My New Year’s Wish

by mssinglemama on December 30, 2008

It doesn’t feel like New Year’s Eve.

Something is off and I’m not quite sure what. Maybe it’s the remnants of the flu or this nasty winter weather but my energy level has been much lower than normal. Perhaps I’m burnt out? It’s a very real possibility. I work like a mad woman.

If I’m not doing one thing, it’s another.

It starts every morning at 7:30 a.m. when Benjamin wakes up and it doesn’t end until 8:30 p.m. when I knock him out put him to bed. Goes a little something like this. Wake up. Get ready. Day care drop off. Work. Day care pick up. Dinner. Play time. Book time. Bed time. Blog time. Do over.

But in every single day – without fail – miraculous little happenings are sprinkled all over the place. New words, marvelous little creations, the sweet sound of him munching on his food, the hugs, the kisses and the “I love you too”s. And even in the worst moments, the times when I think I can’t take another second, all of those little happenings are on call because children have an endless supply of them.

All you have to do is ask for one.

How exactly do they do that? They’re all so perfectly remarkable.

Mine will turn three In 2009.

I can’t even begin to imagine how he’ll change this year, what he’ll teach me and show me. And as for me, I’m sure I’ll be changing as well. The moment we cease to change is the moment we stop living. That’s a quote from some philosopher or famous person – not quite sure who. But it’s so true.

Whatever happens I’m sure you’ll be hearing about it – because I love you. Each and every one of you. I just wish I knew who you were or why you read my blog. Hence…

My New Year’s wish! Tell me who you are.

I want to “meet” as many of you as I can. So leave a comment and introduce yourself. Please, dear lurkers, please come out of the closet. You can leave a comment anonymously. I promise I won’t bite.

If there’s anything you want me to write more about, let me know… give me some ideas for posts or just say “hi”. I don’t care what you do just let me know you are real humans.

—–

P.S.

I’ll be staying in on New Year’s Eve to rest up for a road trip to Chicago on New Year’s Day. Benjamin will be at his fathers and that should give me the 36 hours I need to make the trip there and back. I know, I’m crazy.

But there are some single parents there I absolutely have to meet. I’ll tell you who they are when I get back.

[Photo: Norman Rockwell's New Year's Eve]

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Remarkables…
January 2, 2009 at 6:56 pm

{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }

The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know December 30, 2008 at 10:32 pm

Well, I guess we’ve sort of “met” already. I’m Melissa, 26, newly single with 2 kids (2 and a half and 1 and a half), and I LOVE reading your blog. You’re such an inspiration to me, especially when it’s a bad day, just knowing that we all have them, and we’ll get through it…thanks for writing. It means so much to know we’re not alone in this!

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Karen December 30, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Been lurking for a couple of months, the least I can do is say “hi”. One link lead to another, and one day I found myself reading your blog. I’m not a mother myself, but I’m interested in your story. I admire your writing style, your strength and your independence. I wish you a joyful 2009.

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Zoeyjane December 30, 2008 at 11:22 pm

I think I’ve dropped a few comments by and tweeted in your direction, but nonetheless, I’m me. A 28 year old single parent to a 2.5 year old (going on 14). I’m a little (lot) textbook crazy, she seems to be a carbon copy of who I was as a kid. It’s interesting.

Happy New Year, hun!

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Sara December 30, 2008 at 11:23 pm

I’ve probably been reading your blog for about four months now, (at this point though I’ve read everything) and it has given me a whole new insight on being a single mom. I’m a divorced 25 yr old mother of a six and almost three yr old. I have NO support from their father, and it’s for the better because of his issues. Although at times I don’t agree, I love your open mind and ability to hear all different opinions positive or negative. I think you’re amazing, and you have helped many woman realize how beautiful, sexy, and wanted they are. I have many hurdles to overcome when it comes to the dating world, but your insight and confidence helped me to know being a single mom doesn’t mean we should have to settle, in fact we deserve way more! I love opening up your page and finding a new blog. So at times when your too tired too keep your eyes open, yet you’re still up typing on the computer for us, know that I absolutely appreciate it. Have a Happy New Year!!!!

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Sheila December 30, 2008 at 11:52 pm

I’m Sheila, will be 31 in November of 2009 (???!!!), mom to Andre who will be 2 in August of 2009, and will be celebrating my one year anniversary of single mom-dom in February, 2009. :)

I think 2009 is going to be a year of regeneration and renewal for many, many people and I’m wishing everyone a safe and happy new years.

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Rebecca December 31, 2008 at 2:10 am

Hi Alaina – I’m your recent 2nd prize contest winner. I’ve been a single mom of 2 girls (ages 8 and 4) for about 3 years now. I coparent with their father and things are getting much smoother on the coparenting front now (thank God!) On 1/1/2009, I’ll be turning the big 40! Yikes !! After becoming newly single, I discovered Yelp first and then food blogs, single parent blogs and personal finance blogs. Now, I’m an avid blog reader and my boyfriend keeps on asking me when I’ll start my own blog :) You are my current “go to” single parenting blog right now … I enjoy the “raw” and “real” emotions that you share. And I also enjoy your “tips” on dating, etc… Looking forward to a refreshing new year !!

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caribbeanlurker December 31, 2008 at 2:23 am

Hi, I’m a long time lurker from outside the US.
I’m 24 yo, recently graduated psych, I’m a women, single and unlike must of your readers I don’t have kids.
I don’t quite remember how i ended up reading your blog or how it ended up in my favorites list, but there’s something inspiring in you and how you are raising your child.
I wont apologize for my lack of commenting, but it gets kind outrulled when you are single and have no kids, so my opinion in here isn’t that wortht I guess, I just wanted you to know that I exisist and I do read you blog, frequently,
My best wishes for you and Benjamin this 2009.
Hugs from the caribbean ;)

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Laura December 31, 2008 at 3:52 am

ENJOY your evening – even if its just at home and may 2009 be a wonderful year for you and Ben!

