Oh boy.

by mssinglemama on February 11, 2009

He’s a boy. Only 25. 

We were talking stranger talk and I was fumbling through the menu, trying to get my nerves under control (and my stomach) when I asked him his age. The sparkle in his eyes, the blissfully ignorant naivity of youth had given him away on the car ride over. 

“That’s why you’re still single, ” I said, “You’ll definitely be snatched up soon enough.”

I hoped this would distract him from my reaction. I was  laughing at myself for not asking him his age on the plane and then smiling broadly at the memories of another young boy who stole my heart once. For a moment I wished I was looking at Kris across the table. 

Then my date grabbed my attention again, “that’s funny you say that I’ll be taken because – well… I’ll save it until we’ve had a few more glasses of wine.”

“It’s okay, I have a few stories too.” 

“Yeah,” he said, “You have a son. So what’s the story with his father?” 

After some debate we agreed to swap ex stories. A huge first date “no, no” but I didn’t care. At this point it was fairly obvious that the odds of a match were slim. 

I spilled the beans about Benjamin’s father, my shot gun marriage for a green card, my impulsive past and the sweet little boy that I now can’t live without. He was actually really cool about the entire story and listened intently. 

“Okay, now your turn,” I said.

“Well, I just broke up with my girlfriend of six months in mid-January. And it’s funny you say I might be snatched up because this keeps happening to me, I just keep breaking their hearts.”

It was as if I could see his future in a crystal ball, and it looked a lot like mine. Suddenly, age differences aside, we were on the same page. Two single souls. 

After dinner we went to a nearby bar for a pool game. 

“Your mind is going a million miles an hour,” he said, “I can see it in your face.” 

It’s an observation many men have made before. But unlike the others he didn’t ask what I was thinking about. If he had I’m not sure I would have had an answer. 

When he dropped me off I suggested we try to meet up sometime for a live show at a bar near my apartment. I also told him he was a sweet heart, a gentlemen and a delightful date. And he was all of the above, really – a catch for someone – if he’ll ever be willing.

Then I practically jumped into the house to talk with my life saver baby sitter. 

“How was Benjamin?” I pressed. “Did he go to sleep okay?” 

“Yeah, he was so happy the entire time but right before bed he asked for you like five times.” 

“Five times. Really?” Then I felt them.

Butterflies. A lot of butterflies. A completely different kind of butterflies…

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Laura February 11, 2009 at 3:20 pm

So happy for you that it went well…who cares about the dating rules and no no's just go with the flow…he asked then spill it 🙂


Kati February 11, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Butterflies are exciting!


Penelope February 11, 2009 at 3:27 pm

To hell with age and dating "rules". If he's fun and you enjoy his company, then does the rest matter?


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:50 am

I guess I've been there and done that. And young guys are SO much fun but I guess you just have to be in the mood for it. Right now I'm just so busy with life, work and Benjamin that having fun with a boy isn't on the agenda. You know ?


SingleParentDad February 11, 2009 at 3:55 pm

A boy waiting to be made a man, Christ, that feels like an eternity ago.

Glad the little man set you a flutter.


Victoria February 11, 2009 at 4:39 pm

It was a night out with a (sort of) grown up, so it's a success in many ways 🙂 I'm glad you went and had a good time!

I get those butterflies too, when my girls' faces light up after they've been away from me.


April February 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm

Sounds like it went well. I have a hard time dating 'pretty boys'. Although its good fun, it's different now that I'm a single mom. Do I really want my son to see me flirty and immature. So I tend to get sarcastic, and end up feeling like the 'pretty boys' mother as well. How does Demi do it so well with Ashton. Damn it!!!


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:51 am

That's a really good point… you almost have to act younger and that's tough.

Have you seen Ashton Kutcher and Demi's twitter pages??? They are SO cool.

Here's the link: http://www.twitter.com/aplusk (that's Ashton's and it's really him) and here is Demi's http://www.twitter.com/mrskutcher.


