February 14th.

by mssinglemama on February 13, 2009

Mia just got back from a weekend trip with her friends to New Mexico.

She booked the tickets on a whim just weeks after finding out her boyfriend of six years and the father of her daughter would be leaving them for another woman.

“I just bought the tickets, just because… I have no idea why. I just have to get out of here, dating and life – so it’s expected that I write something about this Saturday.

Unfortunately I’m not a big Valentine’s Day fan. Not because it’s a Hallmark holiday and not because I am forced to stare at ugly decorations in the grocery store or hear about who is dating who or taking who out to dinner. I guess I just don’t get it.

I’m in this camp: if you’re in love every day should feel like Valentine’s Day.

I told this to my single friend the other day after she confessed that Valentine’s Day would be tough – her first one being single in years after a bad break up last year.

“Why?” I asked like some kind of alien, “What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?”

“Oh, wow,” she took a deep breath and sighed, “It means a lot of things. Like massages, hot baths, long dinners, candles,” the soft gaze in her eyes looked familiar, I remember feeling that way (maybe) but still I just couldn’t relate nor conjur up a single romantic Valentine’s Day memory of my own, except for one…

Benjamin and I were alone on his first February 14th, 2007. What do you give a 11-month-old for Valentine’s Day when you have no extra money – not a dime? I used scrap icing in my Mom’s kitchen to make a heart cake.


I felt like the proudest happiest mama bear on Earth when he gobbled it up.


Aside from my marriage, and a few other flukes, I have always been single on Valentine’s Day. It’s like some kind of curse.

Fortunately it’s just another day for me. What about you? Are you totally bummed out? What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?

Tell me some mushy Valentine’s stories if you want to make me believe. Or not. On second thought, I’d rather you tell me what you’ll be doing for yourselves this Saturday. I’m considering throwing a last minute singles party for all of my single friends… or just kicking back and watching a movie. Can’t decide (as usual).

And what are you doing for the little ones? Clue me in on some fun toddler Valentine’s treats or games.

In the meantime…

Watch this video.

Why? Because it’s absolutely hysterical and – if you’re like me – and it’s been ages since you’ve actually fallen in love this is a nice reminder of what it feels like.

And Happy Valentine’s Day. Just please, whatever you do, don’t spend it pining over a lost ex-man. Being single is not that bad.

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

debra February 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I really see Valentine's Day as a reason for a little celebration or party for children. I remember so many years of stressing out because I either was in a relationship, but not at the romantic Valentine's Day part, or not in a relationship, or whatever. Now, it just seems silly. However….I probably had my best Valentine's gift EVER last night. My son and I were getting dinner at the grocery store. I ran into the ladies room, and came out to find my cart had a heart box of chocolates, a purple hycinth and a card which my son had picked out and 'snuck' into the cart! When Benjamin pulls this manuever on you….Valentine's Day will put a smile on your face!


Ms. Single Mama February 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Oh my gosh. WOW!!!! Now that is my dream Valentine's present – for sure. Thanks for sharing.


phenomenalmama February 13, 2009 at 2:24 pm

I was never a fan of Valentine's Day, really. I think we should use every day to let the one we love know how special they are….

This year, I'll be celebrating Valentine's Day with my new (long-distance) man via webcam. We're going to "curl up together" and watch some t.v. Money is tight for both of us, and so he gave me a "week-long valentine's celebration" – I got a Valentine's E-card every day for the last week. The only thing better than that would be if he shows up on my doorstep tomorrow morning.

But it's all good – we're on the countdown to our next visit – only 7 more sleeps to go! 🙂


SingleParentDad February 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm

I'm not a fan, and would list as being able to ignore it in the positive column for being single.

When I was married it really used to irritate me. I am quite romantic, and not afraid of getting all lovey-dovey, but I dislike being told when I should be in this mode. Not to mention the price of everything goes up.

And I always thought Valentines should only be for declaring secret love, not for those already in relationships, or have I missed something completely?

Plus, my postman will be knackered tomorrow, I have a slope up my drive, and with a sack full of cards and presents it can be quite a challenge.