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Carolyn December 31, 2008 at 5:55 am

I’m a single mom of two, in the middle of my divorce. I read your blog faithfully. :)
And my blog sports your cool badge.

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J-Fo December 31, 2008 at 6:27 am

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I will talk with you when you’re back from Chi-Town! I’m so jealous…my favorite town on the planet! (OK, Portland is starting to really grow on me, too…!)

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I Once Was A Single Dad December 31, 2008 at 6:52 am

Ok, you got me to pop out of my lurking shell.

Once was a Single Dad to 3 wonderful kids, now 8 years remarried to a wonderful ex-Single Mom to 2. So there are great guys out there, we just seem to be working with our noses to the grindstone and wondering how or where to meet sweet, wonderful Single Moms.

Love the Blog, the Positiveness that permeates you and it and keep smiling and may the coming year open up its promise to all Single Moms.

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Matt T. December 31, 2008 at 6:53 am

Okay, my name is Matt and I’m a 31-year-old theoretical chemist in Alexandria, VA. I am single–so very single despite my efforts–and kidless. I can’t quite remember why or how I found your site, and it seems a bit odd for me to be reading it, but I know I’m glad I did find it!

Also, a big ¡Prospero Año Nuevo! to you, Alaina, and all my fellow readers.

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Tricia December 31, 2008 at 7:08 am

Thank you for saying it, and not making it sound like a big massive pity party like I would have!

Single moms are THE HARDEST working people on the planet. I’m exhausted all the time, and feel horrible about letting chores slide to have a little me-time after my babies are in bed. There just isn’t enough time in the day.

I can’t workworkwork non-stop. My lazyass genes just won’t let me!

So yeah…my house is usually a mess. Except for the occasional .05834 of a second.

A blessed 2009 to you, dear.

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Marti December 31, 2008 at 7:23 am

I’m a lurker you lured out. I’m 27, single mama to a five year old boy. I nod my head in agreement when I read your blog. None of my married friends seem to understand exactly where I’m coming from when I set out on a rant, but your blog “gets it” and I appreciate that. Everyday. Happy and healthy 2009 to you and Benjamin.

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Allison December 31, 2008 at 8:03 am

I am also a lurker. I am a 24 yr old single momma to a 1 year old little girl. I live on Long Island and I am the first of my friends to have a child. Your blog along with some other single mom blogs allow me a place to read and share similar experiences.. Happy New Year!!!!!!

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Lisa D December 31, 2008 at 8:03 am

I’m Lisa, found your blog through Matt Logelin’s blog & read it religiously. I’ll be 28 in February, am single, and unlike most of your readers, I don’t have any kids! I love your writing style, so I think that’s what hooked me.

I think we are the same age and even though most of the blog focuses on single parenting, you also reflect on topics that hit home with me. I have never been married, but have been in relationships where I didn’t put myself first.

I’m sort of rambling so will end it here – Happy New Year to you & Benjamin!! I hope 2009 is a fabulous year for you!!!

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Laura December 31, 2008 at 8:40 am

We have kinda of met thru Twitter…but a little more info is always nice.

My name is Laura and I am a 41 year old mother of a 20 year old son, a 13 year old son and a soon to be 10 year old daughter. My marriage of 17 years ended back in 03 and I lost my job of 10+ years last May due to a lay off…I have considered all of the ends as a chance for a “do over” :)

I think you have it right…that among all of the “have to do” routines you are capturing those beautiful moments in life and holding them close to the heart…

Wishing you a wonderful 2009

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Missy December 31, 2008 at 8:49 am

I’m missy and i have made several comments and sometimes lurked without opinion, however i don’t believe i’ve ever introduced myself. I am a 28 year old single mother of a 2.3 year old, wild and crazy red-headed little girl.

After much speculation, my ex-husband denied having an affair i confronted him on having almost 1 year ago. He made up several excuses as to why our marriage was doomed instead of telling me he just found someone else.

‘She’ is now his girlfriend and he still denies her to me, whatever.

He sees our daughter once a month in between his work jaunts and social calendar. I do it all myself with a ton of help from family and friends.

I am anxiously waiting this year to come to an an end. It can come fast enough…14 hours and counting…

Happy New Year to you and your little man :)

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Heather December 31, 2008 at 8:52 am

Hi,
I’m Heather, I’m 25, have no kids and live in Minnesota. I found your blog through Matt & Madeline’s. I’m de-lurking at your request.

I have no advice to better your blog, it’s great as it is.

Have a wonderful Holiday season.

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Kati December 31, 2008 at 8:57 am

I am a 25 yr old single mother. My son will be 3 in June of 2009. I read your blog daily. Please let me know anything you try that will get my son potty trained sooner! I read everyone’s comments on your recent blog regarding this but my son is just not interested at all. I am starting to wonder if he is going to wear pull ups forever!

My son is my date tonight! There is no one else I would rather bring in the new year with.

Happy New Year!! 2009 is going to be a great year!

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Megan December 31, 2008 at 9:42 am

Hi! I’ve been lurking on your blog for a few months – I love your writing style and I’m always excited to see a new blog post. I think I found your blog through fabulousfinancials.com – another blog I love.

I’m 32 and a single mom of a 13 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. Their dad and I separated about 4 years ago.

My son’s name is Benjamin, too!

I recently started a blog that I’d like to keep up with. It’s just really hard to find time!

You’re doing a great job – keep writing – and I wish you a wonderful 2009 – I think it is going to be a great year. ( I hope so…because I’m feeling kind of blah right now!)