NewSingleMama February 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm

Well, the way that I read this is that you seemed to have a good time with your date, but overall didn't feel a romantic connection there and that's fine. And the "I keep breaking hearts" is a big Sex and the City style red flag to me! I'm glad you seemed to have a decent time on your date.

I disagree with the others though. For me theres a such thing as too much too soon. So I think if you're really interested in a person it's good to have a couple of rules and "a little at a time" is a good one to me!


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:51 am

You read right.


Sheila February 11, 2009 at 6:50 pm

A wise friend of mine said to consider every date practice for "the real thing". 🙂 I was so looking forward to the update!


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:52 am

It was good practice and I had a ton of fun too… definitely. Glad to give you the update.


Tsquest February 11, 2009 at 7:30 pm

No one will ever win your heart like the one you gave birth to.

That's fo sho!


thewarriorpoets February 11, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Perfectly written post.


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:53 am

Thank you so much. Wrote it in 10 minutes or something nuts. Good content always makes for better writing.


Lauren February 11, 2009 at 8:55 pm

25? Send him here! My last date was 29, and I don't think there are a lot of 22 year olds who would be OK with the single mom thing… so 25 seems like the perfect age to me for a guy!


Tricia February 11, 2009 at 11:35 pm

Sounds like it was a good night. I personally think honesty is totally refreshing. And who says he's too young for you? You are so young yourself! But, I know what you mean about knowing whether or not it's a match, you just do. You are much braver than I am for getting out there and trying it out… But, I too love to come home to my kids when I've been out (which isn't that often). That is always the highlight of my evening (not like the old days!). It was lovely to be reminded of that with your fantastic description of the "butterflies", those reserved for the ones who hold our hearts forever, no matter what. Thank you, I love your writing!
Tricia 🙂


Canadian Bald Guy February 12, 2009 at 12:22 am

"I just keep breaking their hearts.”

Regardless of his age, that says it all right there.

Hey…you had a decent evening and you got out on the town. Kudos for that. Sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted them to, but I'd like to think that you're looking for something a bit more substantial than a 25-year old heart-breaker.

There's always next time, MSM. Keep your head up.


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:52 am

True. Very true.


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:54 am

Hmmm…. where do you live? [Don't answer that on here] – but gosh, I'm sure you won't have a problem finding a 25-year-old because I apparently can't keep them away. It's a ripe age for meeting someone and settling down.


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:55 am

How right you are. And my head is definitely up.

I'm just so happy as I am… date or no date. Man or no man. Just glad I had a good night out on the town.


mssinglemama February 12, 2009 at 1:56 am

It was refreshing.

I'm young (by the book – only 29, almost 30) but I feel like I'm 35 or even 40. Youth is a state of mind.

It is funny how coming home is the highlight of the evening. Love to love home and the little one upstairs snuggled in his bed.


Katie February 12, 2009 at 2:29 am

Lol, I had a first date last night too, and while it was not a romance connection, it was nice to go out to dinner and have lots of adult conversation and get to know someone new. 25 seems like a baby to me, I think I may start looking for guys in their late 30s, early 40s. I am tired of the games.


Anita Ovolina February 13, 2009 at 12:29 am

What a great post! As usual I love having a peak in your life. Thank you for sharing. Not in the mood for younger men? he he he he he


anita ovolina February 13, 2009 at 12:31 am

Wait I forgot. You're 23 right? 🙂 Because that's how old you look in your picture …


30somethingmama February 13, 2009 at 12:54 am

awww…benjamin will be your best date ever Alaina! I loved how you put it, "Butterflies, a lot of them." And true, they give you the purest love you can ever find 🙂
as for the date….NEXTT pls! hehe.


Katherine SOLOdotMOM February 16, 2009 at 9:14 pm

25! Yep – he is a boy… but perhaps still possible??? I have dated younger men before (by ten years even) and it has never worked for me… but perhaps he is sincerely mature for his age.

Hope you stay in touch with him. Keep us posted! 🙂


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