LucasGo February 13, 2009 at 2:34 pm

I pretty much have the same curse – I don't really really mind it though and even though I realize how commercial it is, I always make an effort on the day with something personal if I happen to not be single at the time.

My daughter is obsessed with making things, and she always makes me a card!

This year I'll be going over to some friends for an early dinner with my kids. I don't think any of us realized it was Valentine's Day when we made the plans though!


LucasGo February 13, 2009 at 2:53 pm

PS – Cool cake! And just watched the video ^_^


DesperatelySeekingMe February 13, 2009 at 3:51 pm

As long as I have been married and had children, this has been a family holiday for us. We spend the week writing down things we love about each other and putting them in a box, and then reading them at a family dinner on VDay. It's a neat tradition that my kids love. This year though, being my first single VDay since I was a teenager, my kids will be with their Dad out of town and I was looking at spending VDay home alone. Decided that I would make this the dream Valentine's day that I have always wanted. So two girlfriends and I are going out on the town, getting massages, seeing movies, eating lots of chocolate, drinking champagne, etc. I'm the most excited I have EVER been about Valentine's Day!!!


Lesli February 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

I want to come with you guys!!! How fun and what a special treat! Wonderful. : )


bad mummy February 13, 2009 at 3:55 pm

I've never been a fan of the holiday – so very tacky. The Mook is giving out Kung Fu Panda valentines @ skool today because I liked their messages (Be Victorious, Valentine!").

Tomorrow I'll give The Mook a card and chocolate treat and help her make a card for her dad. In the evening, I'm heading to the Erotic Arts & Crafts Fair, then to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with a single mama friend. We may sneak booze into the theatre…


littlemansmom February 13, 2009 at 4:14 pm

You know….this is the first Valentines Day that I can remember when I actually 'FELT' romatically involved. I'm kinda looking forward to it. We're not doing anything phenominal ( I think) …just a nice dinner and a movie…littleman is sleeping over at a friends (much to his delight). I know I'm soundling a little mushy…but it's a first for me…


jenn February 13, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to me. I honestly can't remember if it used to be. I can halfway remember a new dress, new jewelry, and an expensive dinner with my now ex-husband, but it feels like it was in another life.

I haven't felt sad or lonely with Valentine's Day coming up. My only plan is to make cookies with my daughter so she can decorate them. She's been asking to decorate cookies again since Christmas, so I thought this would be fun. I'll let her take them to church Sunday to share with the kids in the nursery.


Shani February 13, 2009 at 4:55 pm

I was dumped by a man I had been dating for a few months on Valentines DAy last year, and it didnt really matter to me what day it was- other than how silly I felt that I was in a different frame of mind as he was and had purchased some sweet things keeping him in mind. But I think that any day of the year is a good day to tell everyone you love that you love them. Even yourself. The longer I am single the more I know I love myself.
Also I tend to get valentines for my kids really mushy stuff and a personalized gift. It isnt the dinner, it isnt the present, it is important to let the people you love, know it and if some people need a date on the calendar to be reminded to say it, then it doesnt hurt.
Isnt it ironic that it falls on the day after friday the 13th this year? The year I have been battling, fits right with that irony.


TsQuest February 13, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Valentine's day makes me miss my dad. He always gave my sister and I valentine hearts full of candy and continued to send cards even after we moved away from home. I try to get the ex to do these things for our daughters but he's just not like my dad that way… eh, ya can't force things.

Its just weird not seeing a card from my dad. Even a year and a half after he's gone.

Anyway, I'm taking the girls to have their favorite donuts tomorrow morning and then mom's coming out to join us for lunch and a movie. I'll probably make a romantic candlelit dinner for the three of us tomorrow night and give them their Valentine's. We'll also make their favorite chocolate dipped strawberries for dessert! Yum! They like that stuff and its fun to see them feel all special-like, ya know?

Enjoy your Saturday, Alaina. Give some lovin to that sweet boy!


TsQuest February 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Oh and I'm in complete agreement with you when you said "When you're in love, every day should feel like Valentine's Day". Amen to that!


