Oh snap. This is hard.

by mssinglemama on February 18, 2009

I haven’t had a cigarette in 48 hours.

Feel free to cheer me on. I need it. Because on the inside this is how I feel:

benjamincrazy

Also on my list of shit that’s really messing with me:

  • Benjamin is sick as hell. He’s had a fever for three days. Now I’m feeling sick.
  • I had to work from home today. Huge projects due. I’m frustrated. Wishing I could do it all and knowing I can’t.
  • I just opened iPhoto and realized that I lost over one month of photos including tons of pictures of Benjamin. At least my favorites are on Flickr, but still, this is not cool.

I apologize for my griping.

But I really am completely pre-occupied right now. Can’t lie. If you’re looking for an awesome question to ponder check out my latest post for WeTV on the things I would never do. I’m really curious to hear yours.

I hope smoking is on your list. And I promise to be back at it and in better spirits within the next 48 hours.

Speaking of smoking – what are your vices? We all have them don’t we?

Related posts:

  1. Cigarrettes, men and some major trust issues.
  2. Things I try not to think about: What if’s? and Whys?
  3. Good guys do exist.
  4. “Is your blog your boyfriend?”, etc.
  5. Do day care bugs ever end?

{ 2 trackbacks }

My 5-year smoke-free anniversary « I Used To Have Hair
February 18, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Twitter Tales: 05-14-09 « I Used To Have Hair
May 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

CanadianBaldGuy February 19, 2009 at 12:23 am

I mentioned this on your previous post, but my 5-year anniversary of being smoke-free is coming up on February 23rd.

I think, for me at least, what makes me never want to start-up again is knowing how happy my daughter is knowing that I quit. She knows it's bad for me and can kill me…and she now feels like she'll be able to spend more time with me because I quit.

I think Benjamin would be pretty happy knowing that you didn't smoke, too…knowing that you weren't taking years off of your life.

Of course…the only thing worse than a non-smoker is an EX-smoker. So feel free to ignore me and my anti-smoking rants.

Although…this does inspire me to write about my own experience with quitting. Hmmmm….

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shani February 19, 2009 at 12:39 am

Congrats to you on the48 hrs- and to you Canadian on your anniversary also. I know it cannot be easy, although I have never smoked, I can understand the things that pull us in.
Don't feel in the least guilty about griping- with all you have going on, i think you are entitled a rant. crossing my fingers that you are not getting sick and that Ben gets better quickly (heard of airborne? it works!) sorry to hear about the pictures also.
I cant say that I have vices perse but I do have a bit of ADD and find myself blogging or watching TV or movies way more than I should. And at times that I should be doing other more important things. Tomorrow is another day.

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April February 19, 2009 at 12:53 am

Good job – you can do it, just think about how you won't smell like an ash tray or have nasty breath like those who just finished their 2 cups of morning coffee and don't understand why people don't get near them!

My vice here lately is candy, chewy candy and chocolate. I could live the rest of my life on that alone, and wouldn't mind owning my own candy store. UGH!! Then to only have to work twice as hard in the gym. I wonder if its the same comparison, one reaching for candy as one reaching for a cigarette especially when you've had one of those days and your 2 year old keeps asking you something and you have no clue what he's saying and the idiot in front of you has no clue of where they are going. I think I can relate.

P.S. just think if you'd really want your son to smoke – if he sees you doing it you know he will.
Is that worth quiting? You betcha!

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March Liz February 19, 2009 at 1:21 am

That photo is priceless!! LOL!
My worst vice has to be my internet obsession, for lack of a better term!! I'm not on a huge amount, but if I don't get my fix every day I'm not a happy camper.
Wishing you all the best in your quitting!

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RMM February 19, 2009 at 1:32 am

Congrats on making it to 48 hours. Just keep thinking about your son and the example you want to set for him. There is no greater motivation.

And you are allowed to rant. We all need a good rant every now and then.

As for my vices: romance novels, ice cream, and computer games.

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Janet February 19, 2009 at 1:33 am

Good for you for quitting!! Rant away in the meantime. :)

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ghawk February 19, 2009 at 1:47 am

Coffee… C.O.F.F.E.E… but only in the morning… I usually have 3-6 cups before breakfast… granted 1/3 of it is milk… but still… I don't think I can function without coffee… oh – and I second March Liz on the internet addiction… but then – I prefer to call it life style… or lack of it…

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Rini February 19, 2009 at 2:20 am

Stand STRONG! You can sooo do this.

