Comments on: Mia’s Story Part III

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:13:51 +0000

It helps to know that we can all get through this by giving each other support and remembering that even with one strong parent–who gives love unconditionally and actually makes time for parenting–our children can grow up to be lovely, happy, strong, responsible human beings. Because, in the end, that's all any (normal) parent wants for his / her child.

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:13:22 +0000

So, the real dilemma now is (as you obviously know well)–how do I parent a child with this person who makes me ill, who I found out is a piece of shit as a human being? How do I protect her from that without denying her the opportunity to have a relationship with him, and hopefully a good one? How do I reconcile all this and move on–and hopefully find for myself someone who DOES understand what family means and wants to share in that? How do I cope, and stay strong for her, so that she knows it's NEVER ok to accept someone treating you like that. It's not what anyone should accept for herself / himself. But, he's her father, and she needs to know him. Also, how do I accept the fact that her idiot father is going to have his idiot whore of a girlfriend around my child? (I found a card from his girlfriend when my daughter was just a few weeks old–he was still staying here then–congratulating him on becoming a dad, and saying "I can't wait to meet her!" How TOTALLY DISGUSTING is that?) So, how to make this all work?

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:12:30 +0000

Anyhoo, flash forward– he is with his new girlfriend, living in his expensive condo, and I'm still at the house we bought together, with our daughter. He is actively having a relationship with the other woman–going out, having a good time on weekends with OUR old friends–while I am at home, alone, with an infant. Words cannot describe the crushing lonliness, anger, and rage that I have felt. I waited for so many years to start a family, I thought he was the love of my life, and apparently our 8 year relationship meant so little to him, and our daughter meant so little to him, that he was capable of this. He is involved with her now, but not to the degree he wants everyone to think he is. Seeing your daughter 8 hours a week or so, always at times that are convenient for you (i.e., no weekend evenings, only at times where there's nothing else going on) is NOT what parenthood is about, as we all know.

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:11:08 +0000

AT that point, after discovering more incriminating messages and realizing that it was never going to end, I told him to leave. Within a couple of weeks, he was back, but we were not together–just because he didn't have anywhere else to go and had to have surgery from a softball injury. So, I (like a COMPLETE fool) let him stay at the house. Big surprise, he totally disrespected me–spent nights out with his girlfriend, actively seen in public with her, etc. Still, imagine being 8+ months pregnant, living with your husband who also wanted this baby, enough to go through IVF a few months earlier, and by then, he's sleeping on the couch (when he's home) and actively having a sexual / romantic relationship with someone else. Worse yet, he's flouting it all over town.

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:10:05 +0000

Enter text right here!ANYWAY, I found out about it in may, when i was 3 mos. pregnant; he promised to end it, i foolishly believed him. a month later, found out it was still going on–told him to leave, and he promised to end it again so, i gave him another chance–it still didnt end, his work found out, he got into minor trouble there. But, because he's a "good earner" and the economy's bad, they did nothing to him discipline-wise in the long run, even though his extracurricular relationship was TOTALLY against his firm's policy.

By: Nan C

Nan C — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:09:11 +0000

WOW, so good to read that I am not alone, although I am obviously very sorry for your situation and sad that you have to go through this. I have a 4 month old. I found out I was pregnant about a year ago, with my husband's child. WE had been together for 7+ years at the time, but only married for a little over one. We had been trying to get pregnant–I had a miscarriage in fall 2007, and then we did IVF. So, pregnamcy was not a surprise! long story short, he started cheating on me 3 weeks or so after we found out about pregnancy, with a younger woman in his office. (by the way, I worked in same office for 7 years; left a couple of years ago.)

By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:15:57 +0000

This time in your life is like labor…your labor of life.
You are in it girl, it is hard and painful and as much as you want it to stop and say “never mind, I have changed my mind, this is too hard I don’t want to do this”; you are doing it, one moment at a time. Your body, your friends, your child are along with you supporting you however you alone will have to do the work. Own this pain, learn from it, grow from it, thrive from it…on the other side of this labor you will be reborn and that is a beautiful thing…it takes time, all labor’s do but Mia it is so worth it! You are worth it!

By: Ali

Ali — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:09:51 +0000

Awesome. I found myself thinking about you during my run last night. Tomorrow is Friday, I wonder how Mia did this week. Of course, you're amazing, full of grace and stronger than ever. Go, go, go!

By: April

April — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 11:37:01 +0000

You have to take that strength and ride with it. You'll still stop and question everything, get furious and have all these mixed emotions but each time you get down it'll be for shorter amounts of time. You'll get that burst of strength again and go even further. You'll settle into your own routine without him and enjoy the wonderful person you've turn into. You don't need him to make him who you are!! Keep your spirits high!!

By: mama_crazy

mama_crazy — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:50:06 +0000

Awesome that Mia has you, and other friends she can lean on….. I hope that she'll continue to write!