Please, please go away.
We’ve been in some kind of a deep freeze for weeks now and I made the big mistake of checking the weather forecast today — and it’s not good. This cold snap isn’t going anywhere. Which means I have to spend another weekend inside with little Benjamin.
I’m running on fumes, tired as hell lately and have exhausted all indoor entertainment options. He’s even bored with his new easel. I could sit here and bitch about the following things a single mom must endure in the absence of a man such as; freezing my ass off every morning while I de-ice my car, paying yet another outrageous heating bill solo or having to haul my garbage out in the middle of the night only to come back inside with frozen snot and a shudder like no other.
But all of the above pales in comparison to this cold hard miserable fact —
I can’t wear my new suede boots.
There – I said it.
While the world is crumbling around us — something I spend an incredible amount of time fretting over — while people are clearly suffering, I am sitting here day dreaming about a snowless day when I can wear my new boots again.
I should burn in hell. Immediately.
But when a girl doesn’t have a man – especially when she has a little man – nothing makes her feel better than hot ass new boots. Hell. Told you. Hell. Don’t worry, my day will come but I’m bringing the boots with me.
Last weekend after I wrote this post I woke up on Sunday morning and realized our entire day was free. Then I had a brilliant idea.
“Hey Benjamin – let’s go sledding!”
“Sledding. You know. Oh, you don’t, do you? Okay, hold on – let me show you.”
I pulled up a YouTube video of a kid sledding.
“See, you sit on the sled and go whizzing down a hill.”
He got the picture and we were out the door in a flash (a minor miracle, usually there’s at least 15 minutes of protest).
We ran through Target shouting, “SLEDS! SLEDS! Where are the sleds?!!!!!!”
That was fun. The best part about motherhood – not giving a shit what anyone thinks, well, for me anyway. If he’s happy, I could care less. And sometimes I have to act like a raging lunatic to make him happy. And besides kids like lunatics who scream. They can relate.
Twenty minutes later we pulled up to the little sledding hill. We lost his mittens weeks ago so I put some socks on his hands. He thought it was cool. And then surrounded by all of the dutiful fathers on the hill – no mothers in sight – Benjamin and I whizzed down that hill.
And I screamed my ass off.
It was unbelievable. We went again and again and again until Benjamin’s sock mittens failed him and we had to jump back in the car.
These father jobs are actually pretty cool. I’ll have to start learning even more.
Just wish I could do them all in my sexy boots.