Some tips from my own quitting experience:

1) Nicorette lozenges. On hand. At all times.
2) Take the $4 you'd spend on a pack and drop it into a big glass vase instead. Watch it add up like magic and imagine what you'll do with it.
3) Always remember that the craving will pass…the craving will pass…the craving will pass. Go on, say it with me. They really do always pass, and you will feel like a hero when you get to the other side.

Good luck. I'll say it again: you can do this.

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kps February 19, 2009 at 2:36 am

You go, you can do it. This is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child.

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Heather February 19, 2009 at 2:47 am

chocolate. hands down.

i quit smoking when i found out i was preggers. it SUCKED. even after the babe was born, i'd still get cravings. i'd go outside with the ex when he'd smoke, and i'd instinctively reach for a cigarette. it wasn't until many months after she was born- well over a year after my last cigarette- that the cravings really subsided. now i can't imagine picking one up- or WHY i would. it's been over three years. (oh, and it REALLY did get SO much easier after the first week w/o them. i wasn't hard-core craving 'em for a year or anything. didn't want to scare you off! good luck! we're rooting for you!)

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amy February 19, 2009 at 2:52 am

Keep at it, I am proud of you!

I have tried countless times to quit in the past 4 years. Hypnotism, the patch, the patch, cold turkey, and the pill (cannot remember the name) that made me so sick the three times I tried to quit with it. Then I did the patch… Saturday I quit again, hopefully for the last time. It is NOT easy but with the right mind set you can do it. Just coming off an awful cold and as you may know takes a smoker twice as long to get over :( Sick of feeling sick.

Check out quitnet.com for thousands of others like us and tons of encouragement. Do it. I will too.

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amy February 19, 2009 at 2:53 am

BTW if you want the remainder of my pill RX email me! I hear it works for MANY, just not me. Expensive suckers, be happy to see someone else benefit from them..

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Penelope February 19, 2009 at 3:01 am

Congrats on your decision to quit! Just remind yourself how satisfying it will be to be a self-righteous ex-smoker someday VERY soon. You can do it!!! :)

Oh – and *my* vices? I have two – coffee and chocolate…can't live without 'em! :)

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Speedgirl February 19, 2009 at 3:12 am

Coca-cola is my vice. I am drinking my 4th of the day right now, at 10:10 p.m. If I could replace the Coke with water, I would be healthy and would probably lose 10 pounds. Dang, I should try that…

Also, I sometimes bake a cake just so that I can eat the leftover frosting :)

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littlemansmom February 19, 2009 at 3:21 am

Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….and imagine, we STILL adore you! LOL….my vice……Peanut Buster Parfait…thank heavens that I have to get off my butt and drive to the Dairy Queen to get them or I'd probably live off of them……thanks heavens I work out!

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Giyen February 19, 2009 at 3:47 am

Oh god. I love smoking soooo much. I don't care what people say about it, I think it's divine.

That said, I don't smoke. I quit ever since they banned smoking in bars (I was a social smoker). And I never smoked at home or around my daughter. I don't crave it, but I miss it.

Le sigh.

PS. I read your blog daily through RSS. Love the redesign. : )

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tina cmarko February 19, 2009 at 3:57 am

sooo glad ur workin on quitting altho i think it must be one of the hardest things to do… I have never been a smoker but, it seems crazy hard addictive!!! ughgh.
vices: working out waaaay to much, checking crackbook to see if anyone is doing anything slightly more interesting than me lol, used to loove green n blacks choclate bars, oooh still love kombucha from whole foods yummy healthy vinegar crazy tasting drink that gives u energy and has probiotics sooo good but, u gotta get used to it!!
thanks for being real and know that I felt the same way today and my girls were not sick, and I didn't have to work, and i don't smoke.. thanks for sharing ur battles!!!

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TsQuest February 19, 2009 at 4:25 am

Hang in there!

My vice?

Sex.

That's not a band thing, is it? ;)

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TsQuest February 19, 2009 at 4:26 am

Heh. My groupie days are coming out. I meant to say, "bad" thing. Not "band" thing.

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won February 19, 2009 at 4:50 am

You go girl!!

