by mssinglemama on April 15, 2009

One more night. 

I am missing my three-year-old Benjamin but after sorting through old pictures all morning (I do that when he’s gone), I’m really missing this little guy. 


What will I do with two nights a week?

I definitely need the “me” time but this will take some adjusting. 

Benjamin and I have been together, nearly inseparable for three years. See? Here we are connected. 


Gosh I can just feel his warm cushy little self in that picture. And his smell… and his noises. This is one of the few pictures I have of Benjamin and I together. Oh! And look, I even have a wedding ring on. I think he was less than two weeks old there and about three months old in the one above. 

I feel like I was shot out of a canon into life as a young, working and soon to be divorced mom and now suddenly things are slowing down. But, wow, do I wish I was holding a baby again. 

Will you ever have another one?

{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }

Nakia April 15, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Awww, Baby Benjamin! I hear you on the missing the stage of itty bitty babies. Lately, I've been feeling that alot.

I've pretty much decided that there won't be another child for me. Kaleb is older now, will be in kindergarten next year, and I just can't imagine meeting someone, getting married and pregnant and starting the child raising from scratch.

But that is me speaking with the experience I have now. An extremely bad relationship and numerous not so bad but not great ones under my belt.

Maybe, one day, I'll meet someone and fall madly in love and change my mind.

Right now, I'm kind of feeling selfish and only occasionally disturbed by the fact that it will be Kaleb and I on our own for life.

A new baby sure would be fun though.


Nikki April 15, 2009 at 1:45 pm

I would like another one but I I would like to be more than boyfriend / girlfriend, you know?
Also it will be easier to let him go to his father's. When I had to let my daughter stay at her fathers I could not sleep at the beginning. It was terrible. But it was terrible because I was thinking about terrible things and focusing on my loss.
What helped was thinking this. It may be my loss that one night or two night or what not, BUT it is her gain. She is gaining from spending time with her father. She sees herself in both of us and to take away 1/2 of her … it hurt her.
I think of it that way now and everything is OK. It still sucks but everything is OK and I can sleep now. She is having a good time and that is what it is all about.
I wish you peace.


Jaden April 15, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Yup, I can't wait to have another one 🙂 Just have to wait until we are able to- my hubby is going through some medical treatments right now that make trying unsafe 🙁

That second pic makes me melt… I remember what it was like holding a little peanut like that… Time flies by so fast!


Kelli April 15, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Isn't it funny how our memory is so selective? When you're in the middle of the newborn whirlwind, it seems endless and stressful and exhausting, but when you're out of it, all you can remember is gazing into that new little person's eyes and how it felt to be needed all the time. Heck I even sort of miss nursing! (Not in a creepy way) With a bunch of people around me that are pregnant, I am defintely missing those days..I really, really loved being pregnant and I feel like I would be a better mother to a newborn now that I know the little tricks and am more confident in my parenting skills…But….I worry so much about the impact it will have on my daughter Ella. It's always been just us–and I know everyone says that your heart is just filled with more love and all that, but…..let's say the next time around I am married (imagine that!) that's another element..will Ella feel left out because the new baby has a Mom AND a Dad? Or will the baby feel left out because Ella and I have a closer relationship since it was just us……AGH! So much stuff. Also, I'm not so sure I like kids…maybe just mine. Is that horrible?


Greg April 15, 2009 at 3:20 pm

That is a wonderful photo of you and your son. I can see the love on your face.


TsQuest April 15, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Girl!!! Another baby?! That boy needs to come home soon!

Then again, I'm 10 years older than you so… yeah, no more babies for me.

Though I do get wistful when I see my baby (who's 4) acting all little-girly now. But then she'll cuddle with me and say, "I'll always be your baby, Mommy."



Lauren April 15, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Definitely. I secretly want a huge family because I never had one, but I usually don't tell people that because they may think I'm crazy. ("Huge family," for me, would mean at least 4 kids). It would also be nice to get most of my child bearing done before I'm 30, but that would mean I'd have to get married in the next few years.

