Single and Fabulous (?)

by mssinglemama on March 26, 2009

I am single.

And I like to think I am fabulous.

But what if I’m not?


I’m not digging for compliments here. I’m just trying to explore something so bear with me…

My wrinkles are ever so subtly beginning to take over my forehead, my eyebrows are even falling, my gray hair is multiplying at an extraordinary pace, it’s a struggle to stay out later than 11:00 and I am about to turn 30.

And yes, I’m 100% single.

But I feel fabulous.

In fact, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so content and completely happy. I credit a combination of factors:

  • The no man thing. Not having a boyfriend, or even anyone to date, frees up a lot of time and gives me all kinds of fabulous mental space to float around in. Plus I am clearly awful at choosing them. Instead, as of late, I’ve decided to let one choose me. I am throwing in my frequent man shopper card and moving into the slow lane for a while. Done and done.
  • Not smoking. It’s been 37 days, cold turkey. Not smoking, not even cheating, has made me feel like I can conquer anything. And I have this incredible amount of energy. It’s absolutely amazing.
  • Mr. Benjamin. He’s growing by leaps and bounds every day and he’s talking and talking and talking. Suddenly I have a roommate, someone to converse with, someone to play games with and even just hang out with. I’ve never had to potty train a roommate before, but – meh – no one is perfect. By the way, my friend Morgan took THE funniest picture of Lucca (Benjamin’s soul twin) potty training and turned it into a poster. Check it out.
  • A passion for my career. I love what I do. Every day. 100% of the time.

But does that mean I’m fabulous?

Maybe I’m just smoking some kind of single moms are awesome pipe and everyone is really laughing at me. But here’s the deal. You are only fabulous if you think you’re fabulous. Logic wins every time. And beauty comes from within.

But beauty sleep helps a lot too.

Last night I looked in the mirror and saw a tired, very non-fabulous me staring back. The night before I’d had one too many shots of tequila with my single girlfriends and the results were not pretty.

Hangover face is the worst.

Suddenly I had visions of my photo shoot this Friday — did I even tell you I have a photo shoot?.  A local magazine thinks I’m one of the Top 10 Singles in the City and they have to take pictures to prove it.

So back to my photo shoot vision.

It went something like this.

The shoot is in just about 24 hours.

I’m freaking out (slightly) because I don’t know how to stare into a camera and look sexy. My solution, at this point, is to just sit there and pick my nose like Benjamin would.

Now that would be fabulous.

Ms. Single Mama, the three-year-old wanna be.

Sounds about right.


So guess who is about to be married and fabulous???

Mommy Pie!!!!

You are NOT going to believe this but her man proposed to her with a blog post. The single mom bloggers are dropping like flies. Morgan. Now Mommy Pie.

Who’s next?

{ 4 trackbacks }

Single Moms Believe
June 11, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Happily Ever After?
March 29, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Happily Ever After? | My-sonoline
April 14, 2010 at 1:28 am
Happily Ever After? | My-sonoline
April 14, 2010 at 1:28 am

{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

C.J. March 26, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Imagine having hangover face everyday. Yeah. That's my life.


Angel March 26, 2009 at 12:26 pm

You are beautiful and fabulous! I'm right there with you with the wrinkles and gray hair. I love your attitude! I need to work on my inner beauty. Congrats on the honor! No worries, you will look georgeous!


Irishmom March 26, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Yes you are fabulous. Single too, but fabulous. And my feeling is that you won't be single for too long. Just wanted to say that this post inspired me today. I have just come out of a thirteen year marriage, which two years down the line has me realising how unhappy I've been for a long time. Emotionally abused definitely. Now I am learning how to be on my own again and even though it sucks at times, it's also empowering, as you said. I'm learning to take care of myself again (in between taking care of two little ones which takes up most of my time, but you know what I mean). Making choices that are healthy for me. Not trying to make another person happy all the time and waste a lot of good energy in the process. Learning that I am a strong, beautiful woman who has plenty to offer the world. I think it is amazing that you have given up smoking and stuck with it. Keep going – it's got to help you feel better.


Irishmom March 26, 2009 at 12:32 pm

I also love that you love your job. I love writing and wish that I could do it as a job too. It must be awesome doing something that you're passionate about every day. I am about to go back to elementary school teaching (which is one of my old passions) and I hope I can feel as good as you do about my job one day. And your writing is amazing.

