Comments on: Father Figure http://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 17:50:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: The wow factor.http://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8968 The wow factor. Mon, 27 Apr 2009 02:47:41 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8968 [...] about to enter week three of our two nights a week arrangement and with each week my ex is being more responsive, more engaged as a father and even [...] [...] about to enter week three of our two nights a week arrangement and with each week my ex is being more responsive, more engaged as a father and even [...]

]]> By: Missinghttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8650 Missing Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:46:51 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8650 [...] will I do with two nights a [...] [...] will I do with two nights a [...]

]]> By: The Easter Manhttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8601 The Easter Man Sun, 12 Apr 2009 12:20:45 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8601 [...]  decided to let Benjamin’s father keep him for two nights this week. Your advice on that was, as usual, spot on. My favorite tip is to take it week by week, see how it goes and [...] [...]  decided to let Benjamin’s father keep him for two nights this week. Your advice on that was, as usual, spot on. My favorite tip is to take it week by week, see how it goes and [...]

]]> By: marcohttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8586 marco Sun, 12 Apr 2009 02:25:32 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8586 As a single dad, I love spending time with my toddler. We have lots of fun together. Playing & being with him helps me forgot any troubles and enjoy the moment. He's really missing out on some great times. As a single dad, I love spending time with my toddler. We have lots of fun together. Playing & being with him helps me forgot any troubles and enjoy the moment. He's really missing out on some great times.

]]> By: Canadian Bald Guyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8565 Canadian Bald Guy Fri, 10 Apr 2009 23:55:00 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8565 <i>Can men, as fathers, change?</i> <b>100% yes</b>...and I'm living proof. It took me awhile before I truly <i>got it</i>…and I missed out on the first few years of my daughter’s development because I wasn’t the full-time dad that she needed. I was there…but only part-time. That relationship, thankfully, is repaired now that she’s 10 years old...even though she lives a plane-ride away and we only see each other a couple of times a year. We make sure we stay in contact often and do whatever we can to make the most of our time together. I can't imagine how my life would be if I had remained the same naive, selfish, immature guy that I was when she was born. I would have missed out on SOOOO much love from her. And now? Now I have done my best to make sure I never make those mistakes with my 2-year-old son. He’s the world to me and he knows it and he'll always grow up knowing it. <i>Could it just be a lot easier for my ex because Benjamin is a boy now, not a toddler or a baby?</i> I won't lie...this is an extremely valid argument. I feel a million times more comfortable with my son now at 2 1/2 than he was at one or two months old. I don't think that should excuse a man for not being part of a child's life, but I can totally relate to fathers being more distant in the beginning only to come around more as the child gets older because it is, in fact, easier. Can men, as fathers, change?

100% yes…and I'm living proof.

It took me awhile before I truly got it…and I missed out on the first few years of my daughter’s development because I wasn’t the full-time dad that she needed. I was there…but only part-time.

That relationship, thankfully, is repaired now that she’s 10 years old…even though she lives a plane-ride away and we only see each other a couple of times a year. We make sure we stay in contact often and do whatever we can to make the most of our time together. I can't imagine how my life would be if I had remained the same naive, selfish, immature guy that I was when she was born. I would have missed out on SOOOO much love from her.

And now? Now I have done my best to make sure I never make those mistakes with my 2-year-old son. He’s the world to me and he knows it and he'll always grow up knowing it.

Could it just be a lot easier for my ex because Benjamin is a boy now, not a toddler or a baby?

I won't lie…this is an extremely valid argument. I feel a million times more comfortable with my son now at 2 1/2 than he was at one or two months old. I don't think that should excuse a man for not being part of a child's life, but I can totally relate to fathers being more distant in the beginning only to come around more as the child gets older because it is, in fact, easier.

