Clearing the Mr. Man Air & Morgan Siler

by mssinglemama on April 19, 2009

On this day four months ago I said good-bye to Mr. Man.

mrmanI didn’t look back.

And I never told you all why.

Some of you have told me I am obligated to write about this in detail. Others have speculated on what he may or may not have done.

One of you left a comment on my Mr. Man break up post last week that asks if I was running away from something or looking for an out…

Was I running?

Maybe.

I have never said that single moms come to trust men easily. Mr. Man and I had only been dating for six weeks when it happened. If a promise – to that magnitude – is broken so early on, and if you also happen to be a recovering bad boy addict and have a child, yes – you may “over react” or “run away.”

It happens.

A serious gut check coupled with a dash of fear can spell disaster for any man dating a single mom.

The commenter also suggested, as many of you have, that Mr. Man did something to harm Benjamin (either physically or emotionally). I want to make it very, very clear that he broke a promise to me, not to my son. He had not done anything to hurt Benjamin.

His foot was just cracking open the door. He wasn’t entirely “in” yet.

I made my decision to protect Benjamin from something that may or may not happen in the future. Something emotional, like losing his step-father not abuse.  I was speculating and coming to a conclusion based on a pattern of behavior.

Mr. Man is one of the few people on this Earth I would actually trust with my son’s life. And yes, he’s a great guy. But he is not my guy. The promise involved a decision he made that jeopardized his own future. He didn’t cheat on me. He didn’t even lie to me. He just made a bad choice, one I couldn’t live with.

That’s all I can say… for his privacy and mine. I hope that clears things up a bit. And again, you’ll have to trust me on this one.

—–

When I first saw Morgan Siler it was in the San Francisco airport.

I remember watching the stream of travelers pouring out of the terminal and thinking I’d spotted her. When I finally did there was no mistaking her. She has a presence, a light.

It’s truly amazing.

When we’re together I feel like it was just meant to be. Watch the video we made in San Francisco for evidence. (Thanks to Jim again for shooting that).

After Morgan moved to Kentucky, just three hours away from me, she and her son Lucca came for a visit. And everything came full circle. The boys were even better friends than we were. Identical in every way except for their hair color.

Here we all are… happy as can be.

3301041495_dbff6c53ac_b

One week from today Morgan and I will be on separate flights to Chicago where we’ll meet to pick up that new car I won. After my top secret agent and drivers training (I have to re-learn a stick), Morgan and I will be driving the car back together.

And we’ll have video cameras.

It could get a little crazy.

But guess what?

I’m more excited to see Morgan than my new Ford Fiesta. NO offense Ford but you have to meet Morgan.

You’d understand.

—–

We want to have a single mom meet up in Chicago on Friday the 24th. If any of you live there – where would be a good place to meet?

Related posts:

  1. The End.
  2. A letter to my future husband.
  3. Fiesta Fever
  4. Single Mom Friday Zen, V

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Canadian Bald Guy April 19, 2009 at 10:35 pm

I, for one, CANNOT WAIT to see video of you two in a car on a road trip. That should make for some fun video and (probably) a lot of editing on your part (heh).

On top of that, I'm very much looking forward to seeing your new car. This whole "secret agent task" thing sounds like a lot of fun and should make for some entertaining posts.

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Nakia April 19, 2009 at 11:13 pm

First of all, I'm totally jealous of the possibility of a single mom meetup. Totally, green-with-envy, jealous.

Yay for picking up your car! Like CBG, I'm looking forward to seeing the videos footage. :O)

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MommaSunshine April 19, 2009 at 11:20 pm

Sounds like you two are going to have a blast together!

And as for Mr. Man, well, you know, you don't "owe" us anything….how much or how little you choose to tell is up to you. :)

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C Lo April 19, 2009 at 11:31 pm

I'd kill for a single mom trip right about now. *sigh*

I hope you aren't beating yourself up over any of your choices in that whole Mr. Man thing. Something I learned when I first dated is that the hard truth is that MOST women don't think nearly as hard about this stuff as you do and for that you should be proud and take heart……you seem to be doing right by your kid.

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TsQuest April 19, 2009 at 11:32 pm

Yay!! I love Morgan too! She does have a light… even in her words.

Glad you stated what I thought was obvious about Mr. Man. It seemed that you trusted him so quickly with Benjamin… and I know we all have single mom radar when it comes to our children… so I assumed it was nothing that he did to your little man. I assumed that it was something that you had a problem with. And good for you for sticking to your guns on whatever it was.

Sometimes we have to listen to our gut…. even when our gut may tell us later that we overreacted. Sometimes we say or do things that feel right at the time, ya know? Like you mentioned before with Kristen? We can only act or react based on what we know or what we're going through at the time, right? Thank goodness for forgiving people who are able to overlook our actions/reactions!