I also just want at least one more chance at pregnancy and birth. Since Anna wasn't planned, I had never thought enough about how I wanted the birth to go — looking back, I would've rather had a midwife and done a home birth as opposed to going to the hospital.


mssinglemama April 15, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I know! Doing the math, if I have until 34-35 to start making more (I want/ed a ton too) that would mean I'd have to meet him soon… and I don't want to have any with someone I haven't been with for at least two years. So that pretty much means I need to meet him now.



Karen April 15, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Awww. I so miss my girls as babies. I am also just a bit happy that 4yr old's dad hasn't spoken to us in 3 years. she hasn't been away from me for longer than a night, well ever. I definitely want more.
Those are beautiful pictures. 🙂


mssinglemama April 15, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Thank you.


Christine April 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

I know how you feel. I look at old photos too and wonder where the time has gone. My son is 3 and I'll be 40 in two weeks so…no more for me.

But I can totally relate.


Sheila April 15, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Awwwwww… what a cutie pie! I was reminising yesterday on old photos … I just can't believe how fast they grow!

And, yes, I can totally relate to how you feel. I would love to have another one, really and truly.

A coworker read my birth chart, and apparently I'm going to have another one in the next five years, and remarry someone who is "successful". Not sure what that means, but I'll take it!


mssinglemama April 15, 2009 at 5:02 pm

What is a birth chart? Hmmmm….


Sheila April 15, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Bad Mummy April 15, 2009 at 5:30 pm

I recently donated all my maternity clothes to a centre for young moms. It was time to let go of the idea that I'm having another kid. I'd like to be a mother to more, but I'm thinking more step-parenting/adopting/fostering. But I wouldn't do those solo.

I love the dynamic of me and The Mook. Us against the world. I'm not sure I see a space for a man in our family. Maybe there is one out there. But maybe not. In any case, it's not on my priority list at the mo'.

I watch videos of The Mook when I'm missing her. And sometimes just curl up in her bed for a moment or two.


Andrea April 15, 2009 at 5:46 pm

Oh Hi Alaina, it´s me, the hazelnut woman. You almost make me cry. When there is connection there it is, no doubt about it. Did you read "Women who run with the wolves"? You are finding your Wild and Wisdom woman in you.
And about this post, you seem to be in my head. I want another baby! and more. Allways wanted, I´m an only child. And now that I´m a mother I´m more sure about it. All the mothers around that give birth around me are pregnant or trying, it mortifies me a little. And Alaina, I´m 33 I will have to meet the father tomorrow! and I think we have time till 40 for sure. Keeping a healthy life or so. I want this experience again and in good company.
And knowing the father for a long time is not guarantee at all, we were 6 years together before.
And about the ring, those are the things we are watching in pictures! It took me a long time to take it away…


mommy2jl April 15, 2009 at 5:54 pm

It's hard picturing having to share myself with another child but after having James I can't imagine not having another one.
I'd actually like 2 more.. but we'll take it one baby at a time.
Long term though – definitely.


mssinglemama April 15, 2009 at 6:25 pm

I still can't believe it.

Thank you so much for being here. And I had even written about your long dark curls, but I removed that from the post because I was editing away. I think the woman in the dream represented both of us – me helping you to find your happiness and vice versa (because it's definitely mutual).

Craziness, I tell you!


wyliekat April 15, 2009 at 8:29 pm

I won 't be having another. In some ways, I'm very sad about this. But in other ways, I realize that I have the gift of two, beautiful healthy girls. I may have only made one of them, but I have them both.


wyliekat April 15, 2009 at 8:29 pm

I won 't be having another. In some ways, I'm very sad about this. But in other ways, I realize that I have the gift of two, beautiful healthy girls. I may have only made one of them, but I have them both.

Buddy had a vasectomy a lot of years ago, so that door is closed.


Jessica (Sassafrass) April 15, 2009 at 8:38 pm

Ahhh, I hope so. Since I was about to try to have another baby when my marriage suddenly ended, I grieved that possibility along with my divorce. But now that many of the divorce wounds have healed or are healing, I feel the desire to have another child growing stronger. I am now sure how and when it will happen — not now, for sure — but I hope it does. Someday.


christine April 15, 2009 at 9:33 pm

ah. that's why i went ahead with my second (unexpected and unplanned) pregnancy, even though our marriage was not doing well. i wanted my daughter to have a sibling, and if we didn't work out, then, well…at least the children would have each other. i know some people though having a second baby in those circumstances was stupid, but i felt she came for a reason.

i'm 33 now and don't really see the possibility of having any more babies. i have two girls and that makes me very happy, but there is a part of me that gets quite sad at the thought of this part of my life being over.