]]> By: Katiehttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8563 Katie Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:47:09 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8563 I think there are times where the past predicts the future. I also think that young boys as they grow yearn for that male father figure. I think that you should really think about this long and hard and then follow your heart knowing what is best for Benjamin. Maybe your ex will or will not step up the plate more given the chance, you can't really change that aspect of it. I think it is great to have a formal custody agreement, just in case. My ex and I don't actually abide by ours. Over time, I have slowly given him more visitation with our son, because ulitmately that is what is best for him. He gets to see mommy and daddy both about an equal amount of time. I miss him like crazy sometimes but he loves his daddy very much. There are times where my ex wants to switch things around and I have put my foot down, but for the most part he tries to be a good dad and he loves our ds and is forming a good family unit for them with his new wife. And I count that as a true blessing in my life. It takes time to get to this point and we still are not what you would call friends, but we are able to communicate about our son more and more. Do what you feel is right and go from there. I think there are times where the past predicts the future. I also think that young boys as they grow yearn for that male father figure. I think that you should really think about this long and hard and then follow your heart knowing what is best for Benjamin. Maybe your ex will or will not step up the plate more given the chance, you can't really change that aspect of it. I think it is great to have a formal custody agreement, just in case. My ex and I don't actually abide by ours. Over time, I have slowly given him more visitation with our son, because ulitmately that is what is best for him. He gets to see mommy and daddy both about an equal amount of time. I miss him like crazy sometimes but he loves his daddy very much. There are times where my ex wants to switch things around and I have put my foot down, but for the most part he tries to be a good dad and he loves our ds and is forming a good family unit for them with his new wife. And I count that as a true blessing in my life. It takes time to get to this point and we still are not what you would call friends, but we are able to communicate about our son more and more. Do what you feel is right and go from there.

]]> By: Katherine SOLOdotMOMhttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8543 Katherine SOLOdotMOM Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:34:16 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8543 I agree with singleworkingmama... take one day at a time. Co-parenting is tough and none of us are perfect at it -no matter how much we try. Letting your Ex evolve into a better father for your son is not a bad thing.... monitoring it and being cautious, however is also not a bad thing. Go with your heart. You always have. Benjamin has his stability in you and your consistency... letting him take a risk with the love from his father... I think is a good thing for him. I mean hopefully he won't move away or become the long-distance dad... but having a few memories created as you figure out if that is going to happen... I think is also a good thing. But again, I don't think I am telling you anything you don't already realize. I agree with singleworkingmama… take one day at a time. Co-parenting is tough and none of us are perfect at it -no matter how much we try. Letting your Ex evolve into a better father for your son is not a bad thing…. monitoring it and being cautious, however is also not a bad thing. Go with your heart. You always have. Benjamin has his stability in you and your consistency… letting him take a risk with the love from his father… I think is a good thing for him. I mean hopefully he won't move away or become the long-distance dad… but having a few memories created as you figure out if that is going to happen… I think is also a good thing. But again, I don't think I am telling you anything you don't already realize.

]]> By: mssinglemamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8523 mssinglemama Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:55:04 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8523 This is true. This is true.

]]> By: PT-LawMomhttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8521 PT-LawMom Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:19:33 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8521 I think it's great that he wants to see his son more. If I were in your shoes, I would go with it and just trust that you can deal with things (his moving/your moving) as they come. You can't manage what has yet to happen. Pain is an inevitable part of life. I think it's great that he wants to see his son more. If I were in your shoes, I would go with it and just trust that you can deal with things (his moving/your moving) as they come. You can't manage what has yet to happen. Pain is an inevitable part of life.

]]> By: thewarriorpoetshttp://mssinglemama.com/2009/04/08/father-figure/#comment-8518 thewarriorpoets Fri, 10 Apr 2009 01:49:13 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=2999#comment-8518 My heart breaks for Benjamin that he is even in this situation. I can't offer any advice other than time with his dad, any time, is valuable (assuming no destructive behavior on dad's part). He may not be perfect, or far from perfect, but that time will be priceless in Benjamin's developement. The only thing I worry about is dad not following through with his commitment, which would lead to major dissapointment for Benjamin. So his little heart may need to be gaurded by you at first until dad can prove himself. My heart breaks for Benjamin that he is even in this situation. I can't offer any advice other than time with his dad, any time, is valuable (assuming no destructive behavior on dad's part).

He may not be perfect, or far from perfect, but that time will be priceless in Benjamin's developement. The only thing I worry about is dad not following through with his commitment, which would lead to major dissapointment for Benjamin. So his little heart may need to be gaurded by you at first until dad can prove himself.

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