I hope he's still in your lives, even as a friend. I love good men in my life for my daughters to look up to, even if I'm not in a romantic relationship with them.

Congrats again on the car. I agree with the above commenters. I look forward to seeing you two gals in the new Fiesta! Ole!

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Morgan April 19, 2009 at 11:35 pm

Really?! You are more excited to see me than pick up your new Ford Fiesta? ;) I'm gushing and so honored and SOOOOO excited for the weekend ahead. And I can't wait to meet all the single moms in Chicago. I'll be sure to let everyone I know on Twitter know we are coming and want all the single mommas in the area to meet up with us.

You are like a big sister to me, Alaina. How did I get so lucky? Living in Kentucky, with two men I love, and a best single mom friend just a few hours a way. I'm blessed.

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jenn April 20, 2009 at 1:19 am

You're certainly not obligated to write about anything that you don't want to. For whatever reason. And I can understand how being a single mom makes you more picky about what you will or will not put up with in a boyfriend. I say, if you feel like you did the right thing, then stand by your decision.

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Keeshabee April 20, 2009 at 1:42 am

I really admire you and Morgan's friendship. It's like fate brought you two together. Can't wait to see the road trip video!

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Brittany April 20, 2009 at 2:05 am

How strange that I'm going to be in Chicago on that Friday, on my way back from a law school visit in Indiana. Fate! Are we talking about a moms' night out??

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mssinglemama April 20, 2009 at 2:13 am

Oh yes we are baby!!! Just have to nail down a place.

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Brittany April 20, 2009 at 2:18 am

Hmmm so….. dive bar or trendy hot spot? I'm not 100% sure I can make it, but I visit Chicago all the time and would love to help pick a place.

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Elizabeth April 20, 2009 at 2:54 am

If it's a kid free meet up then go to Ceasar's Killer Margarita's on Clark (in Wrigleyville) next door to Ceasar's is a nail place called Nail.com… the best girl day involves Ceasar's and then Mani/Pedi's at Ceasar's.

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mssinglemama April 20, 2009 at 3:04 am

Defintely kid free!

Sent from my iPhone

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Kris April 21, 2009 at 2:21 am

Ceasar's is always my choice for Margarita's – good plan! It gets pretty crazy there. Sheffields is also a good choice if Ceasar's is too crowded- they have a back bar and patio big enough for a crowd. Their middle bar, called Beer School, has beer you can't find at other Chicago bars. Have fun!

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Amanda April 20, 2009 at 3:26 am

In regards to the Mr. Man issue – you're doing the right thing by keeping it private. Break-ups are meant to be that way. Once you make it public, it becomes subject to interpretation, followed with you up at odd hours of the night reading the comments posted on here. I say good for you for going with your gut. Whatever happened between you and Mr. Man, I'm sorry it happened. You didn't let him get away with it, though, and that takes strength. Hope you have a great time in Chicago.

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Sarah J. April 20, 2009 at 3:35 am

Gah! I'm a single mama in Chicago… would LOVE a mama night out… Alas, poorer than the day is long… Have a wonderful time. And Cesar's for Margaritas is a damn good idea… be careful, they sneak up on you at that place!

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Apples April 20, 2009 at 4:10 am

Keep it private it is no ones business even bloggers need privacy! Now that being said. I trust your instinct and actually it sounds to me it was more then just instinct. He broke the one promise and it must have been a big one. In my opinion us single mamas need to air on the side of caution. My ex broke his promise to me and you know what I let it slide. A year later where was I? Getting a divorce anyhow…

You did the right thing! And you know what sometimes that is the hardest thing to do when your heart is speaking so loudly but you followed your head and good for you!

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LaQuita B. April 20, 2009 at 11:58 am

Question, does it have to be single moms only that meets up with yah? I live in Canada and it only takes a couple hours to get to Chicago. It could be fun, but totally understandable if it is just a single mom outting.

Thanks.

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mssinglemama April 20, 2009 at 1:58 pm

You are definitely welcome.

Can't decide if we should let men in though… should it be just women??? What do you guys think?

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Derek April 20, 2009 at 4:13 pm

I'd go if I could…Chicago is somewhat of a haul for me from PA but I think it'd be cool if men could come.

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MindyMom April 20, 2009 at 2:32 pm

You made the right call with Mr. Man. Timing is everything and apparently he did the wrong thing at the wrong time. As a single mom we need to weed out the bs early on.

That post by Morgan is the one that lead me to her site and got me hooked, thanks to T.