I think when you are healing from a long time relationship and there are children involved, it's a whole new world that opens up amidst the pain. I am discovering what you already have and your post today got me excited that I will get there. Single and fabulous? I could get used to that. Thanks Alaina! 🙂


Irishmom March 26, 2009 at 12:33 pm

PS : sorry about breaking up the reply but I am so wordy it won't let me leave it in one! 🙂


ModernSingleMomma March 26, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Even if you picked your nose at the shoot, you would still be H O T.

Very proud of you for representing all the single mamas out there who are about to turn 30 and still feel fabulous. You are right. Fabulous starts with a Feeling.


Melissa March 26, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Ugh, I so need to take a page from your book. It will be a year in April that I left my son's father…I moved in with my Mom, got kicked out, got my own place and a second job-all in a matter of months…

My singledom is hitting the year marker-I have my own place, a new better paying job, and an amazing little boy. What more could a gal ask for, I have had an amazing year?! All the heartbreak and tough times are over, and yeah know what I do not have the energy or time to dedicate to someone else other than my son and my friends…but I think that is the hardest thing for me to swallow-I want a "someone" in my life, I am just not ready for it.

So thank you for your wisdom and insight, I can definitely use it 🙂


Ali March 26, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I can relate to this on so many levels, thank you for having the courage to throw it out there. I feel better than I have in years, am 34, have never been married, and never been more single.

My favorite place is sitting on the couch with my little man on one side, and the dog on the other. My mom jokes that I'm going to have a hard time finding the man of my dreams sitting on my couch…but I too have taken the approach of allowing someone to find me versus the alternative (which for me too, the results have been spotty at best!).

I was talking to one of my new friends the other day and said something along the lines of: "if someone would have told me my son would be nearly 10 years old and I'd still be single, I probably would have jumped off a cliff, but now I couldn't be happier."

It's funny how the brush strokes that are life twist and turn and don't always turn out to be the same masterpiece you envisioned. But that is the beauty of life/art…does any artist know they are creating a masterpiece, or do they just evolve, slowly one deliberate stroke at a time?


misscriss0830 March 26, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Look here ms singlemomma….I think your fabulous:) and you feel fabulous….and Benjamin knows your fabulous so there you have it……you are fabulous! Dont doubt that ever again missy:)


Sheila March 26, 2009 at 3:30 pm

You ARE fabulous! 🙂 Keep working it, lady!


Sheila March 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm

P.s. What an awesome proposal for Mommypie … sniff, sniff … sweet!


wyliekat March 26, 2009 at 4:20 pm

I was unsingled before I made the list – but I gotta think it counts that I am still not parenting my child with her father. No?


mssinglemama March 26, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Oh… that's a tough one. The definition of single mom is up for debate and is usually one I stay way out of.

I like your term “unsingled.” Funny.


Michelle March 26, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I totally understand about your "roommate"
My son is 2.8 and all of a sudden, he's become a little boy who I can talk to and have a blast with! When I get that lonely feeling once in awhile, it goes away much more quickly now. Just like i've said ever since I was pregnant "I'm never alone"


junctionmama March 26, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Congrats on the 37 days smoke free!! That's awesome.

Can't wait to see the pictures from the shoot!


wyliekat March 26, 2009 at 4:31 pm

You stay out of it? I think it would be an interesting point to discuss. I say that knowing that single parents who have not been “unsingled” have a harder go of it than those of us with supportive partners. But some of the realities remain the same, you know?


mssinglemama March 26, 2009 at 4:53 pm

I know married mothers who I consider single moms. But logistically the realities are different. If my car breaks down I'm screwed. If Benjamin is sick I have no one to call to come help. Those are the kinds of things boyfriends and husbands would help with, at least one I would have.

Hope that makes sense.

The reason I try not to go here and open up this debate on my blog is because every reality is different. Things get rough and people get offended when you make blanket statements.

But if I do ever find someone who I marry and who becomes a father figure to Benjamin – even if his biological father – is out of the picture, I would not consider myself a single mom anymore.


LOD March 26, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Keep doing what you do. Keep bringing the fab.


Pisceshanna March 26, 2009 at 6:54 pm

OMG I can't wait to see you in a magazine! I guess I won't be able to unless its online, but oh well, I'm still excited. We single mamas are definitely smokin' our own pipe of fabulousness.