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MySingleMomLife (Nikki) December 31, 2008 at 9:50 am

I’m Nikki and a single mum to a 23 month old beautiful, amazing, light of my life and source of my exhaustion, CRAZY BUSY, little mini-me. :O)

There are no words to express what your blog and community of single mom bloggers has done for me. I don’t feel like such an island and I can breathe and cry and be frustrated…and know that it is okay. I’m not abnormal or crazy or incompetent.

Many hugs and blessings in the New Year to you and Benjamin and the rest of the single mom bloggers who bring me hope and inspiration! We are all princess warriors! :O) (And beefy manly warriors for the single dads out there!)

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San Diego Momma December 31, 2008 at 10:00 am

OK fine, I’m a lurker.
I love the way you write and what you write about, so sue me :) .

Meanwhile, have a wonderful New Year full of sexy, but not bad boyish men who don’t break promises, AND of more sweet Benjamin moments.

Drive safe to and from Chicago!

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Kelli December 31, 2008 at 10:16 am

Hi! My name is Kelli-I am a 24 year old single Mama in San Diego with an out-of-this-world two year old named Ella Frances.

I have NO idea how I found your blog but I read it every day and let me tell you-I think you deserve some of the credit for my mental well-being! I don’t have many friends with children and up until recently, didn’t know any single Moms, and your blog has totally opened my eyes to this great support system I never even knew existed.

I admire your optimism and honesty and I relate to your struggles-thank you for sharing them, I know that can’t be the easiest thing!

Hope you have a wonderful last day of 2008-and I hope to connect with you more in 2009!

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jenn December 31, 2008 at 10:19 am

I’ve commented before, so I’m not a lurker. Wanted to say Happy New Year and I’m glad I found your blog in ’08.

Oh, and your schedule sounds exactly like mine. It is exhausting…

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Christine December 31, 2008 at 11:13 am

Coming out of lurk-dom per your request…

My name is Christine and I am a single mom to my 3yr. old son.

Love your optimism and positive attitude! I read your blog every day.

Have a Happy New Year!

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Erin December 31, 2008 at 11:15 am

I’m Erin, a 22 year old single mother of a 2 1/2 old beautiful daughter. I found your blog a few months ago and you featured mine on one of your posts (ever so grateful for that!) I love reading your posts and find comfort knowing that there are so many other amazing single mothers out there and that I really am not alone. Thank you for your insights and honesty. Happy New Year to you and to all the single Moms (and Dads) who are out there!

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Heather December 31, 2008 at 11:17 am

I’ve commented before… so I suppose you “know” me. Still love the blog… every word of it… even the words I don’t agree/relate to (which are rare). The virtual single parent community is a glorious thing.

Happy New Year to you and Mr. Ben.

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LB December 31, 2008 at 11:43 am

Well Im not quite a stranger since you and I have “chatted” before ! You already know I am a 28 year old Single Mom to an amazing 7 year old daughter. Im not quite sure how I found your blog ( I think it was thru Matt & Madeline’s blog) but am so glad I did. I love your writing and love connecting with our people in our situations.

Happy New Year to you, Benjamin and all the awesome Single Parents out there! May 2009 bring you all the best.

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Karyn December 31, 2008 at 12:49 pm

I enjoy reading your page. I’m a single mom to a 13 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. They have different dads. No support from either. I have dated and tried numerous relationships only to find I am so much more happier alone at the moment. I can not see myself living with a man for a long time. We struggle daily but everything always works out.
I admire how you can write about your feelings and your experiences being a single mom. It is the hardest but yet most wonderful job there is!

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Angel December 31, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Hey there! I have posted a few times, but not many. I started lurking, ah, visiting your blog a long time ago…. I would say at least a year. You turned me on to iHeart, which I absolutely love!!!!!! Anyway, my name is Angel. I am 32 and I have a precious 7 year old daughter that I adore. I’ve been divorced for over two years. I have an awesome boyfriend, although I’ve sworn I’ll never get married again. I love your blog and what you stand for. I’ll keep lurking, um I mean, visiting as long as you let me.
Thank you so much for your site!
Angel

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cyndi December 31, 2008 at 1:35 pm

I’m Cyndi. I’m 38 and have been a single mom to an about to turn 2 year old for 15 months. I’ve been blogging about it for two and a half months now and am hooked.. Yours was one of the first I found when I realized there had to be a huge blog world of other ladies like me, just trying to get through each day. You and every other single mom blogger out there have been my saviors over the past few months!! Thank you for just being. It’s a tough job and we’re just the right ones for it.

Happy new year to you and Benjamin

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Dawn December 31, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Ooh! I LOVE YOU and YOUR BLOG … your blog connects me with a world of COOL single mama babes … it feels like home. I loved reading the story of Benjamin picking your green tomatoes. I am reminded of those treasures and moments here in my own house.

I think you should have your own show or a single mama convention. If you have a convention, do it in Chicago. Think midwest. I’d find a way to be there, on your staff of volunteers. I’ve considered a few nice out of the box classes for girls to learn from, like, How Not to Marry A Jerk. I REALLY LOVE how some of your readers are single women figuring out what to look for in a partner in life. I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE, you have a special gift.

Me, single parent of four children from three marriages — as the POSTER CHILD of relationship ignorance, I thought you might like to know I’m not considering dating or marriage right now. Plus, I like to avoid anticipation. It makes me come too soon.

I began stopping by your blog about a month ago … I’ve come back everyday. I’m touched by these moments of your life and how wonderfully they serve the rest of us trying to make sense out of similar things — and for those of us seeking our own brand of happiness.

I’m thinking of writing a song in your honor … wishing you joy in the New Year and BIG dreams on the horizon!