After smoking for twenty years, I put them down last summer. I know it sucks. I also know it's doable.

Rooting for you.

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Amira February 19, 2009 at 5:29 am

Yea! A real post! ;) No, really, just want to encourage you and empathize, knowing that we ALL have our gripy, crappy days.

My vice? Hmmm. Not sure other people would consider them vices…think I'll keep them under wraps. However, I did have my year of smoking after I got divorced and was living in a basement of a house while raising a 3-year-old and earning just barely enough to live on. There are WORSE things you could be doing!

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Matt T. February 19, 2009 at 1:08 pm

While I've never smoked, I've known people who have…and who have quit. It's not easy, but it's worth it, MSM. If nothing else, you can always gripe on Twitter and vent there.

Good luck! *HUG*

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Irishmom February 19, 2009 at 1:16 pm

I feel for you – I really do – giving up smoking, having a sick child, being a single mom, working, being sick yourself, it's overwhelming sometimes isn't it? I have been in your shoes many a time and it's great that you can put it out where people understand – that's why I come to your site – you always lift my spirits on one of those days. I've never smoked but chocolate is one of my vices – I made a chocolate birthday cake for my son's birthday on Tuesday – and guess who ate more than my share? hmmm – Hang in there – take it easy and do something just for you today. (What am I crazy – you're a single mom!)> But try. You have alot on your plate right now.
Hugs and encouragement,
Tricia :)

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Lesli February 19, 2009 at 1:30 pm

I've never smoked but my mom has–and strangely, I found myself dating guys in college that smoked, too–even though I hated it! You will be healthier and you will have good skin–that is the biggest thing I notice on women who smoke are the wrinkles created from dragging on a cigarette. I can look at a person's smile and tell you whether or not they smoke. It's a terrible habit so HANG IN THERE!!! You can so do this and Benjamin will love you for it.

My vice(s): wine, sex, cheese–omg! I think I'm French! Tres terrible!! : )

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Angel February 19, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Hey girl! From this single mom to you…….I read your blog, but have only posted a few times. I'm in the same boat. I've been smoking for YEARS (16 years)! Last year I cut down to five per day. This year, I've tried to quit cold turkey, the longest I've gone is 5 days before I break. I bought an electronic cigarette (google it, there are a LOT of choices and they are all expensive as heck), and although it helps, it's not the same. But, I'm determined to quit! Good luck, girl! Keep us updated.
Angel

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lisasyarns February 19, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Dang – I hope you & Benjamin feel better soon. Especially with your big trip to sunny CA fastly approaching!

Good job on going smoke free for 48 hours! I can't imagine how tough that is, but good for you! :)

My vices are buying books & blogging!

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Bear February 19, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Keep it up. Hang in there. You can totally do it.

My mom smoked for years but quit in her 50s. She was diagnosed with lung cancer just two years ago. She had most of a lung removed, and complications from the surgery nearly killed her; we spent all summer in the ICU watching her fight for life. After a year and a half of rehab, she discovered a metastasis. She just finished radiation and chemo and has to wait another month for the results… but once lung cancer goes metastatic, the numbers are Godawful frightening.

She feels fine. She looks good. Under normal circumstances she'd have 10-15 more years at least. But there's a ticking bomb in her chest.

She's my best friend.

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Rebecca February 19, 2009 at 4:17 pm

I always hate getting sick because I feel that exact same way – that it puts me behind and I can't "do it all" – but my favorite saying is, "it will get done, it always does."

And my vice is food – but I'm so cranky when I don't eat enough! :)

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Katherine SOLOdotMOM February 19, 2009 at 4:45 pm

Good for you on quitting! I am still trying to get my sisnlaw to quit… but that is a whole other story for a whole other day. Hang in there.

My son finally went back to school today from an respiratory infection, now that he is on antibiotic we are winning against this crud. Hope Benjamin is better soon.

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taylor February 19, 2009 at 6:11 pm

I am a single mom as well and smoking when I was away from my son was the only way I think I got by in the beginning. I am going on 2 weeks of not smoking and my vice is candy. I eat red hots (cinnamon works the best), nerds, chewing gum, and eat mints and that has worked so far. Good luck and I hope you feel better!

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:51 pm

I need some of those red hots. Or something… still smoke free. How about you??