Cheryl February 13, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Not a fan of VDay… like you, I've always managed to be single, or traveling, or having troubles w/ the "Love du jour" at that exact moment. Even suckier is that my birthday is 2 weeks after Feb 14, so it's like 3 weeks of unmet expectations (yeah, I hate my birthday too)… but my fondest memories of Valentine's Day were w/ my dad. There was a brief period of time, from when I was about 17 until I was about 20 that Valentine's Day was OUR date day. We'd go out to dinner, or a movie, and it was just the two of us. Given how contentious my relationship was w/ my dad over the years (he was an alcoholic), this was very special to me. And I looked forward to those dates very much.


wyliekat February 13, 2009 at 6:49 pm

I believe that, by and large, Valentine's Day is for people newly in love. Not married people, not people in long term relationships, and certainly not single people. Just the new folks.

I'm happy not to celebrate it. Buddy and I did last year (of course, our first) – I baked him cookies, he drew a picture for me and framed it. Exactly right, at the time.

This year? I poked my head around a corner and said "we're not doing anything, right?"

His response? "Hell no."

Exactly right. ;-}


Sheila February 13, 2009 at 7:53 pm

I've never had a Valentine except for when I was married, either … just blogged about that yesterday. However, I've been informed that a certain 17-month old boy who I'm just crazy about is buying me dinner tomorrow. 🙂 I can't wait. My only other plans are to watch 30 Rock episodes on netflix and laugh my heinie off.


*C* February 13, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Honestly, I quit like it. When I'm single, I don't worry much about it, but when I'm in a relationship, it's a nice excuse to do something special. When a boyfriend does something to celebrate V Day I feel special and it makes me happy. Pretty simle. And I love making/giving gifts, so it's a good time to do that.
I guess the only downside is when you are with someone and they don't do anything. That disappoints me. My ex hated VDay and always made a point about not doing anything… I should have taken the hint!


phenomenalmama February 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm

I think that the most important thing is that both partners are on the same page about what they want to do to "celebrate". If they both love it, great. If they both hate it, great. If one loves it and one hates it, then there should be some kind of "middle ground". The V-day lover can lower their expectations, and the V-day hater can suck it up and make an effort for the one they love.

After all, relationships are all about compromise, aren't they?


phenomenalmama February 13, 2009 at 9:20 pm

I think the most important thing is being on the same page with the person that you're with. 🙂


jen February 13, 2009 at 10:30 pm

I'm with you in the every day should feel like Valentine's Day. Having all these expectations about love on the same day as everyone else is not how I feel a relationship should work.

Today 4 of my girlfriends from work are coming around and I'm sure we'll have a great time.

Now, to go and give my son a big smooch for Valentine's Day (and of course I smooch him all the time)


J-Fo February 13, 2009 at 11:56 pm

I love your thought that, if you're in love, every day should be like Valentine's Day. I actually have never really liked Valentine's Day. Not because I've been single through all of them, but I just don't like this notion that guys just "shape up" and act romantic or loving on this one particular day, and only because they're being prompted or pressured by the mainstream society. I was in Trader Joe's tonight, and the number of dudes with flowers in their carts and baskets was nearly comical. Why? Because do you EVER see dudes with flowers in their carts and baskets at Trader Joe's on other days? Maybe occasionally, sure, but not every other guy in the store.

l'd rather my man be thoughtful and loving on the regular days, not because he feels some kind of societal pressure to perform. I'm a believer in true love. Flowers and candy are easy. True love is all the in-the-trenches, every day stuff. Help me when I'm sick. Encourage me when I'm down. Listen to me. Tell me I'm beautiful when I'm in my sweats and a t-shirt. Be thoughtful to my daughter. THAT, to me, goes much, much farther. My two cents…


Canadian Bald Guy February 14, 2009 at 1:21 am

I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, to be honest. Probably it was because most of my life has seen me single on the day. But even when I was married, I didn't really care too much for it. I'd buy some roses or something just to make her happy and know that I cared, but then I felt exactly like the quote that's been provided already:

"When you're in love, every day should feel like Valentine's Day"

And it's 100% true.