XoXo

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Allison December 31, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Well, I am Allison and I just found your blog yesterday and immediately I have to tell you that it has been a gift! I am 17 weeks pregnant but will be a single mother. I am 23 years old, live in Missouri for work right now and have a BA in Child and Family Studies. I guess I didn’t ever think that my degree would help me in my own personal life….
Thanks again for your blog! I wish I could do this but I don’t think I am tech savvy enough…

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Laurie December 31, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Hey Alaina, I found your blog a few months ago through Matt Logelin… I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now with my daughter who will be 4 in January, and my 16 month old son. In just over a year, I’ve gotten a new job, a new car and bought my first house, all on my own. I wish I would’ve found your blog sooner, because it has really helped me to figure out what the heck I’m doing with myself. I was already independent, just needed that reassurance that I don’t ‘need’ a guy. But now I actually think I’ve found him.

I normally read you through a reader, but I was on my way here to find your email address so I thought I’d leave a comment too, and here you are asking for lurkers to comment. Perfect timing!

Happy New Year to you and Ben :)

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Tami December 31, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Lurker Tami…34, single mom to a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I love your blog…inspiration, common place, understanding, the un-doing of some of the speedbumps Ive come across and havent’ got over. You have opened my eyes and heart to some healing for sure. My ex bad boy haunts my heart, after 12+ years of relationship, and our baby girl finally coming after 6.5 years of trying….he suckered out, or more so, I realized who/what he really is. Now its just me and my girl, and for the last 5.5 years we have been doing pretty good.
I found your blog when I was in a really alone place, and found…Im not alone. There are many single parents out there going through the same shit, and making it through, just as we are.
You are a true virtual blessing Alaina.
Happy New Year!

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Angie December 31, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Happy New Years to you!

My wish for the new year is to have more fun, get my spending and consumption under control, and make meals at home. In the end – all of these will make me a more centered and happy lady!

Chicago is my hometown, sheesh – you sure did pick a tough time of year to visit! I hope you have tons and tons of fun!

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bobby December 31, 2008 at 4:09 pm

I’m just a guy from Brooklyn (re)finding my way through life. Each day is my day, my moment, so that if tomorrow never comes, I’ll have had my time.

I believe I found this blog through another blog http://thedatingpapers.com/.

I have always regarded single Mothers in high esteem. There’s no tougher, yet rewarding job. I am inspired when I read this blog, and thankful that you share it with us.

Happy new year!

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Kristina December 31, 2008 at 4:27 pm

My name is Kristina. I’m a 32 year old single mom to a nearly 4 year old darling girl. I found your blog through iheartsingleparents.com. I enjoy your style and virtually sharing your experiences. I hope to get out in the dating world one of these days, but am taking time to get myself figured out in the wake of my divorce.

Best wishes for happiness and HEALTH in 2009! Write on!

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Kelly2 December 31, 2008 at 6:06 pm

Happy New Year 2009!! I’ve been mostly lurking for the last couple of months, but I’ve made a few comments here and there. I’m a 36 yr old single mama of two wonderful kids- Justin,8 and Jacey,6. They are my light and life. I’ve been single for two years or so and I love it. No more daily arguments or having a 3rd child to take care of instead of getting help from.

May 2009 be the year we keep ourselves happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. Good luck to us all in whatever we choose to challenge ourselves with this year.

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Ashley December 31, 2008 at 7:06 pm

Happy 2009!

I love your blog; thank you for sharing all that you do.

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EB December 31, 2008 at 7:07 pm

I just this week found your blog via my fav blog spot-hipmama. I have an amazing 16 month old daughter and I’m new to this single mom thing. Your hope and respect and expectation for yourself is contagious. So much of what you write about I find myself nodding in agreement. It’s taken me a little over a year of lament and pain to finally see that my divorce and single motherhood status can and will be a beautiful opportunity for me to create the life I’ve always wanted. I have decided to go back and get another degree so I can provide more for my child. This is a career path I never would have had the guts to take if all this hadn’t happened. It’s just divine intervention if you ask me. My ex is completely out of the picture now (his choice, his loss). Anyway, thanks for being a bright spot for me! Keep on keepin on you awesome mama you! XO

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Mama Crazy December 31, 2008 at 7:21 pm

Ok….. I suppose I could stop lurking….

Name’s Asha and I’m a 22 yr. old Single Mom to an absolutely amazing 13mo. Been that way since she was born. Her donor abandoned me at 4mos pregnant – and I’ve been doing it on my own since. I can’t quite remember how I found your blog – but since I found it I’ve been reading! You’re an amazing woman with TONS of strength!

Anyway – here’s hoping that the New Year brings you joy and blessings!!!!

Mama Crazy

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yvonne December 31, 2008 at 8:40 pm

Hi, my name’s Yvonne and I’m a 32 yr old divorced mom to a 4 1/2 yr old son and a 14 month old daughter. I’m a stay at home mom. My ex has continued to financially support us, so he is a good provider just a lousy father and husband. He only sees the kids about three hours a week so I’m pretty much raising them on my own.

I found your site because of your E-harmony review….I want to start dating or at least go out on a date LOL but I’m scared to take the plunge. I read your blog because you give me hope that I can date and that there are guys out there that are open to dating single moms…….

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Shyflutterby December 31, 2008 at 8:46 pm

Lurker here. Hiya! I am shyflutterby. 31 year old single mom to my almost 2 year old bug. Here’s hope and wishing you a Happy New Year!!!!!