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taylor February 23, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Yes, redhots work like a charm! I did cave this weekend but because it has been so long, the cigarette tasted like crap. I took 3 drags, threw the pack away and im definitely done. good luck!!

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mssinglemama February 23, 2009 at 4:08 pm

I bought Lemon Heads and Red Hots this weekend just because you told me too… and yes, they're working like a charm. Yeah… I'm not even tempted to taste one again. They are so nasty. I just want this yucky head ache to go away. It's been six days now and I still feel like hell.

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taylor February 23, 2009 at 7:34 pm

I am so glad they worked! You are doing great…keep it up!! The headaches will pass soon.

jtmaag February 19, 2009 at 7:15 pm

You should definitely keep up with the non-smoking. I am currently watching my 69 year old father die of lung cancer, emphysema and COPD from smoking for 45 years. I am pregnant with my second child and know that my Dad won't see this child be born. It sucks. I used to smoke as well and will never even consider it after seeing my Dad gasp for breath.

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:51 pm

Thanks for this… so much. And I'm so sorry. I lost my father to cancer as well.

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Nina February 19, 2009 at 7:41 pm

congrats. that is great. I've never smoked, well I did when I was like 13 and my sisters were all "you don't even inhale" and i was like "well it makes me spit, its disgusting" and so I stopped.

things I will never do:
1. smoke
2. do illegal drugs
3. abuse my child
4. be in an abusive relationship
5. make money important than relationships
6. forget there is at least three realities to every situation – mine, yours and what really happened
7. give up hope
8.give up dreaming
9. give up planning for an even better future
10. fail to know anything is possible and I deserve all the good in life

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:52 pm

I love #6…. so true.

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mssinglemama February 19, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Heading toward the 72 hour mark. Thank you all SO much. The public "pressure" is definitely helping. I am going to do this… and have wanted to for a long, long time. I've read every one of your comments and each one has helped. Especially Bear's.

Thanks again.

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amy February 25, 2009 at 5:14 am

You are SO doing this!! Congrats on your beautiful quit.. the worst is behind you. Just remember NOPE (Not One Puff Ever!) or NAO (Not and Option!) You rock :)

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Mama Dharma February 19, 2009 at 9:10 pm

Blog redesign rocks.
I am a struggling non-smoker. Go on again off again. Never around my kid – my time is after he goes to bed, out on the porch. It's a love hate relationship. I feel much better without em, but keep going back. Oh yeah, that's addiction! Now I just listen to the cravings as they come up and do my best not to give in, chewing lots of gum.

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:53 pm

That's where I was for a while – on and off again. The guilt sucks and having to go with them, then without them. It was driving me bonkers. So, now I'm guilt free – still bonkers until this withdrawal wears off… but it will be worth it. I hope you can quit too! And we'll see how I do… the verdict is still out (technically) but I don't want to go through this hell again. I think this is it.

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nikki February 20, 2009 at 12:18 am

i was a heavy smoker at 19, smoking a pack of full-flavors or cloves per day. then i started taking wellbutrin for ADD/depression and it made me quit as a "side effect." over a decade ago the FDA approved anti-depressants, especially wellbutrin, to help quit smoking. while i was taking wellbutrin, if i had a cigarette i'd get awful headaches, dizzy spells, nausea and hives. as soon as i quit smoking, it all went away.
i do not, however, recommend this unless it's your last hope to quit. i have negative opinions towards these kinds of drugs (had taken them from 15-22ish–now im 23 and completely off them though).
one of the things that really makes me think twice about smoking is the smell. i used to be immune but now i can't stand the smell of smoke or knowing that's how i smell–i think it's ridiculously un-sexy if anyone smells like smoke. another is how bad it is for your teeth, not to even mention how bad it is for, oh, everything else in your body…
keep it up though. stop associating smoking with certain things (driving, after a meal, after work, etc.) and what also helped me was tea. every time i wanted a cigarette i would have a cup of tea instead. and of course, chocolate always helps everything.

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:54 pm

I know… the smell is horrible. One of the things I've been doing is using super yummy shampoo, using lots of lotion, painting my nails… just paying attention to pampering my new smoke-free body. It's been nice.

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newsinglwmama February 20, 2009 at 2:06 am

does needing a man count as a vice?

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mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:54 pm

HILARIOUS! No. Not at all… at least I don't think so… depends on how you act upon that need.

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