Hanna April 15, 2009 at 9:48 pm

Yeah I wish my daughter had a sister like I did. *sigh*


Jen April 15, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Great pictures! I sometimes feel out of place commenting, although I love reading your story. My daughter is 17. She is my one and only. I have sworn for a long time that I would not have another. But you know the "never say never" saying (by the way whoever started that phrase should be slapped…lol) I have recently been thinking more and more about having another. I can remember when she was a baby like it was yesterday. It seems like you blink and *poof* they are all grown up. I can't think of anything greater in the world than the love of your child.

I am not sure what life will bring my way, but I am always open to the notion of having another.


Sunny April 15, 2009 at 10:59 pm

I think I would like to, but something in my gut is telling me it's not in the cards. So, No is the answer for me.

I'll soon reach that age where "high risk" gets stamped on your file and your risk for birth defects increase astronomically. Not excited about "going there". Not really enough time to move out of this state (cause there aint nothing happening in the romantic scene here), meet Mr. Right and all that Jazz… Being a single mom is what I need for Chookah right now but I wouldn't want to do it with two.


Heather April 15, 2009 at 11:34 pm

Absolutely. With or without a man.

Probably my least favorite thing about the single mom thing… no more kids yet.

But it will happen. And I'm lovin' single mommyhood.


Janet April 16, 2009 at 12:23 am

These pics are adorable. Sometimes I miss my son being just a tiny little baby too.

I definitely hope to have more kids, once I find the right guy.


Spruce Hill April 16, 2009 at 12:24 am

Aww I love the pictures of him when he was a baby! I miss it too but am also enjoying my independent kids at the same time!


newsinglemama April 16, 2009 at 12:28 am

I feel your pain. Little did I know when I had my girl that she might be the first and last 🙁
You still have plenty of time. I had her at 35 and I figure I still have 5 years. I know so many women in my neighbourhood who had babies at 40+ years old without fertility treatments. So don't despair, you have TONS of time to make more babies.

Time is not the problem. The availability of good men is…


PT-LawMom April 16, 2009 at 1:49 am

I didn't think I wanted more. But I had my son because I loved my ex-husband and wanted more of him. And I got it. I could totally see myself having Mr. V's babies. I think when you love someone, you want to have their children and share that with them. But I'm not the type of person to have babies just for the sheer pleasure of it, no.


Keeshabee April 16, 2009 at 2:15 am

What an adorable picture! I almost didn't recognize you in the picture. I think the hair color threw me off guard 😉

I've recently had conversations with friends and family about this topic. I guess it's because my little girl is still somewhat a baby. The thought of having to do this all over again is somewhat….frightening! The only thing that makes me feel "okay" about having another one is that I definitely wouldn't be doing it alone next time around. Not only will I have a partner, but one who is very much a participant in child care (as opposed to my STBX).

So yeah, it's a possibility. I would love her to have a lil' bro or sis 🙂 But I keep protesting to everyone that this would probably not happen for about another 8 to 10 years (then I'd not only have a loving husband/father, but a helpful daughter as well!)


Jen April 16, 2009 at 2:48 am

I would love to have another one. . .that is once I find the right man to have another one with.

It does take some adjusting and I hated letting little man go to his dad's – not because of his dad but because it wasn't easy on me. But now there are some days I look forward to the time apart. Its good for him to see dad and good for me to recharge. Besides nothing beats the giant hug I get when I pick him up when he comes home!


cyndi April 16, 2009 at 3:00 am

Every now and then that annoying baby bug buzzes my ear, but I'm definately done growing humans. Pregnancy was a miserable experience for me the first time around and, even if I wasn't almost 39 and was still married, I wouldn't want to do it again. Love love love the end result but the process was just awful. I am not at all opposed to adopting a #2 though, whether I re-marry someday or not. We shall see what happens there.