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Star December 31, 2008 at 10:08 pm

I’ve written comments before but I am a 31 yr old mom of two (2 1/2 yrs & 3 mo) who is going through a divorce and having a hard time adjusting to her new reality. My husband was unfaithful too so I’m having a hard time processing that as well. Here’s hoping that 2009 is a happier year and that I achieve a healthier understanding of my new status in life and where my future is now headed. Right now, I just feel like a lonely loser who’s lying evil husband easily replaced her with a younger, easier, stupider, fatter model and I am now raising the kids while living with my parents. Breastfeeding an infant makes it impossible to develop my own life and I feel very trapped by single motherhood. Hope things start looking up soon.
-Star

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Amanda January 1, 2009 at 9:25 am

Happy New Year!

I’m not sure I’d qualify as a lurker, I’ve commented a bit. Although I’ve never fully introduced myself. My name is Amanda. I’m a 21 year old full time single mother to my ever so lively two year old daughter Sofia.

I can’t remember how I wandered upon your blog… But I’m ever so glad I did. I think you are a wonderful mother to Benjamin. I look forward to new posts on your blog. I must admit I click on it a few times a day to see when you have updated.

I wish you and Benjamin the best of luck in 2009.

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Amira January 1, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Delurking. Think you left a comment on my blog awhile back (thank you, btw).

Your blog is much more optimistic and positive than mine (of course, I’m going through depression right now). I respect your work and enjoy your writing. Happy to read about another single mom and her experiences.

Thank you for sharing.

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CarlaMichelle January 1, 2009 at 6:27 pm

I just started lurking, found you through someone on facebook…love that site! I love to come across people who are in single parent boat with me, this journey can get so lonely at times! Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable!

Me

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Jill January 1, 2009 at 8:26 pm

I discovered your website on Christmas when my four-year old was with his Dad. It was just the twinkling of the Christmas tree lights and myself and a lot of time to fill — I didn’t know that single Mom’s were blogging but I am so glad that you all are.

One topic I would be interested reading about — fractured family relationships with our own parents. I haven’t visited my parents for a year because of their non-(emotional) support when I left my husband. They invite him to visit them. It’s difficult given that I left my husband to provide a safer place for myself and son. It’s been a hard year but a good one too. I wish I knew what to do — it’s difficult to even think about visiting them knowing that they were not there for me when it would have been most helpful.

If anyone else has anything to share about this I would appreciate your comments.
Thanks much and Happy New Year to You.

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Dawn January 1, 2009 at 11:03 pm

This comment is for Jill whose parents invite her ex to visit … thank goodness you didn’t need (want) your parents approval to leave him. These dynamics are difficult and it has all of the makings of betrayal. (reminds me of a book titled, Malignant Love)

Yes, it hurts. I’m glad you felt you could acknowledge it here … you’re among friends. The fact that you write about moving your son and you to a safer place says a whole lot. The rest of the world can disapprove and it really doesn’t matter … there are some who cannot see that your life and the life of your child are not negotiable.

The best is yet to come.

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Heather January 2, 2009 at 12:19 am

Hi Alaina, I’m a lurker who recently discovered your amazing blog through Matt Logelin’s blog, and I was so inspired that I started my own blog as well! I’m 39 and an SMC wannabe (iui with donor sperm starting this month). I’m just starting to realize what a huge and incredible community there is out there of single moms who are willing to tell it like it is, which I really appreciate…no sugarcoating allowed. Not that anyone would. I LOVE your blog…Happy New Year!! :)

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Lex January 2, 2009 at 12:38 am

I started reading a few months ago. Separated since 2006 but finally coming to terms with it. I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl and an almost 7 year old big girl. They are the joy of my life.

Your writing has helped me quite a bit and I am thankful for finding your blog! Here’s to a great 2009!

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Carolina January 2, 2009 at 7:08 am

I’m 25 and I share custody of my two boys with my ex. I have a 4 year old and an almost 3 year old.
I was googling something about single moms and dating when I came across your blog. It’s great knowing I’m not alone!
Thanks for the inspiration, and good luck in your journey.

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Kate January 2, 2009 at 7:33 am

Happy 2009!

I am a lurker and I read your blog daily. I’m a 31 year old single mom to my lovely and fiercely independent 17 month old daughter. My divorce was final in December, and I’m happy to be free!

Keep writing please, you are an inspiration!

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Speedgirl January 2, 2009 at 8:11 am

I’m the one who had trouble getting anything to post here, so I found you on facebook :)

I’m Kim, a 35 year old single mom of Nick (7 1/2) and Abby (5 in two weeks!). I’ve been divorced for 4 years now. I was a married single mom before that, so the adjustment has only been financial for me. I can’t wait until the economy recovers, my house finally sells, and I get child support for the first time ever! High hopes for 2009 – I’d REALLY like to get on with my life :)

I was sent a link to your blog from a friend of mine, and have checked in every day since. I know zero single moms of younger children (I live in a suburb of Dertoit, MI) and my friend realized I needed a link to others like me. I love to write, it’s cathartic for me, but with my job I worry that I can’t have a blog of my own. (I teach high school and know of a few people who have “demoted” – in my world that means scheduled for all the crappy classes – or fired for their blogs.) So I’m left with posting notes for friends-only on my facebook. But since none of them are single-moms, there is still a void for me. I love that you are so open and honest in your blog! On days I feel that the world is against me, you and your readers help me realize that I am not alone. Thank you all for that!

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April January 2, 2009 at 10:26 am

It’s most likely all of the added activities of the holidays. I’m sure you’ll be feeling your normal self again soon.
Happy New Year to you and Benjamin.

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jamie January 2, 2009 at 11:37 am

2009 has to be better than 2008…..it just has to be. See in 2008 i lost my fiance, house, and dog. I moved to a new city with my 2 children to start over, i got the kids he kept the house and nelli (our puppy). I got the important things but he got what he wanted his freedom (well he practically already had that while we were together)!! But now i have it also! I feel your pain the entire week of christmas i had strep throat and my daughter the week before had a double ear infection. It’s been rough, but i’m surprisingly posititve. My name is Jamie i’m 25, single, and you have read my blog before (freespiritedsinglemama). Well thats just a little bit about me….. I hope one day we can meet and you can visit me down south! There are alot of beautiful men where i live now!! lol

Take care of yourself and your beautiful son.

xoxo

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MFilet January 2, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Hi Alaina, I am a new “lurker”, been checking out your blog the past month or so…not sure how I got to it exactly, but I enjoy your posts very much.