This year I sent my long-distance girlfriend a Valentine's e-Card every single day. We're not going to be seeing each other in person until next Friday, so I thought it was a cute way to show her that I was thinking about her every day.

As for Valentine's Day itself? This year I've got my son. We're going to my parents' house tomorrow and then I'll be having an "online date" tomorrow night…watching a TV program at the same time via webcam.

Is it a big deal? Nah. You shouldn't have to spend a ton of money and shower someone with affection one day out of the year. Tomorrow is all about business, not love. If anything, somebody in a relationship should stress that point tomorrow to their loved one and let them know that they're loved all year round…not just "more" on this one day with flowers or chocolates or a trip or jewelery or whatever the case may be.

Valentine's is absolutely what you make of it.


Heather February 14, 2009 at 1:55 am

I've never really celebrated VDay. I think I went all out with my boyfriend freshman year of high school, but nothing much since then. I was shocked when the new man in my life brought up Valentine plans this year. Eek. (I told him that I'm not all that into it, and he seemed relieved.)

I like any excuse for a celebration, though, and I've really enjoyed crafting valentines and baking with the little one. I got something small for the new guy and his daughter, and we'll be giving them one of our cookie cakes. Nothing too serious, thank goodness!


mssinglemama February 14, 2009 at 2:21 am

Did anyone like the video? I loved that damn video.

Glad to hear all of your v-day stories and glad I'm not the only one who has been alone for most of them.

And like J-Fo said:

"Valentine's is absolutely what you make of it."


Amber February 14, 2009 at 2:56 am

Valentines Day is ok. Just an extra special day to show the ones you care out about some love. I will be spending Vday with my 2 year old daughter baking cupcakes. Then after shes in bed I will be going out with my single lady friends. The holiday to me is about love. Doesnt matter who you love, just show them that you do.
This is the first Valentine's day Ive been without a man in 7 years. Yikes.


Tricia February 14, 2009 at 3:36 am

Oh boy, did I relate to this post or what? I loved that you say that romance is not about a day or a holiday. You're right. People in love with each other are romantic regularly, because it's healthy and normal to do things when you care about someone deeply. I was born in Ireland and grew up in South Africa and Valentine's Day was not that big of a deal then and was only for grown-ups. No-one but couples really celebrated it. So, it was never a big deal to me and certainly not during almost fourteen years of marriage, because I never really expected it to be and because my husband (um almost ex husband) was just never really romantic about things. That said, I am truely a romantic at heart – I love notes, flowers, surprises, dinners, getaways, but not particularly on Valentine's Day – any day is nice to have someone show their love.


Tricia February 14, 2009 at 3:37 am

This year Valentine's is all about my children – they love to swap cards with their buddies at school and they both had little parties today. They love to make cards with hearts for me and declare their love with squiggly drawings. I LOVE that so much. They will be with their Dad tomorrow, so I have planned a girls night in with all my great girlfriends that are either single or whose husbands, boyfriends are away or otherwise not romantically inclined. We are going to get some wine, chocolate and some girly movies and sit and talk about our romantic dreams (or lack of them – hah!) while we have some good old girl bonding. I am very happy about that.

Have a good day wherever you are and remember your little sweetie is the one who holds your heart forever and always. 🙂


Tricia February 14, 2009 at 3:37 am

sorry, I keep going over the limit – I need to learn to edit! 🙂


Anna February 14, 2009 at 4:20 am

I will be spending Valentine's Day rocking out in Conncecticut at a Kid Rock concert…followed by a little time in the casino…super romantic, no? 😉


Megan J February 14, 2009 at 4:47 am

Hello! Been reading for a while, 1st time commenter. (Followed you here from Matt Logelin's blog). Anyway, to me, Valentine's Day is more about the saint, and the celebration of love in general. It's a fun day to make a fuss over the kids, a good excuse to write them a mushy card that they pretend to hate, (but I find them tucked into drawers in their rooms), and a small gift of some fun item. This year is just some candies and stickers, but they will have fun with the stickers all day!
We spent a whole afternoon making out valentines for all the cousins, grandparents, etc. and the kids are excited to get to pass them out.
I used to be a single mom, (now married) and I had a best friend who always made sure I got flowers or a card or something on Valentine's day, just because he knew I loved the day so much. What a great thing to do for a single mom, whose child was too small to even make a card.
It's just a wonderful day to think of the people you love in your life. Not necessarily a romantic day!