Speedracermom April 16, 2009 at 4:08 am

My boys are 14 & 16 yrs. old, and as much as I love them and loved being pregnant with them, at 39 I would not go there again. I had five friends, between the ages of 34 and 38, have new babies this year. They are exhausted. I couldn't imagine doing it again at my age, and, fortunately, if I feel the need for a baby fix, I have plenty of babies to choose from! I love my sons to death but they will both be out of high school in the next four years (fingers crossed), and I would not do the school years over again for a million dollars!


Amber April 16, 2009 at 5:39 am

Looking at little baby Benjamin made me nostalgic for when my daughter was that small!! GAWD! Time really does fly. These new phases of year 2 are fun and exciting but I miss the cuddling and baby smell. Bittersweet isnt it?

I can't wait to have more kids (but believe me I WILL wait). I feel like I was born to be a mom.

Today our daughter went out with my ex and the other woman (same scenario as Mias). I made him wait until he was sure about this girl before he brought her into Sienna's life. and 10 months later he requests to take her out with them to the museum. They both came to my house to pick Sienna up and the other woman came into my house and said "hi, how are you, can i help you with anything?". I said no thank you i have it. She said goodbye on the way out. I dont know what I expected but that sucked. I cried after they left. thats my baby. If it were upto me she wouldnt get the luxury of knowing Sienna. But the reality is, she will be around and I must make nice.

Sorry for the rant! haha.


alice April 16, 2009 at 9:39 am

Ugh, I'm still getting used to every other weekend without the girls. I know it's a good thing for them to be with their dad, but that doesn't help me miss them any less or sleep any better. I didn't quite feel like a single mom until that first weekend without them. It was really the only change since their dad left. And I know I shouldn't complain because I already have two beautiful girls, but I always think about having another. One with a man who would love and appreciate all the difficulties I went through during pregnancy, not treat me like I owed him (and his mom!) children.


Victoria April 16, 2009 at 11:18 am

Baby pics of the girls always make me nostalgic, but I have no desire to deal with another newborn. The 6-9 month stage is my very favorite, but even those blissful three months aren't worth the sleep deprivation of having another. (Tho I'm still up 4-5 times a night with my 16-month-old so how much worse could it be?)

My first real, kid-less breaks were hard to get used to, but now I cherish them. I need those few days every other week to just decompress and allow "me" to resurface for a few days. I'm tellin' ya, weekends off almost make a divorce worth it 🙂


mssinglemama April 16, 2009 at 12:04 pm

That how I've been feeling this week. Married moms NEVER get a break and they have to deal with husbands all of the time. Suckers! ; )



Antigone April 16, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Mine is just over 3 months old now. The divorce was filed during the second trimester. I can't imagine letting my little guy out of my sight for more than a few hours at this point.


Megan April 16, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Just found your blog… and I love it. I am 28 (never married) single mom of a 5 year old boy! I would love to have another but my problem is I don't have time to deal with all the drama that comes with having a relationship… I self destruct everytime!


Louna April 16, 2009 at 4:37 pm

I, too, would like to hold the children I already have… I, often, stare at their old pics when they were oh, so little! I still cuddle them every day.

But, as far as having another child… i don't see it happening anytime soon!! Which is why we adopted a puppy! ahaa!

I hope you enjoyed your free nights and I can imagine how strange it must be not having "B" at home w/you… It's different!



badmuthablogger April 16, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Wow. Those photos are BEAUTIFUL! What a munchkin! I TOTALLY want another baby, and I'm no spring chicken compared to you, having already hit 40. My bunny is just over a year old, and already I'm yearning for him to be a baby again. They grow up all too fast. It's hard being a single mama an' all, I know, but OMG is it worth every bit of hardship. I want at least one more baby. If I'd started younger I'd be having a whole brood. I was made for making babies. The whole process has been such a powerful, shamanic, transformational journey, that I would go through all of it again and again, because for me this is what life is all about. With or without the man.


Paige Orloff April 16, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Sometimes I wish for another one–but I'm done. I have to find other cuties to satisfy my babylust!


movin down the road April 16, 2009 at 8:45 pm

ooooooooh boy. tomorrow my girls leave to go with their dad on vacation for ten days. The last two vacations they took, I also flew off to see my guy in exotic island places. This time, I am staying home. Alone. Getting ready for him to come home in a month. Getting ready for some art shows coming up. And sleeping and watching movies. Sounds grand but without the little ones jumping around and fighting and hugging me and landing in my bed in the morning, I am not the same.