I’m a single-mama of a 2 1/2 year old boy and am trying to co-parent with his father. We get a long really well still, and I cringe at what you and other Mom’s have had to go through.

Thank you so much for your insight and advice, you are a big help to me since I don’t have any friends with kids yet (btw, I am 27 and seperated from my partner this past May).

Happy New Year!

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ModernSingleMomma January 2, 2009 at 2:56 pm

I love you dear friend, Happy New Year!
Here is to a miraculous 2009. With me and L coming up to visit you and Benjamin LOTS!

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Mr. Single Dada January 2, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Hi I just found your site. I’m a father of 2 beautiful girls 5 and 7. I’m 28 and have been the main parent for the past 3 years. There are not many fathers i know who are in my position that i can relate with so it was good to enjoy your perspective on being single and parenting.

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AdviceMaven (Tina) January 2, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Hi from Tina over at LuvemOrLeavem. Mom of 2 boys and married for many years. I’m really enjoying your blog, I just recently discovered it. I love this idea of asking the lurkers to introduce themselves, and I’ll freely admit that I’m going to ask my lurkers to do the same (of course I’ll tell them where I got this brilliant idea.)
Looking forward to reading your blog throughout the new year and beyond!

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Melissa January 2, 2009 at 7:34 pm

hi—
Just found your blod tonight and wow…It REALLY helps! I love reading everything you have to say, as it makes me feel more normal-I relate to everything you say. I am 30 years old and really don’t know too many single moms.-all my friends either do not have children or are with the father of their child. My friends try to relate to me but I know they really can’t understand where I am coming from. It is so nice to read people’s experiences from a positive ponit of veiw rather than some guy talking about why single mom’s are to blame for being “single ” mom’s. anyway I love your blog and will continue to read….

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Michelle January 3, 2009 at 8:16 pm

i am a new lurker. just found your blog today. so i suppose i’m a lurker in progress. found your blog off of matt, liz and madeline’s blog. i’m glad i did. I can relate and feel the pain in some of the things you blog about. but mainly i just admire you as a person for being strong. it is refreshing and uplifting. Happy new year :)

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Shiona January 4, 2009 at 12:09 am

I have been mostly lurking and commenting a couple of times. I have a now almost 16 month old son and have been officially single since Christmas of last year. Your posts have been a tremendous help to me when I am having bad days. Here’s to a very happy 2009!

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Alexis January 4, 2009 at 10:30 am

Hi it’s me Alexis. ..I’ve made comments in the past but have been quietly lurking and just reading lately. I read every week. Your blog keeps me grounded in a way. It is just so nice to be able to hear about the life of another single mama who is trying to figure it all out, enjoy all the beauty, and deal with the BS along the way. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing. I love you too- in a very special way!

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Andrea January 5, 2009 at 6:24 am

Happy New Year, Ms Single Mama. I used to comment much more when I first found your blog, trust me that I am still here. Not as regularly as I used to read, but at least once a week I catch up . 2009 will bring my 25th birthday, and my sons’ eighth and fourth. I am also going for my bachelor’s degree, taking college courses online. I may not always put my two cents in, but I am here, and I still adore you and your blog as much as I always have. Thanks for always reminding me that even if I live an alien lifestyle compared to those close to me in my life, there are still many other women, all over this country, doing the same thing I am, and we are not alone. <3

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Stacia in AR January 5, 2009 at 11:16 am

Happy New Year! Hi my name is Stacia. I live in North Little Rock, Arkansas (yes in the South..lol) and came across your blog through Matt’s blog. I have been single for 2 years now and this was not my first divorce. I enjoy reading your blog so much~

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Nina January 5, 2009 at 2:02 pm

I’ll introduce myself but you’ve already “met” me with my comments – you know that attorney that won’t shut up (oh wait isn’t that all attorneys?) I live in utah but am originally from Philadelphia and will always be an east coast girl (which sometimes gets me into trouble with these westerners). I have an amazing little boy and am so thankful everyday for him as I was always told I couldn’t have kids. His father is not involved, no child support, has never seen his son and I’m ok with that (I mean in the best of all worlds he’d at least be involved as a favorite uncle or something but he has issues to deal with that I’m not willing to have in my son’s life) because I have the best little boy in the whole world because of him…I am a child welfare attorney which is a dream job not being raised by the best of parents (I get to represent the little me in all my clients) but its not that great for making money and that’s anxiety producing. I’ve never been and am I not looking to get married but I’ve found I should never say never or the great powers that rule this world laugh mightily and then…things happen (I said I would never live in Utah again after law school, that kept them laughing for quite a while! :) I have 4 sisters and lots of step/half siblings…and I really love life.

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Aubre Rice January 5, 2009 at 7:46 pm

Hi, Happy New Year. I just found your site through Matt and Madeline’s site. What a wonderful interview you did, thanks for that. I am a mommy too and give you BIG KUDO’S for all you do as a single mommy. You are amazing.

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LTP January 5, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Wow!!! All the lurkers!!!! (Alaina….that’s amazing what a following you have….love it)

I would have posted NYE but was in the ER at the hospital down the street….YIKES! Not how I envisioned spending NYE–the first one with my two boys in fact since our divorce. Bummer….but that’s okay…we celebrated later!

