Single Mom Friday Zen, V

by mssinglemama on April 17, 2009

The wine had settled too fast. 

I stared at the faces of the men, all looking for someone or something. Declaring that they were “finally ready” for the “right woman.” I let my hand slip off of my mouse, leaned back into my chair and sighed.

What was I doing here? 

A guy I’d been dating had just dropped me cold after I’d become way too clingy, way too fast. 

I didn’t know how to do this – to date, as a mother. I wasn’t ready. 

I traced my finger around the bottom of my wine glass and then decided, in that moment of complete fog to start writing, to share my experiences, to sort it all out. When WordPress.com asked for my User Name, Ms. Single Mama flew through my fingers and on to the screen. I started a story without knowing the end. 

Without realizing that the name didn’t belong to me but to every single mother. 

And while even one year ago my dating life felt like this…

img_1910

Now it’s looking more like this. 

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It’s because, in the past year, I’ve learned how to trust again.

How to feel again without regret.

I’ve been learning this by writing so honestly here and through the new friendships I’ve made.

They’re the kind of friends I never imagined I’d have. 

They insist you visit their beautiful city and make you feel welcome before you even step through their door. 

They make you laugh even when they themselves can’t really laugh with you. 

And they buy a plane ticket so they can meet you in Chicago to drive your new car home. 

[That last one is Morgan, aka Modern Single Momma] She has a blog post up today you should read, and there you’ll find the two other friends on my list… so cool to see us all up there.

<pinch pinch>

I’m in love with my friendships.

That’s okay, right? 

One more step to normal, to trusting. I’m getting there. They may be baby steps but if I can form relationships with my friends that will last a life time, doesn’t that mean there’s a chance I could do the same with a man? 

— no prize this week because I just want you to head over to Morgan’s site. Don’t miss her Who’s Who of the Single Parent Blogosphere.–

Related posts:

  1. Single Mom Friday Zen
  2. Single Mom Friday Zen, IV
  3. Single Mom Friday Zen, III
  4. Single Mom Friday Zen, II
  5. How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4

{ 3 trackbacks }

Single Mom with a Baby | Single Mothers Blog
April 21, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Single Mom Beach Day
May 26, 2009 at 4:55 am
Going, going, gone?
March 14, 2010 at 11:48 pm

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

ModernSingleMomma April 17, 2009 at 2:08 pm

You are my number one fave celeb single mom of the web, Ms Alaina!
Can't wait till next week, Chicago baby!!! (we'll be sure to take lots of awesome photos and video).

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ModernSingleMomma April 17, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Just re-read the post again and I'm feely all gushy and warm inside.

I am in love with your friendship too! (Man, wouldn't it be cool if ALL the single mommas of the web were like this? Thank fully, most of them are).

And I'm so proud of you for learning to trust again. Baby steps. You can do it.

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Canadian Bald Guy April 17, 2009 at 2:32 pm

I truly believe that blogging can add a lot to a single parent's life. I feel more alive and free since I began blogging almost a year ago. I even feel like a better parent now that I can read other parents' blogs and see how they reacted to certain situations (not to mention how others respond to those situations).

Heck…I began to date again almost 2 years after my marriage ended because of blogging.

When the times arrive when I feel alone, all I have to do is see my blog comments and know that others are in the same position…the same mental state…going through the same emotions…and they're actually interested in what I have to say…and I no longer feel alone.

This community that I've been fortunate enough to find and join has been tremendous. I feel like I can be the real me without worry. And the friendships that I'm beginning to form are ones I hope to retain for a very long time.

Thanks again for all you do, Alaina (and Morgan, too!). I'm sure I'm far from the only one who appreciates the community feeling that is shared because of sites like this one.

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NotADad April 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Blogging can do all that? Maybe I should be blogging.

