness. I am SO far from being paired off. Just playing around in the jungle!

And you need to find some new parks or come visit me!

Sent from my iPhone

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John124 April 24, 2009 at 4:58 pm

The lion for SURE.

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Sheila April 24, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Lion! I need a man who knows who he is!

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America April 24, 2009 at 5:55 pm

My last man was a bear… I'd say wait for one of those… big, solid, cuddly… Sigh. Wish that had worked out.

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Nikki April 24, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Go Irishmom!! I agree with her too.
Here are my 2 cents. Strong, secure, loving, kind … protector. And great in bed. That is what I need. What kind of animal that is, I don't know. How about human?

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Derek April 24, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Favorite quote from "Say Anything" — "Don't be a guy, Lloyd. There's tons of guys out there. Be a MAN."

Just because they look male, have an adam's apple and can pee standing up, doesn't make them a man! ;) That distinction is one that can only be applied by observing & analyzing them…

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Hanna April 24, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Can't I have both? :)

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mssinglemama April 25, 2009 at 2:25 am

Definitely.

Sent from my iPhone

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Amy April 24, 2009 at 10:14 pm

I want a liger…cross between the lion and tiger (didn't they actually create one of those recently??) Much as slow and steady wins the race, I need something to get my heart going pitter-patter.

And definitely what CBG said – date!?! Spill!

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Missy April 25, 2009 at 1:35 am

I love it –

" We’re single moms. We don’t have time to dick around, unless that’s what we’re in the mood for…" Can we be as blunt as we feel? I am gonna try it! Ha

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karen April 25, 2009 at 3:33 am

definitely lion for me.

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Speedgirl April 25, 2009 at 4:29 am

For the sake of what is best for me and my children, I'll take the lion.

But then again, I would hate to be with a man who has better hair than I do…

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Danica April 25, 2009 at 7:19 pm

I plan on walking people through their emotional hurts as my future career. I'm not interested in bringing my work home with me. For long term, I would have to pick the LION.
But in the mean time a Tiger can be fun -for kicks.

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Melissa April 27, 2009 at 2:13 am

I'm a big fan of ligers, myself. Half tiger and half lion….what's to go wrong there? I happened to watch "Then She Found Me" which is exactly about that principle…the tiger or the lion? The guy who I know is good for me but not as much fun cuz he has 2 kids, or the guy who I know is bad for me but there's still a thing…….well, I suppose that's why I'm single yet! LOL gotta find me a man who's a liger, not a boy who's one or the other.

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Abby Carter April 27, 2009 at 11:01 pm

I would prefer a lion, but seem only to attract Tigers. Maybe I should find a bear…

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Phae April 28, 2009 at 9:07 am

Just read a lot of your posts with interest! I find much of it hard to relate to as I am a "Lone Mother" (I thought of that phrase myself!) I have no problems with my Ex, cause I have nothing to do with him – not since BEFORE the birth. I have no parents or family (all died within 6 months of each other), and I am making this all up as I go along. People feel 'sorry for me', but I am just so glad I have no reason to go through any of the pain and anguish of other single mothers do. Custody, child support, family pressure, unwanted opinions… Not my problem! I often feel hard done by, that I don't have any support system whatsoever. Reading your site makes me realise just how FREE I am. Tonight I am exhausted. I might feed my children breakfast instead of dinner (they love that anyhow!) and I have no one to tell me I'm a bad mother for doing so. No guilt! (by the way I normally do cook dinner, but I am using this as an example!) My complete reliance on… well me, and only me… because there simply is no one else at all, makes it easy for me to make decisions. Like flying across the other side of the world and building a new life in the country with horses for me and my children. Single motherhood is liberating when you take away the "ex" crap! I listen to a few of my friends and the endless dramas, guilt trips, money problems… etc! Reading your long, long decision to become a single mom (OK it was forced), I was egging you on! Go on Do It! My kids are having a wonderful life with a happy Mum. I compare them to the kids who have a miriade of hurt and upset caused by the estranged contact they have with their dads and the bitterness extruded by their mums. The constant hate, tit for tat, guilt trips and often plain 'madness'. My kids are so centred and grounded in comparison.

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thewarriorpoets April 29, 2009 at 3:30 am

I wonder if I'm more than a littel weird in that I sat here reading all your commentors and wondering if I was a lion or a tiger… and not that it matters, either, but just in the sense that one likes to know what category one falls in.

And to be honest, I don't think I can pin point it.

Which probably means tiger.

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Juggle Jane April 29, 2009 at 3:58 am

I'm jumping on the lion bandwagon!! GO LIONS! *cheerleader jump*

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