We chatted many times and your advice and support have gotten me through some rough spots–and I am so thankful for that. It’s nice to know that there is a total stranger out there that can know just the right thing to say to a girl with a breaking heart….and reminding of her of what is truly important–and that is my two gorgeous boys. Thank you, thank you….keep up the wonderful writing….I love it.

Happy (belated) New Year!!!! : )

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Kelly January 6, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Hi! Let’s see… I’m a 34 year old single mom with a 12 year old daughter. I was never married to her dad, and he wanted nothing to do with her until a couple of years ago. They are working on building a relationship, and I’m working on setting aside the resentment and making nice for her sake. I work at Universal Orlando, have a livejournal blog, love reading and watching TV, and am striving to get in shape in ’09. And I’m on your twitter list!

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Lisa January 6, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Hello and Happy New Year! I am a 35 (2 days new) year old single mother of a 7 year old girl and 4 year old boy. Came across your blog on a Google search I did for ‘single mom dating’. I love it already, as well as reading Matt and Madeline’s blog. Thank you so much for sharing!

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mssinglemama January 6, 2009 at 3:53 pm

75 comments. Holy crap.

Wow.

Thank you everyone. Thank you so much for being here…

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amanda January 6, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Hi! I’m Amanda, I’m from CT, and I have a 17 month old daughter. I am not single, but lord, my respect for single parents has gone THROUGH THE ROOF since I had a kid! You are amazing! I found your blog through Matt and Madeline’s blog too. Happy New Year!

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Steven January 7, 2009 at 8:17 am

Thank you for this blog. This has opened my eyes. I’m currently dating a single mom, we are both divorced and it is a very new relationship. I had forgotten how to date, how to be patient, and that we are all human. I look forward to reading your postings.

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Single Mom in New England January 7, 2009 at 8:35 am

Hi Alaina, I’m Kim and I think I discovered your blog about a year ago when I desperately googled “How to date when you’re a single mom.” Miraculously it led me to your site and I’ve been hooked ever since.

I left my verbally abusive/alcoholic husband when my son was 6 months old. The realization that life was not going to turn out for me the way I had planned was devastating. It was so hard to carve out a life as a single woman with a baby by yourself, but I DID IT! My son is now 3.5 years old, and we are having a ball. My divorce was excruciatingly long, and just finalized last Fall. Dad is, was, and will always be an absolute jerk. But I am accepting and managing that.

Thank you for sharing your dating adventures (and all the adventures in between when there is no dating going on!) with us. It sounds like there is a whole battallion/sisterhood of single moms out there that appreciate you, including me! I am personally sorry it didn’t work out with Mr. Man – it’s fun to live vicariously through you – maybe someday you can share with us the dealbreaking reason.

But it appears you are already moving on – just like the rest of us!! Here’s to 2009 and learning about ourselves and growing and trying to keep our head above water while we do it! :) I was pretty excited that you got to meet Matt L. – it’s fun to see 2 of my absolute favorite bloggers together! Happy New Year!! May each year be better than the last.

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Andrea S January 7, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Hi Alaina! My name is Andrea and I actually just stumbled upon your blog today. I was reading Matt’s blog as I do daily and found yours while I was reading about his Chicago trip (I’ve been a silent lurker of his for months and months) I was especially drawn to your blog reading about your friend Mia and her current situation. I felt like I was reading about my very own life circa 2007. I was married with a 4 yr old little girl when my 29 yr old husband suddenly decided that life with an 18 year old would be less complicated and left us. I still have problems putting into words what it felt like and admire you for having the courage to do so. It lets other single mom’s in similar situations weather it’s divorce, separation or single motherhood know that they are not alone. Your stories of dating give me hope because I now know that I am not the only one who first thinks “would this guy be a good dad” THEN “He looks good in those jeans.” Thank you again and please give Mia a big hug and let her know things get better every day, her ex-boyfriend sounds eerily similar to my ex so I can say from experience that someday she will wake up and feel like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders and she will be able to breathe normally again.

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Melissa January 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Hi Alaina.

Saw your interview of Matt on mattlogelin.com. Thank you for that. I lurked here for a while and realized I am not the only one. I have been a single mom for 11 years because I didn’t want to marry my daughter’s father just because I was pregnant. BUT with that said, it has been hard. Harder if I let myself think about it. I am happy for my family and friends who have helped me.

To Mia. A big hug and a shoulder for you to cry on. It will hurt but the pain will ease in time. Remember you have a beautiful daughter and you will get to enjoy everything while he misses out.

One rule, NEVER talk bad about the dad. It may be hard but it will not jade her judgment of him in the long run. Believe me, he will mess up just as mine did.

XOXO to both of you and have a Happy and Wonderful New Year.

Mel

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amy January 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm

I found you very recently via Matt’s blog. Great interview, was nice to see and hear him in ‘person’. I have you bookmarked and have no doubt before the week is out I will have read your entire blog.

I am married (hubby away half the time) and mom to 3 great kids.

Give Mia a big hug for me. She doesn’t deserve that crap. Obviously the ex doesn’t deserve HER!

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~Monica January 8, 2009 at 9:55 pm

I’m a week bit late as I’m slowly combing over your website … so here goes:

My name is Monica, I’m a 34 yr old single mom to a 3.5 yr old son and I live on the West Coast of Canada. I am part owner of a a very interesting international business and work from home while my son goes to a great home daycare. I’ve been a single mom for over a year now.

I found you quite some time ago but haven’t become a regular reader until recently, I’m craving reading about single mom’s who also have little boys close in age to my little guy.

I just started a blog at http://www.marthamommy.com

Many Blessings to you!
~M.

