Smog

I woke up wishing I had stayed behind in my dream. 

There was a fire. 

I saw a staircase.

But the rest of the people were running past it for a second staircase, a more crowded staircase – almost impassable.

I chose the empty staircase.

There was someone else ahead of me. A man. But I couldn’t tell who he was. We made it to the bottom and to the scene of a concert, an impromptu concert for a crowd of about 10 or 12. Afterwards I walked up to the woman with the guitar and said, “Happy travels.” 

She was radiating a feeling as warm as her bright hazelnut skin, something everyone wants. She hugged me and told me, “thank you.” There was something about the way she spoke, the way she smiled. She was completely free.

——

Overdue for some relief, I left Benjamin with my mom last night. 

This morning when I finally crawled out bed, trying to hang on to the memories of that dream, I had no idea where the day would take me.

I thought I may be hanging out with one guy but I got a text from another inviting me to a concert by “that guy from Smog.” 

Are you kidding? 

I’ll be there.

And then I was. 

Standing within a few inches of a small stage against one wall of a record store on campus, I couldn’t help but take in the scenery.

Then he walked by me, brushing my shoulder before sitting down to tune his guitar. 

A few minutes later he started singing

the songs from his new, and I believe, his first solo album.

I started out in search of ordinary things 

How much of a tree bends in the wind

I started telling the story without knowing the end

I used to be darker

Then I got lighter

Then I got dark again

Something too big to be seen was passing over and over me. 

…

I started running when concrete turned to sand

I started running when things didn’t pan out as planned

In case things go poorly and I not return

Remember the good things I done

or done me in.

—–

I have two more nights without Benjamin. I’m trying to remember the last time this happened — and I can’t. In case things go poorly, remember the good things I’ve been. 

This is fun. 

I’m not sure tomorrow can top tonight but I’ll take my chances.

Tagged as: bill callahan, smog