Brittni April 16, 2009 at 10:14 pm

I have had baby fever for awhile now. I probably know 20 people who are pregnant and I am jealous. I miss holding a baby next to me so much. I miss that smell and that sound and those gassy smiles. I even miss breastfeeding. I can't wait to have another baby…but it's not the right time. But when the time is right, I will be so ready 🙂

You and Benjamin look beautiful together in that picture. So cozy….he may be ready to be a man but he will always be your baby. 🙂


Lara April 16, 2009 at 10:51 pm

Clearly, no one above has a 16 year old daughter! If so, no one would yearn for another to add to the pack. LOL


Nydia April 17, 2009 at 12:24 am

Awww … these are great!

I'm a pretty young, single mother too and my current BF asked me if I would have another one and I took it as an overt sign of hostility! I "want" to maybe have another one but I'm so afraid of getting into the whole "single mom/family court/shit-for-brain's baby daddy" thing again …
So … I wonder about that question a lot …


MommaSunshine April 17, 2009 at 12:35 am

Another one? Not sure. I personally feel "done" in the baby department (most of the time) but I think that if I met the right person, who wanted to have more, then it definitely wouldn't be out of the question for me.

I remember once, years ago, before I had any children, having the feeling that I was going to have 3 kids one day. Of course, with life being what it is, it's entirely possible that the "third" could be a step-kid…. who knows?

At this point I'm interested in seeing what life brings my way…


March Liz April 17, 2009 at 3:03 am

If/when I get married I will definitely have more…it's funny because after I had my daughter I said never ever again will I go through that! Now that she is one year I am missing the little baby cuddles and gurgles and I realize that having a baby is actually worth going through pregnancy and labor for. I think 3 or 4 total will be perfect, who knows! I'm 26 so I have time, and you definitely do too. BTW my mom had me when she was 30 and my youngest brother when she was 43. 🙂


Kristin April 17, 2009 at 7:39 am

I totally want another one. I think about it everyday, and hope I don't get too old, too loveless, too fast. Your son is gorgeous, I cannot wait to meet him.


Katherine SOLOdotMOM April 17, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Over the years since my divorce, I have thought about this question more than once. Different times, dating a guy, usually younger than me, that question would arise, was I willing? Now though, I think with my kids older I have decided probably not. I was willing a few years ago, but now as much as I do miss holding a baby and all the beautiful wonderful things that come with that stage of life, I would have to say…. no. No more for me. But at your age… you need to definitely consider it when that wonderful great guy comes along!


Shannon April 17, 2009 at 11:58 pm

I won't, sadly…I thought I was fine with that. But lately, I miss that little tiny bundle and the dependence. B is 9…and really busy. I miss my baby.


Juggle Jane April 18, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Funny. A friend of mine asked me this question yesterday. I replied honestly – "I don't know". I have NO idea what the future holds for me in that department. But I'm ok with not knowing. I'm content being a "one hit wonder". 🙂

In the meantime, all my friends are starting to have babies, so I get to snuggle and coo and then hand them over when they start crying.


Savored Life April 18, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Look at Benjamin! What a squeeze!!

I have had SERIOUS baby fever lately. Looking through the Munkees' baby albums and then looking at how BIG they are now, dampens mine eyes.

Perhaps it is more of accepting that "that time" in my life has passed. You know, when you're [much] younger and you look forward to getting your license and driving, attending high school, going to college, meeting your future spouse and planning a wedding, having kids, etc? Well, I'm at the etc. part. haha! <sigh>

I reminisce swaddling my bundles of joy in my arms and just gazing and SMELLING them for hours often. I miss that. I have decided that if and when I meet my "life partner in crime", I will be open to another. Children are amazing…UTTERLY amazing!


Samantha May 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Aww… Adorable! I just can't believe how fast they grow!
"Time is not the problem. The availability of good men is…"


AlyssasBig February 4, 2015 at 8:51 am

I can already tell that’s gonna be super helpluf.


Leave a Comment