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littlemansmom April 20, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I believe in you AND your gut…..if it wasn't meant to be (at that time) then it just wasn't! You'made it this far with amazing decisions……I'm sure that this one was the best one for you two or you wouldn't have made it!

I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo excited for you and Morgan! I hope you two have a blast! :)

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Irishmom April 20, 2009 at 5:58 pm

I totally got your post about the Mr Man thing. I mean it's amazing what children do for your impulsive tendencies and moral radar. Regarding the road trip thing – I'll look forward to that – it could be a bit like Oprah and Gail's road trip a couple of years ago – that made me laugh. … :)

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Chitown Mommy April 20, 2009 at 6:47 pm

I'm a long time lurker, first time commenter from Chicago. I am a newly single mom and would love to meet up on the 24th. What were you thinking – drinks, coffee, dinner??

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Nikki April 20, 2009 at 6:48 pm

Have fun next week! Looking forward to the video's!
Also jealous of the single momma's meet up. I would totally be there …
I don't think you need to exlain to us what was going on with Mr Man. This is your life and you need to do what is right for you and your little man. I trust you will do the right thing and DID do the right thing.

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Hanna April 20, 2009 at 7:33 pm

I wish you could drive your Fiesta to Colorado! Maybe Ford will sponsor a single mom road trip where you two visit all of us and document it? *sigh* Totally excited for you!

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wyliekat April 20, 2009 at 7:39 pm

I guess that's the drawback to blogging for a larger audience – you'll always have folks who are there seemingly for spite, or to hold you accountable.

Still and all, as I've said before – I think you made the right decision regarding Mr. Man, and anyone who disagrees should seriously consider fretting their own life a little more.

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GyrlPower April 20, 2009 at 8:45 pm

I just jumped to your blog from "Girl's Gone Child". I read a few, well, quite a few posts. I hope you realize that you have a wonderful writer who beautifully expresses her love for her son. No matter what anyone ever says to you about choosing to be a single mother…you made the right choice. You chose to love.

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Karen April 20, 2009 at 11:41 pm

I understand you reasoning completely (even without knowing what happened). Yay! for the car though. Sounds like a lot of fun just getting to it!

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Speedgirl April 21, 2009 at 2:03 am

First, I think it is amazing that readers have told you that you "owe them" the story about Mr. Man. This is YOUR blog. You choose what part of your life, thoughts, and feelings you want to share. You don't owe us (your readers) anything. Sure, we are all curious. But that doesn't mean you have to share something. Actually, I think is speaks volumes about you as a person that you have not told the world what happened. I, for one – and for what it is worth, respect you more for not spilling all of the gory details when you were upset.

Second, I can totally relate to the "instant" friendship that you and Morgan found. My best friend and I met through a mutual friend on her LiveJournal account a few years ago. Almost a year after we started speaking on the phone, I flew out to Maryland to see her for the first time face to face, and spend 4 days with her. It was like greeting a long-time friend, not seeing a new friend for the first time. One of the reasons I love the internet is how small the world has become!

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Lesli April 21, 2009 at 10:51 pm

Alaina, I'm just proud of you for being big-girl enough to end things with Mr. Man despite how you felt about him and the possibilities of the relationship–I wish I had your resolve. Alas, I do not….in fact, I've been seeing the ex-bf for several months now–what the hell am I doing??? I'm sorry I won't be in Chicago to meet you guys–I'm sure it will be a good time.

By the way, I'm from the "other" great Athens….GA! Of course I'm a city-girl now, LOL, in the big ol' ATL. Let's catch up soon and enjoy that new car!!

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NotADad April 26, 2009 at 12:42 pm

I think that clarifies things quite a bit re Mr Man, not that it's really anyone's business but yours. I guess it does suggest care is needed when blogging about personal relationships when you just don't know who's reading – the wrong inference about somebody that got out of hand could really create a lot of terrible problems. Unfortunately we live in a time where paranoia about child abuse has got so crazy and irrational that it is often (stupidly) the first conclusion to be drawn from anything even slightly keen about a male's interest in a child. Despite the fact that, statistically and unequivocally, the greatest violence and death to children is far and and away caused by *mothers* bashing or killing their own babies, as awful as that fact is – look it up, it's true. And women do sexually abuse children contrary to popular assumption. Anyway it has had to become a very real disincentive to become at all close – even vaguely interested – in some woman with a child, since that means taking some sort of interest in the child obviously. Sadly not an exaggeration. So there are now many fewer males going into school teaching etc and, where I am from, they won't even hire trained male child care workers for example.

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Samantha May 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Hello, I hope you are not punishing yourself over any of your decisions in that whole Mr. Man thing. MOST women don't think nearly as hard about this stuff as you do and for that you should be proud. You seem to be doing right by your kid.

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