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Teresa January 9, 2009 at 8:12 am

Hi there! I just discovered your blog and I love your writing style! I can’t wait to sit and read more and more! I have to agree that being single isn’t so bad! I have a 15 year old daughter and even though I was with her dad for 12 years, we were never married, so I have always been a single mom! I love the freedom that I have and am definitely just waiting for Prince Charming to come, but until then, I have a lot of fun and have a great life!

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RM January 11, 2009 at 9:09 am

Hey Alaina! Definately not a lurker. 29/M who has been reading your blog ever since you gave me advice on how to approach the single mom that I had met. Being that I was a single dad, and she a single mom, I was really nervous. However, because of the advice that you gave me, we are now together and completely in love. Our kids love each other, and everything just seems wonderful. This site rocks, and so do you Alaina. Keep up the great work, and know that you are changing people’s lives!

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Rosie January 13, 2009 at 11:33 am

Hi Alaina,

I’ve been a lurker for a little while and think that you are doing an amazing job. I found your site through Matt Logelin’s site. I’m not a single mom (anymore). I was married at 19, had our daughter at 23 and was divorced by 25. I am now married to an amazing man who love my daughter as much as I did and we’ve now been married almost 3 years and have a son who is almost 2. I was worried when I divorced my husband that no one would want to date a 25 year old with a 2 year old. I was wrong, I found love….and I know you will too. You seem like an amazing woman.

Nice to ‘meet’ you,
Rosie (in California)

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Holly January 16, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Hi!
I’m Holly – I’ve been frequenting Matt’s blog since the summer and found yours a few months ago. I’m one of your “lurkers” and also lurk on many other blogs. It’s an addiction – along with Facebook, lol. From what I can tell, the two of us don’t have much in common, although if my situation were like yours, I think we would. You handle yourself, under the circumstances with such vigor and pretty much grab life by the balls – so, I suppose in some ways, we are the same. LOL. Anyway – thanks for the entertainment. So, tell me – how did you and Matt connect?

BTW, I’m happily married – have two boys, and am a first grade teacher – oh and I’ll throw out there that I’m 37. Thought that’s probably neither here nor there…

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mssinglemama January 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Holly:

Matt and I “met” when we did a radio show together and then started e-mailing until we met in Chicago a few weeks ago… here’s a post describing that virtual friendship we had…

http://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/24/damn-you-fear/

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heather January 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

I am 6 1/2 months pregnant with my first child. I am married. My husband is an alcoholic, who one drunken night in November, got into a bar fight. Probably wouldnt be that big of a deal for most people, but he is not a US citizen. He came here when he was a minor when his native country had a civil war. We had looked into filing for his permanent residency but the cost had gone up so drastically and we were on a tight budget. In addition, he had really started to spiral into alcoholism; getting in a near fatal car accident, losing his job, losing everything….that I was unsure of if I could withstand it any longer. Around the time things reached critical mass, I found out I was pregnant. He was happy and I was initially devastated. He viewed the pregnancy as the thing that was going to turn his life around. I told him that it was a lot of pressure to put on a baby. Three months into the pregnancy I get a call from the police saying they have him in custody for assault. Shortly thereafter, Immigration gets involved and puts a hold on him. That means that after he serves his sentence for the assault he will be transferred into Immigration Customs Enforcement custody and deported. The cost to fight this entire debacle is $30,000, it is not an option for me to help him with legal counsel and who is to say if I could that he would emerge a changed man. I have barely enough money to satisfy my basic needs; rent, food, car insurance, etc. I cant believe that I am going to be a single mom. Im sure many of you feel this way. Thoughts like ‘This isnt how this was supposed to happen’ and ‘How am I going to pull this off’ run through my head constantly. I am a student and work nearly full time at a medical office….there is daycare to think of, how much time I can miss from work without losing my apartment, breastfeeding, diapering, getting a nursery ready, my dwindling social network….I am overwhelmed. In addition, the pain I feel from the sudden upheaval that has occured due to my husband’s stupid actions is killing me. Every morning I wake up without him and think “Here we go with this nightmare again…”. I feel my daughter kicking, moving all about, and I try to view it as a blessing that she is coming into my life….but I feel guilty sometimes feeling that this entire situation is more than I can handle. I am seeing a therapist, but sometimes I feel like I cant go on. Im not suicidal, but occasionally I feel so sorry for myself that I want to crumple to the floor and sob. I try not to start crying because if I do I cant stop. I miss my husband so much, even though he made a mistake. It is so difficult to watch this criminal/immigration situation unfold and not be able to do anything. I ache for him, me, and my baby. I have never posted on any board, or written a blog, or even allowed myself to articulate the entire story. So….I did it, its out there. Does anyone have any situation that is remotely similar? I look forward to learning from all of you, whether or not our situations are similar. I send you all strength.

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Apples February 6, 2009 at 11:16 am

I am a twenty-something divorce/solo/single SoCali mother of one wonderful smart cute little preschooler. I fell onto IHeartSingleParents.com then onto your twitter and blog from there.

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Karrie April 16, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Hi! I'm a little late I know but I've recently discovered your blog and its wonderful! I'm not a mother myself but I hope to be as I love kids and have quite a few in the family that I enjoy taking care of. Its so refreshing hearing you say the things lots of women feel inside don't say. I completely understand the principle of "I want a man but I don't need one" as I've never been in a relationship so have become quite independent and wouldn't dream of asking for help or admitting that I needed anyone. We all have our shortcomings! Best Wishes for you and your beautiful son :)

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Juli January 4, 2010 at 9:18 pm

It’s a year since you made this post. I’m in central PA and I’ve spent the entire day reading your blog after a friend on the verge of divorce sent me a link on Facebook. I’m separated, holding off on paperwork to maintain my health insurance, and a mother to two adorable little boys. My older son, Andy, turned six today. I live with my boyfriend, Wayne, a divorced dad of two. It’s chaotic sometimes but wonderful

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