Amira February 14, 2009 at 5:17 am

I had to make plans so that I would not be depressed, to be honest. I like Valentine's Day, but only when I have someone special to share it with. So, I am making dinner for a friend of mine who is like my big brother. And then on Sunday, when My Girl and I have Mommy-Daughter time, I will do something special for her. I took both of my kids out for a cheap dinner the other night and told them that THEY are my Valentines. 😉 Cheesy, but true!


Erin February 13, 2009 at 11:17 pm

I just wrote a post about my thoughts on Valentines Day and love in general. Love is beautiful in all its forms and should be celebrated everyday. I will be alone once again for this one but I am not upset by it at all!


spatulahandle February 14, 2009 at 6:59 am

we celebrate Valentine's Day with family and friends, my church's youth group has a valentine's dinner fundraiser every year and my family, my mom, my aunt, my brother and his family all go and have dinner together. they serve lasagna, salad, bread sticks and cheesecake. it is fun, we will be doing that tomorrow night…and that's about it. Not to enthused by Valentine's Day this year…but definitely enjoy the family time.


mrs boo radley February 14, 2009 at 7:04 am

Work. Hot yoga. Home to husband. Devour avocado chocolate mousse pie. No frills, no flowers…just mousse pie! Every day is a celebration, really.


Lesli February 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

I'm intrigued by avocado chocolate mousse pie…..what is this????


mrs boo radley February 14, 2009 at 4:32 pm

I just posted the recipe last night…come see come see–it's so yummy. http://thaitrait.blogspot.com/2009/02/avocados-ar


Lesli February 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

You have said exactly what I did yesterday in my blog….I think love should be expressed throughout the life of a relationship–and there should be special surprises along the way, too–not just on Valentine's Day!! But speaking of TJ's….they do have great prices on flowers, LOL! I usually buy fresh flowers there every other week or so–tulips. : )


Dawn February 15, 2009 at 1:58 am

You know..I am not bummed about Valentine's day. I never have been when I have been alone. I guess it is because of my opinion of what Valentine's day is. To me it is a celebration of love you have with someone, and extra special celebration. It also isnt about the cards, candy, flowers or other gifts..it is about celebrating. The romance. Plus as couples go through day to day life, things start to get a little stagnant, and Vday just kinda reminds you to remember the love.

Sortof like, if you are a Christian…Christmas should be every day of the year, because you are celebrating Jesus's birth…you should celebrate it every day of the year, but Christmas is an extra special celebration. (that is from when I was a religous person of course).

Just my opinion, but I certainly can understand where you and everyone else comes from.


sheng February 15, 2009 at 2:41 am

Alot of people were askin' me this week: Whose your D-A-T-E? ouch!
It's been how many years that i haven't celebrated the day of hearts. Believe me- i do always end up heartbroken every valentines day 🙁

When i went home i saw an LBC truck outside our gate. A man was holding a bunch of roses; i was shocked! But then i found out it's not for ME ! It's for my neighbor whose not around yet so they'd ask a favor for me to give it to her instead. The roses were sent from her husband abroad. Oh how I envy the …

(just follow this link since my comment would be too long: hahaha)


Well after all it's still the day of hearts… Happy Valentines day to all.


mama_crazy February 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm

I'm with you on this stupid holiday. As far as I'm concerned it's just a Hallmark Holiday. Monkey and I spent the afternoon at the mall, buying stuff.


30something mama February 16, 2009 at 4:23 pm

I've written about it in my blog! 14t h isn't all that great and right couples shouldn't make all THAT fuss. Unless they're proving something to themselves, still.
Everyday should be full of loving and caring, so I'm with you on that too. Read my blog and see what my daughter gave me …

Hope you and benjamin had a grand day anyways 🙂


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