“I talked to someone who works with your ex’s girlfriend,” my friend said.
“She is acting all excited saying he bought a new car and they are all moving to Canada – together.”
My face lit up and then crumbled all at once. Certainly, it must have. I can’t hide anything. It’s annoying. Hearing that felt something like this: conflicted excitement that he’ll finally be completely gone instead of partially gone and then total horror at the idea of him taking them with him – his girlfriend and her six-year-old son.
“When?” I asked.
“She said it would be in a few weeks or something.”
I called Benjamin’s father later this afternoon. Small talk first – brief small talk – and then:
“So? Have you been thinking about Canada? Have you made up your mind?”
“I can’t talk right now. We’re really busy.”
“Well, call me back when you get off. I want to talk about this.”
Still no call.
Just waiting now in the quiet of our apartment. I’m at the precipice, looking over and wondering what’s on the other side.
I also can’t believe another single mom is actually choosing my worst nightmare and taking her son along for the ride. For a man who won’t even let her son call him Daddy.
How can some of us be so tragically blind?
I shudder to think of what that boy’s future holds. Why can’t I save him? Why do women make decisions like this? For men? Really? And the worst thought of all – I brought him here, I led him to her through some kind of twisted fate. And now instead of my son – who I’ve saved – it will be another boy.
Today a building that spans over most of an entire block caught fire in my little neighborhood. We missed the entire thing because we’d just left for an afternoon at grandma’s. Mia was home and she called me right away. The sky was black and ashes were falling on her house.
Tonight we invited my cool neighbors to walk there with us to check it out.
Here’s the alley we walk through every day in the spring, summer and fall… and there’s little Benjamin loving the snow.
It usually leads us to some of our favorite shops and boutiques (and my favorite hair salon) but tonight here’s what we saw.
That ice on the trees is frozen water from the fire hoses. Unbelievable. It was all there, just this morning.
I met his father at a restaurant behind the right fire truck nearly five years ago. Is it a total coincidence the very spot is covered in ash and soot right now? Definitely. But still… there’s some serious symbolism for you. Weird.
The rest of this story can be found in these posts:
- This shit ain’t easy (a bedtime story).
- When is Daddy going to bail?
- Caught on tape… my ex, his girlfriend and my son? No, he’s just crying in the background.
- The man in the kitchen.