Angel March 26, 2009 at 7:01 pm

I should really spell check….. I meant "gorgeous"


Katherine SoloDOTmom March 26, 2009 at 8:23 pm

Yes, let them find you… and they will find you … fabulous. Thanks for sharing this post… and we hope to see some of the results from that photo shoot!


mssinglemama March 26, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Definitely! I'll take a picture of it and post it up… but only if the picture turns out okay. ; )


notasoccermom March 26, 2009 at 8:58 pm

we are fabulous! single mothers juggle it all and although we have an occasional hangover face, (sometimes just from not sleeping the night before)we press on and have no-one ot complain too, or dump on. We are all fabulous and should be celebrated!
Congrats on the photo shoot- I would be so scared


Gershtown March 26, 2009 at 9:10 pm

I like the "roommate" reference as well. The vocabulary power sure does grow rapidly at that age. Glad to see all the positivity.


Jasperblu March 26, 2009 at 9:20 pm

That is SO awesome about @Mommypie — I'm over the moon for her. Gives me hope too. So yay, let the single mommy bloggers fall! No, we don't *need* a man to be better women or moms, but it sure is nice when you find the RIGHT man to complete the family picture. That's all I'm saying.

Meanwhile, honey you MUST stop w/ the I'm about to turn 30 & I feel "old" crap. I'm 42. You think you feel/look old now? Oh. My. Goodness. Just wait! The booze hangover is 10,000x worse. The wrinkles make you cringe. And the effects of gravity on your breasts? Well, you'll wanna cry. All I can tell you is, take care of your body NOW while you still can and your metabolism will still let you.

Other than your body & skin going to hell in a handbasket, the GOOD news is that you'll love your 40's in terms of how you feel about YOU and your FABULOUS-NESS even more than you do now. Really, if I could have my 40+ year old brain/wisdom, with my 20-something year old body. Look out world!

Beauty & youth really IS wasted on the young.


As for your photo shoot. You'll do great! No matter what.



mssinglemama March 26, 2009 at 10:09 pm

I know. SO cool about @Mommypie, I can't even take it.

It's funny because I always bitch at people when they complain about being old when they're clearly not old. Didn't mean to come off that way. Your description though – scary shit. But I can't wait until 40! Sounds incredible.


Lesli March 26, 2009 at 9:35 pm

I am totally with Jasperblu on this one….you must stop thinking you're "old" at 30!! I'm going to be 40 this year and love it! I have never had better sex in my life, I've finally let my naturally curly hair do its thing (instead of blowing it out, which takes forever), and I actually love the little patch of gray I'm getting along my hairline (I am hoping it'll turn into a streak like Rogue in XMen!) + I still love my breasts, which are not sagging in the slightest. Yeah, some physical things you can't really battle so why try….but being happy and "older" is all about attitude and loving where you're at.

Now go rock the photo shoot!! : )


thewarriorpoets March 26, 2009 at 11:13 pm

You do realize, don't you, that you have cast the spell? Once you declare contentment with your position in life, it's bound to change.

Congratulations on your self-aware fabulous-ness.

And any time now is when the right guy is going to find out about it for himself and bring it all crashing in around you in a whole new sense of fabulous.


Anna March 26, 2009 at 11:42 pm

I just found your blog a couple of days ago and am now a huge fan (I loved your post about living room dates!!). This post speaks to me because I have been feeling extra-fabulous, as well. My divorce was final in November, and I have never been happier. It's so much fun to revel in your own super powers!

Can't wait to see the magazine spread! And congrats on the non-smoking!


Jasperblu March 27, 2009 at 1:15 am

Oh lawdy, the SEX is amazing!! Seriously Leslie is right on the money with that one. 🙂


mssinglemama March 26, 2009 at 6:27 pm

Now you’re rubbing it in. ; )


Sherry in SC March 27, 2009 at 1:54 am

Mssinglemama-I love your blog and read or check it daily during the week. I think you are beautiful and your son is precious. You are doing a great job raising him. I just wanted you to know that the "not smoking thing" well I am right there with you and when you wrote today about it being 37 days and you felt you could do anything…it hit me right where I needed to be hit. It gave me power. I am 50, married and my sons are grown and out on their own. I have never really smoked a lot but smoked each day for years. Never in the house or in the car. Never in public. Just in my back porch or yard or when I was having a bloody mary. Health-wise I needed to do it a long time ago but I have now and it is a daily trek. Thanks for your words and keep it up!


Megan Jeffery March 27, 2009 at 3:26 am

On the definition of single mom, I can understand not wanting to go "there". I was a single mom, and when I met my now husband, his ex-wife used to love to bemoan the fact that she was a single mom, though she had her daughter only rarely, and always with the support, backup and help of the dad. My ex-husband left, like, he was totally gone. I did have my mom to help me, but for the most part, I had to figure out all child care, finances, food, car trouble, etc. on my own. My now husband's ex never had to do any of that – he still did everything to ensure his daughter's safety and well being. So, I would have to say she never had to experience what true single motherhood is about. She chose to leave, and she did so knowing that he would always pick up her slack. So, it was a little infuriating when she would run around town, whining about how hard single motherhood was. She never had to cope with a single thing on her own.
I guess what I am saying is, while she was single, and technically a mother, she was never a single mother. That same time period, I was technically married, and a mother, but alone and had to do everything myself. So who was the single mom?