Trust. There's the rub. I haven't dated much for a long time – it's partly for practical reasons (I work funny hours in a highly technical management job), because of the environment (a lot of people here do not speak english), because I have issues, because .. because … because ….because ……

And MsSingleMama, men can get too clingy (or appear too needy = weak = wimp ) too quickly, too. You decide: this person's great, she'll do. I want her. And you forget that she may still need quite a bit of room. Or you make love, it's hot, and then you make the mistake of thinking she's hooked because you're so damn good in bed – well, I am but that's another story :=) . If anything I think some men bond quicker through sex than some women do. Women do get hooked on sex but it can take a while, or so it seems.

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April April 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I just wrote about loving my single life here: http://www.examiner.com/x-6535-LA-Single-Parentin

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MindyMom April 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Blogging has become such a big and very rewarding part of my life. I don't know how I made it through the first 7 years of singleparenthood without it. I'm glad to be in such good company as you and Morgan and all the rest.

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above average joe April 17, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Even though I started mine before my breakup, I am grateful for the friends I have made since it has happened. It has helped me respond to many situations.

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Hanna April 17, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Aww I heart you Alaina.

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Ms. Single Mama April 18, 2009 at 4:39 am

I heart you back, baby. And I'm so damn proud of you…

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Amanda April 17, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Trusting is hard period but hope is something no one should ever be without. Thank you for inspiring me to kick start my blog.

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Sheila April 17, 2009 at 10:55 pm

Without blogging, I would be a nut case. Lord knows that's the last thing I need to be. You are indeed a superstar. :)

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Ms. Single Mama April 18, 2009 at 4:41 am

Blogging isn't for the faint of heart, that's for damn sure.

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Spruce Hill April 17, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Your pictures are looking good! :)

ssstreett@comcast.net

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Junctionmama April 17, 2009 at 11:46 pm

So true. Blogging and reading blogs has become my outlet and my reality check.
Thanks to everyone else for sharing your stories!

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Nikki April 18, 2009 at 3:04 am

I am glad you are having trust in your life again … and great friends.

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NotADad April 18, 2009 at 10:11 pm

It's kind of amazing to me that single parent bloggers can fit all this in their day, and great that there's this window into a whole other side of experience for those who care to read it and who may be considering diving into that world (I almost have before).

Reading this blog is giving me a whole other perspective – an internal perspective – on single mamas. That's quite valuable. Making me feel like I understand more of what's going on, what are the pressures and issues, over their side of the fence. So I may feel more comfortable about climbing over that fence in future.

So often, single mamas seem like super mamas. Doing everything, handling things, getting it done because they have to, There is no choice. It's pretty awesome to a childless guy. We can just muddle along, screwing up, no responsibility for anyone else. It might sound great I'm sure. It isn't.

The one overriding feeling I had when dating a single mamma was … can you guess? … admiration. How I *admired* how she coped with everything! What a brave little family they were. I was moved. I felt downright feckless by comparison. And yes, there are currents of protectiveness streaming to the surface. I wanted to protect them from something, be a male around the house, but I think I failed.

Anyway I've been posting a lot here the last few days (I've been off sick a few days on heaps of medication – asthma). I'm probably way off topic half the time and am inclined to rave. I'm not even a parent after all, just one of those older guys out there, working up enough trust to really love a woman again, hoping there is still time for me to be a dad or a damn good stepdad. I may not post as much in future after my gushy outpourings, but we'll see.

So go single mammas. You probably don't know that you're an inspiration to some.

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Andrea April 19, 2009 at 4:30 am

Oh, It seems you are such an inspiration for so many. So here I am trying to have some courage and do it, blogging with honesty. Ithink it will be healthy and maybe I can spread the seed here in the south (of the world!)
I think I will do it in english and spanish because though it doesn´t matter you location so many things are the same (men attitudes are So the same around the globe!), there are local issues. I think in general in the US singlemotherhood is far much more accepted than here.
And seeing you meeting each other, that so great! Come to southamerica!!!
Blogging will be healthy I guess, and if I have 2 or 3 comments I will be so happy. So I let you know when I start…
besos!

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mssinglemama April 19, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Yes. Send me the link as soon as you do!

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thewarriorpoets April 19, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Digging your developing photography skills. And the transparency in your writing.

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