Megan Jeffery March 27, 2009 at 3:34 am

Oh, and a comment about the old thing, I am 38, and I am telling you now, if you have not started already, WEAR A BRA TO BED! You will be glad you did! I wish I had heard this earlier – so so sad to see what happens to the girls after pregnancy and breastfeeding, esp. if you have not taken care to wear something supportive to bed. Even if it is a comfy sleep bra, wear it!


Lindsay March 27, 2009 at 7:07 am

Girl, you go with the no smoking! I wish I could do it. *tear*


Dawn March 27, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Turning thirty reminds me of when I took a year off to read the bible. I was an ex-smoker then. Let's just say I'm glad to be 45 and closer to reaching my sexual peak.


littlemansmom March 27, 2009 at 7:22 pm

….and you ARE fabulous…and sexy….and so what if you are single…you still ROCK! I started my single mommyhood just before I hit 30….and I've never made a better decision in my life!


Helen March 27, 2009 at 9:17 pm

I agree… you're fabulous! Unlike a lot of women who are in unhappy relationships but terrified of being on their own – you're LIVING. I'm sure a lot of other women here can identify with that dreaded feeling, when you return home each night, that you're going to have to "deal" with a husband or SO you're terribly unhappy with. Much better to be single, happy, peaceful, prosperous, and still get to carry that hope that Mr. Amazing could be right around the corner – instead of feeling like you're stuck with Mr. Better-Than-Nothing.


PT-LawMom March 28, 2009 at 5:44 am

I'll chime in agreeing that you are fabulous. And so am I, damn it. And I also love my job (except this weekend when I have to work on vacation – grr!). But where are all the men, I ask? What's wrong with my Match profile that is driving them all away? Then I remember what my Divorce recovery group therapists taught us. Have a list of what the fabulous single you is looking for. The top 5-10 "Must Haves". If someone doesn't meet those, run. Set your boundaries early and often. It's not a bad thing – it is better for you AND for them! The therapist said, "Do you really need three dates with an alcoholic to realize that they have a problem and that you can't keep dating them because that's on your dealbreaker list?" Hmm, my ex-husband was emotionally abusive. My boyfriend after the divorce had anger issues but I disregarded those. It wasn't until he made me feel unloved that I broke up with him, even though he had been extremely angry towards me, going so far as almost physical abuse. Okay, this went off on a tangent (blame the wine). Point is, you are fabulous, the right man is worth the wait, and you should enjoy yourself!


Jasperblu March 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm

P.S. I meant to say CONGRATS on quitting smoking btw. I quit when I got pregnant w/ Dexy almost 4 years ago, but picked up again here and there after she was born. I can honestly say it's been more than 2 years now since I've smoked even ONE ciggie, and even though I do still miss smoking on occasion (especially if I have a drink, or a hot cup of coffee early in the morning), I'm really glad my daughter will have a mommy who is a NON-smoker. I'm sure Benjamin will be proud to know later that his mommy is a non-smoker too. 😉


M!SS Natalie February 21, 2011 at 10:51 pm

As if I hadn’t already been so grateful to find your blog and at such perfect timing, I find this one!! I too will be 30 this year, and once again, 100% single, and battling the forehead lines (contemplating bangs or botox.) And then with the SATC reference!! LOVE IT!!


SANTANA WALLACE December 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

First I want to say… Early Christmas present for me finding this blog! I love it… and cant wait to fall in love with it! Secondly, You are as FABULOUS as you wanna be and only you determine the ripper scale that you wanna come flying off of! I’m 10 weeks away from becoming a mommy, and I love that you said it feels like you have a little roommate. Reading that line made my whole face light up and my heart fill up. After being single for 2 years, in an off and on sex relationship with my ex of 5 years, that kind of line is what I imagine. I imagine a roommate that I never grow tired of and a LOVE that is unimaginable! I can hardly wait! You seem as FABULOUS AS THEY COME SOUL SISTER… and I cant wait to keep reading and spying in on your life! Good luck at the photo shoot… on the way there grab a new Mac Donalds peppermint coffee and some pink lipgloss and nothing could interfere!


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